i'll come up with a good title at somepoint

Guess this is an anime blog now

[gooseburningriverforest]

Shane and the Centaurs

Post TLG, the same was that it breaks the Hollanders' heart when they see Ilya tear up over something so normal (calling to say hi instead of asking for something, paying for a meal at a restaurant despite Ilya definitely being able to afford it, buying him a sweater for the winter, etc.), it breaks Ilya and eventually the Centaurs' hearts when they see Shane be surprised or a bit overly grateful or apologetic for something that is literally not a big deal.

Shane preemptively defends his ginger ale during a visit to the bar after a game? Bood goes, "Maybe I should try that, but with cranberry juice. I need a new drink option now that I have a kid."

Shane gets tired of the club, but knows Ilya's not ready to leave yet, and he doesn't want to cut his husband's night short, so he quietly gets up to leave. Of course, the Centaurs notice, and Shane braces for the impact, for the "Going to bed already, Hollander? Goody-two-shoes heading out before curfew?" or "Golden boy of hockey trying to be a good role model and go to bed early?"

But all he hears is a smattering of, "Oh, bye Hollzy! We'll make sure your husband gets back safely."

The media manages to get its grubby hands on the other players that aren't Ilya or Bood, asking them, "What is it like having to married players on the same team?"

Shane overhears the question from his corner and internally panics, because while knows they accept them because Troy and Harris are a couple, what if they do have a problem sharing a locker room with a gay couple and -

"It's great," Holmberg says. "Our captain is happy all the time and we get to watch two actual legends on the ice in real time."

"But isn't it a bit... awkward to have to share the locker room with a couple?" one scummy journalist asks.

"I mean sometimes -" And Shane is about to have a panic attack, an honest-to-God panic attack because what does that mean - "only because it just reminds me of single I am."

"Yeah," LaPointe pipes up. "Watching the greatest hockey players of our time be in love with each other really hits you with the single stick. It's like they read each other's minds, and I can barely figure out if a woman is interested in me."

At one of Bood's BBQ, and friends and family are invited to this one. One of the kids loudly proclaims they need help with their math homework ("If you'd done it yesterday like you said you would, Timmy, you wouldn't have to do it now."), and Shane is waiting for someone to to shout "Ask Shane. He knows." But someone says, "Ask Hayes or Haas. They're trying to make a comic to make math fun. They need the research."

Quietly and without fuss, the Centaurs simply accept Shane into their fold. Some nights, Ilya has to just hold him or lie on top of him from being overwhelmed at the sheer decency he's shown.

In the same way that Shane secretly wishes he could throw a punch or two at Grigori and Alexei, Ilya wishes the same at the Metros. And would you look at that! They have a couple games against them, so he gets to have his wish.

[cottagehillsunset]

Shane gets home one day from a day in town and he walks up to Ilya with a determined expression on his face. "I bought something", Shane starts, holding a thin, brown paperbag on his lap. "I know we each have our own already, but I though we could use this for daily stuff."

And Ilya is utterly confused at first because he has no idea what Shane means. There's numerous things they both have their own versions of - duffle bags, headphones, jackets, you name it - and Shane looks serious but also slightly nervous?

So Ilya opens the paperbag to pull out what's inside of it and oh. It's a calendar for two. The kind to hang up on a wall, one sheet for each month with a picture at the top. And it's boring and domestic and so Shane and something Ilya never thought he'd get to have. It's perfect. Ilya doesn't even mind that it's loon themed.

[cottagehillsunset]

Ilya, arms crossed at the Hollander family table, glaring at the Monopoly board as Shane buys yet another Hotel: Mr. Businessman and Mr. Landlord was not enough for you? Now you must be Mr. Hotel owner and Mr. Airport owner too?

[cottagehillsunset]

Accidental cat aquisition Shane Hollander AU. Shane who is spotted with Ilya in a petfood store. Because any scrap of their newly public friendship instantly goes viral, the pictures are all over the internet. They show Shane paying at the check-out and then loading bags into his car. So of course he's asked numerous questions of "Did you buy food for Rozanov's dog" and "Do you and Rozanov share a pet?" and "Why were you in a petfood store with Ilya Rozanov"

So Shane just blurts out "Yeah no I was buying food for my cat. Roz- Ilya and I had a meeting for the Irina foundation earlier that day and he needed food for his dog. And I needed food. For my cat. So we went together."

