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ellievsbear
The Bowery Presents
RMH
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Interview Vampire Daily
untitled
Doug Jones
occasionally subtle
h
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bliss lane
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
YOU ARE THE REASON
Mike Driver
Love Begins
Andulka
𓃗
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@uslesstgirl
Hi, my names Olivia! Heres some things I think you should know:
I’ve been reading a little more as of late, and im currently reading one flew over the cuckoo’s nest.
Im a trans girl(obviously)
Im not out of the closet yet, but I plan to come out soon.
I collect cds, mainly early 80s, to late 2000s rock.
what if I want to be a princess instead?
guinea pig
no bald: do you think im mousidy?
yes
no
if you arent do you have a super secret side blog with a villain monologue too
this can be my super secret "mask/masc off" blog why not
it was intentional but i'm not on anyone's side but my own at this point i think. i am a genuine lone wolf
i started the project because i knew it would be provocative and inflammatory because i fucking hate people like mousidy and everything she stands for. its not because she's a trans woman, it's because she's a trans woman who denies any and all privilege she's ever faced, completely skinwalking the concept of feminism and particularly radical feminism to rebrand MRA bullshit which has been successful completely within the trans community and continuing the oppression of the incubator class from within a "progressive" narrative.
i fucking hate people who co-opt progressive and radical ideas in order to smuggle shit that benefits an oppressor class beneath the noses of the dumb but well-intentioned. it's one thing to manipulate people's stupid, selfish animal instincts and another thing entirely to manipulate people's pro-social ones. the latter feels more evil to me, somehow, because convincing people they are righteous of something has led to everything from smear campaigns to genocide. that is exactly what the "transfeminist" movement is doing, and what mousidy does constantly. her whole ring supports it.
I had seen a rise in this sort of behavior over the past five years or so, but in the last few it has become especially heinous and even though I have remade my account multiple times and use an abundance of blacklists i cannot escape the absolute horseshit that TRAs say.
i reached a breaking point sometime last winter. some things have happened to me and i realized i needed to more or less rebuild my concept of myself from the ground up after them. gender and sex and my relationship to both were and are a huge part of that. i went on a sort of transcendental journey wherein i realized that my dysphoria is not really connected to gender or even necessarily sex so much as to perception, embodiment, oppression, repression–forces upon it against my will. a large amount of my dysphoria could be and was then "thought" through in this way and I've come out of the other side reeling and angry and hurt and without words to call myself.
i'm not a detransitioner, i'm not a retransitioner. i don't identify as trans anymore directly but i affiliate myself with them because i also believe in bodily autonomy, nor would i say i am cis, because i am not a woman. i am a person, a consciousness, and i don't want to be a woman because while theoretically a woman could be anything, in this reality, in this material world, a woman cannot be anything. if a woman could be anything it would make the concept of a woman meaningless and so, i just do not want to be anything in this way. and not all of my dysphoria could be resolved into related to trauma (both interpersonal and the wider trauma that simply comes from being born female) or related to other things or 'mismatch' in any sense.
it's hard to speak freely, is another reason that i lack language. it is difficult to break the keyfabe of tumblr when i have been here since i was thirteen and i am 28 now. if i could just be honest i would say i was assigned female at birth and assimilated into that class, and then attempted transition away from it, found that it was isolating and still not giving me the body i desire, one that cannot be judged or violated, mainly, but also there's things i want surgery cannot do or that i simply cannot afford, and people do not crowdfund for you if you have a complicated relationship with gender; it needs to be a very binary and linear narrative for them and you need to be white and conventionally attractive too.
despite the reality of my experiences being misogynistic oppression and abuse, i've been pushed out of even being able to discuss this as a reality by people who formerly bullied belittled and laughed at me for taking rape seriously, because now they are women and were Ontologically Always Women and I Ontologically was Always a Man (even though i'm not a man?) and this is a man speaking over a woman which is sexist so i should shut up and probably also fall upon my sword.
theres also trans women like my partner who was abused at the hands of other trans women when she tried to come out at an early age, ended up going back into the closet, and still has a complex relationship with gender and transition and the "community" because of it. a lot of us feel fucking isolated, and people like mousidy and plaidos and pocket-deer-belly and isff contribute to it directly, and platforms like tumblr end up harboring and encouraging it. but it's not just on here, it is everywhere. it is worth noting the internet is real life even if shit yo usay or do on here has less impact. things spoken on here leak elsewhere and eventually into real life. it has been happening with this demographic for some time now but this culture of covering for your own has been present in trans fem spaces for years and years and years now and i'm just fed up with it and cannot stand seeing it overtake the queer demographic.
at the same time i dont really feel a connection to the "community" anymore. my local community spat on me plenty of times. trans women have repeatedly abandoned me even after I literally put my life on the line for them. i'm kind of fucking over it, to be honest with you.
but i will never be cis. i will never be able to live in that world. i feel like i just see through the bullshit of gender and sex in ways i have not seen radfems even talk about. i haven't seen intersex feminists talk about it. i certainly do not see trans activists talk about it. the furthest we got was the mid-2010s nonbinary activism but that's not far enough because i don't want to opt out of the binary, i don't want there to be a binary whatsoever.
