Hobbies to become someone who knows How to be Alone!!
┈ Long solo hikes - Not group walks. Solo, several hours, just you and whatever your brain does without company to distract it.
┈ Sitting in cafes without your phone - Just watching, thinking, being present in a space without performing busyness. Deeply uncomfortable and then deeply comfortable.
┈ Solo travel to genuinely unfamiliar places - Not a packaged experience but actual navigation of a foreign environment alone. You find out who you are there.
┈ Painting or drawing just for yourself - Not to share, not to improve publicly, just to spend time making marks that only you will ever see.
┈ Long baths as a practice not a treat - Extended time in water with nothing to do teaches you a quality of rest most people never access.
┈ Reading difficult books slowly - Texts that require your full attention and reward slow rereading. The quality of attention you build is profound.
┈ Cooking elaborate meals just for yourself - Treating yourself as a guest worth effort. The self-regard required to do this well is worth practicing.
┈ Amateur astronomy on your own - Going outside at night alone to look at the sky. The scale of what you see puts everything else in perspective.
┈ Keeping a serious diary - Not a social media journal but a private record you never intend to share. Honesty available only to yourself.
┈ Learning an instrument solely for your own pleasure - No recitals, no lessons after the basics, just playing in private for the joy of it.
┈ Building a personal library intentionally - Not just accumulating books but curating them, thinking about what you want to have access to, creating a physical record of your intellectual life.
┈ Developing a personal philosophy - Writing down what you actually believe about how to live, revising it, taking it seriously as a project.
┈ Going to films alone - Something about watching a story in the dark surrounded by strangers without a companion to process it with immediately is a particular kind of experience.
┈ Swimming alone in open water - The combination of physical effort, natural environment, and solitude is one of the most complete experiences available.
┈ Sitting with music as the primary activity - Not background music. Headphones, eyes closed, listening to a complete work with your full attention.
┈ Learning to eat in restaurants alone and enjoy it - Bringing a book, watching the room, being unhurried and unapologetic about your own company.
┈ Creating a morning ritual that belongs entirely to you - Before the world arrives. Even thirty minutes that is purely your own sets a tone for everything that follows.
┈ Traveling to a place specifically for silence - A monastery, a remote landscape, somewhere without reliable signal. What you find in the quiet is worth going to find.
I’ve been wanting to get back to the blog for a while, but I didn’t know what to post, even though quite a few things have happened in my life. I’m not the same person I was when I started the blog, and I’m grateful for that, because I’ve learnt a lot, although I still hold on to many of my core beliefs, whilst others I don’t so much anymore.
Over the last few years, we’ve seen a boom in personal development content online, and lots of people have shared their views on it; often, the aim was simply to make money, rather than these people genuinely believing in the ideas themselves.
I’ve always written from my own experience, with the aim of helping you, and to be honest I’d really like to get back to blogging and post about personal development topics as usual, as well as something a bit more personal – perhaps a glimpse into my life. Would you like that? I look forward to hearing from you, and as always, the Q&A section is open.
What does it mean to be a high value woman?
When I first came across this term, I believed (and I still do) that a woman of high value is a woman with her own values, who works on improving herself, and who respects both herself and others. It’s the version of ourselves we’d all like to become – not perfect, but incorporating small habits into our daily lives that make us a little better and, of course, make us feel better.
It’s not about having a perfect morning routine, or working out every day, or any of those things that are touted online, but about having the ideal lifestyle for you – one that suits you and makes you happy. Without obsessions, without restrictions.
Others might think that a woman of high value is one who is successful in her career, who earns her own money and invests in herself. And yet the most widespread idea about this almost-perfect female stereotype is something related to the above but centred on the idea of a wealthy man supporting you, and thousands of content creators have shared their views on this – even offering advice – and have declared it empowering for women, when in fact it is extremely dangerous.
Now I’m going to debunk this myth – and perhaps this is what you were all hoping for from this post – that she is a woman of great worth and that she is not (in my opinion)
Who is not a high value woman:
A woman who competes with other women for male validation
Prioritises her physical appearance above all else
Her life revolves around finding a husband who can provide for her
Tells other women what is right and wrong, and what men do or do not like
Focused on men and social approval
Seeks only luxury and superficiality
Takes care of herself or works on her self-improvement solely for the approval of others
I don’t want to single anyone out, but I want to make it clear that depending on a man, both emotionally and financially, is not an empowering thing to do, and when someone ‘provides’ for you, they have control over you.