And then THAT interview goes viral as well. Shane gets various texts from his parents ("You didn't tell us you got a cat, Honey, that's great"), Hayden ("Dude!! A cat? Why did you never tell me! Also the twins want to meet her. So do I by the way") and of course Ilya (It's a screenshot of Shane frowning, an expression Ilya has told him makes him look like an angry kitten. Underneath the screenshot Ilya just writes "this your new cat?")

Shane does the only logical thing one can do in this situation: he stays up all night googling shelters nearby, dives into research on what he needs to best care for a cat and calls Rose (who is currently in a different timezone and therefore also awake. Also, she owns two orange tabbies so she can probably give him cat advice. Rose strongly advices against getting an orange cat).

Shane ends up adopting a young black cat with white paws that someone dropped of at the shelter because they found her on the side of the road. He names her Puck.

[cottagehillsunset]

Ilya is used to carrying babies and small children in his arms. Because he used to hold his niece in his arms (though that became less frequent with each summer he went back to Russia) and he's babysat the Pikelings a handful of times now, so yes he knows to support a baby's head and can carry around a toddler no problem.

Cue Ilya making a rare appearance at Bood's Barbeque because it's the team's chance to meet little Milo for the first time. Everyone congratulates the parents and oohs and aaws at Milo. Cue Bood asking "anyone want to hold him?"

And Ilya is the first to volunteer, already reaching out his hands. And Bood, like any new parent, starts the "Alright here we go, now be careful to support the head-" only to trail off because Ilya does not need any help. For some strange reason, Ilya fucking Rozanov is a pro at holding a baby, murmuring to him in Russian swaying him softly in his arms.

The Groupchat ("CenBros NO CAP") goes wild because how the fuck is Rozy so good with babies. And then one of the rookies is like "maybe he has a baby??" and at first everyone scoffs because, hello. This is Ilya Rozanov we're talking about.

On second thought, though.

Ilya did move to Ottawa seemingly out of nowhere.

He did buy a house in the suburbs.

He is strangely secretive about who he's texting all the time.

He is skipping almost every team event.

Suddenly it all makes sense. Ilya has a girlfriend (wife??) and he moved to Ottawa for her so that they could raise their child together. And of course he's almost never attending a team outing or leaving early, he has a child at home! Of course he's secretive about it, Ottawa or not he's still Ilya fucking Rozanov, papped every second day. It only makes sense that he'd want to protect the identiy of his girlfriend (wife??) and child.

The final piece of evidence is overheard by Holmberg and Young on a random Thurday after practice. Ilya clearly hasn't noticed them as he walks to his car, a fond smile on his face and obviously focused on his phone call. "Goodnight, I miss you very much. I will be home soon", he says. It's followed by laughter and Ilya adding that "Yes, of course is necessary! I have been away all day, my daughter must hear me say goodnight to her."

Holmberg and Young (standing next to Young's car and therefore hidden from Ilya's view) stare at each other with open mouths and wide eyes. Because holy fucking shit Rozy just confirmed he has a daughter?? And based on the conversation also a girlfriend/wife??

Meanwhile Shane, who patiently sat next to where Anya was curled up on the couch with his phone on speaker so that Ilya could tell her goodnight, is happily talking with Ilya about what to cook for dinner.

[ashstfu]

[qcharlie]

i wish we were able to talk about women's rights without someone mentioning how much they do or don't want to have sex with them. i don't care if you're a lesbian Stop finding worth in women purely from their perceived attractiveness

[qcharlie]

"I think women should not be expected to shave for societal respect / to avoid discrimination" "yeah🤤 i love bush" ok well that's not what we're talking about is it.

[qcharlie]

i hate how many posts about trans women deserving respect always devolve into "I love girldick" or "trans rights but I don't want to date a trans person" because that's entirely unrelated to the topic at hand. you should not respond to feminism with "YESSS I loveeee you because I see you as nothing but a sex object" you people sound like other men I get stuck talking with that end up saying "free the nipple so I can see boobies in public" and thinking they're feminists. why can't we just respect women regardless of your attraction to them or not. why does it need to be brought up in every conversation regarding their rights

[errorschacha]

My statistical model includes election outcomes whispered to me by a six-foot-tall ambulatory stalk of asparagus in a dream I had while suffering from food poisoning. I can still see its cruel green smirk. This November, the Republican candidate is favored to win Godking of Vermont, which is like Governor except more powerful. I’ve given extra weight to this because it’s scary.