a lot of trans women are really fucking misogynistic in smaller, subtler ways, like their idea of transitioning and what womanhood is. and this is completely unchecked for some reason even though by a lot of their own words they would still be valid women just by saying they are.
why, then, is there a need for plastic surgery and hair removal and all of these other extremely expensive procedures that most cis women will never have access to or desire? why are we not fighting to get men to leave hairy deep-voiced women alone? why are we not fighting to let women wear whatever the fuck they want? why are we just insisting on making patriarchal, oppressive categories more inclusive? so we feel better about it? why are we not examining our dysphoria and where it might come from or what it says about us, our views, our own values? why we might feel dysphoric in that way and what we might be able to do about it?
i didn't come to the conclusions about my body or transition or goals et cetera that i did because of an abundance of privilege and resources. i'm fucking poor. i had to take a hard look at myself. i had to confront the fact that i will probably not ever be able to afford the sorts of bodily modifications i want. okay. where do these feelings come from? what do they really mean to me, about me, for me and what i should do? what can i do, actually, when i cannot change my body? change my mind. reach heaven through violence.
this is my conclusion, then. i will still be modifying my body in certain ways because despite the work i have done on myself in these past months to years, i cannot fully overcome certain aspects of my lifelong physical dysphoria through sheer mental willpower. actually i would like to rephrase that: it is because of this willpower that i will be making these changes and choices about my body. it is an expression of my will, foremost, and i will be cultivating it to my preference, pleasure, and health as best as i can for as long as i am able. this is because i love myself more than i hate my enemies, having been the only being who has seen my full experience and view.
i am not a woman but their struggles are my own and will remain such until this body expires.
my plan was to be provocative and inflammatory and i clearly succeeded. i know how to push their buttons and make them squeal. i used to dominate them after all. mousidy's silence has been a fucking blessing. seeing all of them as uncomfortable, angry, and upset as I have been for years now when i log in has been fucking nourishing to my soul. having other survivors congregate and share their story and some of us exchange Knowing glances as we do it feels fucking good. knowing that all of the people upset by this the most have harmed so many other people so it's inherently punching up is all the sweeter. i know exactly what i am doing and it's because i cannot fucking stand them. i figured a sniveling, miserable theyfab persona would really piss them off, especially if i could wear that mask while being completely and utterly right all of the time.
it's causing discussions. it's waking people up by throwing the fucking mud in their eyes. I wanted them to go mask-off, they are literally dancing to every beat of my drum.
I'm at a point where I follow some radfems on main. there's a lot i agree with and a lot i dont. ive went over it on tmvp and here of course but tldr anatomy plays a factor but it's less "testosterone makes you evil aggressive rapeape" and more "if someone can forcibly impregnate you, you are at a natural disadvantage and society is completely structured around controlling people whose bodies can reproduce life as a direct result of this" and i do not think that is bioessentialist i think that is just material fucking reality lol.
surprise surprise this is still not my main. i don't disagree with some of the things i say i do on that blog. L is a persona and a character i made up, not actually me, though heavily based on me and my experiences. idk if i'm "peaking" as aforementioned but I am honestly at a point where i would be interested in or willing to speak to a radfem, I am just extremely wary because I do not trust them or frankly anyone, I anticipate indoctrination into a hate group instead of a genuine actual discussion (as if somehow they will magically mind control terf beams into my head and make me a raging bigot? that is not really how it works.)
or even worse and, quite possibly, what I fear more: disappointment, confrontation with the fact that i do not actually have a 'place' or people for me in this world. i am truly not trying to be difficult or disagree for the sake of it. i am a very curious person and always have been. i perceive things oddly because of how my brain works. i just worry i am too alien. i certainly have been too bizarre for other autistics.
it's nice to know some people see it too.
Im laughing this is genuinely so funny it sounds like some shit I would write if I were a blooming terf lol
Umamusume Showdown - Round 3
Symboli Rudolf vs. Manhattan Cafe
Symboli Rudolf
Manhattan Cafe
cafe just like me tbh
Therefore, if you vote rudolf you must HATE me
Google AI Overview court loss in Germany could spell doom for AI search industry.
"Google AI Overview court loss in Germany could spell doom for AI search industry."
It fucking better.
Like to charge, reblog to cast?
She is sneakers o’toole
trickle down afterlife isn’t a real thing Reagan sorry
what is happiness lol
This feels like getting your photo on the wall at a restaurant because you ate their bigmcfuck meal with ten gallons of beer
Oh Ralsei please be a princess whenever you want
princess ralsei doodle i actually really liked
Lazy asshole
Mf spilled the detergent too smh
Lazy asshole
this chapter made me love ralsei more than i ever have. she got to be trans AND mean. it warms my heart so much <3
[ID: art of Ralsei in the pink princess dress from Deltarune Chapter 5, blushing and saying: "I'm so excited! I've been a prince for a while, but I haven't been a princess yet..." End ID.]
ty to @anistarrose for the ID!
Finished!
