Dyah Utari Hastrarini

Behind every succesful woman is her self

[utarihastra]

I Found Me

I have been lost for a couple of years

Until I met ya, just last week

Previously

I just followed lives

I didn’t have a purpose last year

I didn’t have my calling

I was lost

I was also hit by the storm

Tears and disappointment were things that I was familiar with

I felt I was not enough - Failure haunted me

And here I am

Smiling and crying at the same time

Been a week - I am reclaiming myself

The happy and energetic me is back

My heart is full My brain is also full, but with thousands of ideas - the positive ones

Even I came back to my family

I broke the ice because of you

You helped me gain my spirit

Thank you. I am happy but also sad, cause it doesn’t come from my expectation

[utarihastra]

This post is a reflection. In 2022, I never posted any pictures on my Instagram feed. I don’t know why; maybe I was too busy, or maybe I didn’t have enough confidence to post my picture. I was really afraid to look bad; I didn’t feel that I was pretty enough to post a picture of myself. Back then, I felt like I was in the ugliest moment of my life. This time, I started 2023 by challenging myself to join @30haribercerita, so I can post more and try to gain the courage to post my own picture. I think it is a symbol that I am starting to accept myself and start taking care of myself by doing more exercise. P.S.: This picture is beautifully captured by Galuh, and of course it is filtered. I hope this year will be my year✨ @30haribercerita #30hbc2305 #30haribercerita https://www.instagram.com/p/CnCJBYnP4Wq/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[utarihastra]

Never post something about them before. They are my high school best friends. We’ve been friends for almost 11 years. We did so many things together, such as having a staycation, and it turned out we had the same hotel as one of the football clubs in Indonesia (our room was the only one on that floor that wasn’t part of the club’s team). Not only are we having fun together, but we also manage @ayobermimpi. Even Ayo Bermimpi is on a break, but I believe someday it will come back stronger. It’s been a long time since the last time we spent time together, the four of us. I hope we will manage our time, and then we can have a holiday together. Guys, thank you for your presence in my life. I am super thankful for having you guys as one of my closest friends. Woof you! @30haribercerita #30haribercerita #30hbc2327 https://www.instagram.com/p/Cn60VeIv6hD/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[utarihastra]

Perfect Picture of Parents and Partner is not A Myth

If our parents don’t like our partner, we have to leave one is the topic that I am going to write. Honestly, when I heard the topic from my teacher, I had no idea what to write because I really could not relate to that topic. I am so grateful that I never experience the drama between parents and partner. Even though my parents are boomers, they are pretty open-minded. They get it that it is my choice to be with someone.

That situation above did not come easily. There were blood, sweat, and tears which spiced up my relationship with my parents until they become open-minded. This situation brings a perfect picture of parents and partner in my life, so I would share some tips that maybe could work on your situation. First, put in on your mind that getting our parents approval in our relationship is a long-way journey. You should start building a good relationship with them. Hear them out and try to understand what they really want. If you agree with them, say it loud then thank them for telling you what they want. If you do not agree with them, try to talk to them as an adult. It means you may not put too much emotion into it. Do not yell at them but tell them calmly the reasonable reason why you do not agree with them. No one promises that convincing your parents will be easy, 

but as long as you are sure about your choices say it, proof it to them, and be responsible for your choices. 

It could happen in every situation of your life, so by doing it you can get your parents’ trust and they will let you choose whatever you want.

Building the trust between you and your parents can be a free pass in your relationship with your significant other. If you are gaining their trust, they will always believe in your choice. They know that you know what the best for you and you’ll be responsible for all the consequences,

but beforehand don’t forget to be aware of the positive and negative sides of it. 

