clara

22 | she/her | multi-fandom page

[urstilleverything]

welcome to my blog :)

clara (she/her) | 22

minors, homophobes, transphobes, racists, misogynists and anyone that associates with the republican party dni

this blog is anti-ai, believes in the rights of women, the lqbtqia+ community, a free palestine and overall human rights!

you are responsible for your own media consumption!!! if you don't like something on this blog, don't interact with it!!!

urstilleverything on ao3

current wip: blood in the water (emma nolan x brendon park)

[urstilleverything]

when it's the last day of school before summer break and i have nothing to give out and none of my bookmarked fics have been updated recently for me to read so i'm just sitting in a room

[catchymemes]

[urstilleverything]

happy pride month!!!

[depsidase]

[urstilleverything]

and fyi!!! a lot of the homeless population in the US is full of people who were in the foster system and just aged out of it!!! 50% of the homeless population were at some point in the system!!! a lot of people are one big event away from being in a position to become unhoused and if you don't have a support system to fall back on then the govt has showed us time and time again that they don't care about you and they won't try and help you. it is so imperative that people use their voices this november!!

[urstilleverything]

impossible to miss

hollanov at the met gala as seen through twitter ft. roselana

[urstilleverything]

WHAT IF I WAS WORKING ON A MET GALA SOCIAL MEDIA HOLLANOV FIC??? WHAT IF???

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hey yall... its here

impossible to miss on ao3!!

hollanov at the met gala as seen through twitter ft. roselana

[urstilleverything]

WHAT IF I WAS WORKING ON A MET GALA SOCIAL MEDIA HOLLANOV FIC??? WHAT IF???

[urstilleverything]

i am so back into my hollanov phase its literally ruining my life (not really) but i was just on a international trip with my partner and when they asked me what i was reading on our transatlantic flight home and i had to answer with "back and forth from new york" and they just looked at me like:

[urstilleverything]

blood in the water

you are responsible for your own media consumption. my blog is 18+ no minors interact plz

ch 4: drown in your lust

<< previous chapter

Emma can feel her face warming. He’s a very imposing person and standing so close to him has her tensing her body. 

“I’m Emma Nolan,” she meekly tells him. “I started down here yesterday. I graduated from Michigan in May.” 

He looks surprised, at what she isn’t sure. 

“Hell of a first couple days.” His lips curl up into a smirk. “Well, thank you for my pager Emma. Hopefully I’ll see you around.” He turns to head back down the hallway towards the elevators. 

What. The. Fuck. 

She finds that she likes the way he says her name. He probably doesn’t say it any differently from anyone else, but she likes his voice and how the letters sound coming off his tongue. 

Walking back to the command center she finds herself looking back down the hallway towards the elevators to catch another glimpse of Dr. Park. Her face is still warm when she gets back to the command center and finds Santos, Perlah and Princess staring at her. They immediately start to interrogate her about what they just witnessed. 

“Were you just talking to Park the Shark?” That one was Santos. 

“I’d let him take a bite out of me.” Princess is making suggestive eyes at Emma which makes her face warm again. 

“I hope you know what you’re doing Nolan,” thankfully Perlah is the only one who seems to want to give actual advice instead of being invasive. “Surgons are the last department that a baby nurse needs to get involved with.” 

Noted. But she’s not involved with Dr. Park. The conversation after she gave him back his pager  was the longest conversation that she’s had with him. She didn’t even know him that well and before yesterday no one here knew who she was. 

She’s embarrassed about the fact that they seem invested in what happened but she doesn’t have anything to tell them, “Oh...um…We aren’t anything.” 

The trio just gives her a look and turns to each other and starts to gossip in Tagalog. She feels weird just standing there while they clearly are talking about her and Dr. Park. Dana is on her way back to the desk, no doubt to tell Emma she needs to go take her lunch, and the filipina trio gets quiet but has a conversation with their eyes. No doubt to continue gossiping later. 

She sees the surgical prep team leaving with the patient and gets a rush of jealousy at the people who will get to see a certain steel eyed surgeon when they get upstairs. 

read more on ao3!!

[urstilleverything]

blood in the water

you are responsible for your own media consumption. my blog is 18+ no minors interact plz.

ch 3: don't panic when it hits

<< previous chapter

Park is left speechless in the parking garage. 

“Or I could come find you Dr. Park.”

She says as if she didn’t just burrow herself deeper into his chest cavity. He watches her enter the hospital just as he sees Garcia’s car round the corner. 

He notices someone in her passenger seat in black scrubs. Interesting. The woman in the passenger seat notices Park before Garcia does and he can see her face going red. He waves just to twist the knife in deeper. Garcia looks up right when he’s doing this and flips him off which is well deserved. He turns to walk into the hospital. 

