Van der Bitch @van-der-fuck - Tumblr Blog

instead of saying “i want to kill myself” whenever something bad happens to me as a result of circumstances beyond my control i’ve started saying “i’m going to kill god” and it’s honestly done wonders for my self-esteem

van-der-fuck

I usually go with “im gonna eat myself” but this is so much better

#we gonna rock down to electric avenue

josiah-trelawny

The RDR2 Gang as Dumb Shit @dangboiiii and I Have Said

Dutch: can u pass me the coke (the drink u fucks)

Hosea: yeah here

Dutch: ha gay

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Sean, whilst playing Dark Souls 3: oh shit oh fuck he GOTDAMN FEETS!!!!

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Karen: spray aerosol on me so they dont know ive been drinking wait no i mean febreze

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John: *sprays scent neutralizer directly into fan* get neutralized

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Lenny: im nice i swear just give me all of your money

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Arthur: im a bottom i cant do this

Charles: i thought u said ur a switch

Arthur: yeah but i need an excuse for being stupid

Charles: you arent stupid!

Arthur: whatever helps you sleep at night

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Tilly, scratching an egg: asmr?

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Javier: *throws an egg up in the air, slices it in half* (i shit you not dan did this)

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Josiah: i caught a frog, what should his name be— wait no i know. Reginald. the third.

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Molly: its 3am and im hungry. fuck

Mary-Beth: do u want mac n cheese

Molly: it might make me sick but yes of course

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Micah: i want to fuck girls. yknow, so i can be an ULTRA TOP

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Reverend Swanson: oh no your brother’s sock crinkled oh no it has condoms in it ohno lets make balloons

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Bill: theres a dollar can i steal it

Micah: this is your house what

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John: i gotta piss be right back

Abigail: the toilet is broken i can give u a cup though

John: okay

John:

John: i need another cup

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Kieran: this is my dog maggie. shes 14 and stupid— but shes not stupid because shes old shes always been this way

van-der-fuck

now this is epic

sally-fdce

the executioner couldn’t hear Ash yelling because he had his AirPods in

neptune-enthusiast-deactivated2

kristina100000

i love when people point out that i’m tall like i get it you are a bottom

kristina100000

“your hands are so big compared to mine” i wonder why you had to point that out

kristina100000

- they randomly grab your hand and play with it, and tell you that they’re bored and wish they could be doing something else to excuse themselves for touching you

- “your fingers are so long” and then put your hand against theirs and repeat themselves

- they ask you to wear their jacket because it’s “cute” / if you’re close with them they’ll straight up just grab it and wear it if you already aren’t wearing it

- “you must have a really big bed / you must take up all the space in bed”

- always look for a reason to hug you and smoosh their head into your chest

- ask you to carry them on your back

scammer

stop mf stop wyd why you snitchin who snutch

#HAHAHAHAAHA #sounds like the perfect bottom dood tho ngl

butchgender-remade-deactivated2

top surgery doctor: I undiagnose you with boobs

butchgender-remade-deactivated2

bottom surgery doctor: i diagnose you with akjkfdhgkjddksldskfskaljskdfh

#this is so fucking funny

peggle2

you: f-f*ck spicy food…..hurts uwu

me:

daredussy

nattico

Game: Your choices don’t matter.

Me: ok

My choices: *don’t matter*

Me:

fantasynoise

i spent two hours on this.

themysteriousmurasamecastle

donald trump is a slythering because he fufujdfhsdfs jfjaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa