Cursed To Be Inscrutable

deep talks are like a warm cup of tea on a rainy day

[unfillteredthoughts]

real heartbreak is leaving the city your soul longs for

London I love you

[unfillteredthoughts]

I'll just sit here and wait a while

For something to finally make me smile

And maybe by then my fears won't be as vile

Hopefully they'll stop haunting my every mile

I just have to be patient,I have to be smart

I have to stop taking things to heart

Just control my emotions and I'll be okay

Or is that just something they always say

Convince myself I'm fine

So I don't cross any lines

Hope that in another universe I'm not wasting my time

On sentimentality and things that'll make me cry

[unfillteredthoughts]

"you seem pretty heartbroken for someone who's never experienced love"

[unfillteredthoughts]

sometimes words just aren't enough to explain the feeling

[unfillteredthoughts]

And unselfish people are colourless. They lack individuality.

(The picture of Dorian gray- Oscar Wilde)

[unfillteredthoughts]

here to confirm that impostor syndrome is real

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why do I keep doubting my abilities even after I achieve something truly significant?

[unfillteredthoughts]

Wanting to be a hopeless romantic in this world is not for the weak.

Your heart desperately wants to believe that a love so pure exists, but your mind says otherwise. It comes with a list of examples and signs that contradict the idea of "true love." Does it actually exist, or is it just a concept that humanity has created out of the need to feel loved?

One fact is that we, as human beings, seek comfort, and once we fall in love and get married, we settle into a rhythm-a safe and comfortable rhythm. Is it possible that, once that happens, we don't actually realize that we have fallen out of love, but instead, we become accustomed to the idea of having that one specific person by our side? And rather than truly loving them for who they are, do we love them out of the fear of losing that comfort?

[unfillteredthoughts]

Calling out your name is a fear that I long for

[unfillteredthoughts]

they told me one glance is enough to know

that one look that stops time is all that it takes for you to realize the melody composed by fate

that personalized sound only for you and them to hear

but what happens when you realize way too late

what happens when he heard it two years ago and stopped and I'm just now starting to understand the first note

the look was there but it was too late for me

too early for him

why was I so cautious, too scared to fall

why was he so careless, how wasn't he afraid to jump so far

why didn't he look back to see if I was there

holding his cold hand

I stood on that cliff a long time

long enough for him to climb back up and leave me there alone to ponder

and I'm still here after all this time and I can't fathom why

I've thought about leaving at times, but the questions keep floating through my mind: what if he comes back?

what if he didn't actually climb back?

what if he's still waiting for me?

I've already sat down on the edge

dangling my tired feet into the foggy abyss

and sometimes I fantasize about faint steps against dried leaves

sometimes I even hear them, but they appear only when my fears creep back in: what if he lied? maybe he didn't actually jump, and I was just hallucinating

what if he returns? and I jump and he stands back as an act of revenge?

so I scream as loud as I can to make the sound disappear and when it does

I fall into the daydream of us again

[unfillteredthoughts]

My dear boy, the people who love only once in their lives are really the shallow people. What they call their loyalty, and their fidelity, I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination.

(The picture of Dorian Gray- Oscar Wilde)

[unfillteredthoughts]

"All right, now I've let the words spill out. I've given you a piece of armor, I suppose. But I don't think you'll mind"

(Divine Rivals- Rebecca Ross)

[unfillteredthoughts]

"And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody" "And yours" he replied with a smile, "is willfully to misunderstand them"

(Pride and prejudice- Jane Austen)

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"Because, Nora, sometimes the only way to learn is to live"

"Sounds hard."

(The midnight library- Matt Haig)

[unfillteredthoughts]

Sometimes regrets aren't based on fact at all. Sometimes regrets are just..." She searched for the appropriate term and found it. "A load of bullshit."

( The midnight library- Matt Haig)

[unfillteredthoughts]

Why couldn't you wait,

Just a little longer?

Why couldn't I fall,

Just a little faster?

So now I'm in your position

And you're in mine.

While you slowly forget about me,

I can't go a minute without thinking of you.

Now I lay in bed crying

For something I did without trying.

We haven't talked in weeks

And it hurts with every heartbeat

[unfillteredthoughts]

Mindless heartache

You ask for love and respect.

You just want to reconnect.

But what do you give in return?

Or I, by myself, am left to burn.

Burn my fingers whilst I try,

At least 'till the calendar says July,

To keep the castle from crumbling

Whilst you sit there mindlessly juggling,

My feelings, as I cry

And still end up the bad guy.

You blame me for our fights

And torturing sleepless nights.

You stumble and victimize yourself

As if I didn't suffer like a Guelph

Acting like I'm to blame

For the fire in this wargame.