Stay with me

Go places

[distant-screaming]

there really is nothing better than getting asked an innocuous question and being like

[threeofswords]

ohh yeah im a real piece of shit 👍 job please

[captain-price-returns]

Him getting smaller and smaller as he walks up to the truck is some real Peter Jackson The Lord of the Rings forced perspective movie magic

[teashoesandhair]

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

[unashamedly-enthusiastic]

You just KNOW that bird is named for Steven Seagal

[noah-wyles]

all i want for 2026 is that gigantic rancid AI bubble to finally burst in such a catastrophic way that the consequences will be so good and i'll never have to see another AI generated image ever again

[fluoritegalaxy]

Like to charge, reblog to cast.

[i-like-reblog-maps]

[wowwforever]

if you told vin diesel fast and the furious you were gay he'd be like "Some people like driving stick…some people like driving automatic…what matters is you cross the finish line.." and then he'd rev up a dodge challenger and drive through a building and kill 16 people

[boogerwookiesugarcookie]

he literally did in the fourth one when he's asked if he likes cars more than women

[explorerrowan]

If you asked if he was cool with trans people, he'd probably say "sometimes, aftermarket parts are the only way to get the vehicle you really want. Everyone should have the right to hot rod."

[orcboxer]

[bloodstainedgauntlet]

my knight you have to live you have to get up you have to put your hand over your wound and hold it there. you have to keep walking and walking and walking because you cannot lay down yet, it’s not time. wipe the blood off your breastplate and look up into the sun. lean on your sword if you need to. lift one foot after another. get up. get up. this would be a pitiful grave.

[rararatigan]

[mirrimblackfox]

I want "Get up. Get up. This would be a pitiful grave." on my memorial.

[theehorsepusssy]

[randomitemdrop]

Item: Frightfruit

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[setulose]

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

[setulose]

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

[setulose]

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica

[cronenburger]

[dailyrothko]

And this post here shows there are a couple of different replies there of course were hundreds of replies. I even replied which I will now put here but besides making a joke about the famous quote, it was also Bloomsday

[draconym]

I've been in an evil mood for hours and I just discovered there was a piece of glitter stuck in my contact lens so I'm going to assume it was that the whole time and now the curse has been lifted.

[draconym]

yeah it was the eye glitter. I'm fine now.

[gardensandghosts]

What in the fuck did you possibly do to get hit with the modern day “shard of magical ice in eye that freezes your soul and makes you unable to recognize joy” curse? Like come back here that is literally how the fairytale goes, WHAT happened to you

[draconym]

Cast in a rock opera about vampires that is set in the 80s. There's a lot of glitter.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

there's a group of high school boys in this McDonald's and I just heard one of them say "I bet you you cannae break your own arm" so something interesting might happen shortly

[caffeinatedopossum]

"I'm still kicking" is such a funny way to say "I'm still alive". Like lol. I'm still thrashing. Flailing. Writhing even. The violence remains.

[thesevenumbrellas]

Lawyer: How would you like to handle the custody agreement?

Parent: I want my wife to take one of my infant daughters to the UK and I’ll take the other one and we will never see each other again.

Lawyer: You want to fucking what?

[importantcatpics]

[sometiktoksarevalid]