Knot in my mess
I feel like I am going to explode. This is my second note in 5 minutes. I am suspended from my job which gladly I am taking this opportunity to read and write and watch.
I am writing my new book but after reaching part 2, I don't know what to do. I lack structure and order in my life. I loved how messy and chaotic my life is. However, career wise? Mhm no.
I read once that feeling angry is just us disguising another emotion we would feel vulnerable exposing. Mainly fear.
But what else is new? I have been terrified my entire life it's becoming my own pride flag.
I am also disgusted by men.
Talk about a shift from being straight for almost 24 years until I met the girl that changed everything including my sexuality.
What am I doing now exactly in my life?
Feeding my anxiety. And watching Euphoria.
I know I am late. But I watched the first episode years ago and I wasn't ready for it I guess as something made me feel uncomfortable.
I hate social media even though if I was fluent in the algorithm and with a bit of confidence I would have made millions by now.
But Tumblr has always been my favorite sanctuary.
I believe I lost all my vocabulary and facny words. I thought it's because I stopped writing for a while and I haven't been reading much in the past two years but now that I am on track again...
I think it's because I am vaping too much.
I want to stop.
Btw my new book is sapphic. My girl is my new muse.








