Why can't you accept that she might be living a good, honest life? That she's an attentive partner and a good mom?
Because I wanted that mom. I wanted the mom who made me afternoon snacks instead of telling me to look for loose fries in the third kitchen freezer. Why does [baby name] get that mom? If Hallariel Seacaster has truly changed then that means she was always capable of change but I just wasn't worth changing for.
Fabian Seacaster, going home from college a few years from now to find a warm and attentive home he never had
Hey kiddo. Uncle Jawbone here. Just wanted to interrupt your self-hatred and remind you that there are variables you're forgetting in this scenario, those being everything else your mom was going through in that phase of her life.
I know that it feels like people who choose to be parents should always make their children their first priority, especially when you're the child in question. And certainly in your case, it seems like what was your mom even struggling with, when she had so much handed to her on a golden platter?
Now that you're a man, Fabian, I have to tell you some hard truths, and one of them is: that could be exactly why your mother struggled. She grew up in a place where everything was handed to her, everything was this perfect shiny utopia -- and she couldn't really appreciate it because she'd always lived there and didn't know anything different, right? You've heard some variation of the phrase "you can't know the good if you don't know the bad", right? She probably took everything in Fallinel for granted and thought it was super uncool and was desperate to get out.
And then she got whisked off her feet by your dad, the great Bill Seacaster, and he gave her excitement and adventure and danger. I've heard your mom was pretty impressive with the sword back in the day, huh? They probably really tore it up on the open seas. Has she ever talked about that time of her life with you, or did she put those memories away like a box on a shelf and has never revisited them again?
Eventually your mom and dad decided to get pregnant, and Hallariel had to give up the life of piracy I assume because it wouldn't be safe for you. I know kids don't like hearing this, but the hard truth is that when people become parents they have to make sacrifices and give up some of the things they want to do. And even though being a parent can be amazing and fulfilling, it's also a thankless job and boring as shit. And most of the time people don't tell you that before you become a parent, they just act like it's the best job ever and talk about the miracle of childbirth and blah blah blah... They don't talk about how boring it is and the endless dirty diapers and messes to clean up, and the little piss and shit machine you created doesn't say thank you, it just screams at you and makes more messes.
Now, maybe your mom didn't do all the changing of diapers and cleaning up of messes -- she had Cathilda to help her, right? She had help, but presumably your dad left and went off gallivanting again on the high seas. And she probably missed him a lot, don't you think? And she probably worried about him a lot and was never 100% sure he was coming home.
This is the really big hard truth, kiddo: your mom was probably really, really depressed. When you're just floating through life drinking all the time like a... I dunno, like a drunk ghost... that's depression behavior, dude.
Unfortunately the reality is that you can have everything and still be depressed. You can have a rich husband and a big house and a maid to help with all the boring housework -- but pretty soon you realize that all of that just gives you more time to be alone with your Big Depressed Thoughts. And maybe being a parent wasn't what Hallariel thought it would be, so she just handed you off to Cathilda and chose a path of self-medication through intoxication.
Let me be clear, Fabian: none of that is your fault. You weren't the reason for your mom's depression, you didn't ruin her life or take her away from some imaginary alternate future where she was happy. Your parents chose to have you.
Here's the last hard truth. As much as Mr. Aguefort likes to talk up the power of chronomancy, no one is going to turn back the clock and give you the childhood you wanted. And it's not gonna do you any good to go to your mom and throw this all in her face and demand some kind of reparations. In many ways, she did give you a good life, right? You, too, grew up with safety and riches and almost anything you could want at your fingertips. Not all of your friends had that kind of childhood, right? The most mature and manly thing you can do, I think, is open your heart to compassion and empathy. Have some forgiveness for your mom -- accept that she was flawed and made mistakes, and forgive her for all those million little heartaches you felt when she wasn't the mother you wanted her to be. Accept that you can't change the past, but you can have a better relationship with her now. And now that your mom's in a better place, maybe you can talk about these things with her someday, huh? Improving and strengthening your relationship with her in the present day will help smooth over some of those painful memories and feelings.
And if I'm wrong and your relationship with Hallariel doesn't get better, you can always come and talk to me again, okay kiddo?