Believe me, they won’t blame you if they trust you. OMG, I am writing too much. The point is, if you have situation that your parents don’t like your partner, you don’t need to leave them as long as you are sure with your feelings and your partner is worth to the fight. You just need to tell your parents why you love your partner and hear them out the reason behind their feeling. It will be different if you are not sure about your feelings toward your partner. Once your parents said they don’t like your S.O. you will be in confusion. If this situation confuses you just leave your S.O. xoxo

[utarihastra]

Can Expectations Kill? No, It Can’t

Since when I was a kid, I have been living in people’s expectations of me. Bluntly honestly, I get used to with other’s expectations of me. Those expectations come because my society has been seeing how my family is.  My grandfather was a lecturer, and my grandmother was a teacher. Besides that, my parents graduated from reputable schools in Yogyakarta.  I could say the top two public schools in Yogyakarta.

When I was in elementary school, people expected me to continue my study in certain public schools. Fortunately, that time I got accepted to that school, but no one congratulated me. At that time, people only said “it is supposed to be like that because her parents are smart.” Based on that situation, If I had not got accepted to a reputable school, they would have said “How could it happen? Her parents are smart, but she didn’t get accepted.” It becomes the pressure for me, but it doesn’t kill me.

Those expectations don’t stop in me. It also happens to my brother, but I can proudly say that we can handle those situations. If expectations kill, I wouldn’t be here doing this writing. So, I am grateful for those people’s expectations of me. If they had not had their expectations, I would not be who I am right now.

Expectations can be pressure, but they can’t kill us.

So, this is a new year - 2022, would you still want to live in people expectation? 

[utarihastra]

Defining What Success is for Me

What comes to mind when you hear the word “success”? What is success to you? Is it the stage when you have a certain amount of money? Or do you have other definitions of what success is? Defining success is not a piece of cake for some people, including me. If you asked me what success is to me, I wouldn’t have enough confidence to tell people the definition of it (from my perspective). So, through this writing I would help you to define success for yourself. I did some digging on the Internet and read some articles from various websites, including Southern New Hampshire University and LinkedIn blogs.

To begin defining success in life based on Eugene Adu-Wusu’s writing, we need to make ourselves aware of what accomplishment, success, and prosperity in general mean to our lives. He wrote that

“Some might define success as having luxurious cars and a huge mansion, whereas others consider a life full of joy and happiness with their family as the true meaning of success. Once you have figured out what is important for you personally you are able to focus on your visions and goals”. 

Based on his wisdom, we should really look into our hearts and see what we really want to achieve in our lives. Is it wealth? Is it happiness? Is it fame? To guide you, you should know the theoretical definition of success.

According to Cambridge dictionary, success is the achieving of the result that we wanted or hoped. So, when you are hoping to have a place called home and to believe that you can do everything you want, then you can achieve it – that is success. Based on that definition, I would say success is remembering to balance work and personal life. That I can learn something new each day is also a success to me. And yaa, that is success to me (at least until now).

[utarihastra]

We will Never Know that Our Choice is The Best Choice If We Don’t Try

Reading the title reminds me of one of Adele’s songs, entitled One and Only. The lyric says, “I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before, every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all, you’ll never know if you never try”. In some ways, it motivates me to try something new in my life. It begins in the beginning of 2021; I joined the Apple Developer Academy and I tried something different from my educational background. I am not going to lie that it scared me a lot, but you know we will never know it is the best choice if we don’t try.

After joining the academy, I know becoming a tech developer and designer are not the best for me. I got clarity that I still want to pursue my career as an HR. I found that answer after trying several things in my life. So, if people don’t try anything in their life, they won’t know what the best for them is, because hands-on experience is the best way to judge whether something is suitable for you or not. Just like the saying goes, learning by doing.

By doing something and trying many things you will gain a lot of knowledge and experience. You will get many different perspectives and they will widen your mind. 

If you are wondering, your choice is the best for you or not, just don’t be afraid to try it because you’ll never know the answer if you never try. 

At the end it will be easier for you to decide whether something is the best for you or not.

