⍋⋆*❅ pairing: various bsd men x gn!reader [dazai, atsushi, ayatsuji, ranpo, fukuzawa, kunikida, chuuya, akutagawa, oda, ango, nikolai, fyodor, sigma, shibusawa, jouno, tecchou]
⍋⋆*❅ genre: fluffy headcanons (some crack again hehe)
⍋⋆*❅ content warnings: none! also headcanons are focused more on cultural/winter festivity aspects of christmas, not the religious ones (except for mentions in fyodor's part)
⋆˙ ☃︎ — 𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐘
⁺⋆*❅ dazai osamu
you both decide to go out and explore the city!
purposely stops under every mistletoe around town to makeout with you (he somehow knows where all of them are...)
you go bar hopping to try different holiday drinks like spiked eggnog, cranberry mimosas, and whiskey sours
after you both get super drunk, he takes you out to the town square and twirls you around so you're both dancing under the fresh snow and moonlight
you make christmas cards for everyone with custom stamps and bake christmas cookies to gift (he sets aside the ugly cards + burnt cookies to give to mori/the port mafia)
⁺⋆*❅ atsushi nakajima
something cute to heal your inner child
he takes you sledding, and you scream the whole time from how fast you both go
atsushi tries to help all the kids at the bottom of the hill who wipe out (awwww)
you don't tell him, but his nose gets super red from the cold and you think it's really cute
you get hot chocolate on the way back and spend the night talking by the fireplace (he got you both matching pjs)
⁺⋆*❅ ayatsuji yukito
christmas = the perfect opportunity to dress you up, either as a slavic doll or mr./mrs. claus
escorted by security and a sniper ofc, you both go to the mall and shop around (mostly so he can buy more clothes and accessories for you)
you both get some eggnog and take photobooth pictures at the mall
before he gives you your presents back at home, he pulls you into his lap and makes you tell him if you've been naughty or nice like he's santa lol
does the pocky thing with you but uses a candy cane o///o
gifts you all the shopping bags full of clothes he bought for you at the mall
⁺⋆*❅ ranpo edogawa
ofc it's all about sweets so you build gingerbread houses
ranpo can't build one so he ends up eating his and all of the candy you bought
you both make more sweets from scratch (ranpo probably quits halfway through bc he burnt the gingerbread cookies), so it's just you lol
you decorate christmas cookies and make candy cane hot cocoa and eggnog
after voicing your concerns about having too many sweets and baked goods, ranpo assures you that they'll be added to his snack collection/vault and there's no need to share them with everyone else
⁺⋆*❅ fukuzawa yukichi
doesn't like to celebrate much--he originally wanted to go to a cat cafe, but it was closed bc of the holiday :(
he planned on having a cozy christmas dinner with you and some other members of the doa instead at the office (definitely not bc he also still has work to finish)
somehow, ranpo convices the both of you to dress up as mr. & mrs. claus and you have a whole photoshoot at the office
you end the night at a secluded onsen with some warm tea 😌
⁺⋆*❅ kunikida doppo
basically the karen/soccer mom of christmas. he has an itenerary planned out and you're sticking to it.
you start by unwrapping presents by the tree⎯he gets you something you've had your eye on for a while, since he knows you wouldn't buy it with your own money (so he bought it for you)
i can't explain it but he def has the perfect ugly sweater that he only pulls out and wears on christmas
you then go to do something cute outside, deliver presents to the other ada members (he gives dazai bandages + coal...)
probably the type to refuse to go into their houses/apartments bc he doesn't want to waste too much time (he lowk caves in tho)
at the end of the day, you both visit a pretty christmas lights show
⋆˙ ☃︎ — 𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐅𝐈𝐀
⁺⋆*❅ chuuya nakahara
chuuya is extra so he goes all out with decorations. he fills the house with poinsettias and a huge christmas tree (he has to use gravity to put all the ornaments on it lol)
you make a special mulled wine together
he takes you out a nice fancy dinner (ofc he bought you a beautiful red suit/dress to go along)
sings for you by the fireplace hehe
the tree is full of gifts when you get home (don't ask him how much he spent, just be appreciative that chuuya's your lover 🤫)
⁺⋆*❅ akutagawa ryunosuke
lowk hates the cold but wants to make u happy so he goes out with you to a christmas market
you both get a matching black scarf and glove set
u go to a curios and antiques store (one of his fav places!) and stop to get some hot tea
akutagawa is constantly blushing bc of ur cuteness, and when u kiss him under a mistletoe, he turns beet red but insists it's just the cold
periodically hugs you "for warmth" and definitely not bc he gets jealous of other people looking at you
when you get back home, you both take a warm bath and cuddle by the fire, and he gifts you a special antique item he secretly bought from the store ♡
⁺⋆*❅ oda sakunosuke
christmas dinner with the kiddos
gets everyone matching ugly sweaters and you both fill the kids' stockings while they make snow angels outside
you go to the mall to take the kids to meet and take pictures with santa
you all bake and decorate gingerbread houses and christmas cookies together
his present for you is a wedding ring, and the kids are beyond excited to have you as their other parent
you all fall asleep watching a christmas movie
⁺⋆*❅ ango sakaguchi
he was forced to take work off bc of the holiday, but he's relieved that he gets to spend more time with you
he takes you to a fancy christmas ball that's being thrown by some government officials
he gets a little tipsy and can't stop complimenting how nice you look in your dress/suit, and how grateful he is to have you as his partner
when you finally dance together, you swear it's the most lively you've seen him look⎯he has that glow in his eyes ^u^
firm believer that he gets super clingy when he hasn't seen you in a while, so during dinner he pulls you into his lap to eat and always has a hand on you
when you both finally go home after a long night out, he gives you a present, which is a nice watch/bracelet
⋆˙ ☃︎ — 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐒
⁺⋆*❅ fyodor dostoevsky
obviously takes you to church first
listens to christmas carols from the church choir (he's lowk an old man so he likes them)
you then go to a ballet show to watch the nutcracker
he makes traditional russian dishes for dinner like meat pies, vegetable fillings, and fish, and drink some sbiten (a warm honey + spice drink), which he prefers over hot cocoa
you end the night reading books by the fireplace as he strokes your hair
gifts you your favorite books and some warm winter clothes/coats
⁺⋆*❅ nikolai gogol
christmas is one of his fav holidays after halloween
after decorating the house and the tree, you both go to a christmas wonderland attraction
other visitors/children keep asking if he's santa bc of his white hair, and you giggle innocently as you take pictures of him
makes Sviat Vechir: A 12-dish meal with kolach, cabbage rolls, and other traditional ukrainian dishes for dinner
gifts u a white sweater he knit himself (awww)
⁺⋆*❅ sigma
it's one of his first christmases, so he lets you plan what to do
you make him some cinnamon rolls + eggnog for breakfast
you both bake and decorate some christmas cookies⎯he's surprisingly good at making intricate patterns and designs, and his cookies are so pretty you almost don't want to eat them
you go skiing⎯sigma definitely struggles at first but he gets the hang of it pretty fast
after you get cold, you both go back inside to get some hot cocos and eat some fondue
you both watch the sunset on the ski lift, which is the most beautiful view against the snow-covered mountains (he secretly can't talk his eyes off you tho)
at home, you unbox presents!
he gifts you plane tickets to a nice getaway vacation ( ๑ ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و ♡
⁺⋆*❅ shibusawa tatsuhiko
(honorary doa girlie lol)
not particularly interested in the holidays, but he likes flashy things so i think he'd enjoy seeing light shows/big christmas displays
however, he likes to spoil you, so he gets you an advent calendar with an assortment of nice clothes, fancy jewelry, and more
watches as you unbox each day's gift and relishes in your cute reactions
lets you paint his nails red, white, and/or green as you sit in his lap
decorates the christmas tree with gems instead of ornaments since he has so many laying around
⋆˙ ☃︎ — 𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐃𝐎𝐆𝐒
⁺⋆*❅ jouno saigiku
another winter cabin getaway bc he hates how crowded and noisy the city gets during this time of year
you go iceskating on the lake together
he can hear the position of you feet and corrects your form so you don't slip and fall on the ice
even if you're good at iceskaing, he keep his arms linked with yours the whole time or holds onto your hand
at one point, he feels like showing off and spins you around and throws you up into the air like a figure skater, and he giggles maniacally while you scream
makes snow angels with you
once you get back to the cabin, you both roast some s'mores over the fireplace and enjoy a warm cup of hot cocoa
you snuggle by the fire and fall asleep in eachother's arms
⁺⋆*❅ tecchou suehiro
he takes you to go hunting + ice fishing
you probably get freaked out by the thought of shooting the animals, so you both end up just doing a nature walk in the woods instead lol
while looking for the perfect tree, you find a clearing and build a buff snowman (tecchou insists he's more muscular tho)
tecchou chops the tree you decide on and hauls it back home himself bc he's that strong lol
he decorates the tree while you cook some of the fish he caught for dinner
you also make some berry tarts and jam cookies with some berries you foraged on the walk (.◜◡◝)
ཐི ₍^. ̞.^₎ ཋྀ content warnings: blood, love triangle
vampire!bf!gojo who had you as his partner first but then can’t resist sharing you with his best friend geto since you've always been a trio anyways
vampire!bf!gojo who remembers the day you two became a couple. he was 'sick' but when you visited him, paler than usual, his breath too slow, and splayed out on his bed in a loose robe
his ego had gotten too big. he already knew he could survive without sleep, but unfortunately the strongest couldn't exactly survive without blood
it was an embarrassing secret of his, but gojo hated the taste of blood. the metallic flavor made him sick, and geto always teased him for needing to 'chase' blood with something sweet
he remembered how you walked into the ice cold room--warm, soft hand caressing his cheek and a worried look on your face. he remembered playing with the disheveled locks of hair splayed around your face
vampire!bf!gojo who was surprised when you started tearing up, genuinely concerned your good friend would die--as if the gojo satoru could die that easily--and offered him some juice mixed with drops of your blood
despite feeling like the equivalent of an old wrung-out sponge, he could muster up enough energy to laugh at your considerate pity gift
you poured some mixed juice into his mouth and he felt like he'd just been revived
vampire!bf!gojo who got hooked on the taste of your sweet, honey-like blood from the first taste, who finished the drink in one chug and pulled you into his lap to hear your heartbeat and the blood coursing through your veins
vampire!bf!gojo who had to restrain himself from drinking more of your blood and instead cuddled into your chest and thanked you for bringing him back to life
giggling from his un-seriousness, you reciprocated his feelings and stroked his snow-colored hair as he explained how yours was the only blood he'd ever been able to tolerate
"don't let anyone other than me taste your blood--actually, why don't we just be exclusive?" and just like that, you two became a couple, sealed by a few whispers and a chaste kiss in gojo's cold room
vampire!bf!gojo who becomes clingy 24/7, wanting to feel you rather than mark you; he'll always reject a jacket or blanket on a cold day, insisting that you're warmer
AND trust he has a hand around or on you at all times or underneath your clothes
vampire!bf!gojo
who appreciates when you put your blood in sweets and drinks for him so it's easier to consume
vampire!bf!geto who always makes sure you're eating enough iron and drinking enough water. he cooks for you whenever you're together to ensure you're eating and resting properly ⏺v⏺
of course, while you eat, he's explaining the nutritional benefits of your food and making sure you're sleeping properly
vampire!bf!geto who insists on leaving a subtle bite mark on you before you leave so everyone knows you're his
they're his version of hickeys--he prefers to leave them in spots where they aren't visible at first glance but aren't invisible; the kind someone would see on the back of your neck if they were helping you fasten your clothes or put on a necklace, on your midriff when your shirt lifted while stretching, etc.
vampire!bf!geto who drinks your blood as is, unlike satoru, and who watches your every reaction as his fangs bare across your neck and break skin
vampire!bf!geto who lets you braid and play with his long black hair while he drinks your blood
vampire!bfs!gojo & geto who fight over who gets to lick and clean up your cuts and scrapes, often causing minor commotions when you're in public
vampire!bf!geto who has always had a crush on you, and was secretly jealous that gojo got you first. as his own form of revenge, he always waits for you at the end of streets and corners of alleys and halls to sweep you away while no one's looking, so he can have you to himself, just the two of you alone
vampire!bfs!gojo & geto who will fight anyone who dares to even look in your direction, and they never fail to intimidate
yes they try and pull you in opposite directions when the three of you are walking together, and yes they'll take it personally if you chose one over the other in any two-person thing
vampire!bfs!gojo & geto who always lowkey argue about who gets to drink your blood first (it's always suguru since gojo doesn't like drinking straight up blood) and who have their own designated sides of your neck and body for bites (gojo gets your right half and geto gets your left half)
vampire!bfs!gojo & geto who love you for more than your sweet blood, and who cherish their special partner -u-
🔪 ⎯ yet another collection of spooky + dark fics to celebrate this special time of the year! (n)sfw works ahead. read cw + descriptions first and proceed with caution! fics may be added or removed over time
hey guys i am alive just swamped with uni and recruiting lol -^- if you haven't forgotten abt me i'll try to do another spooktober/kinktober. no promises but i have so many unfinished drafts that need to see the light of day and you all are so nice i need to feed u.
hi vani!!! turning anon bc im shy … i feel like school really gets to us in winter months and i hope you’re doing well <3 since im in a fever rn can i request dazai taking care of a sick reader? (either nsfw or sfw is okay!) thank you luv ･ᴗ･
⋆｡‧˚ʚ pairing: dazai osamu x sick!gn!reader
⋆｡‧˚ʚ genre: heartwarming fluff
⋆｡‧˚ʚ content warnings: alcohol mentions; anon i hope ur sickness has been long cured >:T
⋆｡‧˚ʚ word count: 1.7k
"Bella, are you still alive?" You heard the door open as your boyfriend's voice echoed faintly throughout your shared apartment. You groaned in response, pulling the warm covers over yourself.
You hated it⎯your fever made you either uncontrollably hot or freezing cold, and you had no strength to do anything. A fever. You didn't even realize how bad it was until you started to feel lightheaded on your walk home from work and couldn't stop coughing and sneezing. When the thermometer read 101, you couldn't believe your misfortune, and you immediately went to go tell Dazai.
Of course he only cooed with sympathy, promising to take care of you (definitely not as an excuse to leave early from the ADA).
"Hellooooo..." He quickly opened the door to your bedroom and lazily threw his tan trench coat over your chair. With his hands in his pockets, he leaned over your resting frame, standing over the side of the bed. His chocolate brown locks hung over your face, and you blushed in embarrassment, sure that you looked like an absolute mess.
"How are you feeling? Like you're on your deathbed?" You scoffed at that, not in the mood for his witty comments, but a cough quickly left your throat and you turned to the side, facing away from Dazai.
"Like shit..." You coughed again. "I took a hot shower earlier, but the steam almost made me pass out." You sniffled, sure that your hair was all frizzy from your frequent tossing and turning.
"Ah, really?" He slowly crawled onto the bed and dug his nose into your nape to place a gentle kiss, sighing softly, "That explains why the room smells so nice⎯it's just like your shampoo~"
Your cheeks heated up under his touch and he leaned forward to cradle your warm face. You tried to move away, but he only stared at you intensely as he inched closer, crawling one step⎯
"Ow! Bella!" Dazai jumped off the bed suddenly, holding his knee, and ripping off the linen comforter. You tried to swat his hands off it, but his abrupt motions revealed your laptop and textbooks underneath.
"What?! I can't believe you⎯"
"No!" You gathered all your things quickly and clutched them tightly to your striped pajamas. "I-It's finals week! I have three exams coming up, and I have to study for them! I can't afford to get a bad grade!"
Dazai only looked at you in disbelief, his brown eyes cutting glares into your irises, "Seriously! You're sick! Give yourself a break!" Before you could object any further, he dramatically scooped your belongings out of your arms and placed them on your desk. You tried to reach for them, but he only blocked your way, holding a palm out to block you from moving forward.
