Uneaten Dumplings

Don't eat the dumplings!  A simple collection of short stories & poetry. Also coupled with random ramblings of a highly sleep-deprived, jacked on caffeine graduate student. Dedicated to MAG & F4

[uneaten-dumplings]

are you it?

 If I lie still under the full moon's gaze,  will it find me? 

 If I shut my eyes and sink deeper in my place, will it find me?

 If I ignore the prickly blades and refuse to make a peep, will it find me? 

 If I hold my breath until suns and moons have risen and fallen, will it find me? 

 And if I'm it, will I find a shadow of myself that no longer moves, sees, speaks, or breathes?  

[uneaten-dumplings]

truth or lie

when actions become the lies and the words become the truths, what can you believe?

[uneaten-dumplings]

「沢山言葉を 喋られて、 でも何お言った事を本当に分かられたか。。。かな。」

[uneaten-dumplings]

you weren’t supposed to exist

but i’m glad you do. i’m so madly in love with you. a hopeless romantic’s bliss, you’ve made it come true.

[uneaten-dumplings]

It feels like...

...my life is spiraling out of control.    I just want to do everything I shouldn't. 

...I can't stop from losing to the impulse.    I really can't; it's pulling me down. ...you're me and I'm you.    No, that's madness.    It's obvious you're not me.    I'm not you.    Yet some how... ...you're home.

[uneaten-dumplings]

Blindsided

I’m not sure why suddenly you opened up to me. But so far, I’ve enjoyed your company. It makes my long, tiring days fly by. And keeps the loneliness far at bay.

Thanks for your bedtime stories. And more importantly, your support.

[uneaten-dumplings]

These people in your personal life seem very.... thick-skulled.

Nolan

No kidding. WHO THINKS IT'S A BRIGHT IDEA TO ASK SOMEONE YOU REJECTED FOR DATING ADVICE!? WHAT AM I!? A PUNCHING BAG?! Only the idiots in my life. I am taken for granted too much. 

[uneaten-dumplings]

There's a record of everything these days.

I wish I could forget how you used to call me cutie. Or tell me that you'll miss me. Or shower me with <3's. All of your adoration. All of your attention. I wish there was no record of how we changed over time. But computers, my own livelihood, store every detail, at its core, in binary. There will always be a clone. Have we grown so numb to the stark contrast? That we just take it as is, instead of questioning why this is so? How is it so easy for others to shut out feelings, Feelings of strong desire and affection, And with it, another being?

[uneaten-dumplings]

Life, whhhhhy.

Only I would give a ride to 2 hot guys, a European and an Australian, and not even manage to get their numbers. This whole being single thing is rough after almost 6 years of being in relationships. How to be single, please.

[uneaten-dumplings]

What's wrong with hanging out naked? I love it. Seeing it *and* showing it!

Yumoto Hakone, Bouei-bu. I swear, each episode of this anime makes me love it more and more ♥

[uneaten-dumplings]

I'm in love with the concept of falling in love.

Maybe that's just what happens when you're born on Valentine's.  But it isn't just about falling in love, it's about finding someone who will never stop surprising you and who you will never get tired of surprising. That part of the honeymoon phase never ends, never needs to end. And to those who say that it does, do not realize how truly the little things matter most. Love grows. It doesn't just stop after a few months and becomes this mundane reality of I'm-with-him, she's-with-me type deal. It grows with trust and communication, and genuine understanding of another complex human being while not losing your own self - because you are who they fell in love to begin with. It's loving yourself, the other person, and the person that you both are together, is it not? And loving your growth as a person individually and as together. Maybe I'm just really rambling. It is 3am after all. I scorn those who seek so desperately for love, but here I am pining for it while avoiding it at all costs. Oh the hypocrisy. How much I wish I didn't feel like the concept of love is better left to the imagination.

[uneaten-dumplings]

The difference 7 years makes, almost 8. I can't believe it's been almost 8 years since I graduated high school. One more, and I'll hopefully be walking down, my Master's in hand. Also, I've only had 4 hours of sleep. I should be curled up in bed, forgetting the world exists right about now. Indeed. On the plus side, demo reel(s) done/revised, with my resume/reel breakdown, and my portfolio. Unfortunately, not so much progress in getting SSS working with Slim in Maya and Renderman OR Ptex. Somehow, I don't think I was truly prepared to be surfacing lead. Too late now though...I JUST WANTED TO PAINT PRETTY TEXTURES D:

[uneaten-dumplings]

Now if only I could remember this when I'm looking into the next person's eyes.

"I think you're an unique mix of alpha yet empathic and pragmatic.

I just find myself thinking that you'd be a problem for most guys. You're quiet, yet assertive. You're sure, yet you sorta stay your hand at times. And you're cool... yet I can see some hotheadness in there sometimes.

Don't change. You're a challenge to all but the best of guys. Sadly it means you'll be frustrated more oft than not."  -- WM

[uneaten-dumplings]

To My Favorite, Adorable Dork

Must we part? Probably so. I wish you agreed that distance is temporary. Why were there promises. Why were there plans. Why did we ensure it would be more, More than a one-time thing.

Yet the decision to disregard, Despite what was there -  It wasn’t mine.

I refuse to regret though. They will always be fond memories. The calm I felt when wrapped in your arms. The happiness, simply holding your hands. The excitement, just being beside you. The laughs and smiles, all too genuine. All too sincere. Maybe it’s the same for you. And though I wish no ill-will, Maybe one day you’ll agree, When you’re older and a bit wiser, And no longer doting on the young love,  You’re so desperately pining for.

[uneaten-dumplings]

Look, a wild demo reel, level 1 appeared! Seriously, just very excited to have ONE demo reel, even if it's rough pass and not 100% mind-blowing. Three semesters and a thesis left to make it super duper awesome though.

[uneaten-dumplings]

And I’ll leave with nothing but the best of memories, for that’s how it should always be. The world contains too many wonders to be hung up on minor details.

[uneaten-dumplings]

"…and when I hear your steady breathing, knowing that you’re serenely sleeping - I can’t help but feel that this is right, that we may just be each other’s light."