I can not vent about this anywhere but here, so here goes. This is long as fuck but that's how mad I am. Buckle up.
Fuck the American school system. I have a kid who since preschool has had trouble going to school. This appeared at first as being selectively mute. Not one teacher, not one educator said anything to me like this is a real red flag and it wouldn't hurt for them to be evaluated. No. It was oh they're shy.
On to elementary school, the same thing. The educators, the psychologists basically saying oh we've never seen a kid with this, interesting! Like my kid was a fucking experiment. I printed out packets to educate the school. I researched how to help my kid to be more comfortable at school so that speaking wouldn't be such a monumental task. Not one of them wondered whether they needed to be evaluated - in six years K-5 of elementary school. Eventually with enough work done by me my kid was able to talk in 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade.
On to middle school where my kid had full blown anxiety and overwhelm. Panic attacks. Crying jags through the day. Ended up not being able to attend school. Completely frozen. In crisis. What do you think the school said? They said oh you just need to homeschool them. We can't help them here if they're not here. Great. Helpful. So, we homeschooled using the state virtual school which was actually great and really helpful. My kid started seeing a psychologist where they were diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). Therapy will help! Great I thought. No need for an evaluation. And still no one pushed that they needed to be evaluated. 6th and 7th grade were virtual. Core classes only. Did great. All A's. The kid is literally a genius. For 8th grade the plan was to do two classes in person and two classes virtually - still only the core four. It took 35 days to transition them back into going to school. Very gradual exposure therapy worked! The school was mad. They hadn't been any help at the start when my kid again couldn't go to school. Offered accommodations that could only be accessed once at school - how helpful! But we persevered and gradually got them used to school. There were a lot of absences. The school was big mad. They ambushed me with a truancy meeting and tried to bully me into putting them back into full virtual classes. They told me when they had anxiety symptoms to just book an appointment with the psychologist so that the absence would be approved. Um. The anxiety is always there. Just book a constant 24/7 appointment. Yeah. Ok. That sounds doable. Despite everything my kid persevered and managed to do the in person classes. The teachers loved them, nothing but high praise for this smart kid.
Just as the kid was getting settled in we had a full evaluation done. And guess what? The kid is autistic. Shocker. The kid is also wicked smart. So with an anxiety and autism diagnosis and feeling like we finally had a real reason for all the school issues we started looking ahead to the next year. We attempted to get an IEP (individualized education plan) in place so that if and more likely when it was needed in high school it would be there and ready to go. The struggles were documented. The absences were counted. The school and county knew how long it had taken with just me and my kid to get them back to school. We had diagnoses. Surely they'd see a plan was needed to avoid or lessen all this. Nope. They did their evaluations and said the kid makes great grades and is smart. They're doing so well!! Yes! After intensive work and 7 weeks of exposure therapy. They insisted their findings found nothing amiss. No IEP granted. A 504 plan was offered as a consolation prize. It's basic. No actual helpful accommodations. Nothing that can be easily accessed when your anxiety is sky rocketing at school anyway.
And now the high school states their strict absence policy. Talks about so many tardies will earn you a detention. My anxious kid, terrified of ever being in trouble getting detention because they're late to class due to anxiety and overwhelm. Not on my watch.
The first day of high school went terribly as you may have guessed. By lunch my kid was completely frozen in the cafeteria. Total overwhelm from holding it together for that long. They couldn't move. They didn't know what to do. And the school did nothing. They got themselves to the office after texting me. Then after I called the counselor the kid was found and brought into the counseling office. They sat there awhile until I went to pick them up. They could not do any more school that day. The counselor said she hoped tomorrow would be easier. After not doing anything constructive to address the issue. No alternative lunch location aside from outside (it's still hot as fuck here).
The kid is not ok. The kid has cried and thrown up and is anxious still, though even in a safe place. And the school responds to my concerns today, not with let's work together to get this solved but a maybe you should look into homeschool and virtual classes. Awesome. Helpful.
So my kid is devastated. Disappointed. Frustrated. Feeling like a failure. The confidence we'd been building up is shot to hell.
And the system says get this kids ass in a seat. There's no money if there's not an ass in the seat. Send the kid anxious as hell, overwhelmed, unable to cope. We need that ass in a seat.
It boggles the mind. What are we fucking doing???? Why are schools designed for the kids who don't care a fuck about being at school all day? Why don't we change the system to help the kids who actually need the help?? Why is a school not interested in helping a bright, intelligent kid overcome their hurdles so that they can go to the school they WANT to go to?? How do you change a system that won't help a kid that clearly meets the definition of needing help??
We've used every support available to us. We've done so much work outside of school to try to conquer this issue. And it's still this hard??
I hope my kid perseveres. I hope my kid gets the help they need. I hope when they walk the stage at graduation they give double birds to all the people that did as little as possible to help. Until then, those people at school are going to know my face. They're going to hear my voice. They're going to rue the day they thought they could steamroll right over me and my kid. Ignore me? Ignore my kid? I think the fuck not.
gamechangershow
izzy806