Trying to lower his guard, you intertwined your hand with his and tried to plead with him, but you were again cut off when he instead pulled you forward and threw you over his shoulder. You yelped from the shift in gravity and tried to fight back by tapping on his back and kicking your feet, but it was useless. You always forgot how Dazai's tall, lean frame contrasted with his actual strength.
Humming carelessly and ignoring your cries to be released, he slowly walked to the living room and gently placed you upright on the sofa, securing you tightly with a dark blue blanket and placing a cream pillow behind your back for support.
"Dazaiiiiii, you're being mean." You whined, grabbing some tissues to blow your nose.
He crossed his arms in annoyance, "Well you aren't taking care of yourself properly. So I have to be mean." You rolled your eyes and tried to get up, but Dazai only pushed you back again and kept a firm grip on your shoulders, "Nuh uh, you aren't allowed to get up. Especially not to go back to study." He pulled out the key to your bedroom door and swung it in front of you, taunting you, "And don't even think about trying to sneak away because I locked it."
You groaned in dismay, not sure where the sudden urge to become your caretaker came from.
"Got it, bella?"
Still being stubborn, you only huffed, "Stop telling me what to do, idiot. You don't even take proper care of yoursel⎯"
The loud grumbling of your stomach interrupted you, and you could tell Dazai was about to start laughing at you like you didn't just prove his point.
"Haha, yeah, I bet you haven't even eaten a solid meal yet. Sit down. And stay there⎯I'm making you food." He had his signature condescending grin on his face, and you didn't want to look at it, so you dug your face into the pillow and closed your eyes, grumbling some minor curses at your lover as he giggled and walked away to turn on the stove.
⋆｡‧˚ʚ🧸ɞ˚‧｡⋆
"Angel, wake up, your food's ready." You felt the gentle touch of Dazai's fingers as you stirred awake, eyelids feeling weighed down by exhaustion, but you nuzzled into his palms reflexively.
"So tired...mmm...." You mumbled as you intertwined your fingers with Dazai's hand again, trying to hold onto his warmth. He brushed softly above your brow bone and kissed your forehead, his light chuckles vibrating against your skin.
Your eyes crept open again as you felt the blanket shift and a pair of bandage-wrapped arms pull you against a steady back. He tucked some flyaway strands behind your ear and handed you an olive-colored ceramic mug. "Don't worry, I'll feed you."
You smiled to yourself, letting out a quiet 'thanks' before sipping on the warm liquid in the cup. You cringed when you felt an astringent bitter taste attack your taste buds. "A-Ack," you coughed, "It's too strong⎯" Dazai's eyes widened in surprise as he snatched the cup away from your hands.
"Oh, that's my warm sake. Here, take your tea." He flashed you an innocent smile and he swiftly replaced the identical mugs and childishly laughed.
You flicked his forehead gently, "Seriously, did you come back early because you were worried about me, or because you just wanted to day drink?" You exhaled, side-eyeing Dazai from your peripheral. He only swatted his hand dismissively, pulling you closer with the coy cattish grin still on his face.
"What kind of a question is that? Obviously I came back to see you as soon as you sent me the photo of the thermometer reading. It just coincidentally happened to be in the middle of an assignment from Kunikida...but you always come first." You sighed, already anticipating an angry voicemail from his strict counterpart.
But you always come first.
You decided you'd scold your lover later and cuddled deeper into his embrace. He pet the top of your head before grabbing the miso soup from the table and taking a spoonful of it. He blew on the spoon to cool the soup down before bringing it to your slightly chapped lips. After you finished it, he looked down to kiss your temple. "How is it? Good? Not too salty?"
Rose dusted your cheeks and the back of your neck again as you shook your head affirmatively, "Mmm, it's perfect." Dazai smiled while bringing up another warm spoonful.
"Yeah? Then make sure you eat it all, okay?" You nodded, but he kept going, "You need to eat well if you wanna recover your strength. I'm sure pulling too many all nighters is how you got this fever in the first place." You looked back at him again, but he nudged your face back with another kiss to your temple, "What classes are you studying so hard for, anyways? You know you can always ask me to help you."
As much as you wanted him to stop, you knew he was right. Even though you advanced pretty fast through school, your intellect could never quite rival Dazai's. He could easily teach you a subject in a week better than your professors.
You turned back and tried to flash puppy eyes at him, "Will you take my exams for me then? I can buy you a wig and lend you some of my clothes."
"Very funny, angel, very funny...I'll make you an outline, though."
⋆｡‧˚ʚ🧸ɞ˚‧｡⋆
After you finished eating, you napped in Dazai's arms while he completed his abandoned report (Kunikida did end up calling and was in fact quite upset). When you woke up again, Dazai was tucking you back into your actual bed and changed into pajamas to snuggle in with you. He peppered kisses along your face and neck and stroked your hair gently, the nutty aroma of the warm sake comforting you.
He gave you some fever reducer and cough drops to help you finish your tea and held you close in his arms, although he was more focused on watching over you than sleeping.
You looked up at his tranquil face, "Dazai, aren't you worried you'll get sick too from being so close to me?" He watched you playfully, propped up on his hand with his elbow bent at an angle.
"Hmmmm...not really. My body's been through a lot worse than a little fever, so I'm basically immune." You shot him an unconvinced look, "Plus, worst-case scenario, Yosano can always use her ability to heal me."
"Isn't that taking advantageous of her though? I feel like a fever's not worth that kind of effort..."
"Ahhh, I guess you're right...I guess I just have to stay with you then, and we can try out a different soup and tea combo until you recover...Hopefully everyone will be fine if I miss work for a few days." He flashed you an innocent yet mischievous smile.
"That's not..." Dazai pulled you closer into his arms and traced the outline of your lips lightly, exhaling before catching them with his and pulling you into a deep kiss, one hand around your waist and the other pushing the back of your head into the kiss.
"I love you. I love you so much that I'd always take care of you, even though neither of us can do it for ourselves..."
⋆｡‧˚ʚ🧸ɞ˚‧｡⋆
You woke up in the morning from sudden repeated noises. Yawning, you paid more attention to hear...the thermometer beeping and Dazai sniffling?
"101...seriously..." Dazai groaned, opening a capsule of medicine.
You flipped over, squinting at him, "Hey, Dazai, don't tell me you got a fever from me..."
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ content warnings: none! i also imagine all of them wearing suits🙈
❥ 武装探偵社 armed detective agency
⊹ ࣪ ˖ dazai osamu
planned out your valentines day date at work (got yelled at by kunikida)
buys you a nice outfit to match his suit and styles his hair like how it was in the dead apple movie o////o
after dinner, you both go on a moonlit walk around yokohama and stop by the bridge overlooking the river dazai asks you to commit a double suicide
you mostly enjoy each other's company in silence, and dazai just admires you (secretly taking pictures of you under the moonlight)
he whispers sweet nothings into your ear and you find yourselves at the Lupin bar
you both drink too much and show too much pda, giggling through the taxi ride home
you're awaited by a bed covered in rose petals, lingerie/boxers and more sake...🤭
⊹ ࣪ ˖ atsushi nakajima
SUCH A FREAKING SWEETHEART
definitely didn't sleep at all the night before bc he was nervous about preparations (i'd like to think you're his first partner :3)
called akutagawa for help but he's also just as single...
ends up making you glitter roses (there's glitter all over his dorm now) and a valentines box filled with your favorite things ♡
he definitely has a cute speech for you about why he fell in love with you and how much he cares for you (one/both of you ends up in tears lol)
you guys end the night with a movie + lots of cuddles!
⊹ ࣪ ˖ ranpo edogawa
valentines day is his second favorite holiday after halloween bc of all the candy + sweet treats associated with it
buys enough chocolate and snacks to feed yokohama (most of it is just for his secret snack collection...)
organizes a small at-home date where you both make chocolate-covered strawberries + heart-shaped treats
tried to prepare a romantic speech but it ended up being a 'why you're lucky to have me' speech...
gives you those cheesy 'i love you' candies + candy necklaces
you both get insane sugar crashes and don't even make it to dinner or the special valentines book scene he made poe write for you😔
⊹ ࣪ ˖ fukuzawa yukichi
secretly very romantic
he takes you on a private picnic in a sakura tree field (it's literally perfect); you have bentos, plum sake, and daifuku. the cherry blossoms fall peacefully over you two ♡
would write a sweet poem/haiku for you and gift you a lavish yukata
you reminisce about the cute moments in your relationship and stay until sunset
you surprise him by taking him to a cat cafe on the way home hehe
❥ 天人五衰 decay of angels
⊹ ࣪ ˖ nikolai gogol
thinks the traditional valentines day norms (chocolate, roses, and dinner) are boring
takes you to an amusement park (bonus if it's valentines-themed) instead
drags you with him on every ride--hopefully, you don't have motion sickness or a fear of heights
you eat so much fair food, and he never misses the chance to lick powdered sugar or cotton candy off your lips
takes you to the games section and laughs at your failed attempts. once you're frustrated enough, he wins even though the games are rigged and gets you a giant stuffed animal
you get matching face tattoos and braided hairstyles (he ends up doing it himself bc he's better than the employees lol)
on the ferris wheel, you both share an intimate kiss and he pulls out some roses (they end up being the clown ones though and splashing water all over your face :0)
⊹ ࣪ ˖ fyodor dostoevsky
asked you to be his valentine with one of those cheesy coding things (iykyk)
plans a romantic tea date for you both with lots of russian treats
composes a piece for you and plays it on his cello (forces nikolai and sigma to provide instrumental support in the background)
spends most of his time talking with you, since he's usually always busy
buys a matching ushanka for you, along with european chocolates, and your favorite flowers
you end up falling asleep in his arms reading together
⊹ ࣪ ˖ sigma
this is probably his first valentines day ever so he spent a lot of time on social media to find out what people usually get for their partners
definitely uses the sky casino's amenities to put on an extravagant display for you--dancers/live music, a fancy bubble bath with rose petals + candles, couple's massage
has an intimate dinner with you in his office with the sunset in the background
he gifts you lego flowers that you end up building together and gets flustered if you gave him a gift, too♡
⊹ ࣪ ˖ bram stoker
GOTHIC VALENTINES!!!!
takes you to his castle and prepares a fancy royal dinner for you
plays instrumental music from his radio but he didn't pay for spotify premium so you awkwardly listen to ads every few songs...😔
gives you pretty jewelry and black roses encased in glass (beauty in the beast style!)
takes you to the balcony and you both have an intimate night chat, which draws some rare smiles and chuckles from him
softly hugs and kisses you, grateful for your warmth and company will suck your blood if you let him
❥ ポートマフィアport mafia
⊹ ࣪ ˖ chuuya nakahara
the definition of a romantic bf...pls
first of all, you wake up with those gigantic boxes of roses that celebs always get, accompanied by a sweet handwritten letter and a custom outfit for the day
he then picks you up in his helicopter and flies you to a vineyard where you make your own wine and drink one he secretly made for you when you both started dating
at the vineyard, a PRIVATE CHEF cooks a fancy 5-course meal for you both to enjoy, and chuuya insists on feeding you the first bite
expect a lot of heartfelt, drunken speeches and passionate french kisses out of nowhere...
on the ride home, chuuya almost crashes the helicopter bc he's so drunk, but his ability saves you both hehe
he ballroom dances with you until you both fall asleep in each other's arms🥹
⊹ ࣪ ˖ akutagawa ryunosuke
like atsushi and sigma, this is his first valentines. he asks chuuya for advice but thinks all his suggestions are corny
he ends up settling on making you some red baked goods with gin's help and dark chocolate candies
writes you love letters since he's secretly embarrassed to tell you outright how he feels
takes you on a beach date and lends you his coat if you're cold (he's secretly colder than you after he dips his feet in the water)
you hold hands and talk for a bit under the moonlight until he musters up the confidence to give you his letters and gifts
your happy reaction is worth it and makes him blush ^o^ he hugs you for a long time after you point it out, partly in embarrassment and partly because he loves you so much
chuuya and gin interrogate him about the date after he comes back lol
⊹ ࣪ ˖ oda sakunosuke
picks you up from work with flowers, handmade chocolates, and a cute teddy bear
car makeout sesh before going home while you still have some time alone to yourselves
cooks your favorite meal for you and buys you your favorite alcohol
he and the kids bake + decorate a romantic cake for you (it's lowkey ugly but it's the thought that counts!!!) and decorate the house with heart balloons, cute drawings, and candles
you both eat with all the kiddos and sleep together on the same bed ♡
⊹ ࣪ ˖ ango sakaguchi
almost forgot it was valentines day bc he was too absorbed in his work...his assistant had to remind him lol
takes you to a classic fancy dinner & buys you your favorite flowers
gifts you your favorite books and some sexy lingerie/boxers (his assistant probably snuck in some toys
your little date helps him relax for once and takes his stress away
gets clingy the next day and keeps trying to call/text you because he misses your presence (dazai and his coworkers tease him nonstop about it)
❥ 猟犬 hunting dogs
⊹ ࣪ ˖ jouno saigiku
guys why are there no valentines day cards for these mfs does no one like them or what
takes you to a secluded place away from his annoying coworkers the noisy city
cooks you dinner and gifts you gold jewelry (likely a matching rope bell earring) and some soft sweaters :)
you try to play some board and card games together, but he wins everytime because he can guess your next move based on your heartbeat and movements
after you give up, you both just end up cuddling, and he rambles about his recent missions and office stories
showers you with kisses and caresses; purposely teases your pulse points to get a reaction from you
although you give him gifts (i think he would really like noise-cancelling headphones), his favorite one is your praise. he can't stop blushing when you list off all the reasons you love him hehe
⊹ ࣪ ˖ tecchou suehiro
tecchou would take you on a romantic cabin getaway!
you go on a cute couple's hike (it's supposed to be along a heart shaped trail)
he's kind of directionally challenged and gets lost along the way...
as an apology, he gives you the chocolates he bought for you (they melted from the heat though)
he eventually finds his way through the surrounding landscape and you find a secret waterfall connected to a beautiful lake
you both go swimming to cool off and end up laughing off the whole situation
when you get back to the cabin, you order takeout (do not let this man cook) and look through the pictures you took on your hike
he gifts you some plum blossoms he picked on the hike ♡
woahhhh vani!! buffalo 66 theme??? SO CUTE AND PRETTY AAAAAAAA 🩵🩵🩵
ahhhh thank u keshi🥹was abt to change my theme but this made me wanna keep it for a bit longer hehe
also apologies for my small hiatus i just got back from my study abroad in europe and am kinda swamped with school and life haha
i'll try to work on things but tbh my activity/updates will probably become slower from here😶 thank you all for bearing with me, and i'll try to repost other works i like in the mean time😖♡
also i've updated all the requests on my masterlist--if you don't see yours on there, it means i didn't accept it unfortunately (feel free to reach out w/ any questions, but it's probably bc it was a triggering topic or not my type of content)
i'm starting to lose interest in bsd lowk bc i haven't read the most recent updates ahhhhhhhh i'm sure it'll come back after i catch up
Hello :> your account is so pretty! where do you get your dividers from?
hi ml! thank u! <3 tbh i usually get my dividers from random people/multiple sources, so i'll list a few accounts i go to/general tips!
i've found the most aesthetic dividers on #kpop moodboard; you can specify by color too, and there's a wide variety to choose from! (ex: #blue kpop moodboard)
some other good tags: #carrd resources #carrd graphics; from there you can usually find several good accounts!
sometimes i'll also make my custom dividers! it's super easy i just follow @/adornedwithlight's tutorials! (they also have a lot of great dividers on their account!)
the blue dividers i'm currently using are from @/fanguro
some other accounts i follow: @/mewryn, @/plutism; ofc always make sure to follow each owner's use rules and respect them!
