“I love you,” she said. Seb felt the words flow over him, felt his chest constrict. Her hands were on his face and he closed his eyes, leaned softly into her touch. “Lina,” he murmured, his hands ringed her waist, resting on her hips, his eyes fluttered open to find hers: big brown orbs directed on his face. “Lina, I adore you, hm,” he said. “I love you.” Reaching up, he put his hand over hers, turned his face to kiss her palm, tenderly, traced his finger along her hair. I don’t ever want to be apart, he wanted to say, but she knew it and it was more cruel than kind to say now. Impatiently, he blotted his tears away.
Concern splashed across his consciousness. His expression turned stern. “Is he good to you?” he asked. “Does he hurt you?” He didn’t know what he could possibly do to help regardless, but…he had to know. One way or another, he had to know. “Tell me the truth, Lina, please. Is he good to you?”
Despite everything, Seb chuckled when he heard her assessment. “Five minutes in after all this and you’re already chiding me,” he teased, running his finger along her jaw tenderly. He wanted to ask to come home with him, wanted to challenge her to make him do it, but he couldn’t ask. He couldn’t ask, even in jest, not when her sister’s life was on the line. Seb quirked a brow. “You know I never did like sleeping alone.” He found he liked it even less now than he ever had before. He drew a long breath, nodded. “I’ll promise that,” he began, slowly. “If you’ll promise the same, hm?” Gently, he placed his hand over his abdomen. “Besides, you’re not just worrying about yourself now.”
She was clinging to him and Seb pulled her close, stroking her back and hair soothingly, kissed the top of her head. He knew she didn’t want to send him away any more than he wanted to go and, somehow, he drew strength from knowing it. Alike even in this, he thought. “Shhhhh,” he whispered, “I know. I know.” Seb breathed in the scent of her, held her close. “I love you, Lina. I won’t forget. I won’t. I’ll be back for you. I’m come for you, I promise.” He didn’t know when, didn’t know well, but like hell he’d leave her here to rot. He didn’t have it in him to do that.
She told him to go back to the door. Cupping her face in his hands, he gazed at her, nodded, kissed her once more. Holding his hands up in surrender, Seb slowly backed away towards the door again, smiled towards her half-indulgently. “Better?” he inquired, back against the door. It wasn’t better, not by a long shot, but it was safer, safer for them both. He knew he should never have put her in that position, but somehow he didn’t regret it. He would never regret holding her.
Seb opened his mouth to reply, realized he had nothing to say that could ease her mind, closed it again. “I’ll be more careful,” he promised, finally, nodding slowly. It had never been his strong suit, being careful, but he’d promised a long time ago that he would never be careless with her heart. He feared, now, the two were beginning to overlap. “But I won’t give you up, Lina. I can’t.”
Lina shook her head, desperate to ease his concerns, “No, he hasn’t hurt me. And he won’t.” Especially now that he thought she was carrying his child. “Seb, I’m alright. I am,” She promised, taking one of his hands into her’s, lacing their fingers together. “I’m not alone. He let’s me see Bea.” Lina hadn’t expected that. She wished they could be together more than they were, but she was grateful for the time they did have. She wasn’t sure she would have made it through, otherwise. “He’s as good to me as he knows how.”
He would deny her nothing: save the things she wanted most in the world.
It was good to hear him laugh. Seb’s questions about Vardon had made her tense. It felt like a betrayal, somehow, to talk to him about her life with Vardon. But seeing him smile like that, like how he used to when they’d been happy, made her feel, just for a moment, as though everything else might have only been a bad dream. “Yes, well you need someone to scold you.” Lina smiled, too, her eyes bright as she teased him.
You know I never did like sleeping alone.
She never had, either. She used to lie awake nights: always more afraid of her own father than she ever had been of the undead. When their father was in an especially fowl mood, the three of them used to sleep together in Beatrice’s room. Even then, with her sisters round her, she’d never felt safe closing her eyes. She remembered the first night that she and Seb had spent together: how he’d held her in his arms with her head resting on his chest until she fell asleep. She’d never felt so safe; so peaceful; so loved. Her heart ached for home.
She nodded, resting her hand on top of his as it settled on her abdomen. “I promise. I couldn’t neglect myself even if I wanted to. I feel as though there’s always someone about to make sure I’m alright.” It was part of the problem: she was hardly ever alone. “But who is there to look after you?” She could hardly say the words; they came out as almost a whisper. Vera would, she knew. And so would his cousin. But what she feared the most were those hours he’d pass alone. It broke her heart of think of him like that. “When you don’t eat and you don’t sleep, know that I am very cross with you!” She’d meant to say it teasingly, but it was all she could do to keep from crying.
When at last he moved back to the door, she found breathed a little easier. She wanted him near, but she wanted him safe, too. They’d been together too long already and she knew she should send him away even further, still. But she didn’t have it in her, just yet.
When he refused to promise her that he would not come back, Lina shook her head; frustrated that he would not listen. “You’re so stubborn!” She cried. Still, she knew that he would not make her a promise he had not intention of keeping. She could not be angry at him for that.
She paused for a moment, considering her next words carefully, uncertain if she wanted to say them at all. Finally, she exhaled, defeated, and took a key from her pocket. “If you are determined to come back, this may help you. At least, until they discover mine is missing and then it will be useless. There is almost always someone with me and I rarely need to use it, myself. It will let you into the west wing where he keeps us. Once inside the foyer, take the first door on the right. It leads into a corridor with my rooms at the end of it. If I’m alone, I put a light in my window. If i’m not, you must promise me you will turn around and leave straight away. You must.” She would not give it to him, if he could not promise her that. “If anyone should stop you, say you have a private message for me from Vardon. No one will question you.”
