dead girl walking

<3 safe space to vent 4 everyone <3

[vampireteardrops]

you told me you’re „not interested” in me

but you were the only person who ever came back to me without me even asking to

but you were the only person hesitant to kiss me because you feared it’d make me uncomfortable

but you were the only person who ran to the train station for me just so we could spend 15 minutes together

you were never mine but you are the only person i have ever missed this much

[vampireteardrops]

i’ve always kept this list of things i hate

still a bit weird seeing you on there.

[vampireteardrops]

i’ve long forgotten what it feels like to be somebody’s first choice

[vampireteardrops]

always the poet, never the muse

always the photographer, never the model

always adoring, never adored

always turning her head, never turning heads

so much love to give, no one to accept it

[vampireteardrops]

all i wish is that for once, someone would stare at me the way i stare at you

[vampireteardrops]

i’m so far behind in every aspect of my life i don’t even know anymore if it’s worth trying to catch up with

[vampireteardrops]

“he lives for tomorrow while she dreads it.”

[vampireteardrops]

⚠️tw: sh⚠️

people around me always ask me how i’m “so cheerful all the time”, i think i must come across as one of those few genuinely lucky, happy people

but what they don’t know is that i’m an addict who pours vinegar over their fresh sh wounds the second they get home.

[vampireteardrops]

you are both the reason i stay alive and the reason i’m destroying myself

and i both adore and despise you for that

[vampireteardrops]

Im2much4any1

[vampireteardrops]

you leave me breathless.

not in the romantic, poetic interpretation though. i cannot breathe the second you leave, i cannot breathe laying in my bed alone at night, i cannot breathe knowing you are hated or loved by others. i cannot breathe when i’m around you cuz i’m scared it’ll make you go.

you were the end of me from the moment we met

[vampireteardrops]

my body craves your touch like it craves water and sleep

[vampireteardrops]

i’m absolutely terrified of the grasp you have me in even though you don’t even know you do

[vampireteardrops]

yesterday i collapsed onto the floor sobbing over the fact that in this universe, we were never made for each other after all

[vampireteardrops]

⚠️tw: sh⚠️

messily putting a bandaid on your arm when you cut deeper than you had intended again at 4 in the morning, with the almost empty bottle of vodka next to you as your closest friend is a different type of loneliness

[vampireteardrops]

to be honest I’m so lost that I don’t even know what kind of advice I would give my younger self anymore