⍋⋆*❅ pairing: various bsd men x gn!reader [dazai, atsushi, ayatsuji, ranpo, fukuzawa, kunikida, chuuya, akutagawa, oda, ango, nikolai, fyodor, sigma, shibusawa, jouno, tecchou]
⍋⋆*❅ genre: fluffy headcanons (some crack again hehe)
⍋⋆*❅ content warnings: none! also headcanons are focused more on cultural/winter festivity aspects of christmas, not the religious ones (except for mentions in fyodor's part)
⋆˙ ☃︎ — 𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐘
⁺⋆*❅ dazai osamu
you both decide to go out and explore the city!
purposely stops under every mistletoe around town to makeout with you (he somehow knows where all of them are...)
you go bar hopping to try different holiday drinks like spiked eggnog, cranberry mimosas, and whiskey sours
after you both get super drunk, he takes you out to the town square and twirls you around so you're both dancing under the fresh snow and moonlight
you make christmas cards for everyone with custom stamps and bake christmas cookies to gift (he sets aside the ugly cards + burnt cookies to give to mori/the port mafia)
⁺⋆*❅ atsushi nakajima
something cute to heal your inner child
he takes you sledding, and you scream the whole time from how fast you both go
atsushi tries to help all the kids at the bottom of the hill who wipe out (awwww)
you don't tell him, but his nose gets super red from the cold and you think it's really cute
you get hot chocolate on the way back and spend the night talking by the fireplace (he got you both matching pjs)
⁺⋆*❅ ayatsuji yukito
christmas = the perfect opportunity to dress you up, either as a slavic doll or mr./mrs. claus
escorted by security and a sniper ofc, you both go to the mall and shop around (mostly so he can buy more clothes and accessories for you)
you both get some eggnog and take photobooth pictures at the mall
before he gives you your presents back at home, he pulls you into his lap and makes you tell him if you've been naughty or nice like he's santa lol
does the pocky thing with you but uses a candy cane o///o
gifts you all the shopping bags full of clothes he bought for you at the mall
⁺⋆*❅ ranpo edogawa
ofc it's all about sweets so you build gingerbread houses
ranpo can't build one so he ends up eating his and all of the candy you bought
you both make more sweets from scratch (ranpo probably quits halfway through bc he burnt the gingerbread cookies), so it's just you lol
you decorate christmas cookies and make candy cane hot cocoa and eggnog
after voicing your concerns about having too many sweets and baked goods, ranpo assures you that they'll be added to his snack collection/vault and there's no need to share them with everyone else
⁺⋆*❅ fukuzawa yukichi
doesn't like to celebrate much--he originally wanted to go to a cat cafe, but it was closed bc of the holiday :(
he planned on having a cozy christmas dinner with you and some other members of the doa instead at the office (definitely not bc he also still has work to finish)
somehow, ranpo convices the both of you to dress up as mr. & mrs. claus and you have a whole photoshoot at the office
you end the night at a secluded onsen with some warm tea 😌
⁺⋆*❅ kunikida doppo
basically the karen/soccer mom of christmas. he has an itenerary planned out and you're sticking to it.
you start by unwrapping presents by the tree⎯he gets you something you've had your eye on for a while, since he knows you wouldn't buy it with your own money (so he bought it for you)
i can't explain it but he def has the perfect ugly sweater that he only pulls out and wears on christmas
you then go to do something cute outside, deliver presents to the other ada members (he gives dazai bandages + coal...)
probably the type to refuse to go into their houses/apartments bc he doesn't want to waste too much time (he lowk caves in tho)
at the end of the day, you both visit a pretty christmas lights show
⋆˙ ☃︎ — 𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐅𝐈𝐀
⁺⋆*❅ chuuya nakahara
chuuya is extra so he goes all out with decorations. he fills the house with poinsettias and a huge christmas tree (he has to use gravity to put all the ornaments on it lol)
you make a special mulled wine together
he takes you out a nice fancy dinner (ofc he bought you a beautiful red suit/dress to go along)
sings for you by the fireplace hehe
the tree is full of gifts when you get home (don't ask him how much he spent, just be appreciative that chuuya's your lover 🤫)
⁺⋆*❅ akutagawa ryunosuke
lowk hates the cold but wants to make u happy so he goes out with you to a christmas market
you both get a matching black scarf and glove set
u go to a curios and antiques store (one of his fav places!) and stop to get some hot tea
akutagawa is constantly blushing bc of ur cuteness, and when u kiss him under a mistletoe, he turns beet red but insists it's just the cold
periodically hugs you "for warmth" and definitely not bc he gets jealous of other people looking at you
when you get back home, you both take a warm bath and cuddle by the fire, and he gifts you a special antique item he secretly bought from the store ♡
⁺⋆*❅ oda sakunosuke
christmas dinner with the kiddos
gets everyone matching ugly sweaters and you both fill the kids' stockings while they make snow angels outside
you go to the mall to take the kids to meet and take pictures with santa
you all bake and decorate gingerbread houses and christmas cookies together
his present for you is a wedding ring, and the kids are beyond excited to have you as their other parent
you all fall asleep watching a christmas movie
⁺⋆*❅ ango sakaguchi
he was forced to take work off bc of the holiday, but he's relieved that he gets to spend more time with you
he takes you to a fancy christmas ball that's being thrown by some government officials
he gets a little tipsy and can't stop complimenting how nice you look in your dress/suit, and how grateful he is to have you as his partner
when you finally dance together, you swear it's the most lively you've seen him look⎯he has that glow in his eyes ^u^
firm believer that he gets super clingy when he hasn't seen you in a while, so during dinner he pulls you into his lap to eat and always has a hand on you
when you both finally go home after a long night out, he gives you a present, which is a nice watch/bracelet
⋆˙ ☃︎ — 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐒
⁺⋆*❅ fyodor dostoevsky
obviously takes you to church first
listens to christmas carols from the church choir (he's lowk an old man so he likes them)
you then go to a ballet show to watch the nutcracker
he makes traditional russian dishes for dinner like meat pies, vegetable fillings, and fish, and drink some sbiten (a warm honey + spice drink), which he prefers over hot cocoa
you end the night reading books by the fireplace as he strokes your hair
gifts you your favorite books and some warm winter clothes/coats
⁺⋆*❅ nikolai gogol
christmas is one of his fav holidays after halloween
after decorating the house and the tree, you both go to a christmas wonderland attraction
other visitors/children keep asking if he's santa bc of his white hair, and you giggle innocently as you take pictures of him
makes Sviat Vechir: A 12-dish meal with kolach, cabbage rolls, and other traditional ukrainian dishes for dinner
gifts u a white sweater he knit himself (awww)
⁺⋆*❅ sigma
it's one of his first christmases, so he lets you plan what to do
you make him some cinnamon rolls + eggnog for breakfast
you both bake and decorate some christmas cookies⎯he's surprisingly good at making intricate patterns and designs, and his cookies are so pretty you almost don't want to eat them
you go skiing⎯sigma definitely struggles at first but he gets the hang of it pretty fast
after you get cold, you both go back inside to get some hot cocos and eat some fondue
you both watch the sunset on the ski lift, which is the most beautiful view against the snow-covered mountains (he secretly can't talk his eyes off you tho)
at home, you unbox presents!
he gifts you plane tickets to a nice getaway vacation ( ๑ ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و ♡
⁺⋆*❅ shibusawa tatsuhiko
(honorary doa girlie lol)
not particularly interested in the holidays, but he likes flashy things so i think he'd enjoy seeing light shows/big christmas displays
however, he likes to spoil you, so he gets you an advent calendar with an assortment of nice clothes, fancy jewelry, and more
watches as you unbox each day's gift and relishes in your cute reactions
lets you paint his nails red, white, and/or green as you sit in his lap
decorates the christmas tree with gems instead of ornaments since he has so many laying around
⋆˙ ☃︎ — 𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐃𝐎𝐆𝐒
⁺⋆*❅ jouno saigiku
another winter cabin getaway bc he hates how crowded and noisy the city gets during this time of year
you go iceskating on the lake together
he can hear the position of you feet and corrects your form so you don't slip and fall on the ice
even if you're good at iceskaing, he keep his arms linked with yours the whole time or holds onto your hand
at one point, he feels like showing off and spins you around and throws you up into the air like a figure skater, and he giggles maniacally while you scream
makes snow angels with you
once you get back to the cabin, you both roast some s'mores over the fireplace and enjoy a warm cup of hot cocoa
you snuggle by the fire and fall asleep in eachother's arms
⁺⋆*❅ tecchou suehiro
he takes you to go hunting + ice fishing
you probably get freaked out by the thought of shooting the animals, so you both end up just doing a nature walk in the woods instead lol
while looking for the perfect tree, you find a clearing and build a buff snowman (tecchou insists he's more muscular tho)
tecchou chops the tree you decide on and hauls it back home himself bc he's that strong lol
he decorates the tree while you cook some of the fish he caught for dinner
you also make some berry tarts and jam cookies with some berries you foraged on the walk (.◜◡◝)
➛ mature content, fluff, angst, death, slice... of life | words: 7.8k
➛ ao3 | spotify | main menu | discord (18+)
Three days without talking to Viktor feels like a crime.
No news, no updates.
Nikolai is slumped on the couch with the Eyes of God laptop at his side. The notebook on his lap is filled with scribbles of words and numbers. The hot mocha you made an hour ago has gone cold and the ashtray at his feet is filled with cigarettes.
“Is he angry at me?” Nikolai mumbles to himself, lips pouting. His thumb has been hovering over the call button on Viktor’s contact page on the screen of his phone for five minutes now. He wants to talk to Viktor about your father but he does not have the courage to start the conversation.
That night, he told Viktor that your father was near the border between Russia and Belarus. A clear attempt to flee the country alone, obviously. Viktor also told the middleman to the loan sharks about it and Nikolai wondered if anything had happened to your father yet.
What if they caught the man? Will you still be used as a hostage, despite the many times you have said that you are useless to be used against your father? What if he does pay his debt? What will happen to you? Will you return to your home? Will you leave him?
Nikolai is already uneasy. He has been uneasy for a while. He needs answers. He needs the events to happen right now. He does not think he has the patience to play the waiting game any longer.
“Kolya…”
Nikolai turns to the side and sees you holding a broom and leaning against the wall with a solemn expression. He frowns. He sees the broom you are holding. You are practically the unpaid maid of this house. Nikolai does not even know what the hell are you cleaning because he does not think his apartment is a big mess. But he just lets you do your own thing. Maybe sweeping bacteria is one of your favourite hobbies.
“What’s wrong?” He asks. “What’s with that face, hm?” He says, surprisingly, a tint of gentleness is apparent in his voice that it even shocks him.
You grumble something and put the broomstick against the wall before you approach him. Right at the other spot beside him, you plop down onto the couch. You tilt your head, resting it on his shoulder.
“I’m bored…”
Nikolai blinks confusedly. For one reason, he is quite baffled by the sudden closeness but this is the girl who happily hugged his arm on the first day of her kidnapping. His bafflement does not last long. He is used to this. He is so used to this.
“Well, what do you want me to do then?” Nikolai sighs. He watches your naughty hand trying to take the notebook off his lap in curiosity. Quickly, he slaps your hand away. “Hands off, dolly.”
“What are you scribbling? Mantra?”
“Mm-hm.” He just approves your wonder. You glance at him and then huff. Nikolai snorts, teasingly tugging your hair. “Don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.”
“I’m just curious.” You sulk before pointing your finger at the page of the notebook. “Besides, I can’t even understand any of these! Anyone from afar will think you were trying to draw spaghetti.” You whine, poking your finger on the page.
“Thanks for calling my handwriting ugly as fuck, darling. Appreciate that.” Nikolai grumbles before he seizes your hand and tosses it aside. “Even if I explain it to you, you won’t understand.”
“Does it have something to do with your Peters plan?” You ask and Nikolai silently nods. He closes the notebook before putting it aside.
“How will you go there? By car?” You ask again as you lift your head from his shoulder. Nikolai sighs before he finishes the cold mocha he has abandoned for a while now.
“Train. I’ll sell the car before leaving this city.” He replies.
“And what about this house?”
“Sell it.”
“Your clothes?”
“Bring it along.”
“Viktor?”
“Mm, he doesn’t wanna go anywhere.”
“Me?”
Nikolai halts. He turns his head at you, staring with an unreadable gaze. And your eyes are returning that gaze with glimmering hope. His heart tickles and Nikolai quickly breaks contact with you, even placing his palm right on your eyes. “Hm?” You mumble adorably.
“I’m thinking about it.” He replies shortly. Taking his hand off, he takes a glance at you. You are smiling now, soft lips curving up special just for him. He is silent for a moment. “You’re bored, dolly?”
You nod.
“Wanna go out to Olga’s?”
Your eyes beam sunshine immediately. Like bunny ears perked up in excitement, you jump slightly. “Out? We go out? Is that okay?”
Nikolai shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know. Police are doing police things. Aren’t you supposed to be excited that efforts are being made to save your ass?” He says.
“I like it here. I told you.”
“I know. You’ve been saying that for over a month now.” He mumbles. “I don’t even fathom what is actually happening. After I get you in here, everything goes to—” He swallows his word. No, that is not right. He does not think that way. It is just that his lips are quicker than his brain, sometimes.
“You… You don’t actually hate me, right…?” You ask carefully. Hands clasped together, Nikolai notices that you are fiddling with your fingers—nervous, insecure, perhaps unsure. “I don’t think I can live with ease knowing that you hate me.”
He purses his lips. “I don’t have a reason to hate you.” He says softly. His own fingers are now itching to be fiddled too as he can feel the nerves are touring every inch of his system. “I don’t…”
I don’t hate you.
Nikolai takes a deep breath. “I don’t have a reason to.” He repeats again, despite knowing you surely heard his answer. Nothing to worry about, little bird. He is just trying to convince himself of something unknown. Something hidden.
“Really?” You say before you chuckle lightly. “I appreciate that… You make me happy. You always do.”
“Mm-hm, I do, huh?” Nikolai replies, returning your smile as well. “Go get ready. I was planning to go to Olga’s diner anyway to get some dinner. We are already out of canned soup this noon.” He says.
“Yes, sir.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“What? ‘Sir’?”
“Yeah. I don’t like it.”
You tilt your head. “Why?”
He clicks his tongue, pushing you by the shoulder lightly. “Reasons, okay? Go. And don’t wear that blue dress and get your makeup and stuff. I don’t want attention.” He orders. You huff—seeming to have planned to wear your beloved dress. But you know you have to obey anyway, so you dress yourself up in casual attire.
Snatching one of his jackets, you leave the room, already seeing Nikolai waiting by the door. His outfit is simple. A black fitted turtleneck is perfectly copying the shape of his body. The high-waisted pants he wears only make him look like he is eighty-percent legs. Over his top, he wears a white leather jacket.
You notice the extra sparkles on the jacket. Silver zippers, silver decorative chains, silver buttons. As he bends to wear his boots, you tug one of the chains curiously.
“This looks very expensive for a jacket.” You remark. Nikolai stands straight and your hand slides down his back before it drops to your side. He looks at you with a smug smile.
“Stole it.”
“Huh?”
“I can do magic, remember?” He grins proudly before he steps out of the house, followed by you. After he locks the door, he slips his hand into his jacket and—magically—takes out a quite big ushanka hat. Wordlessly, he puts it on your head.
“Just enough to hide your face.” He says, ignoring the confusion on your face as you see what he just did. Perhaps you are too puzzled by it that you start feeling the insides of the jacket you wore.
“Don’t bother, dolly. It is only I who can do that.” He brags with a smirk before he grabs your arm and pulls you along. Your feet just follow his steps, despite you having to match his pace a little faster. Sometimes Nikolai likes to make big steps when walking and although you do not mind following him everywhere, you do prefer a relaxed walk.
The journey to Olga’s diner only takes about ten minutes. As it is already dinnertime and the sun has drowned in the twilight horizon, night owls also come out. It is not rare for you to see the liveliness of the nightlife. Men and women mingle with each other as the television above the bar is broadcasting some sports event. Trailing Nikolai closely from behind, you two step inside, taking the table at the corner. The dark ambience of the diner manages to let your face slip—those who may recognize a missing girl might recognize someone else.
“Oh, hello, darling. Been a while.” Olga approaches your table, tickling your chin with an affectionate smile before she glances at Nikolai. “Hey, Kolya.”