He can hear pounding steps outside his office and then pounding on the door and chuckles to himself. And isn’t the least bit surprised when he sees Garcia standing on the other side. He smirks and turns to go back to his desk. 

No time is wasted and he doesn’t get a word in before she starts talking, “You saw nothing this morning.” 

“Oh? I didn’t? Because from where I was it looked like you had someone from ‘The Pitt’ in your passenger seat. Someone who looks suspiciously like the R2 you ‘aren’t dating’.” Park is using quotation marks a little excessively but he only does it because he knows how to get under Garcia’s skin. 

She looks like she’s about to lose it on Park but then remembers whose office they’re in. Then her face turns into one of indifference and crosses her arm before speaking again. 

“We aren’t dating. Trinity knows her place and I know mine. We both don’t want anything more than what we have right now.” Park scoffs because he doesn’t believe that for a second. People who sleep together but aren’t dating don’t drive one another to work. He also doesn’t think that that’s what Garcia wants. But he can’t lecture her on not knowing what she wants when he has the nurse stuck in his head. 

Fuck. He still didn’t get her name but she knew his. Already has something up on him. 

“Whatever you say Yoyo. Just don’t come crying to me when she ends things and hooks up with that senior resident downstairs.” Now he’s just saying things to piss her off. And it’s working. She’s scowling at him now. 

“Hell will have frozen over if I’m coming to you with my relationship problems Shark.” 

Both of their pagers beep. Let the day begin. 

read the rest on ao3 !!

next chapter >>

[urstilleverything]

when the medical fanfiction i'm writing requires me to actually write medical scenes

[urstilleverything]

blood in the water

four chapters available on ao3!! tags will be updated as i write more! here is the second chapter on tumblr :)

you are responsible for your own media consumption. my blog is 18+ no minors interact plz.

ch 2: fear and shock and awe

<< previous chapter

Emma can’t sleep. She’s restless. The noises of cars and trains and people outside her apartment are so much different from her hometown in Michigan. The people who live next door are loud but compared to the people who lived next door to her in college seem like mice. 

The nightstand that has followed her from her childhood home, to her college dorm and apartment to now to Pittsburg has a new alarm clock that is glaring at her. It’s blinking at 4:45 a.m. Just early enough that she could go back to bed for another thirty or so minutes but knows she’s risking not waking up in time to get to work. 

Getting out of bed is hard. She stumbles around in the dark until she feels the light switch and is momentarily blinded by the lights of her bathroom. She looks like a mess. Like someone who hasn’t slept in weeks when in actuality just worked the hardest first day at a new job and gets to do it all over again today. 

Park is staring up at his ceiling. It’s 4:45 a.m. He should be getting up to go to the gym now. Instead he’s laying in his bed wondering why he couldn’t get the doe eyed ED nurse out of his head the entire night. He doesn’t even know her name and still when he got home after the shift and got into the shower all he could think of was her eyes. Wide and the color of the coffee in the break room that he refuses to drink. So dark you can’t see her blown pupils. 

He pictures her on her knees, looking up at him with those eyes and imagines her kneeling on the floor of his shower, at the foot of his bed, and by the door when he gets home after an especially hard shift. 

But that isn’t appropriate. She’s a child. Looks fresh faced like the ED hadn’t broken her yet. Hasn’t molded her into the hard and fast nurse that they need down in the Pitt. But thinking about her down in the Pitt makes Park sick to his stomach. She should be up in Peds or in the NICU/PICU where they won’t break someone as soft as her. 

What would she be like in the OR? What would Park be like if she was one of his nurses during an operation? Would she let Park show her all the things that he’s drilled into his nursing team? 

Fuck. Now he’s hard. And going to be late, by his standards, if he doesn’t get up soon.

A clap of thunder shakes Park out of the trance that he was in and finally gets to moving through the methodical schedule he has to do before leaving for work.

Emma contemplates taking the bus but decides against it when she realizes that it’s pouring and will immediately ruin any semblance of a good hair day if she has to walk to the bus stop. The stop isn’t far from her apartment but she would still have to walk at least a block when she gets to PTMC. 

Thankfully Princess showed her where to get a staff parking permit and the closest entrance to the garage from the Pitt. The Toyota RAV4 her grandparents got her after her high school graduation is still kicking and has done well in the rain and should survive the snow this winter. And as long as she doesn’t look too hard at the other cars it looks like it fits in with the rest. 

Grabbing her food for the day (she left at 9 p.m. last night and was running on fumes so she overpacked) and trying to remember how to get to the ED from the garage so she isn’t late has her missing the fact that another car has parked near her. This is the car that makes Emma’s look out of place. The color is so dark it’s almost black, but the lights of the garage reveal its a deep blue color. It’s also a Porsche. 

