An #UndeadPride Interview with Reginald van der Schmidt, Zombie
Q: Introduce yourself to the #UndeadPride audience.
A: I am Reginald van der Schmidt. I belong to the subculture crassly referred to by outsiders as "zombie."
Q: Whatâs it like for you to get by in a majority-human world?
A: Difficult, but manageable. For the fact that I am undead does not mean I cannot LIVE. Yes, I now must go to extreme measures to sample the pleasures I took for granted, prior to my "transformation." For example, in the days before, I would settle for any seat at the opera, but I find now that a private box best accommodates my needs.
Q: Anything else you struggle with?
A: Well, to sample the culinary revolution currently occurring in Los Angeles, I must rely largely upon delivery services. And my palate has suffered in recent years -- I find myself generally preferring less sophisticated fare than before. However, I now find nuance in a rare steak that might previously have escaped me. And I have replaced my devotion to exotic Pinots with quite the fondness for sweatbreads. Sourcing organic calvesâ pancreas is no easy feat, but when achieved... Delicious.
Q: What does Undead Pride mean to you?
A: It means this -- understanding. I simply wish to be understood, like any being who has shuffled across this earth. For, of all the misfortune my condition has brought me, the most profoundly upsetting fact is this: I am still looked at with disgust by my fellow men. And yes, I am still a man -- my passions have shifted, my organs have ceased to function, but the evil curse of a voodoo priest has had no effect upon the basic facts that determine my identity.
Q: Do you identify as Undead or do you prefer a different term?
A: Yes, I identify as undead, but only so that others might understand that one's living status does not affect them as an entity.
Q: What would you say to someone who is newly-Undead?
A: If you have recently joined our ranks, do not be embarrassed by your new state of being. The same principles should guide both the living and the dead: Accept your shortcomings whilst embracing your strengths. The only way for us to know true equality is through daily action and activism. We must not allow casual references to the undead being subhuman to exist! This is why I am in full support of Undead Pride Day -- because it is time for our voices to be heard on this matter, and for the living to understand that we are no different from--
[Interview note: van der Schmidt's left pinky finger has just fallen off.]
A: Oh. Dear. My apologies.
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