[gaysie]

shane and ilya at a centaurs barbecue and everyone boos ilya away from the grill because “when roz makes the burgers it’s like eating a hockey puck” and shane crosses his arms testily and says that if they were real hockey players then they would be HAPPY to eat hockey pucks.

[eilooxara]

Oat milk was discovered much more recently than you may have known. Like many now-familiar technologies, it was found by accident during the Apollo program when NASA learned what a zero-g environment does to goat milk.

[transmechanicus]

[penandinkprincess]

shane and ilya probably stick to a very similar sleeping schedule during the season, but i feel like shane starts getting ready for bed probably a little earlier than ilya because he likes sitting in bed and reading

and i'm laughing about ilya feeling absolutely BETRAYED the first time anya hops off of his lap to trot after shane up to their room

his OWN DAUGHTER-

ilya, she just likes our bed and knows i'm going up

-TO BETRAY HIM LIKE THIS, AFTER EVERYTHING HE HAS DONE-

dude, you could also just come upstairs if you're that fucking bothered about it

-NO LOYALTY IN THIS HOUSE. NONE. ALL AROUND HIM ARE TRAITORS-

you could doomscroll on your phone upstairs if you want, ilya. you're the one choosing to hang out on the couch. c'mon, anya.

[grabmyboner]

wait hold on wait ilya was just a boy who moved to a new country all alone oh my god my baby my baby!!!!!!

[scunthotter]

do you have headcanons about baby!shane or baby!ilya? for science.

I do believe in the they were both fat babies doctrine. Like big boys.

I think they were both obsessed with hockey from a young age.

I think Ilya was a very sweet and easy baby. He grew up to be a very responsible boy. I think he was made to feel responsible for his Mama's emotions and responsible for being her sweet boy. After her death is when Ilya started to act out and become more recognizable as the Ilya we meet in heated rivalry.

In contrast I think Shane was a very difficult baby. It seemed to Yuna and David that from birth to about three years Shane cries non-stop. It didn't help that Shane didn't speak until he was three and half. The thing they found was literally the ice. They take Shane out in a little stroller on that river that freezes in Ottawa (I assume it exists my entire knowledge of the physical geography of Canada's capital comes from fanfiction). Shane's crying and they're doing it anyways because, at this point, if they stop because Shane fusses then they wouldn't be able to do anything and Shane would still be crying so. But its a miracle, the first glide out from the shore and their little Shaney stops crying. At first they think he's fallen asleep but no, he's sitting up and watching the ice, quietly happy for maybe the first time in his life.

[unmooredonasundayevening]

Thank you!

"They take Shane out in a little stroller on that river that freezes in Ottawa (I assume it exists my entire knowledge of the physical geography of Canada's capital comes from fanfiction)" I went and looked this up and it seems like the place they would do this is the Rideau Canal Skateway.

Anyway I love the idea of baby!Shane not even needing to be on skates just knowing his on the ice and therefore he is Okay.

[robs-your-robins]

Jason leading the Teen Titans but he shoots them with a Nerf Gun every time they fuck up or annoy him.

[hollanderthoughts]

Every day I wake up and I try to figure out what I did wrong. You know, the big thing I did wrong that everyone knows about but me? which I have yet to figure out what it is, but hey, there’s always tomorrow!

[pansyfemme]

it really is crazy how there are so many influencers with millions of followers i have never heard of in my life

[pansyfemme]

every day someone is like ‘have you heard about the situation with johnny youtube?’ and i go. pardon. who the hell is that

[normal-about-hollanov]

delicious angst potential for hollanov that came to me in a dream: shane loves ilya. its not up for debate. most days he'd happy crawl inside his ribs and live there without complaint nestled beside his heart. however. shane values his space. always has. there are days where the world is too much, too loud. days he needs to crawl out from Ilya's chest and live beside him not inside him. just space. not much. just some.

and ilya, who has spent his life managing the emotions of a family as unpredictable as the weather, cannot help but worry. worry that in some sense he's not doing everything as right as he could be. that he can't be Shane's one and only safe space. having to learn that shane loves him. loves him so much it makes him sick with it. all that love just crawling up his throat and spilling out and out and out. and beside that. not belitting it or disregarding it, he just needs space.