ινιαηηα ★

⇆ vivamus, moriendum est. "life is beautiful, but you don't have a clue" 8teen ‹𝟹

[marquisdefag]

pretending that soap stays up for the WC scotland match tonight while ghost passes the fuck out on the couch and is awoken to glaswegian pish being screamed at the telly — and yes, johnny forces simon to wear a scotland top

[baklavasudarajako]

Soap cant get a snack without his guard dog following him around LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

[mitrielle]

A quick quiz: how would you rate my mood right now based on my art?

15 minutes speed painting.

[softgnome]

Personally I do think that sometimes non-hockey fans can end up mischaracterizing Shane and Ilya because they don't know enough about hockey/hockey playstyles

The Ilya we see in Heated rivalry would not be throwing the first punch, he's not an enforcer. Ilya is a star center and a Pest. He wouldn't be doing his job correctly if he was punching players every other game, it would end up with not enough ice time to let him be the playmaker he's paid to be.

But being a pest can be playmaking! Find a player to bait, emotionally push them just enough that they try to fight you, and then get the fuck out of there before the ref gives you both penalties. This gets your team the power play. There is probably someone on Ilya's line dedicated to helping him get out of the fights he starts, and finishing them for him!

I also think this is also something that Shane would respect. Ilya is good at it and it's a good strategy for his team. I don't think Shane would see it as some dirty tactic, because Shane probably thinks everyone with a brain can see it for what it is! He probably thinks everyone should be able to see that being an asshole is a tactic for Ilya, that it's something to ignore and not fall for, that it's a strategy and not personal beef.

I think Shane's more disappointed when a Metro falls for it. Shane sees it as Ilya set up a Looney Toons ass obvious trap and one of his teammates ran into it. Why be mad at Bugs Bunny when you can be mad at your defenceman for falling for a fucking Bugs Bunny trap.

[sweetbabyshane]

Sometimes, when they are out with the team and Shane is in the right mood, he will sip on Ilya's vodka and chase it with his ginger ale. He won't directly ask for his own drink, but Ilya is happy to share, especially when it leads to what Ilya affectionately calls 'brutally honest Shane', who will chirp their friends and call bullshit on anything they say that he disagrees with.

Some of Ilya's favorite appearances of 'brutally honest Shane' are at the Kingfisher with their team, as well as the Admirals.

---

Hunter and Vaughn both rolled their eyes at yet another classic Rozanov chirp. Shane hadn't been listening to that side of the table, as he was enjoying his conversation with Kip about the latest paintings he acquired for a gallery.

"God, Roz, you are a real piece of work. I bet you even chirp the kids at your camps," Carter said, a little too plainly to be a joke. Shane did not like that one bit.

"What? Ilya would never. He is a sweetheart with the kids," Shane countered, turning his attention and leaning into Ilya's side.

Scott huffed a laugh and nodded. "Well, that may be true, but on the ice, he’s a menace. Even you can admit that, Rook."

"Of course he is; it’s a strategy. That is the role he plays. He’s nothing like that off the ice. That's how most of us are, you know that," Shane replied firmly. He knew Ilya enjoyed the chirping when it was fair, but Shane did not like the implication of his husband being bad with children or just genuinely being a 'bad' person.

"You are the same on and off, Hollz," Carter said.

Ilya stopped himself from laughing, but Shane couldn't. He chuckled a bit and then paused before responding. "Oh, wait, you’re serious?"

The entire table went quiet, listening in on the conversation now. Scott was the one to reply. "Uh, yeah, Shane. You are the nicest guy in the league."

"I am definitely not," Shane said, not able to hide his surprise. Ilya had to tuck his face into Shane's shoulder to keep his smile at bay.

"What are you talking about? You are always composed on the ice. You are a good leader, especially for the rookies. All the stripes love you. You don't fight. I mean, you started a whole damn charity. They called you Canada's Golden Boy for a reason, Rook."

Shane rolled his eyes. He appreciated all of Scott's kind words, but sometimes he hated that his reputation always boiled down to that, especially given the pressure of maintaining it.

"I guess that is true. Thank you, but like I said before, that is on the ice. I'm not saying I'm a bad person or anything, but I can be a real bitch. I know that."