Nikolai grunts. “What’s with that tone…” He murmurs. Olga huffs, placing her hand on her waist before tapping Nikolai’s head with the notepad she is holding. The thick part of the notepad hits Nikolai’s head hard, causing the man to even flinch.
“You know what you did.”
“W-What I do?” He says, pouty.
“Tell me why Viktor came here the other day, all sad and depressed because you’re angry at him.” Olga crosses her arms, glaring sternly at Nikolai. You look at each of them, enjoying the unprompted entertainment.
“I’m not angry at him,” Nikolai mumbles. “He was just being stupid.”
“He was trying to be helpful, as your friend,” Olga replies. “You shouldn’t just shove people away like that. You two have been friends since forever. You don’t even have a lot of friends and colleagues and you are getting angry and grumpy over some drunk conversations.” She nags, shaking her head exasperatedly.
Nikolai sighs. “Fine. I’m sorry, okay?”
“Don’t apologize to me. Go make up with Vitya himself.” She says. “Now, order.”
“As usual…” He mumbles, still sulky.
“Uhm, I’ll take the mushroom and chicken pie. Ooh, and iced chocolate.” You grin at her. Olga nods before she stares at you.
“This boy doesn’t do anything weird to you, right?” Olga asks. “Vitya told me about your… situation. No wonder the police have been around the town lately.” She says as she peeks to the window.
“Hm? Police are still searching in this town?” Nikolai’s head jerks up. Olga shrugs her shoulders.
“Yesterday, none of them appeared. Probably have moved to other spots. Or they gave up. I mean, the police are corrupt anyway…” She explains. “Regardless, I don’t think this little lady right here wants to leave you, right, Kolya?” She cackles, glancing at you teasingly. You smile sheepishly, feeling heat travelling all over your face.
“I really like it here…” You say.
“This is a very strange turn of events for someone like him and someone like you.” Olga nods to herself. “But if you are really going to stick around, my restaurant happened to be in need of one more staff, you see. Not to mention, tonight is pretty busy and I don’t have enough hands!” She grins as she bends a little to be near your eye level.
“Huh? O-Oh! Oh, are you…” You look at Nikolai who is just staring before you turn to Olga. “Are you offering me a job? Now?”
“No,” Nikolai sighs. “No, Olga… Olga, you crazy woman. I have important things to do with her! She’s not going to help you for this diner.” He protests as he glares at the lady with a sulky face. Olga only chuckles before she playfully messes with Nikolai’s hair.
“I know, I know. But, if there is another strange turn of events, I don’t mind having an addition for my restaurant.” Olga says before she walks away to go to the kitchen. Your eyes trail her before you turn quickly to Nikolai. As soon as you open your lips, he covers your mouth with his hand.
“No.”
Your nose scrunches before you grip his wrist and pull his hand away from your lips. “Why? It’s not like I do anything in the house? I don’t even know what I’m cleaning anymore.” You say, hand still gripping his. “Even the bacteria are getting cleaner. They don’t even need to shower but I showered them regardless…”
“You think I’ll allow you to walk around in this premise with chances of other bad people seeing your face? No way. You need to know, my love. This diner is not as innocent as it seems.” He says before he pulls his hand away from you and rests his elbow on the table. He props his chin on his palm. You cross your arms on the table, leaning forward.
“What do you mean by that?”
“People exchange information here. Illegal information. By ‘people’, I really mean criminals. Olga often gets bribes or ‘hush money’ to keep her mouth shut. How do you think this diner is still maintained even with few customers?” Nikolai explains before he shuts his lips as a waiter comes to the table with your ordered drinks.
He waits for the waiter to leave before he looks at you again. “Look around you, little bird. There are too many people here. So… no, you’re not going to work here. Lowly criminals may get caught but a lot of experienced ones have broad networks, you see. Your face is most likely known for those who tune in to the news. What’s easier than kidnapping an already missing person and using them for other benefits, right?” He tells you. You purse your lips as you sadly stir your iced chocolate. It is just a simple drink with whipped cream and cherry on top.
“Besides, I don’t want anyone to take you away. You still have a debt to pay, figuratively speaking.” Nikolai says before he steals the cherry from your drink. You whine, trying to stop his naughty hand but he already eats the whole fruit and puts back the small stem on your drink.
You wince. “Nikolai! Why are you being mean?” You quickly pick out the stem, dropping it on the table. Nikolai only cackles playfully as he chews the cherry. His smile is smug, scoffing at your sulky face.
“Relax, dolly. I’m the one paying so technically what’s yours is mine.” Nikolai grins as he picks up his hot tea, sipping it. He frowns slightly at the bitterness. His hand reaches out to the small bowl of sugar packets at the edge of the table but you quickly grab the bowl, pulling it away from him.
“Hey, give that back.”
“Nope!”
You laugh, almost so proud at your little revenge. You put the bowl at the spot right next to you. Pointing at his hot tea, you say, “Why don’t you drink it, hm? Hmm?” You giggle.
“Oh, I’m about to, sweetheart. Hold on.”
“What the—”
At that moment, Nikolai slips his hand inside his jacket and he takes out the exact same bowl of sugar packets from it. Deliberately and calmly, he tears open a few packets of sugar for his tea, as you watch, stunned.
“What did I say to you, sweetheart? Tricks don’t work with me.” He snorts before he pushes the bowl of sugar packets towards you. “Now you can put it away as far as you want. I’ll just enjoy my sweet tea right here.” He chuckles before he sips the drink.
“Hmph.”
You rest your chin on your palm, gazing at him. Irises trail all over his figure—scanning from his hair, white as snow, to his hands, big and rough. Your other hand creeps over to his hand, tracing your fingertips on his skin. As if it has a mind on its own, you glide your finger over the little pattern of tattoos that peeked out from his sleeve.
“What, are you interested in getting a tattoo?” Nikolai suddenly asks. You halt, right when your finger is over his wrist. You look up at him before you shrug.
“Seems scary.”
“The needles?”
You nod. “It pokes pokes pokes your skin, no? It bleeds you. But, I think it won’t hurt so much if it’s like… on certain parts of the body.”
Nikolai smirks. “Definitely. I guess if you are used to getting hurt on certain parts of your body, it doesn’t hurt much when tattooing the skin. For me, my arms only feel ticklish.” He says before he tilts his face, slyly grinning. “Maybe you should try one. On your face. It doesn’t hurt.”
“I guess it won’t hurt because my dad always hit me on it.”
“Fucking hell.”
— ♡
Mismatched eyes reflect the light from the screen of the television. People are in high spirits as the team they are cheering for is attempting another goal. Football is not something Nikolai tunes in. But there are times when his spirit also flows together with the people around him. People cheer and he will cheer too—even if he does not know who wins or loses.
However, that is perhaps only applicable to the twenty-four-year-old him.
“Do you play sports?”
He turns his head towards you. But your eyes are also fixated on the television, like everybody else. He wonders if you will even hear his answer because your question does sound like it is just a thought passing through like a breeze from the night air. “I supposed I don’t.” He says, his tone is just as careless as yours.
“Really? Then, how are you so strong?”
“Many reasons…” Nikolai mumbles, twirling his glass of vodka. His hot tea was already finished an hour ago. He finished eating way before you. “My tendency to get into fights in prison is probably one of the reasons too.”
“You fought in prison?” You finally pry your eyes away from the television, fixing your attention on him.
“I got bullied for the first few days…” Nikolai mumbles before he lets out a broken cackle. “But any man would tremble at the sight of a gun in front of their face. Unless they have the fangs of a tiger, then that is a different story. Well… a tiger can still be fought against with a falling telephone pole, so that’s that.” He says.
You tilt your head, confused. “You fought a tiger?”
“Not a literal tiger,” Nikolai snickers. “I think pure strength is not enough even for the strongest being in mankind. Creativity and versatility are important too. Strategies, plans, schemes… What’s scarier and stronger than a man who manipulates humanity to do his bidding while he sits back and enjoys the show from the crook of his library?” His eyes trail back to the television. “Even a sport requires strategies and manipulation, not pure stamina. Do you think the managers and those behind the players are not pulling the strings too?”
That’s why I must kill him.
“I mean, sport does have a long history of having bribe issues.” You murmur.
“That’s what I don’t understand either,” Nikolai nods to himself. “What’s fun with watching something that is most likely predetermined?”
“Not all sports are predetermined.”
“And not all are fair.”
You look away, staring at the table. Nikolai is also silent. He returns to watch the sport. Two players have fallen, and now one of them is going to protest at the yellow card. Next, arms open, provocation erupts to the stoic referee. The camera will pan to the spectators in the stadium. Some with hands on their head, some shout words and words that will only drown along with the cheers from the opposing team. Expectable, this show is too expectable—Nikolai sighs.
“Hey…”
Olga approaches your table again. This time, she looks visibly tired and worried. “I’m sorry for bringing this up again, but we really need a hand for tonight. One of my staff needs to go home because he has exams tomorrow. There are only three people in the kitchen, one at the bar and me.”
Nikolai frowns. Seriously? He does understand the circumstances but he could not find it in his heart to allow you to go and assist Olga for the restaurant, mainly because he does not want you to go roam around as a waitress, flaunting your pulchritude to the customers as you suggest them the most expensive food and drinks to order.
But your pleading eyes at him are certainly gleaming with hope right now.
Pinching his temple, Nikolai nods hesitantly. “Keep her in the kitchen only.”
Olga gasps and nods quickly. “Thanks a lot, Kolya.” She pecks his cheek appreciatively. “Her work is gonna be washing the dishes. You don’t mind that at all, right?” She asks you.
“No, I don’t! I’m a professional dishwasher.” You reply with a cheeky grin. As you stand up to follow Olga to the kitchen, you give Nikolai’s hand a squeeze and mouth ‘Thanks,’ to him. He just nudges his chin, shooing you. You giggle before you happily jog your way to the kitchen.
“Dummy.” Nikolai snickers, shaking his head as he checks his phone. It is past 10:30 PM and the diner will not close until twelve, he thinks. Or perhaps it will close when the sport has concluded. Because of the busy and crowded nights, your dinner time took two hours because you two also just lounging around in the diner watching the sport as well as he keeps ordering more vodka. He learns something new too—you eat later than usual when you are watching something, compared to when you only have him to stare and look at.
Bzzz!
As if the sender knows that Nikolai is holding his phone right now, he receives a message—from someone he expects will not talk to him for another five business days.
Viktor: Hey, man. You busy?
Me: no. why
Viktor: Our marriage argument can wait. But I want you to come to Nastya’s studio now.
Me: now?
Viktor: Bitch, fucking read.
Me: can i go to the mart first? i need to get groceries
Viktor: Fine. But just come, alright? You must come. Tonight. Now.
Viktor: But go get your grocery first, fucker.
Nikolai gets up from his seat and gathers his belongings. He walks to the kitchen and wordlessly barges inside without caring for the strange look given by the bartender who is busy making drinks. He slips between the chefs and gets to you who is already washing cups and beer mugs.
He gently calls your name, poking your shoulder. You turn your head. “Oh! Hey, Kolya. Are you going to join me in this adventure of washing dishes?”
“Keep your talent in words, dolly. I need to leave for a moment. Viktor wants me to go to see him. But I might be late because I’ll stop by the mart to buy some groceries. You want anything?” He asks. You hum, thinking, as your hand is brushing the cup with a soapy sponge.
“Coco pops cereal, please.” You grin. Nikolai snickers as his hand cannot help staying still. He reaches to your cheek, playfully pinching it and shaking your face as he grits his teeth.
“Alright, you cheeky gold-digging girl.”
You whine and he lets go with a chuckle. “If the diner is closed, wait inside. I’m sure Olga won’t go home until I fetch you. And don’t run away— Gah, you know what, nevermind. You won’t leave me alone anyway.” He rambles as he turns around and leaves. You watch him disappear out of the kitchen and finally turn your focus to the dishes.
The lingering touch on your cheek still burns. You smile to yourself.
Your work increases tenfold when the clock strikes midnight. The sport that was broadcasted has concluded and the customers are leaving. You and two other staff are left along with Olga to clean the restaurant for closing. It seems that there are never-ending dirty dishes to wash.
“You okay?” Olga asks after you have not seen her for a while. “Come, you can stop washing the dishes. We have no need to rush to close the restaurant.” She says as she gestures to you to come to her. You leave the sink and wince at the sight of your strained arms. Your fingers are extremely wrinkled after being in the water for so long.
Once you are by Olga’s side, she takes out a clean napkin from her apron pocket and starts to gently wipe your wet arms. “You know, compared to Vasya and Alyosha, you don’t even complain about the amount of dishes you have to clean.” She says.
“I’m kinda used to it…” You smile before peeking out from the small window that allows the chefs and the staff outside to interact. You do not know which is which but one guy is sweeping the floor while the other is wiping the table. They do not even talk to you when you enter the kitchen other than changing a quick greeting upon seeing an addition to the team.
Olga smiles. “That one, who’s sweeping the floor is Vasily. His friend—or boyfriend, considering that they always spend time in Vasya’s bedroom like boyfriends would—is Aleksy.” She says as she continues to dry your fingertips and massage your arms gently.
“How do you know that?” You ask.
“Vasya rented a room in my house. He’s a university student near here. Worked here too for extra allowances and rent discount.”
Your eyes sparkle at the new information. Interested, you ask, “Oh, you are also a tenant?”
Olga chuckles and shakes her head. “No, not at all. I just have a vacant bedroom in my house. It belonged to my son.” She replies, Strangely, her tone lowers and her eyes droop darker at the last bits of her words. You notice the tone, certainly and you do not think talking about it is right at the moment. Vacant bedroom, belonged, son. There are only a few conclusions that can be drawn as long as the answer is not definitive.
“They are not trying to be cold towards you, you know? Both of them are introverts, compared to your… man. The younger version of him, that is.” Olga smiles before she reaches to your cheek, nudging your skin with her knuckle. “You’re flustered.”
“Uhm… He’s not my man.”
“Not yet.”
“Olga…!” You pout before she laughs.
“I’m just joking,” She smiles, patting your head. “I love the guy, you know? He was a cheerful one and to be honest? Don’t tell this to Vitya, but Kolya is definitely more fun to tolerate.” She says. “But I love them both equally. Though, my life was much safer before I knew them.”
“Oh?” You look at her. “I am aware that your restaurant also does… not-so-good things… But did both of them cause you to involve yourself in such matters?” You ask carefully. Olga huffs and nods.
“They used to smuggle stuff. And my storage room was proven to be the best place to hide stuff, according to Kolya anyway. I don’t even get his logic. But, I guess words travel faster than light itself because one by one, suspicious people start to come here and pay me to keep quiet about their bad behaviour.” She explains. “I accept the money, of course. I cannot afford to let this diner be sold or discontinued.”
You take a look around and you can see the traces of the past on the flakes, the rusts and the dirt. Old. Historic.
“This is my family’s restaurant. I’ve been working here since I was eleven. I cannot just simply leave this place. It holds nostalgia.” Olga says. Her eyes are vacant, staring ahead and yet towards nowhere. “If this restaurant is gone, I’m gone. And if I’m gone, nobody could take care of Vasya. That boy is not from this country and he travelled this far just to pursue his studies.”
She whispers, “My boy would do the same too, if he had the chance…”
“You’ve worked here for a long while…” You remark before looking down at your hands, fingertips grazing against each other, feeling the wrinkles from your yet-to-be-paid hard work. “I started working around your age too.” You tell her. “When I was… twelve? Thirteen? My first job was in a very small store in the neighbourhood. I was not really good at being a cashier, so my boss lady assigned me to arrange stock.”
“Oh? Was the job worth it?” Olga asks back, still smiling warmly at you.
“I wouldn’t say that but it was fun. I got to do things and meet many people from the neighbourhood and I… got to live my life out of my house…” You mumble. “I learnt a lot of things too.”
“I heard about what happened with your father. I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through.” Olga says, taking your hand and holding it tightly. “No kids should ever live a life like that. You deserve so much more, darling. You really do. Never stop being kind, alright? Kindness is so needed in this kind of place.”
