[uncreative-queer]

hey what if people called me they/them for the laffs... the lols... the lmaooos, if you will...

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

It’s a good practice to be wary of anything that presumes there must always and 100% be a clear, strict distinction between sexual orientation and gender identities - „Gay“ or „lesbian“ can also be gender identities. 

I think this is a point that can be quite confusing for baby gays (especially if you mainly connect to the community via the internet where labels are treated as something you list off in your profile like you do your name and age, something clearly visible and strictly defined) so let me explain: 

Not being straight is by default some type of „gender nonconformity“, at least in a society where heterosexuality is treated as the normal state. Gay experiences and non-cis experiences overlap in ways that are not always possible to separate. 

I am not saying „All gays and lesbians need to identify as not-cis or nonbinary“ or „All gays and lesbians are secretly transgender“ or anything silly like that - in fact, the point I’m making is pretty much the opposite of that, in that it’s about NOT forcibly assigning anything to anyone. 

Some people picture the community kinda like fruit: „all of these people belong in the category of fruit but these (gay, lesbian, bisexual etc.) are all apples and those (transgender, nonbinary etc.) are all pears“. Yes, that’s a weird metaphor but you get it: some people assume that there are the sexual orientations and then there are the gender identities, and they’re both queer but, well, you can’t compare apples to pears! They’re different! 

That’s not a horribly offensive picture per se… but it’s just not entirely accurate. In real life, you can’t always clearly separate these two. You can’t expect everyone to be able to separate „this is my orientation“ and „this is my gender“. These things can overlap and mix and interact and influence and contradict and play with each other.

You are not either gay or got something going on with gender. You get to be a bit weird about gender because you’re gay, if you wanna. 

Gender is weird. Being gay is weird. Life is weird. You can kiss girls because that’s your gender and you can wear dresses because that’s your sexuality and it doesn’t need to make sense to anyone but you and maybe it doesn’t even need to make sense to you because sometimes happiness is better experienced than analyzed. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[geslotencirkel]

[librarycards]

TERFs being serial sexual abusers/harassers should not shock anyone. latest jkr news should be expected. these people are violently fixated on women's genitals & sex lives, harboring what amounts to a fetish for violating peoples' bodily autonomy, collaborators with the christian right. right down to the constant, baseless accusations of sexual perversion against deviant Others. they fit the profile of the powerful, reactionary rapist who is able to abuse with impunity perfectly. and they do.

[librarycards]

reminder that if you are unable to understand that cis women can be rapists, and that trans women can be (and disproportionately are) victims of all manner of sexual violence, your feminism is worth than worthless, it's actively reactionary + dangerous to the most marginalized women in your life.

[paper-mario-wiki]

transitioning is like putting on the They Live glasses and seeing that 90% of people looking at you are either jerking off or furiously sharpening a knife. or both. and i do not mean that in a sexy or fun way, and i dont like clarifying that, but i know there's a 90% chance you are thinking it, because i wrote it while being a trans woman.

[paper-mario-wiki]

to clarify:

when considering the sexual violence against trans women, it's important to remember that "people only view us sexually" does not mean the same thing as "people only find us attractive". it means "people can only conceptualize of our existence within a sexual light" because that's how the majority of our coverage in media has been tinged in the past century. as a result of the chaste and patriarchal nature of modern capitalism, gender and sexuality are inseparable in much public discourse by virtue of propaganda, and as a result, a trans woman is seen as sexual because efforts towards projecting specifically femininity is only categorized as sexual. and when paired with the uncharitable perception of "man", that propaganda can often evolve how people view us directly into "sexual threat" anywhere, for any reason. i could be in the freezer aisle of costco looking down at the ground while i push my cart and i'd still get dirty looks for wearing a dress (this has happened).

when i say "they're either jerking off or sharpening a knife", i mean we're either viewed sexually, or as sexually threatening, in almost all scenarios.

[NOTE: AS WITH ALL MATTERS OF TRANSMISOGYNY, THIS ISSUE IS 100 TIMES WORSE FOR BLACK GIRLS]

[morgan-the-lonely-brick]

Cinemas should sell DVDs of the movies they're playing as you're walking out. If you liked the movie you could buy a DVD right there on the spot. Wouldn't that be awesome

[itgetsbetter]

5 years ago I was severely depressed. My self image had never been particularly good, but as I crossed over puberty, it only got worse, and I was at an all-time low by the time i was in high school. I could never figure out exactly what it was that I hated about myself. Everything, I guess? I would look at myself in the mirror and see that I wasn't ugly in any major way, but I still hated what I saw. I had all but convinced myself that I would just be unhappy forever, and that this self-loathing would just be something I had to live with.

