PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
#extradirty
Cosimo Galluzzi
wallacepolsom
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
ojovivo
trying on a metaphor
occasionally subtle
will byers stan first human second
Today's Document
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taylor price
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Claire Keane
Peter Solarz
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blake kathryn
oozey mess
One Nice Bug Per Day
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@unknownmarvel
Holiday hiatus
Ok so because my work picks up in the winter and it has finally snowed I haven’t been able to get on much my work shifts have gotten a lot longer than they used to so until the holidays are over I’m going to go on hiatus <3 I’m sorry lovelies!
Thank you for following me. Thank you for reblogging from me. Thank you for liking my posts. Thank you for sending me nice messages. Thank you for staying followed to me. Thank you for making my Tumblr experience amazing. Thank you.
“What the- do I want to know?”
texts from last night! meme
[text] Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today? [text] The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here [text] He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after. [text] I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW [text] So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one’s for Team USA. [text] He gave me the “find somebody who wants to date you for who you are” speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants. [text] I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese [text] I just got high off one hit and then Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refrigerator and researching ways to replace it [text] Seriously. I’m like, “Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you’re so fucking intelligent I’m turned on?” [text] Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet? [text] He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I’m keeping him. [text] I’m making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life. [text] It’s a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later. [text] Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I’ve been waiting for this moment forever. [text] Lesson learned. Don’t roleplay with a real knife. [text] We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman’s birthday party for the food. Whoops. [text] He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle. [text] I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I’d say it was a pretty successful Thursday night. [text] I’m wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real. [text] He’s like… An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It’s almost unsettling [text] I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I’ve found the One. [text] Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while… if you happen to find your balls then join us [text] i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”… [text] and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered “Simba” [text] so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. [text] Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. [text] Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me [text] We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sounds logical. Thank you daylight savings. [text] when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was “chug-a-lug” [text] There’s a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork. [text] Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine [text] My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there. [text] He told me he loved me. I didn’t know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him [text] Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten [text] Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly. [text] He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter. [text] we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I’ve ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury [text] I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man’s heart. [text] When was the last time you wore pants? [text] I’ve replaced you with thin mints and masturbation [text] Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast. [text] Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time [text] Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent [text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person. [text] I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how’s your day going? [text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today. [text] We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What’s wrong with this tradition? [text] all i’ve had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila. [text] Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don’t exist? [text] Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special [text] And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention [text] This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the “High While Analyzing Disney Movies” texts begin. [text] Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won’t quit poking me on fb [text] I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes [text] One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won’t be me. I’m drinking liquor out of a fishbowl. [text] You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy [text] im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster [text] just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing. [text] I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on [text] Let’s play a little game called “Chill the Fuck Out” - you’re our first contestant [text] Didn’t get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie. [text] I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion. [text] you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat [text] tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance? [text] We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out [text] maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game [text] i think its awesome that according to your mom i’m your friend that caught on fire. [text] So fucked up. Can’t tell if I’m starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out. [text] I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day. [text] Vodka is such a love hate relationship. [text] you traded sex for a burrito? [text] I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos. [text] You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there. [text] it’s not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher. [text] You’re always adorable, but when you’re drunk, you’re like Chia Pet adorable. [text] this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest [text] I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box [text] I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old’s Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. [text] It’s like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it’s gummy bears and instead of milk it’s vodka. [text] You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go [text] Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome. [text] we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying “i mean who doesn’t like cheetos” [text] quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you [text] I left a cheeto on everyone’s car trailing to the house i’m at, hanzel and gretel style. [text] Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again. [text] nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs [text] When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. [text] kinda considering buying a life alert for sophomore year [text] My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something. [text] Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. [text] you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing ‘follow the yellowbrick road’. i’m pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted [text] It’s like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job. [text] did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes? [text] The world would be so much better with thought bubbles. [text] I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy! [text] You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen. [text] I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter. [text] So I woke up today with someone’s door knob in my pocket. I hope everybody else got out of the house ok. [text] So we successfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know. [text] Because when I say ‘You shouldn’t drink anymore’, she hears, ‘I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks’ [text] okay, this game isn’t funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are. [text] The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing. [text] when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed [text] so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat. [text] You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone [text] never. drinking. again. [text] I’m gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see. [text] got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night [text] I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now [text] i’m out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction. [text] Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What are we a team? No, no, no, we’re a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We’re a time-bomb.
