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@vampireshdtw
Have you seen Vampire's Kiss (1988)?
Yes
No
Haven’t even heard of this movie
This might be one of the most unpleasant movie I've ever watched. Watched it with some friends and it sucked the air out of the room so fast and so brutally we instituted "horrible movie aftercare," from that point forward. Doesn't help that the director's palpable misogyny and hatred of his ex is woven throughout the movie. It's hazy to me now but what a fucking slog this movie was.
Illustrations from Vampire: the Masquerade - 20th Anniversary Edition, 2011
short kings (scott for scale)
HOLD UP
Jonathan describing Dracula's hands back in May:
“Welcome to my house! Enter freely and of your own will!” He made no motion of stepping to meet me, but stood like a statue, as though his gesture of welcome had fixed him into stone. The instant, however, that I had stepped over the threshold, he moved impulsively forward, and holding out his hand grasped mine with a strength which made me wince, an effect which was not lessened by the fact that it seemed as cold as ice"
Jack Seward describing Jonathan's hands in October:
"We men are all in a fever of excitement, except Harker, who is calm; his hands are cold as ice."
"It will be a bad lookout for the Count if the edge of that “Kukri” ever touches his throat, driven by that stern, ice-cold hand!"
Both of their hands are described as strong/stern, and cold as ice...
Hellven | Lament
Kimberly took a nasty fall, have a bandaid.
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Jonathan Harker 6 months ago: the count broke my mirror :( you could pour paprika on me and I'd thank you :( I keep forgetting I passed the bar
Jonathan Harker now: constantly carries a giant knife and sharpens it while muttering "hahaha... I am going to murder Dracula or I am going to BECOME Dracula"
I like the lost boys because they all jingle when they walk. I watched it again last night and in every "silent" scene without background music they jingle you can tell they're all wearing their weight in jewelry it's so funny. Jumping off the bridge? Jingling. Walking the boardwalk? Jingling. Killing people? Jingling. They're like magpies
a vampire giving themselves a pep talk to a mirror that has a crudely drawn picture of themselves that they drew taped to it
official vampire post
we made it
quick!! What's your favorite vampire trope
count dracula? um, okay. 1. now what
*he turns into a swarm of bats* ah shit 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
Dracula Untold had a modern times scene where Dracula in the future meets and unironically calls Mina m'lady, gives her a flower and she's so charmed.
The only correct interaction between modern Mina and Dracula should be
Dracula: M'lady, I wish to get to know you better, may I please have your number?
Mina: *actively texting* I don't have a phone
Vampires VS The Bronx (2020)
Tonight Henry, Eve, and Matt watched Vampires VS The Bronx!
Vampires VS The Bronx, directed by Osmany Rodriguez and released in 2020, is a movie about a group of teenagers stopping a group of vampires from gentrifying the Bronx.
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The vampires in this film are wealthy and powerful, having control over the police as well as local gangs in order to maintain their hold on the communities they prey upon.
Vampires can be easily identified by their lack of reflection in mirrors, and the fact that they’re completely invisible on camera, told to be due to their lack of souls. If they find themselves cornered or confronted, they’re likely to grow out their fangs and attack, aided by their superior speed and strength, flight capabilities, as well as the ability to scale walls with ease. Although they can be stumbled by mundane injuries, they do little to stop their advances. Once they’ve grabbed their prey, vampires use a form of mind control to make their victim feel weak and worthless before biting into their necks and draining them dry of blood.
Those more keen on vampire lore may find more unique and damning ways to identify vampires among them- they avoid the presence of garlic in all forms, shy away from crucifixes and other religious symbols, and cannot enter a building they do not own without being invited in. However, most notably, if one is in the possession of holy water, you will notice it rapidly begin to boil in the presence of a vampire.
When confronting these immortal beings, their supernatural capabilities and financial power aren’t your only worry- vampires often find humans willing to do their bidding with the promise of vampirism. However, this promise is rarely kept. If a vampire does decide to turn a human into one of their own, they blow the ashes of the first vampire in their face before biting them, sealing their fate.
Killing a vampire is no simple task. Although sunlight burns them to ashes, vampires are cautious creatures that pay close attention to what times they are up and about, and even then, they often tint the windows of their living spaces to avoid any possible risks. Contact to crucifixes burn their skin and communion wafers have the power to seriously deform them, but the only other definitive death is achieved with a stake to the heart.