P.S: I made this to celebrate my graduation at Apple Developer Academy ✨

[utarihastra]

This is My Last Year’s Writing

“Quarter Life Crisis Hits Me Hard

Before we start, I am going to say that I will use this writing as a diary. The reasons are I do not know what to write and I think that I am facing a quarter-life crisis. A quarter-life crisis is known as a crisis that involves anxiety over the direction and quality of someone’s life. Commonly, a quarter-life crisis is triggered by financial problems, romance problems, career, and value of life. For example, it can happen when we think someone else’s career is better than ours or we think that we have a perfect love life, but we are not.

This life crisis happens in a person’s twenties, but it also can begin as early as eighteen. Erik Erickson said that period is the early adulthood stage in psychological development. This period happens during young adulthood between the ages 18 to 35 or 40. Based on Erickson's theory, a problem that usually happens during the early adulthood stage is forming an intimate and loving relationship with other people. So, when someone in this stage avoids intimacy and fears relationships, they will feel lonely, isolated, and it can lead to depression.

Then, I do not know what happen to me. Some people said I must be grateful for everything I have. I have a job, I can be close to my family, and I join EME to improve my English skill. But still, I think that my job is not my passion and this is not something I want. I apologize if I am talking nonsense but I do not know what to do and what to pursue.”

Ternyata tahun lalu segalau itu dan sesedih itu. Di akhir 2020 yang berat ini, jadi pengen post aja di tumblr agar jadi pengingat kalau setiap tahunnya pasti ada saja tantangannya masing-masing tapi yakinlah kalau itu sudah dikasih sama Tuhan pasti kita mampu melewatinya. 

[utarihastra]

I always believe that God has His own plan, we just need to follow it and always pray to Him

[utarihastra]

Hasil Kontemplasi

Halo, apa yang kamu lakukan kepada orang yang kamu sayang?

Kalau saya

Mendoakan saat hujan dan give him/her almost everything, unconditionally.

Kenapa saat hujan?

Karena saya selalu percaya bahwa datangnya hujan adalah pertanda turunnya rezeki. Jika saya pergi dengan seseorang dan selalu hujan saat pergi dengannya, yaa bisa dibilang orang tersebut membawa kebaikan.

Lantas apa yang selanjutnya terjadi? I have fallen for him. Then, it becomes the best mistake.

Kenapa? Karena saya berpikir he has fallen for me too.

Sedih? Tentu. Marah? Iya. Selemah itu? Tidak.

Alasan?

Hmm..when someone says to you, he knows that you stupidly love him then he/ uses you to satisfy his need. And he says his partner (re: girlfriend) can’t satisfy him and then he runs to you. What will you do? Punch him on his face? Please kindly do that for me, when you meet him (Actually, someone already did that for me)

Bisa membuat lega? Tidak. Masih sakit hati? Ya. Apa yang harus dilakukan?

Kalau kata Jessica Alba: To women around the world, be BOLD. Don’t let a guy treat you like a slutty whore. He doesn’t deserve you, dear.

Stand up for yourself.

Jadikan ini pelajaran. Mungkin…iman mu sedang diuji. Seberapa yakinnya kamu kalau Tuhan bisa menolongmu. Tapi di satu sisi Tuhan masih sayang kepadamu karena masih memberimu ujian dan petunjuk. Ingat. Dibalik masalah besar pasti ada hikmah yang lebih besar lagi. Kamu hanya perlu menguatkan hatimu dan meneguhkannya, yakinlah segalanya mudah bagi Tuhan mu.

Akan tiba waktunya kamu akan menertawakan sakit hatimu. Hmmm kalau kata Dinan “Haha yaa namanya cinta, cinta itu buta yaa, haha ngga buta sih kita yang ngga mau melek”

Tapi kalau kata para ilmuan dalam (Olson, DeFrain, & Skorgrand, 2011) Cinta tidak semata mengenai sebuah hubungan dekat yang berkembang menjadi keintiman fisik. Cinta juga melibatkan lebih dari dorongan seksual atau romantis yang muncul saat berinteraksi dengan seseorang.

Karena menurut teori Sternberg ada tiga elemen dalam cinta, yaitu commitment-passion-intimacy

Commitment (the cognitive component), stay in the relationship during difficult times. Begin slowly and increasing at a faster rate if the relationship is positive.

