do u ever like feel so absurdly reluctant to do things. like it ain’t even procrastination or laziness anymore u just physically and mentally can’t bring yourself to do anything. u really, really just wanna binge watch youtube until your mind numbs completely or lie on the floor and stare into the abyss. and it’s not like u don’t have “motivation” or anything or even that u don’t want to do it, it’s just. u can’t. idk how ppl just. Do Things. get up and go at it. i have to have an entire existential crisis and like, watch a goddamn motivational film or something first before i do the smallest thing. and it’s june for fuck’s sake.
Hey so if this is a new feeling for you during the pandemic/lockdown/protests/ Current Time Of Crisis please look at this checklist of depression symptoms:
Persistent sad or “empty” mood
Loss of interest or pleasure in ordinary activities, including sex
Decreased energy, fatigue, being “slowed down”
Sleep disturbances (insomnia, early-morning waking, or oversleeping)
Eating disturbances (loss of appetite and weight, or weight gain)
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
Thoughts of death or suicide, suicide attempts
Irritability
Excessive crying
Chronic aches and pains that don’t respond to treatment
A lot of people are going to be experiencing depression for the first time ever right now because they don’t have the social support to help them move past a brief depressive episode and aren’t able to do a lot of the routine things that they need to in order to maintain their mental health (socializing is IMPORTANT, self care rituals like getting your nails done are IMPORTANT, variety of experiences are IMPORTANT - that doesn’t mean “reopen every nail salon with no changes” that means “recognize that people are missing things that are genuinely important to them and help them fill that need”)
I don’t know if OP is also dealing with sleep changes (kind of sounds like it) or suicidality (”I wish I didn’t exist so I’m going to sit here and wish I didn’t exist to deal with this” is suicidal ideation even if it isn’t being actively suicidal and it kind of sounds like OP is dealing with that too) but if this post seems VERY relatable and you’ve never been diagnosed with or treated for depression before Please, Please, Please compare your feelings to the list of symptoms there and consider that maybe your existential crisis is Actual For Real Depression (and if it is that’s okay, a lot of people are having that right now and there are ways that people can help!)
If you think you MIGHT be experiencing depression but don’t know how to or aren’t ready to seek treatment here are some things you can do to help stabilize your mood:
Set a sleep schedule and attempt to stick to it, it’s okay if you mess up but try not to shift your schedule wildly from day to day
Set timers to remind yourself to eat food, prepare food in large batches so that you can wrap up leftovers in individual portions and freeze them for easy meals when you don’t have the energy to cook
Try to exercise at least a little bit each day. Ten minutes of stretching in bed counts! A walk counts! Following along to a yoga video for five minutes counts! Even if you don’t have the energy to get up and do anything or if you’re in too much pain to get up and do anything try to stretch your hands or do arm raises.
Brush your teeth. Even if you can’t shower or do your hair or makeup brush your teeth every day. If you can do your hair or shower or do your nails that’s a bonus and you should do it
Change your clothes every day. If you can change from pajamas into going out clothes that’s great! If all that you can do is change your underwear and get back into pajamas that’s great too. Just make sure to at least change your underwear.
Check your space daily. Look for plates and cups and clothes that got tossed on the ground and try to put them where they belong before you go to bed each day. You don’t have to load the dishwasher every day, you don’t have to do laundry every day, but you don’t want plates growing mold in your room and you don’t want to trip over dirty clothes. You’re not aiming for “perfect” you’re aiming for “keeping the mess small enough that I don’t get overwhelmed when I have the energy to wash a few plates.”
Drink liquids that aren’t alcohol. Coffee, pepsi, juice, water, milk, chocolate milk - as long as it isn’t actually alcohol it will hydrate you and you will have more energy and fewer headaches and body pains if you are hydrated. While caffeine is a diuretic there isn’t enough caffeine in coffee to offset the amount of water in coffee and the sugar in juices or sodas may be over what you want in a day but if that’s what you need in order to take your fluid intake up it is more important to get fluids than it is to avoid sugar or caffeine.
Reach out your friends - even people who you haven’t talked to in a while, even if you aren’t making plans to hang out. Just check in and ask how they are and what shows they’re watching or how they’re filling the time. Talk. Socialize.
Make something. It doesn’t have to be something good, it doesn’t have to be something perfect, but make something. You can put photos of it on social media if you want, you can throw it away when you’re done if you want, but make something. This is so that when your brain goes “you’re useless, what have you ever done” you can point at the thing you made and go “that. I made that.” I recommend learning to mend for this because then you can mend your clothes; I also like crocheting because even if the crocheted potholder you made is ugly it’ll still hold pots and you can give it to someone and it’ll protect their hands from getting burned.
Anyway, I love you, take care of yourselves.