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This was a fun little movie! I adored the setting, and the characters were vibrant and genuinely likeable! The analogies presented in the movie are obvious and well-portrayed, and I think it’s a great use of vampires as a thematic device- more movies should do that! However, despite being a neat movie with some awesome vampire lore, the plot was a little flat, and some of the fight scenes were lukewarm. If it sounds like a movie you’d be interested in, I say give it a watch! (Matt)
As a riff on the 80s nostalgia stories that pop culture is seemingly obsessed with nowadays, at least this movie was doing something different rather than pure nostalgia. The movie was really made by the strength and relatability of its characters, seeing their day-to-day life before the mystery starts does a great job of getting the audience care. Using vampires as a metaphor for gentrification in predominantly POC neighbourhoods was a stroke of genius and the movie goes all in with exploring the topic in an easy-to-comprehend way, especially for its target audience of kids and teenagers. I would have liked a bit more development of the women characters in the movie and some of the effects weren't great, but overall it's a decent film! (Henry)
Finally. FINALLY a movie that uses vampires to parallel neoliberalism and gentrification. The focus on community was great, and though I've no idea what the Bronx is actually like, I feel like I got a good idea from the film. It's not subtle about it's themes, but it's pg-13, so I appreciate that it's accessible. SFX was kinda bad in places, but they did a good job of covering for it and it didn't drag down the movie. While I love what it did with its themes, the film itself was sorta unremarkable. Had a lot of great moments with the vampire weaknesses, and the boiling of the holy water was a great touch. Film doesn't really center women at all, which seems like a shame, but it was going for a classic 3-man band so I guess that's just the average. Fun film, great themes, sorta mediocre otherwise. 7/10. (Eve)
Tonight Eve, Henry, and Matt are watching Vampires VS The Bronx!
The Batman VS Dracula (2005)
Tonight Eve, Henry, and Matt watched The Batman VS Dracula!
The Batman VS Dracula, released in 2005 and directed by Michael Goguen, is about Batman fighting a new, supernatural foe who wishes to take over Gotham.
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The vampires in this movie are tenacious, immortal creatures that thirst for human blood. Petty injuries like punches and falls do little to stop them, and their supernatural strength and speed make them incredibly difficult to fight. Running from them proves to be a challenge with their extremely high jumping capabilities and their ability to climb up walls like spiders. If a victim tries to hide, they can use their superior sense of smell to follow the scent of their blood, and when they’re near, the vampire can see through their skin and directly into their veins to see their prize. When they’re cornered, the victim can only struggle helplessly as the vampire uses their fangs to drink their blood.
If the bite doesn’t kill them, the vampire’s victim joins the head vampire’s legion of undead minions, following their commands with little of their original personalities left intact- although there are exceptions when confronted with especially powerful personalities. Apart from drinking human blood, vampires are also capable of eating raw meat and insects.
The head vampire of any given area is undoubtedly the most powerful, stemming from the fact that they aren’t ex-human like their minions, but rather their own supernatural species. Because of this, they are capable of doing everything their minions can do, while also being able to use mind control, which can be used to create human servants that protect their coffins during the day, as well as enter a bat or mist form.
Defeating a vampire is near-impossible without making copious use of their weaknesses. If one can’t see the vampire’s gaunt features and glowing blue eyes, a surefire sign of their condition is their lack of reflection in silver-backed mirrors. Garlic hung around the home, rubbed onto weapons, or implemented into explosives can ward them off, but do little to actually harm them- it is assumed the same could be said for articles of faith such as crosses, given their avoidance of them, but the specifics are unknown.
A vampire staked in the heart can be considered defeated, seeing as it renders them immobile and prevents them from nourishing themselves, turning them into dried, skeletal husks; however upon receiving even a drop of blood, they return to a functional state, capable of feeding themselves once again. The most certain way to kill them is with sunlight, which burns them to ashes. But even then, they can be revived with a ritual involving a living human’s soul, conducted by a head vampire.
A noteworthy element of these vampires is the effect vampirism has on human blood. Rather than being entirely dead, humans bitten by a vampire are inflicted with a disease that alters the form and traits of their red blood cells. A serum made to combat this alteration can cure turned humans, however they retain no memory of their time as a vampire.
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Oh wow! I absolutely didn’t expect this movie to be as cool as it was! With it being aimed at kids and teens, the movie lets itself be absolutely shameless in how vampire-y it is, and I fucking adored it. The voice acting was great, the perspectives they used were exciting, and I really think more vampire movies should take a page out of their book. Great movie! (Matt)
I forgot how much I loved Batman! Interesting homage to the original (even if it disrespects my homegirl Carmilla- don't think I missed that), plays with the Bat v. Bat themes with some awesome pay-off. Henry said it was the best Dracula we'd seen yet and I.. can't disagree at all... He was intimidating, creepy, and yet weirdly compelling. Fight scenes were great, and the gothic undertones really helped to produce a great sense of style. Some parts of it seemed like they were designed to inspire Dracula x Batman fanfic, and honestly I half-wrote dialogue in my head while watching. Great stuff. Truly this was Gotham for the goths. (Eve)
I was the one to recommend this movie, as I saw it when I was a lot younger. It more than exceeded my expectations from what I remember. Peter Stormare is probably my favourite version of Dracula that we've watched so far. He's over-the-top and camp but never loses his menace and is genuinely creepy at points. The movie has great animation and shots that really add to the dark atmosphere of Gotham City descending into chaos. There's a bunch of really fun ideas as well, like the Joker becoming a vampire, that the movie mines their full potential out of. A really solid, good movie that I would recommend! Also Batman and Dracula are gay, no I will not elaborate any more. (Henry)
What are we doing?