“Thank you, Olga…” You smile at her.
Olga grins before she taps your shoulder. “Kolya does not seem to be coming back any sooner but I’ll wait until you’re safe and home with him. Vasya and Alyosha do not mind waiting too. I know they don’t have any schedule tomorrow.” She says before she bends a little to look at the two boys. You also take a peek. They are laughing at each other, seeming to have delight in the small world they created.
“They’re going to come back to the kitchen for other chores. Can you go and mop the floor?” Olga asks. You nod and ask for the mop and the bucket, which Olga shows you before she calls for the boys to come into the kitchen to help her.
As you bring the mop and the bucket of soapy water to the dining area, you pass by both Vasily and Aleksy. They give you a smile and a nod before getting into the kitchen. Once again, you are left alone. You dip the mop in the water and start mopping. The channel on the television has changed to a midnight news channel, presumably by the bartender who left as soon as the cleaning started. You do not understand why the bartender and one of the kitchen staff left early but you want to try to assume the best—they probably have important work tomorrow.
Accompanied by the sound of the compiled news from the previous day coming from the television, you keep mopping under the table and the chairs. You keep stealing occasional glances at the outside world, trying to see if Nikolai is coming to get you or not. The snow is falling lightly, coating the earth with a layer of solitude.
You have been mopping for five minutes now and you finally stand straight, stretching yourself. You take a seat at one of the tables to rest. Your knees feel a little strained, probably because you have been standing for a while. Your eyes roam around the diner before they stop at the television screen.
And then the world stops.
“A dead body was discovered in Mckinlay Motel at the Russian-Belarusian border…”
“A dead body was discovered in Mckinlay Motel at the Russian-Belarusian border…”
“A dead body was discovered in Mckinlay Motel at the Russian-Belarusian border…”
“A dead body was discovered in Mckinlay Motel at the Russian-Belarusian border…”
“A dead body was discovered in Mckinlay Motel at the Russian-Belarusian border…”
“Fuck.”
Hand on his face, Nikolai’s eyes are fixated on the news shown on Viktor’s laptop. His heart is beating fast as he digests every word uttered by the newsreader. Dead body, motel, a gun, Russian-Belarusian border, your last name, his blurred identity card, his blurred face, the zoomed-in footage on his hand showing his wedding ring—
“Suicide,” Viktor finally speaks and Nikolai deliberately turns to him. Viktor looks grim and agitated. His right leg cannot stop shaking as he stares at his lap. “He shot himself.”
“Are we entirely sure this is not pseudo-suicide? The loan sharks did not orchestrate this?” Nikolai asks before he swallows nervously. He does not realize how heavy his tongue feels when he tries to talk more about this.
“No. No, I don’t think the loan sharks were aware of his… suicide. When this was first reported, the middleman even called me to confirm it. Which means… They did not participate in his suicide either. They want money, not a dead body.” Viktor explains before he sighs. “Fuck, fuck, everything is going to shit. It's all complicated now. Bloody hell…”
Nikolai purses his lips before he leans back. He is at a loss for words. Your father is dead. He shot himself. He was already at the border and he could leave anytime. He wonders why your father killed himself when the chance for freedom is right in front of him.
An issue with the passport? Official document? Money? Was he blacklisted? Was he denied by the authorities?
Hell, does any reason even matter now? Your father is dead and there is no way he is coming back to live to tell the tale of his suicide unless he can magically metamorphose himself into another body. He left you alone in this city and he left you alone in this world, forsaking you with his abundance of debt and problems.
“Kolya… I’ve… I’ve been thinking for a while about this.” Viktor suddenly speaks. He buries his face into his palms, groaning foully into them. “How do I say this… You know, you’re not the only one who’s drunk that night. That night, after I fetched Nastya from your place, I felt jealous because she basically just got out of your place and it’s like—how dare you have my girl in your place but I know it was because of our agreement to have her look after your girl too.”
Nikolai frowns at his ramble. His eyes travel around the table and finally catch the sight of half-emptied vodka on it. Viktor—or Nastasya, considering they are in her office—has been drinking, perhaps. He is probably tipsy.
“Anyway, anyway. When I saw Nastya, I noticed she had three nails polished with a light blue colour. Yeah, that’s your girl’s nail polish, maybe. Most likely. Defi-fucking-nitely. I told her to get rid of the colour because I know Nastya doesn’t like pastels. But she didn’t want to because that girl was too sweet to her. Nastya also said she would like to make hot chocolate just as how the girl taught her for me. And and and— fuck, Kolya… I know you’re smart and all, so can you tell me why I feel like this?” Viktor finally lifts his head, turning to Nikolai with his lips curled as if he is trying to pout—or was it even an attempt?
Nikolai sighs. “Vik, we are talking about… her dad right now. Can we not talk about Nastasya or her?” He says. “Right now, her dad just killed himself and I’m pretty sure the loan sharks were on their way to pursue that man before the suicide too.”
“No, that’s exactly what I wanna say, Kolyushka!” Viktor exclaims. “I wasn’t thinking straight when I immediately reported her daddy’s coordinates to the middleman. As soon as you told me his whereabouts, my mind went zoom— Ah, I should tell them loan whales.”
“The fuck are you talking about—”
“I feel guilty, Kolya.”
Nikolai halts.
Viktor inhales a sharp breath. “I feel guilty because I felt like I took away Nastya’s new friend. Zoya met her once and already wanted to fuck the girl. I think she’s cute too but not as cute as Nastya. And I took your happiness— Ahh! Why do I feel like this? I feel so… so fucking bad. She is just like any other victim we kidnapped and traded and sometimes killed. The only difference is that we did not spend over a month with them!”
Nikolai stares at his tipsy friend for a moment before he turns away. His eyes are fixed on the news again. This time, it is showing some interviews with witnesses from Mckinlay Motel.
“We detected a very strange smell from the room.”
“We tried to knock but no one’s answering. Even the calls from the reception are not answered.”
“Yeah, no one around here has seen him. But he occasionally visited the convenience store. No, he did not buy a lot of things. Only a lot of cigarettes.”
“Viktor… What do you think of the loan sharks’ next move since their debtor is dead now?” Nikolai asks, voice slow and sullen, thundering deeply from his throat. Viktor sniffles before he sits straight.
“He had a lot of debt with them. Ain’t no way they will simply let the money burn, especially with how much they have spent on trying to catch that bastard.” Viktor says. “They can probably sell his assets to make a profit but can it be enough to cover all the debt? All the expenses? Nobody even wants to rent that ugly house.”
“Certainly not,” Nikolai grumbles. “The debt may default but I don’t doubt the loan sharks will—for the lack of a better word—get revenge for all the expenditures he caused them.”
“Yeah. And one of his assets is his daughter. The girl. You know the mind of horrible criminals, Kolyushka. Money lenders or not, by law or not, this group is ultimately a crime syndicate. They’re going to get her for sure.” Viktor adds, sighing loudly as he throws his head back.
“Are you two going to let the loan sharks take her?”
Both Viktor and Nikolai look up to the door, seeing Nastasya leaning against the frame. Her eyes darken as she steps further into the room.
“Hm?” She addresses the men again. “Let her be taken? Let her take responsibility for something she did not do? What do you think will happen to a young girl with no one left and nothing left?”
Nikolai’s eyes scan her, finding her knuckles turning white as she grips the edge of the table.
“That’s why I feel guilty… At first, I wouldn’t be much, knowing she was going to be just a hostage or a bait. But now… It’s like something shifts.” Viktor mumbles. His brown irises trail up to his lover before the latter also share the same look—a sentiment that is unspoken but understood.
“No…”
Nikolai finally gets up. He takes a quick look at his watch. 12:27 AM. The diner must be closed by now. You are probably waiting for him.
“No, what?” Nastasya asks.
“You guys want to keep her, then keep her. I’m going to Peters. I have more important things to do than babysit a child.” Nikolai says, firmly. His tone is hard and rough as he fixes his jacket. Viktor bolts up from his seat, grabbing his friend’s arm.
“Are you serious? You’re gonna give her if the loan sharks ask for her? She’s gonna get trafficked!”
“Let me go.”
“Answer me, fucking coward.”
Nikolai yanks his arm away from Viktor’s grip. “I’m not gonna dwell in guilt like you, Pavlovsky.”
With that, Nikolai walks out of the studio, making haste of his steps towards his car. He enters it and starts the engine. The radio is not even on, he does not bother to do it as he drives to Olga’s diner—fast. The car runs through the falling snow that illuminates the night sky and the street lights. The world has gone quiet and will only go quieter as the hours pass.
But his mind is never quiet. Each thought produces a monster, standing by to devour his head. Words from the news are buzzing in his ears like flies, and Nikolai worries that all of those monstrous thoughts and buzzing words are leading to one person.
Oh, you…
Nikolai is not sure whether you saw the news or not. He hopes you did not. The television in Olga’s place was dominated by a sports channel, no? It was on with sports and shall be off with sports. If you are aware of what happened to your father, he will be quiet. If you are not, he will be quiet too. He will keep his mouth shut about it, silence just like the winter night.
Any mention of this will rigorously affect his plan to leave this town.
Although, deep down, Nikolai knows, his plan to leave is already plagued with doubts and worries.
He arrives at the diner in less than the expected time. Usually, it takes about fifteen minutes from VIY Studio to Olga’s place but due to the lack of people and cars on the street, especially at the hour, he manages to arrive in just ten.
The diner is already dark. The light on the signboard is off, as well as the inviting ‘OPEN’ neon at the window. From the outside, the dining area is totally sombre. There is only the white light from the kitchen area, which is visible through the small window connecting the bar and the kitchen.
Nikolai steps to the door—unlocked. He pushes it open and it rings. Two boys who are slumped at a table woke up from their sleep upon hearing the ring. Nikolai recognises them, but he doubts that they recognise him.
“Where’s Olga?” He asks one of them. One of the boys, shy and timid, points at the door leading to the kitchen. Nikolai nods, mumbling half-hearted thanks as he steps towards the kitchen. He enters it, finding Olga is cleaning the stove.
“Olga,” Nikolai calls and she turns. Her eyes widen and a tint of panic waves over her face.
“Kolya, oh my God, you’re here.” She says as she rushes to him. Nikolai frowns, ignoring the old lady as he scans the whole kitchen area, trying to find you. The panic in her voice raises concern over his heart—once again, reacting to bad thoughts flooding his mind by hastening its beating.
“She’s been in the toilet for a moment now. Told me she got a stomach ache and she needed time. Can you go and check her?”
His sixth sense tells him that there is no stomach ache.
Reluctant yet feeling compelled to go, Nikolai nods. He makes his way to the toilet area. Two wooden doors—one for female and one for male. He approaches the one with the female symbol, knocking it a few times.
He calls your name.
No answer.
Sniffles, yes. He does hear sniffles.
He calls for you again, this time a little firmer. Knocks again.
“S-Sorry, I need time…” Your muffled voice responds back. “Kolya…? C-Can you wait outside? I-I’ll see y-you outside…”
Nikolai stays still in front of the door, staring at the fake carving on the wood. He hangs his head low as his eyes stare blankly at his knuckles. “… I am outside. Not going anywhere.” He says.
“… I’m not going anywhere.” He says again.
Silence. Just as he wishes. Yes, you know about your father, that is crystal clear and obvious. And he prays that this silence will be forever—your father’s death shall never be mentioned, never be thought about.
The fiddling noise of the lock breaks Nikolai’s focus on his hand. The door is pulled from the inside, open.
“N-Nikolai…” Your glassy eyes gape at him, surprised. Your lips tremble as they try to crook for a smile. One attempt, two attempts and you finally manage to force one—unnatural and uncanny. “You’re b-back from Viktor.”
The air is tightening, choking his words from leaving his mouth. Hesitation—he can feel the heaviness in his heart to even reply to you. But for the sake of clearing the awkwardness, he nods. “Y-Yeah, I did. Come on.”
He turns around and walks off. He does not even know whether you are following him or not, for his gaze is only on his car in front of the premise. He leaves the diner first and once his boots step on the pavement, he realizes he is alone. He does not hear yours behind him.
Nikolai takes a deep breath and faces up. He huffs slowly and the cold air trails out of his orifices. Heaviness is still lingering in his heart, despite he is alone out in the world. When he hears slow footsteps approaching him, the heaviness grows more, taking over his insides. With such a burden, he turns his head around, only to see you walking towards him with a gloomy gaze on the ground.
One of your arms is hugging the ushanka you have taken off earlier. Without any word, Nikolai offers his hand and you—sensibly—put the ushanka on his hand. He then opens his jacket, slipping the big hat into the unknown.
The baby blue girl who would often cheer at the tiniest sight of his ability is only carrying a deeper shade of blue right now.
You are just standing there, so lost in thoughts that the glimmers in your eyes are lost too. The smile you once forced back at the toilet is not even trying to attempt anymore. Delight has flipped itself over, overcasting you with misery.
“Hey.”
“Nikolai…” You finally speak. Your fingers clutch at your sides, fiddling with the fabric of your clothes. Then, accompanied by a quivering breath and hoarse voice, you ask;
“Can I have a hug?”
Nikolai is silent. Oh, he really does wish to be silent. But wishes rarely ever come true.
“Uhm…” He knows it—you want to be touched, to be held. You wish for solace and comfort. But Nikolai does not want it. If his wish to be silent cannot come true, yours cannot either.
His eyes are everywhere but you. However, his body does turn towards you. His hand does reach out to you and with the most awkward voice he can muster, he offers, “How about we just shake hands?”
You stare at his hand. You nod. “Okay.”
You grab a hold of his hand before you slowly pull him and push yourself to the centre—closer. Nikolai’s body too moves on its own, subjecting itself to your whims. Your arms around his body as you bury yourself deeper into his warmth.
And he embraces.
His arms around yours, warmer and tighter. Your face against his chest and his face against your head, lips touch your skin briefly. One of his hands trails up, cupping the back of your neck as he caresses gently. And you let go. The cries and the sobs—you pour out to him and as he wishes, he stays silent and accepts it.
“My dad’s dead, Kolya…”
Sniffles.
“I don’t know what to do…”
Hiccups.
“I don’t have anyone left…”
You hug him tighter, and you press your cries harder against his chest.
hi everyone! thank you all for bearing with my slow updates lol :p
i've decided to open requests back up (yay!!!) since i'm a little more freed up with school/work. if you would like to send a request, then please review my request rules first (they've been updated so please check them again if you requested in the past!).
as a reminder you can also request to ask for expansions of current stories/aus i've written! :) i'll also try to finish the illumi & toji x reader fics from spooktober bc i hate leaving things unfinished lol T~T
happy requesting + everyone take care of your selves ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡
☾₊‧⁺˖pairing: asylum patient!nikolai gogol x asylum attendant!fem!reader
☾₊‧⁺˖genre: angst + fluff; slightly suggestive
☾₊‧⁺˖content warnings: manipulation/mind games, infidelity, nikolai's a bit of a meanie in this one lol
☾₊‧⁺˖notes: meant to follow the events + be a side story of the get free series (between pt 1) just pretend it's still halloween okay
☾₊‧⁺˖ word count: 5.3k
"Happy Halloween!" You chirped happily, handing Nikolai a pumpkin-decorated gift bag with his favorite Ukranian candies and sweets. There was an assortment of minky binky, roshen, and ABK chocolates inside⎯which you'd learned were his childhood favorites.
Your patient paused before opening the bag and observing the treats inside. He looked...melancholic almost? He took the candies out in his hand and turned them all over to look closer at the packaging, silent.
You opened your mouth to speak but closed it, unsure if you did the right thing. Your husband had warned you not to bring gifts for any of the patients⎯and especially not Nikolai⎯because it would promote unwanted feelings and attachment, but you brought them behind his back anyway. You hated how strict all the protocols in place were, and how they treated the patients like they were evil monsters instead of normal people that just needed help. After all, Nikolai wasn't a monster. To you, he was⎯
Arms wrapping around your waist and warm breath hitting the shell of your ears forced you out of your thoughts, and you yelped as you felt Nikolai's toned body pressing into yours, "Thank you, dove~" He patted your head affectionately and you felt some loose strands of his white hair tickle your face. "Halloween is actually my favorite holiday, y'know?" He hugged you closer, and you felt your back hit the wall of his holding room.
