Famous Poems Rewritten as Limericks
The Raven
There once was a girl named Lenore And a bird and a bust and a door And a guy with depression And a whole lot of questions And the bird always says “Nevermore.”
Footprints in the Sand There was a man who, at low tide Would walk with the Lord by his side Jesus said “Now look back; You’ll see one set of tracks. That’s when you got a piggy-back ride.”
Response to ‘This Is Just To Say’ This note on the fridge is to say That those ripe plums that you put away Well, I ate them last night They tasted all right Plus I slept with your sister. M’kay?
Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening There once was a horse-riding chap Who took a trip in a cold snap He stopped in the snow But he soon had to go: He was miles away from a nap.
Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night There was an old father of Dylan Who was seriously, mortally illin’ “I want,” Dylan said “You to bitch till you’re dead. “I’ll be pissed if you kick it while chillin’.”
I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud There once was a poet named Will Who tramped his way over a hill And was speechless for hours Over some stupid flowers This was years before TV, but still.
The Canterbury Tales
A bevy of old Middle English folks Told stories replete with sex jokes. Too bad no one knows How the rest of it goes; It breaks off when ol’ Chaucer croaks.
The Song of Roland
Poor Roland and friends were demoted To the rearguard whose dangers were noted. They became so forlorn Roland blew on his horn Until his cranium exploded.
Dulce et decorum est
A Roman well-known and well-read Is famous for once having said How sweet it would be To die for country. Fuck that—what’s sweet when you’re dead?
One Art
I’ve lost lots of keys and not cried
Coping well is a matter of pride
I left home behind
And never did mind
But, fuck me, I’m sad that you died.