Stay with me!
Best Friend Starters!
{Text}: Go to bed and stop texting me. This isn’t the intended use of emojis.
“Hey, I read about this super illegal thing and I think we should do it.”
“GET DOWN FROM THERE BEFORE I HAVE TO COME GET YOU!”
“Do you think foods have feelings? Maybe that gumball I dropped today was sad I didn’t eat him…”
“No, we can’t buy five hundred pugs.”
“What do you mean I’m too loud? It’s not like I’m SHOUTING IN YOUR EAR!”
“If I go down you’re coming with me! This is a mutual effort!”
“I’m not picking your drunk ass up at three in the morning anymore.”
“Stop coming into my house to sleep on my couch! Someday you’re going to find the door locked.”
“Oof, get off! You’re too heavy!”
“I honestly think you belong in a cell, but again, I guess we’d be cellmates.”
“Now who the fuck took my skittles? It was you, wasn’t it, you smug little-”
“Somehow I don’t think the teacher believed our story about the sword wielding elves breaking the window…”
“BUDDY SYSTEM IS IMPORTANT, YOU MIGHT GET LOST! NOW GIMME YOUR HAND.”
“I don’t care if you didn’t wanna share, it’s mine now!”
“YOU ARE A DICK. Also I’m at your door, let me in.”
“C’mon, smile…I’ll tickle you if I have to!”
“You’re sad. Don’t lie to me. I see the pouty thing you do.”
“Do you need me to kill someone for you?”
“You can’t even reach me to hit me, shortie-OW!!”
how to get away with murder sentence meme
“No one’s ever believed in me like this before.”
“Whoever he is, I’m glad there’s some eye candy around here.”
“He wanted to kill me. I had no other choice.”
“We are so, so screwed.”
“And he did this thing to my ass that made my eyes water.”
“You forgot his name and he’s still into you? What do you have, some kind of voodoo penis?”
“Damn, I was hoping I’d be the first one to tell you.”
“Smile or go to jail.”
“Do you know who anyone really is?”
“I don’t kiss and tell.”
“You’ll only have yourself to blame if it ends badly.”
“What sucks is, he doesn’t know that. That you’re just leading him on. Letting him believe he has a shot with you.”
“Somebody woke up in the mood to fight this morning.”
“I wasn’t showing off.”
“Hey, don’t be a bitch. I could get arrested for this.”
“I don’t believe you. To be honest, I don’t even care. You want to sleep next to a killer, go for it.”
“See? Sexting pays off.”
“Is there a boyfriend I should be jealous of?”
“You won’t be the first person in the world disappointed by your father.”
“I just know everyone hates their boss.”
“I swear to God, I’ll tell the police everything.”
“Wow, someone have daddy issues?”
“And you guys call me immature? I’m like the most grown up, grown up ever compared to your dumb asses.”
“Listen to yourself. You just can’t stop lying.”
“I tried to give you an out. Don’t forget that when this all goes to hell.”
“You liked watching her die because that’s the piece of garbage you are.”
“He deserved to die. And I’m glad he’s dead.”
“You know you can’t tell them about this. This never happened. You understand?”
why is it so hard to find gemma arterton icons that are her in modern movies? and by modern I mean where she’s not dressed as gretel or in any ancient roman/greek/whatever garb
6 x Gemma Arterton as Gretel
100 x 100 Icons from Gemma Arterton in Clash of Titans for Roleplay Blogs only
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100 x 100 Icons from Gemma Arterton in Prince from Persia for Roleplay Blogs only
Please Follow my Rules:
Like or Reblog if you use it.
only for Roleplay Blogs
Credit me in your rules when you use it.
Don’t claim or steal it and say its yours.
Don’t reedit my Icons.
Please follow my rules. I made it for free & public use. So please be fair.
Examples:
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Starter call!
I’m bored who wants to chat with Maria?