Multiple voices called out around the table in contention, shocked by what he just said.

Shane's eyes grew wide, seeing them all react as if this were new information. He thought it was a bit obvious. "What? It’s true!"

Scott set his beer down with a loud clatter on the table. "You aren’t a bitch, Shane. What the hell are you talking about?"

Shane shrugged as he took another bolstering sip of Ilya's vodka, not even bothering to chase this one. "Not all the time, no, but I’m way meaner than Ilya. I just don't chirp you guys to your faces."

Ilya finally joined the conversation with a nod before adding, "Is true. He is like that meme. Looks like cinnamon roll but could kill you. I have been saying Shane Hollander is an asshole for many years, and no one would listen."

Everyone around the table laughed, some sporting expressions of recognition at Ilya's meme comparison. That was until Troy leaned in from his spot across the table.

"Hang on, Hollzy. What do you mean you don't chirp us to our faces?"

Shane leveled Troy with that unimpressed look some of the Centaurs have received after making subpar passing choices or shot attempts at practice.

"Barrett, you really think Ilya comes up with chirps about stats on his own? Or the ones in French? I thought you were smarter than that."

The entire table burst with laughter again, at Troy's expense this time. Kip looked especially pleased with this revelation as he said, "Oh my God, Shane, you really are a bitch. I love this for you."

[giveemhales]

“Shane is Ilya’s nagging wife” this, “no, Shane is Ilya’s enabler” that. Actually you’re all wrong. He is both.

He loves when Ilya is a menace. “Asshole” is his favorite pet name for him and “fuck off” is basically dirty talk. Ilya wants to party with Centaurs after a game? “Go have fun babe.” Ilya is relentlessly chirping another player? “Well he didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.” Ilya wants to blow Shane while he’s on a phone call? We canonically know how that goes.

But he does not fuck around with his man’s health and safety. Ilya can get into any mischief he wants until there’s a chance it could actually endanger him and that’s when Strict Shane has arrived. No, ilya cannot smoke cigarettes, Shane is not losing his man to lung cancer. Yes, Shane will lather Ilya up in sunscreen every summer and make him wear a daily SPF 50 moisturizer, Shane is not losing his man to skin cancer. He’s limiting his McDonald’s intake bc his man is not going to get heart disease. He’s making him get safer cars bc if Ilya dies from driving recklessly, Shane will bring him back to life just to kill him again. He wasted almost a decade not getting to be with Ilya the way he wanted and he’ll be damned if he lets anything (including Ilya) shorten their time together.

So now there’s this perception that Shane has Ilya on a tight leash. That he won’t let Ilya ever have fun and that Shane has domesticated him and Ilya is stuck under Shane’s thumb. Meanwhile Shane is actively egging Ilya on when he’s being a little shit. Shane is even bitchier and freakier than Ilya and it is so funny to Ilya that the world is so wrong about him.

It is not so funny to Ilya when someone tries to tell Shane to be less strict with Ilya. That is unacceptable. Ilya loves when his husband is citing statistics about lung cancer to him and making him his gross (healthy) smoothies and making sure he does the appropriate stretches before a workout and making him drink a glass of water in between drinks so he doesn’t get too hungover. Ilya has never had anyone who cared enough to “nag” him every day about his health (the closest was his mother but even then he often ended being the one who had to focus on her health). Shane being strict makes him feel so loved. He’s genuinely upset if Shane tries to “loosen his leash” bc Shane’s lectures are how he knows Shane cares. It’s proof that Shane wants forever with Ilya just as much as Ilya does.

Shane is both an enabler and a nagging husband. His only priority is a happy and healthy Ilya. And Ilya is exactly where he wants to be.

[perlukafarinn]

ilya treating shane's inner thighs like a chew toy. they've gone a couple of rounds and are all loose-limbed and sleepy, and ilya just finished blowing shane but he's not ready to move so he just. doesn't. just stays there between shane's legs, biting and licking and sucking hickeys into the sensitive skin of shane's inner thighs.

it feels good, obviously, and shane's too worn out to get hard so he lays there and enjoys it, one hand in ilya's hair, lazily petting it.