She could’ve guessed who drove the car, and she would’ve been right, but the thought of seeing Dr. Park again after she embarrassed herself by not paying attention in the ED has her stomach twisting into knots. It confuses her why she also feels a little excited to see him again. 

Park sees Emma first. Emma knew that it was him in the car; she just didn’t want to face him until she could put a name to the feeling she got when she saw him.The Porsche looks like it would belong to someone who is called The Shark. 

“I hope you are okay after that fall yesterday. Did you get checked out by anyone before you left?” Why is he talking to her? Since when did Park care at all about anyone down in the ED. Apparently since yesterday. 

Emma halts in her haste to not be seen by Dr. Park. Is he talking to her? He has to be talking to her unless he is in the habit of running into nurses and them falling over him. 

She gave him a nervous chuckle, smoothing her hair and shifted her weight as she looked around and then at Park. Clearly he’s waiting for a response from her before he walks into the hospital. 

“Um, sorry, are you talking to me?” 

She gets a blank stare back. No fucking shit he was talking to you Emma. There’s no one else in the garage right now. You shouldn’t even still be here. Dana is going to send out a search party for you, she starts to think. 

He laughs at her, “You are the one who I ran into yesterday in the emergency room, right? If not, you've got a doppelganger working in the same department as you.” 

Did he just make a joke to her? She thinks that all of the Pitt would lose their minds if she told them that. She doesn’t even think that they would believe her. She doesn’t even believe what is happening right now. She heard about what he said to Whitaker in Trauma 1 with the replantation patient. She wonders how she is doing. Emma could ask Park right now but that doesn’t seem like the most pertinent question. 

She swallows and looks up at him, “Yes. I’m fine. My knee is a little sore but I took ibuprofen afterwards. And this morning before I left.” 

Park nods. 

“Good. If it starts to cause you any trouble, have someone in the emergency room look at it.” 

Emma thinks it’s funny that he refuses to refer to the ED as “The Pitt.” She also knows this is the moment that she should start to walk away, but decides to throw Dr. Park a bone. 

“Or I could come find you Dr. Park.” 

She turns around to walk into the hospital leaving Park stunned and standing by his car. 

next chapter >>

author's note: thanks for reading! there are two more chapters on ao3 if you want to keep reading! i am currently working on chapter 5 but life happens!

[urstilleverything]

blood in the water

joining the babyshark train with my wip, blood in the water!!

four chapters available already on ao3!! tags will be updated as i write more but for now here is the first chapter on tumblr :)

you are responsible for your own media consumption. my blog is 18+ no minors interact plz.

warnings: parental death (off page), estranged family, eventual age gap relationship.

ch 1: acquire a taste

Emma Nolan stood at the command center of “The Pitt.” She had to admit it was a funny name to call the emergency department of a trauma center. She could feel her legs starting to bounce and her palms starting to sweat while she waited for one of the nurses to bring the charge nurse back to meet her. To say that she was nervous was an understatement. 

Graduating from Michigan was a dream but getting out of the whole state of Michigan was even more of a dream. 

Nine hours from Sault Ste. Marie and five hours from Ann Arbor. 

It’s not that she hated the place where she was from. She just hated what that place reminded her of. When she would go home for breaks and long weekends when the university was closed, the looks of the people in her hometown got to her. 

The pitying looks and the whispers in the grocery store grate on you when you hear it for years. 

Her parents died right before she graduated high school. Only child. Such a tragedy. I don’t know how someone moves on from that. So strong. 

Her grandparents had been retired for three years when her parents had died. They really didn’t need to take Emma in when it happened, she was already 18 and only a few months from starting her freshman year at Michigan anyways. The settlement from the courts paid for four years at Michigan and all her living expenses plus some left over so she was already doing better than some of her nursing school peers. 

But now she was out of Michigan and moved into her tiny studio apartment in Pittsburgh. She didn’t know anyone else in the city and wasn’t about to try and find a roommate so quickly. Close enough to work to be convenient but far enough away as to not feel like she is always there. Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center was the furthest job she applied for, the best paying one and the first job offer she got. 

The welcome email she got from HR didn’t provide her with much information but it did stress to her repeatedly what she needed to do once she got to the ED her first day. 

When you get to the Emergency Department find Dana Evans ED Charge Nurse. 

Emma knew how she looked in the ED. She knew that she looked like a baby deer and that she seemed too docile to survive in this department. But she picked this job. She wanted to be in the ED. She wanted to understand why the hospital in Sault Ste. Marie couldn’t save her parents. 

The Pitt was different from the other rotations she had done. Different from the EDs she had been in before. A lot bigger than the one in SSM. It always seemed from the outside like there was no structure. But she knew it was because of the nurses that the machine was well oiled. Because of Dana, everyone knew what to do. “Organized chaos” is what her professors would call the ED.

The chaos of the ED needed the structure Dana provided and so did Emma. 

