larry kissing lestat while he's high out of his mind and barely responsive, gabrielle making a spectacle out of fucking his body double in the bathroom during the interview after he tries to establish some semblance of a boundary with her, the fang gang placing a glory hole on top of a cutout of his face on their wall, a book describing his kidnapping and rape being published without his knowledge or consent, him asking his lawyer if he's expected to fuck the hotel owner to make the pr cleanup post vampire-hallway-brawl easier and her saying yes, louis secretly owning 45% of the profits off of the merch for his tour, the one thing he thought he could do to reclaim a little bit of control over his own narrative. hmmm i wonder if it all means something 😃
They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help
After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly
And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?
Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose
Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.
while I 1000% support crackfic writers who write about Ilya spilling about their sex life, in reality I think that shit would be locked DOWN.
like, I think the only details the internet would get would be Ilya liking posts about Shane being a god in bed, into freak sex, that things get real wild after big hockey victories and that the rivalry was foreplay, etc
only stuff that’s funny and wild, but ultimately contains exactly zero details of their actual sex.
like yes, for all the sexy possessive reasons, and all of the privacy and ‘I share the internet with my in-laws’ reasons’, but also because of how Shane would be treated if it was actually known that he was a bottom.
It’s not super explored in canon, but cmon… Shane is a half Japanese gay man in hockey. Those are both two very loaded identities for an incredibly bigoted sport, and they come with a lot of really vicious intersectional ammo.
Shane would already hear so much about how Asian men are submissive and all of the other bullshit I refuse to write out, imagine how much more brutal it would be if there was actual confirmation that the stereotypes are on some level, accurate?
in that same way that homophobia would have hit so much harder for Shane after he was outed and knew that the other player MEANT it, all of that would be even more hurtful and degrading.
And so yeah, I don’t think either Ilya or Shane would EVER reference what positions or anything they prefer in bed anywhere near the public, because the public fucking sucks :((
I think shane doesn't stim the way most people think. like, to me, there's no way he does the flappy hands and such. he hits. if he is stimming at all, he's smacking his thighs, or chest, or arms, or whatever furniture is near. it's the only way that actually helps him regulate. a couple of quick smacks to the leg and he's right as rain. I don't think shane is frequently overstimulated, but I do think he is often understimulated. and his stimming would reflect that, aggressive and sharp to reconnect him with his body. I also think he'd pick at his skin, cuticles do NOT last long before hes ripping them off. though that one is more harmful than the smacking. and, on the occasion he is overstimulated, that same sharp sensation can help quiet everything around him and give him a focal point.
now when ilya gets to witness these in action I think he'd be concerned. hed notice the skin picking first, it's more obvious. I think he'd contribute it to shanes anxious tendencies, which definitely play a role, and try to redirect him. get him to pick at something that won't make him bleed. the smacking he wouldn't know about until staying at the cottage. shane would be wandering around the house when he stops, smacks his leg a couple of times, then shakes out his hand and keeps moving. and ilya is confused, worried. no idea why his partner is hitting himself. he'd watch it happen a few more times before stopping shane and ask him whats happening with his sad eyes. and shane would also be confused before finally understanding what ilya is asking and have to explain that sometimes his body doesn't feel right and the way to fix that is to just, whack it out. it doesn't really hurt and after he feels like his skin fits again. I think ilya would try redirecting with that one as well but it doesn't really stick. going to hit a punching bag helps but he doesn't always have access and sometimes it's not the right sensation.
okay this ran away from me, enjoy autistic drabble
I hate to say it but Shane absolutely has the type of autism trauma that compels him to make sure Ilya knows he loves him
We see it over and over how commentators and reporters dig into him as a person, labeling him as a single-minded hockey machine from the jump, something we can see has garnered him a larger reputation when people are genuinely shocked by his humor/ quips. People don’t expect a human when they interact with the Shane Hollander.
And these characterizations don’t just come from nowhere. Teachers who thought he was obsessive, juniors teammates he never connected with, friends he lost because they felt like he didn’t care. And that’s the crux of it all, people think he doesn’t care, can’t care, about anything other than hockey, so they tell him, because why would he care.
They tell him he’s a bad friend, he’s selfish, unaware, unsympathetic. He’s cold and distant and uncaring. All the things that break relationships, make people leave.
And it’s not true, he cares so much about everything all the time, but it’s not the right way, not the way everyone wants him to. So of course when he has someone he loves more than anything, it becomes crucial, vital, than Ilya knows
“Ilya, I love you.”
“I love you t-”
“No. Ilya, like, I really love you.”
“Yes, yes, and I love-”
“No I’m serious. I really do love you, I promise. I love you so much.”
“Yes…. Okey, I… are you okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine I just… please believe me. I really do love you. I’m not lying. Here. Feel my heartbeat. See? It’s beating faster because I do actually love you.”
“…I think you are having panic attack.”
“Fuck, Ilya no, it’s because I love you. I really really do. I can prove it, please, I can-”
“Hollander stop. You are having panic attack. Is okay, I know, I love you too. Please take a breath you are scaring me. Come here.”
And Ilya hugs him through the night rocking him slowly and kissing the crown of Shane’s head and all Shane can think about is how he failed to truly convince himself Ilya.
Shane Hollander is hockey’s closeted golden boy with everything to hide. Ilya Rozanov is a professional Dom with everything to lose and an expired visa.
Through their arrangement at a discreet Montreal kink bar, where NDAs protect secrets and sessions are charged per hour, they discover the most dangerous thing isn’t being caught—it’s wanting more than those hours allow.