These days, we women have plenty of opportunities, and finding a partner is a lovely experience, but it’s not the only thing in our lives. We often neglect friendships that truly support us because we’re so focused on a man – and I speak from experience. It’s even worse when these so-called gurus encourage younger girls to find a rich man (as if it were that easy) to fulfil all their whims, but in exchange for what? That has a name, and I’m not going to mention it here. But I don’t think it’s the best advice for women. If that’s what you want for your life, you’re free to do so, but you can’t convince others that it’s the ideal. When most of these relationships (or transactions) are based on self-interest and power – as I always say on the blog – is that really what you want for your life? If you could truly decide, would you actually choose that?
So what do I consider a high-value woman to be?
You know your values and remain true to them
You learn about yourself and don’t constantly judge yourself
You allow yourself to have experiences and learn from them
You focus on looking after your appearance because it boosts your self-esteem, but you also focus on your inner self, which is even more important (as within, so without – remember!)
Your focus isn’t solely on romantic relationships; you realise there are more important things in life
You nurture and surround yourself with good friends
You invest time in yourself; you look after yourself both physically and mentally
You have your routines but without obsessing over them; if you don’t stick to them one day, it doesn’t make you any less
Your life doesn’t revolve around being perfect, nor do you seek the attention of others
Luxury, whilst it can be wonderful, isn’t a priority; there are more important things in your life
You don’t need to carry designer bags or wear expensive brands, but rather your own personal style that makes you feel good
You invest in things that do you good: a trip, an experience, quality time with your friends or on your own…
You aren’t financially dependent on anyone
You work to achieve what you want, to give yourself the best
So if I don’t tick all the boxes on this list, does that mean I’m not a high-value woman?
The label ‘high-value woman’ doesn’t really define you as a person; you already have value simply for being yourself, and that doesn’t depend on your social status, your beauty or the country you live in. Contrary to what many people think, it’s just a label created on social media to generate engagement – not an ideal model of a person. You have to work on yourself for real, take things from this list and apply them to your life, but don’t define yourself as a ‘high-value woman’, or as ‘that girl’, or a ‘clean girl’, or anything like that. They’re just passing trends that help us, to some extent, to create or consume content, but nothing more. Just take away the positive message, and if you want to improve your life, there are plenty of posts on my blog that will help you; I’ll also keep posting new content that I hope will be useful to you too.
I’d like your feedback – do you prefer long posts or shorter ones? Would you like me to share my views on certain trending topics as well, as I’ve done in this post?
Today’s journal entry:
What does a woman of great worth mean to me?
Does she have a positive or rather a negative impact on me?
Healing is not a state; it is a lifelong practice. And perhaps the most radical truth of all is that it is as much about staying present with pain as it is about moving beyond it.
Ultimately, to heal is to embrace life in its full complexity,its joy, its grief, its contradictions. It is a continuous dialogue between past wounds and present awareness.
In times when hope feels distant and vulnerability takes over, it’s natural to feel tired and helpless. And yet, it is in these moments,the trembling, the breaking, the quiet choosing to rise because that's where growth lives. Grace and self-compassion are learned here, not in ease, but in the courage to keep moving forward even when everything feels heavy.
The emotionally intelligent person knows that love is a skill, not a feeling, and will require trust, vulnerability, generosity, humor, sexual understanding, and selective resignation. The emotionally intelligent person awards themselves the time to determine what gives their working life meaning and has the confidence and tenacity to try to find an accommodation between their inner priorities and the demands of the world. The emotionally intelligent person knows how to hope and be grateful, while remaining steadfast before the essentially tragic structure of existence. The emotionally intelligent person knows that they will only ever be mentally healthy in a few areas and at certain moments, but is committed to fathoming their inadequacies and warning others of them in good time, with apology and charm… There are few catastrophes, in our own lives or in those of nations, that do not ultimately have their origins in emotional ignorance.
In a world of doomscrolling and constant digital noise, apps like Pinterest, Tumblr, and Substack help rewrite my brain based on what I genuinely enjoy. They remind me of what inspires me, grounds me, and feels like me not what’s trending.
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