"When I was a kid, my neighbors and I used to go around the nearby houses and say 'Varyatyky or sweets!' It was meant to be a a tradition to 'overcome' evil spirits!" You nodded and tapped on his chest to tell him he was crushing you, and he finally released you from his grip.
When he pulled away, his once sad eyes were now sparkling with excitement, and you gave him a questioning look, which he seemed to catch on to, "Ah, I was a bit sad earlier because the candies you gave me reminded me of my past life," He solemnly took your hands in his, "And I've been trying to escape the old cage I was in for a long, long time. I guess it made me feel weird..."
You tilted your head in curiosity⎯you swore that every time you thought you understood Nikolai, he always threw you off again. He giggled suddenly and spun you around, catching you back in your arms and embracing you again so your back was against his chest, and you shrieked from the slight dizziness, "You make me feel all sorts of weird emotions, ptashka, but I don't hate it."
For some reason, that made you smile softly as Nikolai rested his chin on your shoulder, his heterochromatic eyes still trained on you. You placed your hands over his, which were wrapped around your waist, and paused momentarily before peeling them off of you as usual. Your eyes caught your reflection in the steel mirror off to the side. Although distorted, you could clearly see Nikolai's body wrapped around your smaller one and how relaxed you looked. It definitely didn't look like an attendant and their patient.
It felt nice. Being held like a lover felt nice.
This was bad. He was being too affectionate, and you were playing along a little too complacently. Were you really this touch-starved? Wouldn't letting another man touch you⎯a married woman⎯like this be bad in any other situation?
Your doubts and uncertainties were interrupted when Nikolai whispered into your ear.
"Love, can we go play in the courtyard later today?"
₊˚.༄
The crisp autumnal air hit your skin, but it was nice. The orange and red foliage contrasted the stark white asylum you were in all day, and the tan trench coat you threw on helped keep you cozy and warm in your short dress. Well, that and Nikolai, who was connected to you with linked arms. He would stop every few steps to squeeze you in his arms, claiming he was "too cold and needed heat" even though he refused to put a coat on.
The patients had just finished their midday snack, so he smelled like the powder-mix apple cider that was served in the cafeteria. The scent of sour apples and cinnamon was comforting enough to you, so you didn't complain much about his antics.
You exhaled, watching your breath materialize in the chilly air, "This weather...it makes me wish I could give out candy to the trick-o-treaters," you smiled sadly to yourself, "I always like decorating the house during this time of year and seeing their happy faces when they come to our door..."
Nikolai paused, stopping your steps briefly and walking in front of you, holding both of your hands now. He walked backwards, crushing leaves under his feet, "Why don't you do it tonight, then? You get off work before they start to come out, right?"
You shook your head, "No...it's been four years since the asylum opened, and in those four years, my husband has always forced me to work the night of Halloween, so I can never celebrate." You paused, looking up to see some doves flying in the sky, but Nikolai pulled your head back down to him.
"That's a shame, dove. If you were with me, we could dress up in matching costumes together and surprise all the kids," He started skipping frantically, pulling you away from the main area of the courtyard, "Oh! I could do your hair and makeup, too, I'm pretty good at that sort of stuff, y'know? I could even make you a custom costume!" You squealed as he started to skip faster, spinning you in circles and making you dizzy. You were both getting farther away, the fountain no longer in sight.
He pulled you close to him again, his blue and green eyes wildly piercing into your shaky pupils, "If you just left him, we could make that a reality, myla." His hands grasped your arms tighter and your lightheadedness was making his words feel hypnotic, "Why don't you just leave him already? You don't even love him, do you? He hurts you; you hate him. And I hate him even more. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I fucking ha⎯"
"Ahh⎯Ow⎯" You gasped sharply from the pain of Nikolai digging his nails into your arms and pulled away from his tight hold, mind still a bit hazy. "S-Stop it, just stop it, Nikolai..." He gave you a disapproving glare, but you continued, "He's my husband and my boss, so I have to obey him. I can't just up and leave him whenever I wan⎯ack⎯!" You stepped backwards and stumbled on a stray boulder, and time felt like it went slower as you lost your balance and toppled onto the ground, your back and head hitting the dirt.
You groaned in pain, feeling the ache in your skull. Your patient, however, didn't seem too concerned and only sneered when he watched you hit the ground. You narrowed your eyes at him and felt his presence as he crouched down to assess you for any injuries. Nothing too serious.
He giggled manically while picking some dried leaves out of your hair, "Say, dove, if you really miss the kids, why don't we play a childish little game?" You grunted and tried to swat his hand away, but the dull throbbing in your head prevented you from being successful.
You tried to glare at him, but a chill ran down your spine when you glanced over to see a wide grin on his face and the same dark, unreadable look clouding his eyes, "Hmmm, why don't we play hide and seek? It's a fun game, right, ptashka?" He gleamed brightly at you again but barely gave you a chance to object, "Yeah, that sounds fun, doesn't it? How about you count to thirty and then come look for me?!"
You winced again, placing your hand over your head to try and alleviate some of the pain. How desperately you wanted to scream at Nikolai to stop and help you, but the constant pang blocked you from doing so. He tilted his head innocently, "Oh, a prize, you ask? Well..." He pondered mockingly, "What about winner decides? And no cheating, okay?" He took your phone and walkie out from the pocket of your trench coat and shut down your phone so no one could track or contact you. You whined when he threw a part of your coat over your eyes to blind you.
His presence left you as he dusted himself off and stood up again, "Thirty seconds, okay, myla?" You tried to reach for his foot, but he was long gone, and all you could do was listen to the distant crunching of leaves and hysterical giggles grow farther away from you.
The sun had set by the time you opened your eyes again, finally mustering up the strength to get off the ground. You rubbed your back and looked around⎯it had probably been closer to thirty minutes since Nikolai had ran away.
Internally, a tick set off in your head telling you to look for him. You checked your empty pockets and decided that you should try and catch him first before reporting anything. After all, he was technically your responsibility, and the thought of your husband hounding you over losing a patient hurt your brain more than the spinning pain.
You tried to think rationally⎯if you had woken up on the ground, then surely no one had noticed both of your absences or caught Nikolai. Just calm down and try to find him.
You looked around, trying to guess where he'd ran off to, but the ground didn't give you any clues as to which direction he'd gone. Not that you were surprised, though, since he had plenty of experience running away.
It's fine, it's just a silly game⎯he didn't really run away or escape. You tried to calm your mind and think of a plan to get him. Deciding that treating this as a game would help your sanity, you cupped your hands around your mouth, "R-Ready or not, here I come!" You squeaked out, your shaky confidence showing through your voice.
You ran towards the fountain, hoping Nikolai would be there since he was always drawn to the koi fish and rose garden. You walked towards the direction of the structure, the crisp air filling your lungs as you frantically looked for him. Calm down, he's definitely there. You smiled to yourself, envisioning him playing with the fish or tossing rose petals into the water pools of the marble fountain. It was a ten-minute walk, so you tried to enjoy the fresh breeze blowing through your hair and massage the knots in your strained back.
What you weren't expecting was...nothing. There was just a maintenance worker tending to the garden and pulling out weeds. No sign of your patient. You walked around, looking behind every bush and up into each individual tree, but you still saw nothing. The gardener would glance at you occasionally, but you kept searching tirelessly, trying to go beyond the bounds of the elaborate labyrinth to see if he was hiding in a more inconspicuous spot. Still no luck.
You mustered up the courage to go up to the worker and see if he'd be any help. Maybe it was cheating, but you were starting to get impatient and doubt was beginning to sink in.
You cleared your throat, "Ahem," the worker turned around, "Excuse me, but have you seen anyone pass through here recently?"
The old worker smiled, the corners of his mouth crinkling upwards in a smile, "Well, yes, actually⎯lots of people. Anyone in particular you were looking for?"
You breathed a sigh of relief, "Have you see a tall man with white hair? It's probably in a braid, and he has heterochromia⎯one eye is green and the other is a bluish-gray with a vertical scar," The gardener only gave you a confused look, "...he's pretty young and fit..." You trailed off, concerned by the look you received.
The elderly man scratched his head, "I haven't seen anyone like that around." He paused, recognizing your attendant uniform, "Is he your patient? We can get security involved if it's a serious problem. Actually, let me radio the bos⎯"
You grabbed his hand apprehensively once you saw him reach for the walkie on his belt, "O-Oh, sorry, I just remembered I handed him off to another attendant." You let out a fake laugh, trying to reassure him no action was needed. No matter what, you couldn't get your husband involved.
The worker eyed you cautiously but then shrugged, "They really overwork you attendants so much you start to forget things, huh? I've heard you're understaffed."
You forced out another laugh and nodded, "Haha, yeah, they do..." You perked up, smiling as another precaution, "Thank you for your help, though, sir! I-I'll be on my way now, so please resume your work." You waved to him and started walking back towards where you fell.
"Young lady! Where are you headed off to? The asylum's back there!" Your eyes widened at his voice calling out after you, but you turned again, feigning confidence.
"Just taking a walk to clear my head!" You waved again, and he shrugged and tipped his hat to bid you farewell. You turned around and cursed yourself silently, both for acting suspicious and still not finding Nikolai.
As soon as you couldn't see the old gardener anymore, you started sprinting, hard, back towards your starting point. The fall air was now burning your lungs and your heart was beating violently fast, swelled with anxiety about the whole situation, and the fact that Nikolai could very well be gone by now. And it would all be your fault.
A pit formed in your stomach as you thought of all the potential repercussions you'd have to face, but also at the thought of never seeing Nikolai again. Of knowing that was your last interaction. Somehow, the thought made you want to run faster. It felt like you had to find him.
₊˚.༄
The forest. You hadn't checked the forest yet.
It was darker now, the once coral sky had turned navy blue, and the sky was much dimmer. Almost two hours had passed, but you still hadn't found Nikolai.
Despite the cold, you were sweating from anxiety. There was no way you lost him. Maybe if you called for him, he would come out of hiding? He did seem to have some sort of obsession with you. You looked around again before stepping closer to the mass of colorful trees.
"Miss, is everything alright?' You whipped your head around to see the second-to-last person you'd want to encounter at the moment⎯Lacey.
Her blonde bob was swaying from the light breeze and her emerald eyes shined with fake concern, "Where's your patient? Gogol, right? Nikolai Gogol?" She ran up to you and tried to reach for your arm, but you stepped away before she could touch you.
Somehow, you felt strange. No one had ever said Nikolai's name before, as they were too scared to acknowledge him because of all the crimes he'd committed. The way his name flowed off her tongue in such a tender way irked you for some reason.
"He's fine." You mumbled, forgetting to add a nicer tone to your voice. You coughed suddenly, remembering that Lacey was likely there for a reason, and that she'd run off to the boss immediately if she caught on to the situation at hand. "Ah, did something happen? You should be done with work by now, right? It's late."
Lacey shifted, peering over your shoulder like she was trying to look for your patient; you felt your palms getting clammy. "Well, you and Gogol have been gone for two hours, and your walkie and phone both aren't able to be contacted. The boss sent me to look for you because he was worried about you both..."
Worried, sure. Definitely not just because he was a control freak that needed to know your wherabouts all times. She gasped dramatically, bringing a hand up to her mouth, "He didn't run away, did he? He isn't with you⎯" her brows furrowed and she looked around, "Should we call security? They can deploy helicopters and dogs to search from him!"
You felt a lump in your throat when she said that, fearful of her taking action and exposing you. You reached for her shoulder reassuringly, "Oh, well, there's no need for that," you raked your mind for any sort of plausible excuse, "Nikolai's just...um...using the bathroom! He's in the woods right now, so I'm just waiting for him to finish." You tried to laugh to throw in some emotion, "Sorry I didn't tell you in the first place. It's kind of TMI and embarrassing!"
Lacey stared at you suspiciously but nodded slowly, "Oh...I see." She grimaced at the thought, "Men are really gross, aren't they? For a patient to do that...how uncivilized..." You forced another painful laugh and agreed with her, wrapping your coat tighter around yourself to shield your shaking body. You couldn't tell if she was dumb enough to believe you or not.
Lacey smiled at you, "Why don't I wait with you, then? Once Nikolai comes back, we can all walk back to the white ward, and then I'll go home!"
Your mouth felt dry. Shit, you were really going to be caught now. You couldn't tell her that you still didn't know where your patient even was. For all you knew, he could've successfully escaped the asylum premises by now. You tried to open your mouth to object, but you didn't know how to do so without making yourself look more suspicious.
Think. Think. Think, damnit.
Lacey's humming made your head hurt, but you suddenly thought of another excuse, "Oh, Lacey, could you actually bring me a new walkie? My old one and my phone died earlier, so I gave my walkie to a guard and asked him to bring me a new one, but he never did." You clasped your hands together, "They should be in the break lounge, and you can ask IT for help configuring it. That way, I can radio in, and you can head home!" You hoped that convinced her, and luckily her eyes lit up at your suggestion.
"Sure! It's honestly a little cold out here, so I'll go back inside to get you a walkie." She pouted, "I kind of wanted to meet Gogol. He's stuck to you all the time and hates all the other attendants...I'm sure we would get along, though!"
Lacey flashed the brightest smile at you, and you had to restrain yourself from throwing a rock at her sly face as you adjusted your coat. Certainly she didn't think Nikolai would make an exception for her⎯she was way too irritating and two-faced. "Well anyways, I'll head back. I'll come back to this spot afterwards with some guards to get you and Gogol." She waved goodbye to you in a childish manner before skipping away, and you watched intently until she became a small dot in the distance.
Your palms got sweaty again as you realized you had thirty minutes at most to find Nikolai. Your heartbeat increased as you ran into the forest and looked up into the branches, hoping to catch sight of him.
Still unsuccessful, you started to panic. "Kolya!" You cried out, cupping your hands over your mouth to project your shouts, "Kolya, where are you?" You ran deeper into the woods, dirtying your clean shoes and getting scratched by branches along the way. It was dark and the foliage covered the light, so you couldn't see very well.
The hairs on your neck stood up, and you heard some distant rustling. Looking up, all you saw was a dove in a tree, feeding some of the babies inside its nest. You stopped to stare for a bit before moving on, going deeper into the mess of shadows. Anxiety kept creeping up on you as you continued shouting Nikolai's name.
"Kolya, please! I give up, so you can come out now! Please, come out, please⎯" You kept running, and your throat felt dry as everything started to dawn on you. You'd been wandering for ten minutes. It was getting late, and beads of cold sweat stuck to your skin. Your body still hurt. Lacey and the guards were going to be here soon, and when they were here, they'd find out you were lying about everything, and Nikolai was actually nowhere to be found. You'd lose your job and very livelihood. Your husband would get angry and take it out on you and your family. You'd be locked away for aiding a global criminal in escaping one of the most secure places in the world. Or even worse, you'd be declared mentally insane and be stuck here, as a patient for your husband and Lacey to look down on. It was all your fault for believing you could trust Nikolai or be his friend.
Your back hit a tree trunk, and you slid down slowly, curling up into a ball. Tears flowed out of your eyes, and you whimpered to yourself. You felt ashamed and alone. For a moment, you felt used. You cried, feeling desperate. You couldn't believe you were about to ruin your life over conflicted emotions you had over an insane man. You should've just been a good, compliant wife and not follow your heart. You should've never tried to seek freedom.
"K-Kolya," you sobbed silently, "I just wanna see you...one more t-time. Don't leave me please, you..." You're all I have. You're the only person in this world I can really talk to. You couldn't speak the words out loud, in denial over your forbidden feelings. You closed your eyes as you sobbed, only looking up when something small and hard got crushed under your shoe.