It didn't click with me immediately that the answer was that I was trans. I experimented with names and pronouns within my circle of close friends, but a part of me always wondered if what I was doing was "right". I had a very long period of feeling like a fraud, like i wasn't *actually* trans, and that this farce wouldn't ever change the fact that i was hideous in a way that i could never pinpoint.

When I was accidentally outed to my parents, it didn't go over great. They didn't yell or scream or kick me out, which I'm grateful for (even though that's beyond bare minimum for how you should treat your child). They didn't understand, though. And they didn't want to. They didn't believe me. It was fine when other people were trans, but me? I was faking it for attention. When I had come out as lesbian a year prior (I thought wanting to dress in men's clothes just meant I was a butch lesbian. whoops), they hardly batted an eye. Now my "progressive" parents were denying my transness, setting up "tests" for me to prove myself (forcing me to get my hair cut as an example), and even afterwards, never truly accepting me. They would talk about me behind my back to my family and friends, trying to convince everyone that i was a fake.

Funnily enough, though, the more my parents tried to deny my identity, the more secure I felt in it. I have always been a stubborn person, and a part of me might have leaned heavier into my transness just to spite them, but I've never regretted for a second standing firm in my identity and forcing my parents to take me seriously.

5 Years later, I'm no longer in contact with one of my parents, but it's for the best. The other one, although she still doesn't completely understand, accepts me and no longer doubts my identity. I've been on testosterone for about 2 or 3 years, and am currently looking at top surgery options. It was funny how simple the answer to my self loathing was in retrospect. As soon as i actually started to truly see myself as a man, it was like a switch flipped. I thought I would be miserable forever, but now I've never been happier in my own skin.

It gets better. Your feelings are valid. You don't have to prove yourself to be part of this community. We love you.

it doesn't sound like it's been an easy road, but so happy to hear about how much happier you are now - you deserve that!

[steelycunt]

imagine this heat and you roll over in bed an there’s some cunt there next to you. bruv id be inconsolable

[muddylesbian]

I really like it when femmes are mean and bossy and violent and in charge and condescending but I also really like it when they’re sweet and reassuring and gentle and nice and clingy

[byjove]

giving birth sucks tbh. not only do you and the baby you’re birthing almost die, usually you shit yourself and often you tear your taint. then you have to push an organ out of your body (placenta) and if even a little of that remains in your body, you can hemorrhage to death or develop an infection that essentially rots your body from the inside out. even if you had a relatively “easy birth”, you bleed for weeks on end. even after that stops, your body and brain is changed for the rest of your life, the pregnancy leeched minerals from your bones, that can cause osteoporosis later. minor urinary incontinence is not uncommon, brain scans of people who gave birth show permanent changes in their brain, you’re never quite the same.

I say all of this not to say giving birth is disgusting but it is a harrowing and visceral experience. society downplays how fucking awful it is and makes it out to be a ~magical~ experience but it isn’t a magical transformative experience for everyone. it can be an extremely traumatic experience for someone who wanted to carry a pregnancy to term, much more so for someone who did not want to be pregnant in the first place or someone who knows their baby won’t survive the birth. anyway, abortion is a right. pregnancy and birth aren’t just inconvenient, it’s fucking awful.

[surlyqueen]

I was never more firmly pro-choice than when I was in the hospital actively birthing our daughter.

Our daughter was planned, wanted, was coming into a life with two parents who were able to financially support her, health insurance and paid(!) maternity leave, with extended family and friends waiting in the wings to support all three of us. All these advantages, and I was *still* scared. And frankly, it's still fucking dangerous.

And I imagined being alone and what it would feel like if I had been forced to birth a child I couldn't adequately care for or didn't want.

No one should have to go through that.

[thinkingabout-girls]

this pride it is mandatory that everyone is nicer to lesbians. especially trans lesbians

[star-mom-selkie]

happy pride month

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

People who choose to transition socially but not physically are brave. 