E | Ongoing | Alternate Universe | Long Chapters
I saw some people having fun making fun fake covers for their fics and thought I'd give it a try :)
ep5 I am blown away by the conversation in Ilya’s room. As an autistic person, we have been told so often that our way of communication is inferior to neurotypicals. That our honesty is dangerous and infantile, that our forthrightness is rude. I have never seen a show where an autistic character speaking plainly, honestly and bluntly is shown in such a positive light.
Shane is the one who makes the leap to say, “yes, I care about you. I want to have a relationship with you. It felt different last time and now I know it’s something that I want.” It’s so brave and so real and so, so autistic. He is a character of all time for me.
I’m so moved by Jacob and Hudson building him into such a well rounded, beautiful character from the scraps he had in the books. It’s not just acceptance of Shane’s autism, it’s a celebration of Shane because of his autism.
In a world where most Autistic characters are either
A. Literal children
B. Portrayed as "mentally children" and thus incapable of understanding sex
or
C. Taught a very heteronormative idea of sex and relationships by other characters
Shane Hollander is a breath of fresh fucking air. He's allowed to be socially awkward, routine oriented, monotone, etc, while equally being sexy and sexual. And while part of his story is learning about his sexuality and his desires, he's not portrayed as some wide-eyed virgin for Ilya to teach. He's submissive, but not passive. He's allowed to be horny and to want sex.
So often Autistic people in media and IRL are desexualized, meaning we are stripped of our sexual autonomy, leading to the belief that we are incapable of having or wanting sex. Because of this, Autistic people are often not given proper sexual education, not allowed to engage with sexual content, and have less opportunities to explore our sexuality. But the truth is Autistic people are just as diverse in terms of our sexual identities, desires, and experiences as our neurotypical counterparts. This does not mean Autistic people experience sexuality the same as neurotypicals, as our sensory needs and communication differences do impact our experiences (another thing we can see in Heated Rivalry), but that our sexualities deserve to be equally celebrated.
This concept is a huge part of my final collection and what I'm planning on taking into my master's degree, and it's so wonderful to see media engage with these ideas and do so in such an authentic and empathetic manner. So thank you Rachel, Jacob, and Hudson.
the importance of ilya's accomodations for shane's autism, seen through the florida bar scene.
i have a lot of thoughts on ilya and shane's dynamic regarding shane's autism, let me know if anyone would be interested in more of these bcs i'd be happy to provide :)
autistic shane means a lot to me, as an autistic person. but, i am one autistic person, so everything i say is from my own experiences.
i personally believe that shane's autism is more evident in his differences in social-emotional reciprocity rather than any highly restricted, fixated interests, or hyper- or hypo- reactivity to sensory input. what this basically means is, we see most of his challenges in relation to communicating with other people.
for most of the series so far, he is reserved. contained. speaks when he is spoken to. spends a lot of time formulating his responses. he is methodical and precise. this is very common amongst autistic people because, after a lifetime of being misunderstood, you learn to structure your words and sentences in the perfect way to avoid miscommunications and misunderstandings.
this is evident in shane throughout the whole series- up until the all star game in florida. he rarely initiates conversations with ilya. he types and deletes and retypes texts. he usually does not say what he means.
shane walks into the bar in florida, and he sits himself down directly next to ilya. this is the audience's first sign that something has changed in shane, that he has done a lot of internal work, and that rose's acceptance of him has clearly changed something in him.
and whilst the generalised changes in shane's behaviour are spectacular and fantastic character building, they're not what i'm focusing on.
it is very clear throughout this conversation that shane is trying. he is TRYING. to be honest with ilya. he simply DOES NOT KNOW what he is being asked. so he CANNOT ANSWER.
when ilya asks, "did you bring anyone with you?", shane answers honestly- no, his parents aren't here. it is very clear to ilya what he is asking - he is trying to figure out if shane is with rose, if rose is here - but it is not clear to shane. he can't even begin to understand the implication, because it is simply not there for him.
this is where a lot of people go wrong with trying to communicate with autistic people. there is no cheat code you can provide to unlock the hidden ability to understand implied things. it just doesn't work.
when shane asks the question back, he is engaging in social scripting. it is expected that when you are asked a question, you reciprocate the question to the other person. he's masking, copying what he has been taught is to be expected.
when ilya asks, "did someone take you shopping?", he knows, and the audience knows, that he's trying again. trying to get shane to tell him whether rose, his girlfriend, took him shopping. it's the one thing he so desperately wants to know.
but shane can't give an answer to him, because he doesn't know what he's being asked. so he answers earnestly, tells ilya about hiring a stylist. obviously, this amuses ilya to no end, but still, no answer on rose.
and then, ilya does the perfect thing. this is how you communicate with autistic people, and i think it's a wonderful example of the ways people - whether they be friends, parents, or romantic partners - can adapt the way they communicate to accomodate for their autistic loved ones.
ilya asks shane straight up, "so this has nothing to do with rose landry?" this is clear and direct communication, and allows shane to understand what ilya really means.
and the moment that ilya asks the question, fully, properly, and head-on, shane gives him an answer.
when shane understands what he is being asked. he answers truthfully almost immediately.
and that's the whole thing!!! when you adapt the way you communicate, you will get better communication. when shane understands what is being asked of him, he is able to answer the question- thus, ilya gets an answer, they are able to better engage in conversation, and an improvement occurs in their relationship.
this is where i think a lot of allistic people go wrong. they try and make accomodations based around THEIR ideas of communication, but autistic communication is not the same. and you see this perfectly with shane and ilya.
so, not only is he gorgeous, but ilya is the perfect example of someone who accomodates their partner.
Cannot get behind this undiagnosed Shane propaganda. He knows. His family knows. Ilya knows at least eventually. My head canon is that he was diagnosed when he was like 6, he just doesn't go around announcing it.