You wiped your tears and nose with the sleeve of your coat, eyes focusing on a white and red striped circular object on the ground. A minky binky⎯one of the candies you'd gifted Nikolai. You got up slowly upon seeing several more leading deeper into the woods, resembling a trail of Ukranian candies.
Your feet started to pick up their pace as you followed the trail, stopping when you got to a clearing, where a short stump was surrounded by an assortment of dried leaves.
Your teary eyes widened when you finally saw your patient, glowing from the moonlight and with a dove perched on his hand. Nikolai released the bird into the night sky and smiled at you in a melancholic way. "Oh, you found me. Took you long enough, ptashka. You really are terrible at hide and seek."
Without hesitation, you ran into his arms, wrapping yourself around his frame. You helplessly gripped onto his sleeves and dug your face into his shoulder, not wanting him to see any evidence of your tears from earlier. "...I didn't think you would run away so far...I thought I lost you..."
Nikolai only laughed. "Dove, honestly," he said cheerfully, "You were never going to find me, I'm far too clever for that!" He pulled you away from his shoulder, but what he didn't expect was your face, illuminated in the moonlight, with tears clinging to your eyes and your lips and nose swollen from your earlier weeping.
"K-Kolya, please don't leave me again," you wiped your eyes and sniffled, "I was so s-scared⎯"
Nikolai's faced softened and he embraced you in his arms, stroking your hair gently and trying to comfort you. This was...strange. He'd never seen you display such strong feelings of emotion or sadness. And to think you were crying over him of all people...he didn't hate the fact he was making you cry, but it bothered him that it wasn't because he wanted you to cry. A small frown appeared on his face and his heart felt...slightly heavy from seeing you in this state.
He spoke in a soft voice, trying to reassure you with his presence. "Hey, dove...I didn't mean to make you cry, really…I was just trying to make it a little harder for you to find me, I wanted to surprise you." You continued sniffling and Nikolai used his thumb to wipe away more of your tears, trying to make them stop. "Why...Why are you so sad?"
You covered your face in embarrassment, ashamed of breaking down in front of your patient, "I⎯", you started, head screaming at you to shut up and step away, but your lightheadedness made you more vulnerable, "I thought I was going to lose my job, and I didn't want my husband to find out about us," Nikolai's head perked up, but he rubbed your back.
"Was that the only reason?" He stared into your eyes sympathetically, but also like he wanted to hear more from you.
"No...I also...was scared I'd never see you again." You exhaled shakily, "Your mannerisms, our conversations, you always holding my hands or hugging me, I don't...I don't hate it...They've made my dull life somewhat more interesting." You looked away, "If I lost that...if I lost you, I would feel so empty again. You make me...happy for some reason."
Your patient's eyes widened. Nikolai made you...happy? But he wanted to make you free. Or was he just using you to alleviate some of his boredom? Wasn't making you happy the same as him committing himself to you, and you tying him down by making the two of you codependent? But that was what he was trying to escape from...he wanted to be free from the control and ideals of others.
You went on, talking about how Nikolai was the only person you could talk to about your personal life, how he made you feel special at times, but Nikolai's own inner thoughts drowned out your words. Stop. Stop it. Stop your babbling. He fumbled a lollipop out of his pocket and stuck it into your mouth, silencing you like a baby with a pacifier. His eyes brightened, overwhelmed by you. Your eyes wavered, not being able to handle the intensity of his stare, and the same thought plagued both of your minds.
Were you catching feelings for him? Was he more attached to you than he thought he was?
Nikolai caressed your cheeks, drying the last of your tears with his dampened sleeve. He slowly kissed your eyelids, catching the saltiness of your teardrops. "Myla, the words you're saying and the game you're playing...you could make a sane man mad."
You blushed, suddenly being hyper-aware of the fact you were both alone. The thought made you shudder. Anything could happen and no one would see.
"Are you cold, dove?" You yelped when Nikolai's strong arms pulled you into his lap, so you were straddling him. You placed your hands on his shoulders and squirmed awkwardly to try and get off, but he firmly held you in place. He dug his face into the crook of your neck, "Oh, your skin's freezing. Should I warm you up?" He smirked playfully before biting down lightly on your neck, making you jerk up and gasp. He started kissing the mark, simultaneously holding your legs open and rubbing circles on your thighs. A small moan left your throat, which you instantly regretted, and you tried to close your legs, but it was no use.
You squeezed his shoulders, "H-Hey, what are you doing⎯s-stop⎯"
Nikolai giggled mockingly, "I technically won our little game of hide and seek, so this is my reward. Winner got to choose, remember?" He continued littering your neck with kisses, "I want you to treat me like your lover for ten minutes, or until we get caught." His dark eyes cut into you, "Otherwise, I'm really running away. And you won't be able to stop me." You whimpered as he licked down your skin, baring his teeth against your sweet spot, about to leave a hickey.
You mustered up some strength to push him away, "W-Wait, you can't leave a mark then." He frowned, staring up at you. You sighed, feeling defeated but knowing you didn't have any other option but to comply with his wishes, "Kiss...lower instead. The marks won't be visible..." Your cheeks flushed as you threw off your coat and slowly undid the buttons on your uniform, the dress falling down your shoulders and stopping right under your collarbones.
Nikolai watched as the fabric dropped and nuzzled into your exposed skin, "So soft..." He kissed down your collarbones, dragging his tongue with each kiss. You moved your hands up to tangle in his white messy hair, pulling him closer as he made his first mark above your collarbone, the feeling of his teeth biting down making you jolt and press down farther into his lap.
One of his hands left your waist to pull your dress down further, and you gasped as the cold air hit your chest. You tried to instinctively cover up, but Nikolai was already palming one of your tits through your lace bra and kissing the other. He groaned from finally being able to explore your body more, and you could feel the tent in his pants pressing against your panties.
"S-Seriously, Kolya..." Your skin felt hot, the feeling of being this desired feeling foreign to you since you and your husband barely got intimate...and when you did, there wasn't any real love or passion to it. Having someone worship your body like this⎯it made you want more.
You pulled on Nikolai's hair and gently rolled your hips to press down more on his bulge, drawing deeper groans from him. "Myla, a-ahh, you're so pretty..." He kissed in between the valley of your breasts and looked up at you, "You should just be mine and mine alone." He sucked on the exposed part of your tit and marked another spot there, kissing it afterwards. He repeated his motions on the other breast, his touch making you whine, the sound being absorbed by your lollipop.
"Mmm...your skin is so nice...I wonder how sweet you taste, ptashka." His other hand was still caressing your inner thigh, and it was dangerously close to slipping inside your lacy underwear. He could just⎯
"Miss! Mr. Gogol! Are you in there?" You both stopped as you heard Lacey's shouting voice and saw cut-up rays of light through the tree trunks. She had come back as promised with guards, evident by the heavy footsteps coming towards your direction.
"Ah, I guess our time's up, then? Too bad..." Nikolai sighed disappointedly, teasing you with one more bite over your bra, earning a surprised yelp from you, and you hurriedly re-did your buttons. Nikolai looked upset, wishing you could've gone further, but deep down, he knew this little back-and-forth game between the two of you wouldn't end anytime soon.
He got up slowly from the stump and swiped the cherry-flavored candy from your mouth, savoring the taste of you on it. You pouted, but he only laughed at you in return, slowly walking away as you picked the twigs and leaves off your trench coat. He stuck his tongue out before licking the lollipop, "Don't be sad dove, I'll taste you someday~"
You ran up to meet him and tried to get the blush off your cheeks, already trying to think of a lie to tell everyone on the long walk back. He intertwined his hand with yours, giggling to himself as Lacey and the guards finally came.
He was sure you'd scream when you saw the hickeys at home, which he'd purposely left in a diamond formation, like the ones on playing cards. That way, you wouldn't forget he was the one who marked you, and that your heart belonged to him.
⁶𖤐⁶pairing: demon!fyodor dostoevsky x maid!fem!reader
⁶𖤐⁶genre: (light) smut w/ plot; 18+ only!
⁶𖤐⁶content warnings: nsfw 18+, virginity loss, implied age gap, demon marking, dubcon, supernatural, blood kink, corruption kink, 19th century au inaccuracies
⁶𖤐⁶summary: you're a young maid working for a mysterious, occult-obsessed household, so everything seems normal when a demon appears out of nowhere and is friendly to you...until he marks you; myshka = mouse
⁶𖤐⁶word count: 6.0k
You shivered upon feeling a cold breath against the nape of your neck. Not that it was too unusual⎯this new house was always chilly. That was one of the many strange things you stopped questioning once you started being a maid for the wealthy Ivanov family. The lady of the house had taken pity upon you, a sweet and innocent orphan of the church.
The Ivanovs themselves were interesting...they were obsessed with the occult and their house reflected it. The whole house was black, dimly lit by chandeliers, covered in dark rugs and obscure art, and displayed the family's several haunted possessions. Allegedly, Lady Ivanova had sacrificed one of her children to summon a demon, and several of the previous maids and servants had mysteriously disappeared after having tea with her.
However, you didn't have time to worry about baseless rumors with how much they were paying you and how much more freedom you had now that you were gone from the orphanage. The Ivanovs had gone to a big circus in Ukraine, so you were currently watching the house and in charge of keeping it tidy in their absence.
You resumed hanging up some of Lady Ivanova's gowns, alone in her gothic yet luxurious room. Although cleaning usually brought you some peace, your skin always crawled upon going into her room. She had several creepy dolls, stuffed animals, and figures up on the wall, and you would turn them around to avoid their large glass eyes and deranged faces. Exhaling, you were shocked to see your breath materialize from the low temperature of the room, watching the white fog leave your lips.
Crash!
You yelped upon hearing something fall to the floor. Turning around, you looked to see a wooden demon and a doll dressed in a maid's uniform on the floor. The doll's black gown and white lace apron mirrored your attire. Your stomach turned as you hastily picked them up, rotating them to check for any damages before placing them back on their respective wall shelves. You put the doll back, but the wooden demon's shelf was a bit higher, so you went up on your tiptoes to try and reach it, but your hands flailed helplessly in the air. You sighed as you went down, looking up again to try and see if there was a better angle to reach up from.
Stepping to the side, you used your free hand to grip a nearby shelf and went up on your toes again, grabbing the demon figurine, but the outcome was still the same. You heard the hearty laugh of a man in the background, but you dismissed it, determined to put the demon up. Hearing voices was nothing new, and it seemed like the most activity always came from the lady's room. You swore whatever was in her room was always mocking you.
"Need some help, little girl?" You heard a sultry voice close to you.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Just let me put this cursed piece of wood back on the shelf! You tried to ignore it⎯after all, you weren't quite sure if you were going mad or if supernatural presences really did dwell within the house.
You stepped up again, struggling until a firm hand wrapped around your waist and pushed the figurine up back to its rightful place. You paused, relieved yet alarmed by whatever presence had its chest pressed to your back, which had caused your skin to run cold again.
You yelped upon feeling another squeeze on your waist and cold breath fanning the shell of your ear, "Not even a thank you? Did no one teach you your manners, dear?" Whipping around, you tried to catch the man's face but all that was left was a faded brown book. Peering over, you caught its title.
Crime and Punishment.
Sighing, you turned all the dolls and figures back to their original position before suspiciously picking the book up and heading to the library.
⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚
You had always been pretty lonely. At the orphanage, you watched as your friends got adopted into new homes and the sisters started to leave for new places of need. Even though you had left that place, the Ivanovs had more hired you as a servant rather than as a daughter. You couldn't get along as well with the children either. The fraternal twins that were close to your age both tried to play tricks on you and cut your hair in your sleep, so you tried to avoid conversation with them. You just cleaned and did as you were told, reading in the unused library in your spare time.
Although the house never really felt empty⎯there was always some sort of entity lurking. Lady Ivanova had made you discard the cross necklace the church gifted you, claiming it would scare the 'residents' of the house. They too would play games with you, stealing and rearranging your belongings or messing up the furniture and decor, but it had stopped shortly after an old butler suddenly quit. After that, you would only see human-like shadows move across the walls and hear the disembodied voice of a Russian man. The house got even colder, and it was always the worst inside the library. You had an underlying suspicion that some new entity had possessed the house, but you were always too scared to search further.
But today you had to push aside your fears and enter the library to put the book back. Walking towards the bookshelves, you spotted some faint white smoke in the distance and followed the scent of freshly brewed black tea to a small table with two chairs.
Seated in one of the chairs was a tall, pale man wearing a white suit and matching ushanka, with a long black coat draped over his shoulders. He was holding a novel in one hand and a teacup in the other. You hugged the book tighter to your body. You had never seen a full-body apparition before, much less one that could consume human food or read literature. This spirit must be powerful.
You opened your mouth to speak, but the older man spoke first, "Ah, myshka, you finally decided to join me," he pulled the empty chair closer to him and patted on its pastel floral cushion, "Come, sit. I made tea for us."
A shiver ran down your back as his magenta eyes stared into you, along with the pleased smile on his face. You stepped back in fear, "W-Who are you? Another malevolent house spirit?" You mentally planned the fastest escape route since you weren't allowed to exorcise any entities per the family's rules, but the man sighed upon seeing your wandering eyes. He placed his novel on top of a neat pile of books beside his chair and crossed his legs, tilting his face to the side.
"Well, I am possessing this house. But I'm just in here because of boredom." He flashed you another warm smile, but you still stared at him warily. He had to build up some more trust with you, so he pushed a tiered stand with Russian tea cakes and gingerbread towards you, "Myshka, I know you're lonely, and you surely must be hungry from all that cleaning!" He pushed a teacup with hot tea and a smaller pitcher with condensed milk along with the stand, "Why don't you just have some tea and talk with me, so you can eat, and I can relieve some of my boredom? No one can tell you off anyways⎯there's nobody in this house but the two of us".
Your eyes perked up at that, and you couldn't deny the appeal of the sweets in front of you⎯dessert had always been your weakness. Clearly the stranger didn't seem to have any bad intentions, but you couldn't really tell since you'd always trusted people a bit too easily. You were also still shaken from the figures falling off the wall, so you supposed a short mental break wouldn't hurt. You still had over two weeks to clean, anyways.
"At least sit and talk with me for a while to repay me for helping you put those cursed dolls back on the shelf". You clutched the book harder.
"That was you? You helped me?"
He nodded slowly in response, laughing to himself as he recalled seeing you struggle on your feet, trying to pull yourself up on the wall for dear life. "Indeed. I tried to play a trick on you at first, but watching you jumping up was so pitiful I had to come to your salvation."
Salvation, huh. You exhaled, deciding that having tea with your so-called savior wasn't too dangerous.
The man smiled as you slowly uncrossed your arms and placed Crime and Punishment on top of his little book pile. As you sat down on the cushion, you watched his expression to see if anything would change, but he only kept his upturned smile. You usually played along with any spirits that came to the house, but it didn't seem like the man wanted anything more than tea with you. Somehow, you felt like you could trust him.
⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚
Sipping your milky tea, you took in the new stranger in front of you. You learned his name was Fyodor, and he was summoned by the Ivanovs, supposedly for protection from lesser spirits. He didn't elaborate much on his summoning ritual, but he emphasized that he was simply just interested in observing humans of this era.
"So...are you..." You put your teacup down, trying to take in his appearance, "...a phantom?" You were met with a blank stare, so you guessed again, "...Poltergeist? But you don't seem very disruptive..."
Fyodor sneered cockily, "You think that lowly of me, dear?" You pouted, dipping some gingerbread in your tea.
"I'm a demon. I've been watching over this world for a long time."
A chill ran down your spine from that. A demon? Wasn't he being too nice for a malevolent being? You guessed that explained why the house was so icy and devoid of its usual activity, though. Although your heartbeat was increasing, you tried to remind yourself of the fact that he didn't want to hurt you.
"Do you...drink blood then?" Fyodor leaned forward, eyes full of amusement. You swore you could almost see a glint of red in them.
"Hmmm...not quite. It doesn't satiate me anymore, and I've long outgrown the taste. I much prefer the taste of souls and innocence now, although I'll occasionally indulge in mortal food".