Brendon Park hated holidays. All of them. There wasn’t a single one that he liked. Which is why, when the Chief of Surgery sends a message asking who’s available to work the Fourth of July, Brendon says he can. Everyone probably thinks that he’s doing it because he’s obsessed with his job, and he is, but he does it so he has an excuse to not go see his family for the holiday. 

Park also hated being around his family. 

None of them understood what he did even after explaining it during the four years of undergrad (Yes he was majoring in Biochemistry and yes he liked it), the four years of medical school (Yes, I am still in school even though I just graduated) and during the five years of his residency (Yes, I am a surgeon. I work with bones. No I cannot write you a script for benzos). They liked to try to get more out of him than he would like. Which is to say nothing. 

He liked being at work. He loved his job. He tolerated his co-workers. Walsh was the best. Garcia was okay. Walsh liked her so it made her more tolerable than otherwise. But getting involved with a resident down in the Pitt was a disaster waiting to happen. Nothing good could come out of that. The nurses liked to gossip too much but they were good. 

Park knew his reputation in the department. In the hospital. Hell in the entire orthopedic surgery community. 

The Shark. 

Park thought it was ironic that that was the name they gave him given that sharks have zero bones in their entire body. But he supposes that’s part of the humor of it. 

He doesn’t remember where it necessarily came from. Medical school was already cutthroat as is but adding in how competitive orthopedic surgery residences are and the nickname made sense. Top of his class in undergrad at Penn State and then the same at Penn. 

Getting out of Pennsylvania was the only thing that got him through high school. But Penn State gave him too much scholarship money to turn away from and he knew that he was going to be starting his career in a mountain of debt. Getting a job in State College during the summer was easy and allowed him to not have to go home for anything. Penn was a little closer to home but he stayed so busy that there was never a need to find a reason to not go home. 

Pittsburg was perfect. After going to school his entire life in Pennsylvania an admiration and love for the state grew. And PTMC was exactly where he wanted to be. He needed to stay so busy that he never had to go home for any reason. 

The Fourth of July was Park’s least favorite holiday to spend at home besides Christmas and his birthday. Too many redneck cousins trying to fire off M80’s in the driveway and his family asking invasive questions about a girlfriend and his fancy doctor salary (the last time Park went home was his MS4 year so he was actually broke). 

This Fourth of July though is shaping to be one of Park’s favorites. Finding something good about work everyday is hard. But potentially getting to do a replantation makes the answer easy today. 

The Pitt is full of people. Beds line the walls and Park can’t walk two steps without getting stopped by someone who still needs to be seen again by their doctor. 

It is complete chaos and he doesn’t know which room he is supposed to be heading to. The charge nurse is nowhere to be seen at the command center. The people that are there are in three different scrub colors and none of them are grey or black. 

“You have to be fucking kidding me,” he mutters under his breath. Why wasn’t he told what room he needed to be in? It’s not like there weren't other things that could be done right now. 

He’s in the middle of turning around and going back up to the surgical floor until he hears his pager go off. 

Trauma 1

As he’s turning around and putting his pager away he feels his shoulder go back and loses his footing for a second. Not as bad as ending up on the floor like the nurse in the gray scrubs. Awesome, the one ED nurse he finds and he pushes her to the ground. She raises her face up at him with the biggest doe eyed expression. 

Emma looks up at the man she just ran into at breakneck speed trying to find Dana. But as soon as she makes eye contact with the man she completely forgets what she was trying to do. She thinks they’ve been staring at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time before she shuffles up to stand. He is still looking at her while she sputters out her apology for running into him and rambles that she wasn’t paying attention and needs to find Dana. 

Emma is still thinking of the man she ran into long after he leaves the Pitt. Dr. Brendon “The Shark” Park. An attending orthopedic surgeon. 

They made eye contact again after he left Trauma 1 and Emma might be going crazy but it seemed like he was looking for her. The thought of that forms a weird feeling in her stomach and she starts to feel fuzzy. It’s most definitely the lack of sleep from last night and the overall exhaustion of the day. It most definitely doesn’t have anything to do with the attractive older doctor whose steel blue eyes stared into hers. 

Park moves through the rest of his shift on auto pilot. Which works for him since he needs to be as focused as possible to make this replantation have as high of a success as possible. And it should be successful. Everything thankfully goes as smooth as it could during that kind of operation with the circumstances. With the right physical therapist and rehab Park is hopeful for an 85% recovery. 

But every time Park closes his eyes, he sees dark doe eyes looking up at him and curls coming out of braids. She looked flustered and maybe embarrassed. She looked young. She looked like someone Park would take a bite out of. Someone who he wouldn’t be able to only have once after he had acquired a taste for her.

next chapter >>

thanks for reading! i'll upload the other chapters soon and as i write more :)