UNBRiDLED MEMORiES

[unbridledmemories]

Until the Very End, I Revolt

Today, I turn one year close to 40. I have always considered my mortality rate to be 40 years old; that when I turn 40, I would die. Forty years of living in this earthly terrain is enough. But I am not there yet. I have a day and 365 days to complete one revolution around the sun which shines brightly each time it sets. I have always wanted to die. It took me more than 10 years of cognitive…

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[unbridledmemories]

Grief Changed Me

My academic year ended a few weeks ago. It was a whirlwind of final papers, final exams, and other final requirements which made me list all of them down in a checklist on my phone. For this second semester, my episodes were almost always dimmed by the sheer perseverance of my disassociation from anything that would trigger me. The adjustment mainly came from me going home to my father and…

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[unbridledmemories]

Another Semester Awaits

Today, I finished my enrollment for the BA (Community Development) program which I have been pursuing since the second semester of AY 2023-2024. It’s already my fifth semester in UP Visayas. According to my study plan, since I had to follow my pre-requisite courses, my target graduation is AY 2027-2028. I can’t wait to get there and finish this program. When I went back to school, it was a hard…

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[unbridledmemories]

Coming Home to my Grandmother's Sewing Machine

In the summer of 2000, we boarded the SuperFerry and stayed in the economy section. We were going home to Guimaras. My father, a church minister, decided early that year to leave the church where he was managing, and for reasons unbeknownst to us, go home to Mama’s hometown in the mango-producing island province. Three years ago, I stood on the railing of the same ship that would bring us to…

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[unbridledmemories]

My Father Is Getting Married Today

Today is December 23, 2025. If that isn’t obvious enough, it’s a day before Christmas Eve. I have finished the first semester of this academic year, and I’m slowly adjusting to the routine of not having a daily routine. What saved me in the first semester was my baseline routine, as what K calls it. But today is not about my survival through a whirlwind of a semester. That is an entirely…

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[unbridledmemories]

Kaya Ko Ba To?

This is the question that boggled me for the last weeks or so. I have been dreading the academic life once again, now that the opening of classes is on August 14, 2025. I am terrified of this ongoing journey because I would be reminded that I’m like a fish out of water, how I’m different when it comes to my age as compared with my classmates, and at times, how I would feel like I’m an extra…

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[unbridledmemories]

Tribute to the 2025 CBF UPV Graduates

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[unbridledmemories]

Panginbulahan, Melfred Keith!

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[unbridledmemories]

Unhurried: The Power of the Pause

On Easter Sunday, after our services at church, I resumed reading Arundhati Roy’s The God of Small Things. I wanted to finish it before I head back to the slopes of where I have been frozen in space and time. At 2 in the morning, on the final pages of the book, I wept. And I could not stop my tears from falling. My heart was being shattered. I started reading the book when I purchased it at the…

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[unbridledmemories]

Remembering

I couldn’t sleep on the eve of January 21st. Instead of tossing and turning on my bed, I decided to turn on my computer and wrote the first part of this entry. For a long time now, I have wanted to write about my ordeal and my experience in the last six months or so of my life, and I have not found the courage to face the fact that I felt (or so it seemed) like I forgot the memories of Mama. I…

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[unbridledmemories]

September and October Episodes

Two months ago, I had an episode. I was too overwhelmed with academic work, and my self-determined pathos that I am a liability, to my family, to my remaining parent, and to the people around me that that I wanted to vanish from my side of the planet. Whenever the wolf begins to attack, I look inside myself and consider myself a burden that other people would carry. In the most recent interview…

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[unbridledmemories]

The Path Forward, Amidst the Doom

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[unbridledmemories]

Finally, I'm Letting You Go

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[unbridledmemories]

Memoirs of a Millennial

When I was in my teenage years, I have heard of the term generational gap in my trainings with the Adolescent Development Program of Save the Children. It was important for me to understand the term because, at the time, I had a hard time relating to the struggles of my parents — the anecdotes and stories that they would start with “sang una sa amon nga tiempo…” I felt that the stories that they…

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[unbridledmemories]

Tribute To 2024 CBF-UPV Graduands

[unbridledmemories]

Ascent Towards Light

I sit, ensconced with my comforter in the almost-bare and empty apartment unit, where, for the longest time, since 2022, have been a witness to the changing landscapes of my dreams and visions.  It is here where I decided for myself that it’s finally time to pursue my God-given dreams, and it is also here where I experienced a cold, lingering feeling of anxiety that would spread across my chest…

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[unbridledmemories]

Leaving Home and Coming Home

For most of last year, and the early months of this year, I have come to realize that there are places and spaces that I can call home. Like how I have considered Antique as one of my homes, even if I do not stay there anymore. I also consider Guimaras my home, as it was where I grew up, and where Mama’s parcel of land is, and where she is buried. But when I entered the portals of the University…

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