Intimacy (the emotional component), sharing feelings, and providing emotional support. Self Disclosure. Trust and becoming vulnerable to each other.it can be Risky ­

Passion (the motivational component). Linked to physiological arousal. ADDICT!

So, when someone addicted* to you and feel attached it doesn’t mean he/she loves you. Ada yang namanya cinta sempurna atau consummate love yang melibatkan ketiga elemen diatas. Kondisi ini dinamakan “Complete” hal ini merupakan bentuk yang ideal, oleh sebab itu orang berusaha untuk mendapatkannya.

Bersyukurlah, karena Tuhan masih memberimu petunjuk agar membuka mata, walau rasa cemburu yang menyadarkanmu, rasa cemburu yang menjadi pengingat agar menjaga perasaan sesama perempuan, rasa cemburu yang membuka mata bahwa memperjuangkan seseorang dengan cara yang salah tidak akan berbuah manis, dan rasa cemburu dijadikan juara kedua, eh bukan juara bahkan.

Sudah lebih lega. Terimakasih.

 *Driven by our need for the chemical rush to avoid feelings of abandonment, depression, and low self-esteem. We may remain attached and even crave our partner, but our discomfort or unhappiness grows. Instead of focusing on that, our hunger to be with him or her takes center stage.

So, addiction is dangerous, isn’t it?

[utarihastra]

Apa Kabar Saya? Tidak Baik.

Hello,

Ini tulisan pertama saya, mengapa mulai menulis?

Saya berniat mengerjakan skripsi saya dengan metode Kualitatif, kata Mbak Lalak kalau suka menulis cocok banget ambil skripsi kuali.

Alasan kedua, belajar dari teman saya, Nining. Saya akan menggunakan menulis sebagai salah satu mekanisme pertahanan diri atas masalah yang saya hadapi. Apa itu? Sublimasi.

Menurut Feist & Feist (2010), Sublimasi merupakan defense mechanism dimana seseorang mengalihkan dorongan-dorongan yang ia anggap tidak menyenangkan pada bentuk karya seperti seni, film, lukisan atau lagu.

Menurut saya, metode sublimasi paling tepat digunakan saat sedang depresi, bukan dengan represi (memendam) atau bahkan displacement (pengalihan/pelampiasan)

Apalagi…

When a guy uses a girl as his displacement. What kind of monster He is. Tega. Jahat. Kejam, bahkan.

When a guy told you (or your friend) He is depressed but then He can’t control himself and hurt you or your friend? What will you do? Feel sorry for him? It’s up to you.

Depresi tidak bisa dijadikan alasan untuk menyakiti hati orang lain ataupun perempuan, terlebih perempuan yang stupidly loves you or have a feelings for you, sebaiknya kamu tetap memanusiakan manusia. Ada banyak cara untuk mengatasi depresi. Tolong, Jangan berlindung pada salah satu gangguan jiwa.

Jika kamu mencari pengalihan, gunakanlah benda mati yang tidak punya hati, pukul bantal pukul samsak atau kalau kamu benar-benar tidak bisa mengontrol diri pergi saja ke panti pijat atau carilah kesenagan duniawi lainnya. Even in very hard situation run to someone else to break their heart is still not a choice. Jangan sakiti hati seorang perempuan.

Hormati dan hargailah perempuan, terlebih jika kamu punya saudara perempuan dan juga menyayangi ibumu. Sesuaikan perilaku dan sikapmu dengan tutur katamu, karena sebenarnya the way you treat people shows a lot in the way how you respect them.

If you say that you respect them (or her), perlakukan mereka (atau dia) sepantasnya, apalagi perempuan yang berpendidikan. Ingat, jangan gunakan perempuan sebagai pemuas kebutuhanmu.

Sekian, Terimakasih.

P.S: “As an educated woman choose a guy who can respect you and appreciate you, not a guy who uses you to satisfy his needs and to please him (or his ego)”