Writer of things

Just trying to find my place in the world, making excellent puns along the way, [sonnie m phillips] IG: @a_sonnie_disposition

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

my favorite part

My favorite part is when you leave but the sheets still smell like you

I get to hold your hand in public, proud to be one of the two

 My favorite part is looking at your green eyes and you seeing mine blue

Never want to leave your side, as if we’re stuck with glue

 My favorite part of us is being your last kiss at night

And when I wake up in the morning you’re the first thing on my mind

 My favorite part is more than just the kisses and hugs

It’s hearing a song and thinking “I bet you’d love this one!”

 My favorite part is the long hugs after we’ve been apart

I love every piece of you and the happiness that you impart

 My favorite part is the way you look at me

We’re bonded so strong nothing can come between

 I love you my darling, with all of my heart

Something I felt from before the start

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

Triggered

Why the fuck do you still have power over me?

You don’t deserve all this attention and beauty 

I can’t believe you’re fine with all the things you did

I had all my feelings sealed tight with a lid 

You have no idea how you make my skin crawl 

Yet you walk around with no scars at all 

There aren’t words to express how angry I get 

I’ll I do is see you and my burning rage is set

You make me panic until I shake and can’t breath 

I feel like I’m stretching, being ripped at the seams 

My hatered is saved for the lowest of the vile 

You created memories so bad my brain is in denial 

I’ve tried to think back but I simply cannot 

That time in my life is just one dark spot 

I really am glad though, that I don’t remember much of you 

I don’t remember punishing myself for the stupid shit you’d do 

There are bits and pieces that come to mind if I try hard enough 

There was a true ignorance and judgment to the way I handle stuff

Mental illness isn’t a joke like you seemed to think it was 

It isn’t self-inflicted either, I don’t do it for the buzz 

Even talking about you now has got me all worked up 

If I never ever see you again that might be good enough 

[sonnie m phillips]

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

H*ck of a Drug

I’m in love 

With the color of your soul 

Some sort of presence 

That makes me feel whole 

I go crazy 

In all the right ways

I’ve never been so happy 

To be blissfully insane 

Before I met you 

Nothing felt quite right 

But here I stand 

Never been so sure in my life 

I know this sounds crazy 

Especially coming from me 

But I think I’m in love

A twist I thought I’d never see

With you I’m happy 

But all on my own 

You help me along 

But I’m still in control 

Lovers, best friends

And things in between

This mood that I’m in 

Is never before seen 

[sonnie m phillips]

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

Hate

I hate myself 

But not in the way you might think 

I hate certain parts of my mind

But I still love being me

I hate the way I overthink 

But I love my body 

I hate the way I’m indecisive 

But I love the way I try 

I hate the fact that I’m sad sometimes 

But I love the confidence I have

I hate the way that I’m self-destructive 

But I loved each scar as I dealt it 

I hate the way I think about what others see

Even though I’m completely happy with who I turned out to be 

I hate the fact that I hate myself 

That sentence condemns me, I need help

[sonnie m phillips]

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

Perspectives

Look at my eyes, 

They’ve seen some pain 

But through it all

There’s joy I’ve maintained 

Grab my hands,

They’ve committed some crimes

But I don’t define myself

By past drawn lines

Hear my voice?

It once was gone

But the time spent afraid 

Has built me up tall 

Step on my toes, 

Like you always would 

See where we are?

And you said I never could 

[sonnie m phillips]

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

Hello

Hello 

I see you 

You whisper through the trees

I know 

You’re watching 

And taking care of me 

It’s hard

But you know 

The painful path I’ve walked

One day 

It’ll be done

As life comes to a grinding hault

I wonder 

If I’ll hear 

Well done my good and faithful 

It’s clear 

That my faith 

Wasn’t always stable 

Still I 

Tried to be good 

And not because I know that I should 

I tried

To do things 

From the goodness of my soul 

Funny 

That people really think 

Goodness only comes with faith 

Everyone 

Is in this fight together 

No matter what stance you take 

Life is hard

But living is harder

And it only gets worse when the devil comes to barter 

  [sonnie m phillips]

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

lackluster

So here I sit in some random coffee shop

And no one knows I’m dealing with these thoughts

It’s not like expect them to be telepathic

I just want them to see what I’m lacking

 I can’t assume that all people are good

Although deep down I wish that I could

 I’ve heard about the bystander effect

Why are humans so ill adept?