Before anyone immediately jumps to bad faith interpretations, let me point out that I’m saying „brave“, not „braver“ or „better“. I am not comparing anyone or pitting anyone against each other, I’m not making any sort of statement about trans people who do physically transition here. I love and support you, this letter is just not about you. 

Okay, back to the point at hand: When I say social transition, I refer to openly using a name and pronouns that reflect your gender identity. Affirming haircuts and clothes can also be included here. By physical transition, I specifically mean hormones and surgeries. 

When we talk about people who transition socially but not physically, there isn’t the one specific narrow path for how that looks like. It includes

people who wouldn’t physically transition even if it was super easy to access. They like their body the way it is, they just want to be gendered correctly the way they are. 

people who maybe would physically transition if it was easier but not in their actual real life circumstances. They may experience body dysphoria but the stress (financial burden, potential health risks etc.) of pursuing physical transition outweighs the stress of dealing with dysphoria for them. 

people who really do not have all that much choice, they can not realistically access physical transition regardless of how much they want it, so they just have to choose to make the best out of their circumstances. 

In some spaces, there is the assumption that social transition is always „only the first step“, and in some even that it’s the „easy way out“ or the „cowardly choice“. And so you may have to explain highly personal things over and over again or face assumptions and stereotypes. You may be confronted with people who pity you for your „failed transition“ (because surely you must be on hormones and they just don’t do anything?) or assume you „stopped being trans“ (because surely if you really were trans, you would’ve had surgery by now?). 

Passing is another aspect. Of course there are people who do not care about passing or to whom the concept of passing doesn’t really apply, and yes, some people can pass amazingly well without any medical steps - but those points don’t apply to everyone in this group and it’s dismissive to act like they do. 

Choosing to socially transition without medical steps can come with some lingering doubts (questions like: will I ever be fully seen as my gender by others? Would I have been happier in an alternate timeline where I did transition? Do I owe physical transition to myself? … but also: Will I ever be attractive to the people I want to attract? Will I always feel like an outsider among trans people who do physically transition? Am I harming those who advocate for the right to surgery if I don’t use it? Do I owe others physical transition?) - and it can also put you in a vulnerable position. Passing can be about much more than your personal preferences, it can be a safety concern. For those who can’t easily pass with just a haircut, clothes and cosmetic choices (makeup, shaving etc.), not physically transitioning can mean you always stay somewhat „visibly trans“. You can not count on the comfort that „some day those who misgender you will look like they have dementia“. 

I don’t want to be dismissive by going „And dealing with all that makes you a strong fighter!“ because 1.) I’m sure most trans people would rather live in a safe world where their mere existence didn’t require strength, and 2.) it very easily veers into „inspiration porn“ territory where you are reduced to your struggles rather than being seen as a whole human being. I don’t want to do that. 

But I do want to tell you that you are brave. Speaking out and saying „Hey, this is who I am and I want you to respect it“ is brave. Saying „This is my name and this is how to refer to me, and this is important to me“ is brave. And it is brave fully independently of whatever steps follow after. It’s brave if absolutely no steps follow after. 

Being openly trans means being unapologetically yourself - and that is always brave. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[toiich]

Frames From The Edge (1989), dir. Adrian Maben

[mousidy]

"we're all faggots in the eyes of the state!" "we all have it just as bad!"

ok. wage gap

source

like. come on now

trans mennnn pspspsps understand your relative privilege over your transfem sisters and use it to support and uplift us instead of pretending not to have the structural leverage necessary to harm us. ooooo you know you want to build queer solidarity

[mousidy]

one of the interesting features of this post is that there are sentences it doesn't have because they are sentences I am not saying. among them:

"trans men aren't oppressed"

"trans men have the same amount of privilege as cis men" (see: 70 cents to their dollar)

"trans men don't face their own issues that deserve discussion and attention"

"trans men are ontologically evil"

"it's bad to be a trans man"

"a trans man killed my grandma"

see, I employed a writing strategy wherein, if I don't believe a sentence to be true, I don't say it

[inesathammar]

me when there are hot women every where

[fluoresensitives]

It's just me and my mean ass feminist mutuals against the world, it's just me and the lesbians and the trans women and the trans lesbians going 🧐🙄🤨 against the world. Keep making faces at people who are being misogynistic and ridiculous, it's all we have in this world.