[hydrachea]

> turns on my computer

> disables a new AI feature that was turned on by default

> opens my email

> disables a new AI feature that was turned on by default

> launches a software

> disables a new AI fea

[baklavasudarajako]

I miss these two FAHHHH

[my-castles-crumbling]

Okay but imagine someone makes a “what MLH hockey players are you?” quiz and Ilya of course tells Shane about it, saying it’s “so funny,Hollander, it is so accurate, I got me and Marley got himself, and annoying rookie got Pike!” So Shane, bored one night, decides to take it and—what the actual fuck?—he gets Ilya as a result.

They fuck about it later.

[argillaforma]

i really really love that ilya who grew up in a very homophobic country with a homophobic family in a very masculine homophobic sport, has no shame around his sexuality. he has long since accepted that he's bi and has no shame around it, he has no shame around having gay sex or finding men hot, the struggles around his sexuality always stem from outside factors, but never from shame. i love ilya saying okay so you're gay, so what? because the act of being gay, being attracted to men, having sex with other men is such a non-issue for him when he could easily have internalized that shit and he also doesn't want it to be shameful for shane. instead he's like i love men, i love having sex with my husband who is super gay and i'm not feeling even an ounce of shame about it

[argillaforma]

i love when certain very specific things just gets accepted in fandom as if they’re actually canon and everyone just agrees that yes ilya is addicted to phone games and he spends too much money on candy crush and cliff marleau is a little bit bisexual (or ilya-sexual) and very unaware of it and also the biggest himbo you’ll ever meet and of course shane invents sex acts out of his own beautiful mind

[emmikay]

Harris Drover: No, you absolutely cannot post that.

Ilya Rozanov: (slides a crumpled bill across the table) Maybe this will… change… your mind.

Harris Drover: Ilya. I know you’re not trying to bribe me.

Ilya Rozanov: (lifts up a puppy with a bow around its neck) What about now?

Harris Drover:

Harris Drover: (cradling the puppy) You may proceed.

[gurlsrool]

happy pride, I’m haunted by the fact that I’ve seen multiple people say they’re glad Shane’s sex condo was cut from the show because it made them feel “icky” and like “Ilya was Shane’s dirty little secret”. I do have to question what some people think this series is even about

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

"You're such an asshole" / "I think you like it" -> AND HE DOES!!!! HE DOES LIKE IT!!!! Almost every time Ilya is being an asshole on purpose, Shane is smiling grinning giggling twirling his hair,,, he loves getting his pigtails pulled!!!

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

And this extends to when Ilya is being an asshole to other people!! Like Shane IS gonna be enabling Ilya's shit talking because he thinks it's funny. Like he's saying "nOoo ilyaaa~ you can't say thaaaat~" but he's laughing at Ilya's mean spirited jab more than anyone. Asshole4SecretAsshole couple, tbh.

[bigriceenthusiast]

imo a huge thing in the hayden discourse is the fact that a lot of us in the fandom are literally Homotron 3000 (myself included) and that really skews our perspective

like yes downright bigotry is never okay i am not defending that but the whole reason these characters are interesting is because they have to navigate queerness and unpack their internalized toxicity in a space where, for all intents and purposes, they're The First Gay Person Ever

the expert always overestimates what's common knowledge or however it goes

[bigriceenthusiast]

or something

[penandinkprincess]

with how much shane enjoys getting pinned down, i'm laughing about the idea of ilya who knows academically that he and shane are equally matched but who never really transfers that thought to the bedroom because he and shane playfight/wrestle as foreplay but shane enjoys "losing" these particular struggles and thus doesn't really ever use his full strength beyond the opening few seconds

which means the first time shane is riding him and is close to finishing and thus shoves him the FUCK back down when ilya is about to sit up and turn them hits ilya like a fucking FREIGHT TRAIN

man is getting held down with a hand to his chest with a force shane hasn't actually used in bed before and he is about to pass! out! from the force of the horny crashing over him

[penandinkprincess]

the idea of ilya edging and frustrating shane specifically to provoke him into slamming him down and holding him there to take what he wants