The purpose of this project, and by extension this blog, is to observe & catalogue how vampires act and function in various pieces of media!
Are they weakened by sunlight? Are they demons? Do they even drink blood?
The quality of the media doesn’t matter, as long as we get to the bottom of how the vampires work!
We created “an extremely intricate and scientific” checklist of common vampire traits, which we’ll be using while watching a film from our massive list to determine their abilities, weaknesses, procreation, and feeding preferences!
This is just a fun project done by a group of friends who love vampires. I hope you enjoy!
What We Do In The Shadows (2014)
Tonight, Eve, Henry, and Matt watched What We Do In The Shadows!
What We Do In The Shadows is a mockucumentary following a group of New Zealand-based vampire flatmates and their vampiric misadventures.
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The vampires in this movie are playfully murderous social outcasts with an interest in engaging with the modern world around them to varying degrees.
After being nearly drained dry of blood and receiving the blood of a vampire, a newly-turned child of the night can enjoy the perks of undeath. While things like immortality, rapid healing, and heightened senses come naturally, young vampires must practice in order to fly properly, which they can do without having wings, as well as refine their ability to transform into animals such as bats, cats, and dogs. They are also capable of using mind control to enthrall their victims, though some are better at this than others.
They are able to give themselves clawlike feet to allow them to hang from the ceiling like a bat while they sleep, often done in dark, confined spaces like closets or cupboards. Other sleeping options include a classic coffin or tomb.
Vampires nourish themselves with the blood of humans, who are almost always killed after being fed upon, with a preference for sexual virgins. Animal blood and sometimes even entire animal bodies can also suffice to quench their thirst, but it seems like an uncommon or old-fashioned practice. Although food usually consumed by humans is inedible, they’re fully capable of drinking alcohol.
The daily lives of vampires are riddled with inconveniences, especially when interacting with humans. If the hurdle of being unable to enter an establishment without being invited in wasn’t high enough, then the hassle of cleaning blood stains out of your antique furniture certainly is. Their inability to see their reflections also makes looking presentable an overly-tedious chore. Older vampires struggle with blending in with the modern crowds, while younger vampires struggle with keeping their new and exciting abilities to themselves, risking attracting the attention of vampire hunters.
Methods to protect oneself from vampires include wearing silver, seeing as it burns their skin upon touching it, as well as carrying a visible article of faith, such as a crucifix, which causes them to shrink back in disgust. Although mundane injuries can hurt them and even temporarily halt them, it’s highly unlikely to kill them. In order to kill a vampire, one must either stake or stab it in the heart, or burn them with sunlight, causing them to burst into flames.
Despite being quite a large supernatural population, vampires aren’t the only creatures that lurk in the night. They share their spaces (sometimes begrudgingly) with demons, zombies, and witches, among other creatures. They also seem to interact with werewolves regularly, however the relationship between the groups tends to be strained, given how quick to anger werewolves can be, and how much vampires enjoy pestering them.
Among humans, vampires are known to choose a select few to become their familiars. This is no supernatural ritual, but rather the loose promise of immortality to a desperate human who hopes to gain it through completing tasks for their vampire- a thankless duty, identified by a distinct master-servant relationship. Though rare, some vampires simply enjoy the company of humans, either to learn more about their world, stay connected with their human pasts, or to quench their sexual desires.
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Henry and Eve have been telling me to watch this movie since day one, and I can honestly say that when the movie ended, I was ready to watch it all over again! It highlights the comedy of classic vampire weaknesses, while simultaneously not shying away from the more brutal and gorey aspects of vampire media. The characters are hilarious, the outfits are fantastic, and I will most definitely be recommending this movie to every vampire lover I know. (Matt)
A classic. Probably the best vampire comedy we'll watch. It's a goofy and off-beat mockumentary. Pays homage to a lot of the classic vampire mythos, including Nosferatu and Lost Boys, which we watched previously. It's an oddly relatable mixture of down-to-earth and off the wall that loves taking away the mystique of vampires, but that's not a mark against it. Strongly recommended 8.5/10. (Eve)
I love this movie so much! I've seen it a few times before but now that I've re-watched it having seen a lot of the movies where the tropes come from, I appreciate it even more. It's clear that the filmmakers love vampire media- even the characters make direct references to other movies for ideas on how to mess with people. The movie is dense with lore and enjoys playing with the tropes of the genre. All the characters are fantastic and varied and the dynamic between them works incredibly well. Aside from it being hilarious, it's also a really well made movie with good horror moments and great practical effects. I'd easily recommend this to people who love dark humour. (Henry)