 No one here is getting out of this alive

It makes it feel like no one wants to try

 I know people say you only live once

But I think that depends on your luck

 [sonnie m phillips]

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

Life Lately

It just seems like life lately isn’t what I want it to be 

And don’t tell me that I should just wait and see 

I’m sick and I’m tired of you thinking that you know me 

I’ve changed and I’ve grown I’m no longer your zombie 

I get so angry thinking of all the years I spent 

In anguish believing I’d always be second best

News flash: I’m not. I’ve found my own self worth 

Even though a few years ago the thought would seem absurd

What an idea, I have my own thoughts, things I want to be 

Funny, I didn’t become the carbon copy you wanted to see 

Right now are just the growing pains, I’m spouting my wings

I am getting closer to the final copy of me 

Yes the journey is painful, I hope that its worth it

There are voices deep down that say I don’t deserve this 

They whisper their nuances and say I should quit 

But as I write these words I know I’m done with their shit

[sonnie m phillips]

[hematitehearts]

Galena

Locality: Krushev Dol Mine, Smolyan Oblast, Bulgaria

Size: 5.3 × 5 × 3.5 cm

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

Look at this beauty

[poetpastry]

I have too many thoughts in my head.

@poetpastry

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

Finally

So dump out my thoughts

Right down the drain 

Spilled out on the page

You see my dreams and my pain 

Very afraid of judgment to come 

But I still have a song to be sung 

People tired to tell me I would only fail 

But their power over me was never something I’d hail

Each day I grow more into my skin 

I’m have never been more pleased with the shape I’m in 

So happy to finally have a life I want to live

Grateful that I’m here, I have so much more to give 

[sonnie m phillips]

[8-bitfiction]

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

Paranoia

Such a strange feeling when my life is actually good 

Is this what its like, when things go like they should?

I feel like someone is pulling a prank. 

Like I don’t deserve to feel this way.

Why can’t I just accept it and be happy?

Why am I always on edge waiting for someone to grab me?

Paranoia. Paranoia. Paranoia. Paranoia. 

Always thinking there coming for ya

I need to sit back when life isn’t hard 

And take the time to heal the scars 

Learning to breathe and learning to live

Learning help isn’t something you only give 

[sonnie m phillips]

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

Falling

Falling falling

Faster and faster 

Screaming crying 

My life’s a disaster

I’m reckless, impulsive 

But cautious and clean 

Someone please tell me

Why I’ve not burst at the seams

Some sort of miracle 

Or a type of spell

Must be the reason 

I’ve held up so well 

But inside is broken

Records on repeat 

All the same memories 

They sit and they seep 

I’m bust up and bruised 

Stitched up and then torn 

Sometimes I think

Why was I born

A greater purpose 

Maybe a higher calling 

Or maybe it’s all just chance

Because it’s just death were stalling 

[sonnie m phillips]

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

Fate...

If the universe was made by a random chance

Clearly some magic has put us into a trance

There’s no way this just started with a spark and a bang

But that begs the question, “What about fate?”

Shocked at this thought, that I would even entertain 

But somehow without it, this world seems insane

Something bigger is out there, I know because I can feel 

If I could find some proof for this, of course the fate would seal 

Certainly there are forces out there, more powerful than I 

I’ve heard people describe it as a god that’s in the sky 

Still, others say we’re just a stop on this winding course 

This is sure to happen again because it’s happened once before 

Is the idea of others out there, really so absurd?

Denial along with shock are both things that I’ve heard

To meet others like us would be to take away our shine 

It would imply that our existence, isn’t really that divine

In an endless expanding universe is where we find ourselves

Funny how we’re still impressed with tiny things on shelves 

Tiny little beings on slightly bigger floating rocks

How can you be so concerned with the prices of your stocks?

[sonnie m phillips]

[unjustifiedhatredofnavyblue]

I, myself

I, myself am insane. 

I, myself have a fear of pain.

Look closer my darling so you can see, 

The slivers and shards of what makes me, me.

I, myself feel nothing at all. 

I, myself, have hit a wall. 

Even though it saddens me greatly to say, 

The sparkle in my eyes has all but gone away. 

I, myself am scared of me too. 

I, myself know what I can do. 

Many times I’ve tried to draw a line in the sand, 

but every time I’ve scratched it out with my hands. 

I, myself know the struggle inside. 

I, myself, know how it feels to have died. 

Leaving like this seems like such a bad line, 

I guess I’ll have to try harder next time. 

[sonnie m phillips]

[thegoodvybe]