"How old are you then?" You asked, biting into a jam-filled tea cake. Fyodor smirked, entertained by your innocent curiosity. He also found your love for sweets to be quite cute and endearing, matching your delightful personality.
"I stopped keeping track a while ago, but I've lived long enough to see humans repeat their foolishness time and time again," Fyodor tipped your chin up, running a pale finger over your lips to collect the stray powdered sugar and jam sticking on them. His touch made your stomach flutter, and he brought his finger to his mouth, "In human years, I'm probably close to my late twenties⎯maybe 27 or so?" He licked the tip of his finger, making your cheeks heat up profusely. "Well, I'm certainly older than you, no?"
You shivered from the fact that he'd basically indirectly kissed you, "Y-Yes, I guess so!" You chirped, making Fyodor snicker.
"You keep shivering, darling. This house must be too cold..." He shifted, standing up to walk over and drape his fur-lined coat over your smaller frame. You gripped onto the long coat, reveling in the warmth it gave you, murmuring a grateful thank you under your breath. He bent down on his knees to get closer to your height and cupped your face tenderly. "Better?"
You nodded, sure he could see the blush across your face. "Stay warm, myshka, I'd be upset if you froze to death one day and couldn't talk to me anymore." His smile suddenly dropped, which caught you a bit off-guard; you watched him stand back up and dust-off his clothes, signaling he was going to leave.
Remembering your maid duties, you started to stack the fine china and gather the dainty silverware before you felt Fyodor's hands stop you. You looked up in confusion.
"Is something wrong? I have to clean up. If I don't, we'll get rat⎯"
"Leave it there, dear. I'll take care of it." Giving him a puzzled look, you put your hands back in your lap. "I'll talk to you tomorrow night. There are some ghosts outside I have to take care of." Somehow, him leaving you made you sad. It reminded you of when you'd make friends at the orphanage just for them to suddenly leave.
Fyodor took your delicate hand in his and brought it up to his lips, and he pressed a light kiss on the backs of your fingers, lingering momentarily to say, "Sleep well myshka," and then slowly fading away, the tea set-up going away with him.
You pulled his coat closer to your body, "Goodnight, Fyodor..." You whispered into nothing.
⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚
That night, you couldn't stop thinking about him...the mysterious demon haunting the house who somehow was nice to you. Did that make him a friend of some sort? You weren't too sure, as the church and orphanage had instilled in you to always fear and never trust supernatural beings.
Anxiously tossing and turning, you didn't see Fyodor again until the next day. You had just finished drying your freshly washed hair, and you nearly screamed after walking out of your bathroom and seeing him sitting at the foot of your bed, composedly reading a book again.
Upon hearing you stumble across the floor, he perked up with his signature smirk, "Ah, dear, did I scare you? I did tell you I would come back tonight, didn't I?" He slowly closed his book, and placed it next to a flower vase on your nightstand.
You shivered⎯there was an instant change in temperature as you stepped closer to your bed. It got colder and colder as you approached the demon. Fyodor's lowered gaze made you conscious of your thin nightgown which generously exposed your neck and collarbones and stopped right before your cleavage. Not wearing anything underneath, you used your arm to cover your chest, which was definitely more visible thanks to the cold.
"You did mention that, yes," you quickly slipped into your bed, pulling the covers up to shield your upper body, "I guess I just didn't expect you to come so...late." You brought your knees up to your chest, "I'm freezing..." You whispered, feeling a deep chill in your bones.
Fyodor smiled, turning towards you, "Want me to hold you for a bit? Both of our bodies against each other should provide some warmth, no?" His sultry voice sent tingles throughout your body, and you caught the dark purple glow in his eyes reflected by the moonlight.
Feeling a strange pull between the two of you, you nodded, making an opening in the covers for Fyodor to slip into. "S-sure!" You replied, feigning calmness, though your cheeks flushed under his intense gaze. You had never been this close to a man before, much less in bed with a man.
As he moved in next to you⎯which felt like it was taking forever⎯Fyodor chuckled softly, sensing your shyness and nervousness. You tried to move back against the wall to create some distance, but the demon pulled your chest firmly against his, bringing your faces close together while one of his legs snaked in between yours.
"F-Fyodor!" You tried to back up, not used to the close contact, but he held you in place. As you turned slowly, your breath caught in your throat as you met his bright eyes. His presence was equally alluring and terrifying. The room was lowly lit by the hazy night and your warm candles, but it was enough to see the sharp lines of his jaw and the way his lips curved in a mocking smile.
"Are you scared, little maid?" One of his hands went to your lower waist to caress the area, while the other tucked your hair behind your ears. You whimpered lightly as Fyodor drew circles and pressed on your stomach, not used to the foreign sensation or the tension building in your lower abdomen.
You tried backing up again but stopped upon feeling his soft lips run under your ear and hearing a soft groan leave his mouth, ""Mmm...your skin…your hair, so soft and silky…your scent…it's intoxicating," his lips went down to your décolletage and your breath caught in your throat, "...like the sweetest, finest roses of summer. I could just bury my face in your hair and breathe you in all day..."
All you could do was close your eyes, sure your once cold body was hotter than fire now from his touch. You gripped onto his shoulders tightly until you felt his warm breath leave your neck, and you slowly opened your eyes back up and halted his movements, "Fyodor, please⎯it's too much. I've never been touched by a man like this before⎯" You flashed your doe eyes at him, and he sighed and pulled away. You pouted, covering your chest again and pulling up your dress, which had slipped down from his coddling, "I'm warm enough now..." You were sure your flushed face and neck were evidence enough.
His hands went back up to gently rest at your waist, and an unreadable emotion circled in his irises⎯no one had ever stopped him from going further, but he guessed it was due to your shameful innocence that the church had instilled in you.
"Right...perhaps my method of warming you up was too...aggressive..." He tilited his head cutely, trying to play off his devious act, "I thought you had already experienced some form of intimacy." You shook your head shyly, and he frowned when you brought your knees back up to your chest to cover your body.
He wasn't too unsatisfied, though, and a gleam of excitement sparkled in his eyes as he thought of the fact that you were completely untouched, and the fact that he had just marked you, unknown to you. Yes, he was going to have fun ruining you.
"...dor! Are you listening to me?!" A soft poke on his cheek snapped the demon out of his thoughts. He peered back down at you, making you shiver when you locked eyes with him, "I-I asked if you would tell me a story from your past. I want to know more about you."
You really were so innocent that you'd already moved past what he just did to you, huh? "A story from my past?" Fyodor brought a finger up to his lip, contemplating, "Shall I tell you about the times I've seduced innocent women to get my way?" You coughed awkwardly, trying to cover up your embarrassed blush.
"N-No! Tell me about a time when you...umm..." Your frantically looked around the dark room, trying to hide how flustered you were from his burning gaze. He laughed, laying his head down against the pillow and motioning for you to do the same.
He patted your head, "Ah, I'm just teasing you, myshka. I'll tell you about the time I infiltrated a vampire's castle." You hesitantly laid down, resting your head on Fyodor's chest and allowing him to continue stroking your hair gently. You listened intently. No heartbeat.
His hands felt comforting in the cold dusk, and the vibrations from his deep voice put you to sleep easily. It was nice⎯it reminded you of a sister from the orphanage who used to tell you bedtime stories late at night when you couldn't sleep from nightmares.
You smiled softly before dozing off into a sweet dream, thinking about how Fyodor could become your new friend, or at least some sort of guardian since he warded off the other spirits in the house.
⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚
The next morning, you screamed loudly when you saw your reflection in the mirror. You had just taken off your nightgown, and right above the the seam of your underwear, a purple and black marking had suddenly appeared. It appeared to be an amethyst-colored Saint Peter's cross that faded out into strange black sigils.
Afraid of what it was, you jumped into the shower and tried your best to scrub it off, the scalding hot water making you wince. It was futile, though, and it only became more vibrant on your skin. You felt lightheaded, had you been cursed or hexed? Surely nothing presumably stronger than a demon could've appeared in the house?
You touched it again and shuddered. It felt just like when Fyodor was drawing circles on your lower stomach, and you felt funny again. You gasped as the marking became brighter, coincidentally also when you started thinking of Fyodor again. Fyodor.
Wait...maybe he could help you figure out and potentially remove the marking? He was certainly more experienced in supernatural matters anyway. You decided you'd enlist his help later as you slipped your black maid uniform on, grabbing the white lace apron as you made your way to the kitchen to resume your cleaning duties. You hoped you'd see the demon again, who had already disappeared by the time you'd awoken.
Grabbing a pail, you ran some hot water mixed with cleaning solution inside, watching your distorted reflection in the sudsy water, the bubbles swirling and making a rainbow cast from the sun's beams. You counted each one patiently as they formed.
...Or at least you thought you were; you made it to eleven before black spots clouded your vision, and a sudden, intense sensation of heat filled your upper body. You felt a cold pair of hands grab your breasts and circle around your aroused buds. A soft whine left your parted lips as you felt ghostly lips trailing across your neck, gently biting on your pulse points. You closed your eyes again, feeling warmth travel down your body, close to the strange marking.
It felt like you were trapped in a dream, and the hands felt familiar. You intertwined your fingers with the ones caressing your tits and slowly brought them down your dress, lower towards your skirt where a wetness was pooling. You tilted your face to the side to give him better access to your neck, feeling his dark hair tickle your shoulders.
Wait...him? Your eyes shot open, "Fyodor?" You turned around abruptly, but the sensations left instantly. You shrieked upon feeling water on your thighs, and looked down to see the pail overflowing and spilling sudsy liquid all over the kitchen floor. You reached to turn the faucet off, cursing yourself silently for getting distracted out of nowhere and making a mess. Additionally, no one was in sight, and there was no sign of Fyodor anywhere. You didn't even feel a nearby chill.
You sighed, stripping off your soaked dress and sweeping up the spilled cleaning solution with your mop and a few towels. You decided to take a temporary break, bringing the back of your hand to your forehead to check for a fever⎯you'd never gotten such intense heat flashes before.
Back in your bedroom, you didn't even bother changing into different clothes before lying back down on your bed, the cream duvet giving your perspiring skin some comfort. The heat flash had worn you out and made your eyelids heavy, so you barely noticed you'd slipped into a sweet dream.
His hands were back on your body again, this time touching your bare skin. You were on his lap, kissing his pale lips, and you shivered as you felt his cold hands down your back. You gasped as he pulled you down and slowly grinded your hips against his bulge. "F-Fyodor⎯" You moaned as his fingers slipped into your lace panties and he⎯
"Having a nice dream, my little maid?" A raspy voice startled you and pulled you back to reality as you tugged the covers off yourself and sat up, shocked to see the man you were dreaming about in front of you, next to the empty space on your bed. He had a satisfied smirk on his lips again, and his hand slowly went up to pet the top of your head.
You swallowed, hard. You'd never had a dirty dream before, and you certainly didn't expect Fyodor to wake you up in the middle of it. Wait, did that mean he heard you moan his name? You blushed and covered your face in embarrassment, in disbelief by your indecency. He giggled amusedly, "Is something the matter, dear?"
"I⎯" you started, mind still hazy and unsure of what details you could tell him. "What⎯" You were confused...when did he appear, and why were you so disoriented? You recalled wanting to talk to him about something, but your head felt full of too many thoughts.
You felt a burning sensation in your lower abdomen again, which reminded you of everything. You didn't know why, but you grabbed Fyodor's arms and pulled him closer, "I-I think I've been cursed...or hexed..." You tried to collect your thoughts as he wordlessly stared at you, urging you to continue, "There's...a strange mark on me...it looks satanic almost."
That piqued his interest, and he perked up, "A satanic marking, you say? That is my area of specialty...Where is it?" He smiled but it didn't quite connect up to his eyes, which were still intensely trained on your figure.
You swallowed, unable to think straight, "Here..." You trailed your hand down to where it was, right above your white ruffled cotton shorts. His eyes smoldered excitedly, but you stopped right before you could pull the waistband down to show him the mark, suddenly feeling hyper-aware of your lack of clothes. He watched, but you were too shy to continue.
Fyodor sighed, "Feeling shy? Allow me," he pushed you down slowly on the bed, and you yelped upon feeling the pillow hit the back of your head. Your hands flew to the waistband of your shorts quickly, but Fyodor only sneered mockingly, prying your hands away with ease.
"Oh, my little maid, there's no need to hide yourself from me. I've seen things far more…stimulating than this," his clawed hand gently pulled your arm away from your body and moved it to rest on his shoulder, exposing your skin to him, "You have nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, you should feel privileged to have such a...desirable body".
You felt the crimson rushing in your cheeks when you heard him say that, about to protest before he silenced you with a finger to your lip. He pulled the waistband of your shorts down slowly, and he smirked satisfyingly when he saw the purple and black mark sprawled across your skin.
You blushed again, feeling strange because he was basically on top of you, "W-What is it? Is it⎯"
"It looks better than I thought...very good..."
Your eyes widened, and before you could speak, Fyodor slowly traced along the lines of the marking, making you shudder uncontrollably. His fingertips felt like ice on your burning body, and you were already sensitive enough. You gasped and shook when Fyodor got to the center of the marking and pressed down on your womb, his claws slightly digging into your soft skin. You hands went back to halt his movements, but he stopped them again.
"Myshka, does it feel strange? You've never felt pleasure or been touched before..." You whimpered. His voice was so low and alluring, and it was making you even more lightheaded. "This marking...it's the mark of a demon. Given that it's here," He poked your womb again, which made you yelp, "it won't go away until your body's satisfied. Each day you delay it, the sensations will get stronger...You might even die if the feelings get too unbearable." He smiled darkly, continuing his slow tracing, making you shake even more.
"How...How do you know all that?" You questioned.
"How? Well, I was the one who placed it on you, darling." He smirked, and you quivered in fear when you saw fangs poking out. He leaned down to whisper in your ear, pressing you further into the bed, "Ah, my little maid…you're so innocent and fragile…and all mine," his hot breath tickled your skin and he gently nipped at your earlobe, "I want to do so many things to you…so many…sinful things… "
Your body jerked up, half in terror and half in arousal. You couldn't process anything, but you knew you didn't want to die. You felt like you were burning again, and the fact that Fyodor had you pinned down to the mattress with his larger, stronger frame didn't help. You still felt unsatisfied from your dream, and you knew your body wanted more.
"Fyodor, make the feeling go away, please..." You begged, and you swore a glint of red flashed in his eyes.
His hands found your wrists, gripping them tightly as he whispered seductively, "I'll corrupt you gently, darling, as your first and last..." You whimpered as you felt his fingers roam your body, his touch becoming more and more possessive.
"The dream you were having earlier...what sorts of things was I doing to you?" His claws pulled your shorts and panties down to your thighs, "Was I touching you here?" You hips bucked upwards as you felt his fingers run over your slit. It felt like you were being shocked, and you moaned when he started drawing circles around your sensitive clit. Your body jolted from the new sensations, and Fyodor laughed lowly at your amusing responses.
"It was something like this, then?" He pressed your hips back down on the floral sheets, and you swore your eyes rolled back in your head from the new feeling. His fingers sped up, and you gasped when you felt him pinch your arousal.
"Mmm⎯F-Fyodor, 'feels...funny⎯" He chuckled, not offering any sympathy and continuing his fast circles, adding to the heat building up in your lower stomach.
"You're so innocent, myshka...I'll make you feel even better." He grinned manically as he slipped your clothes off your legs and spread your legs further, baring your naked body to him. You shivered, not used to feeling this exposed. You'd never shown your pristine self to a man, or a demon for that matter.
Feeling your hesitation, Fyodor pushed himself between your legs to stop them from closing up and slowly kissed down your heated skin, starting from the valley of your breasts and staring into your eyes until he went down to your womanhood. "So delicate..." He whispered, before placing a kiss on your wet slit, making you whine. "This might hurt a bit, but stay still." You nodded slowly before yelping when you felt Fyodor stop his circling motions to insert a finger inside your tight hole. The pleasure turned painful all of a sudden, and you felt a searing rip course through your lower half, as well as a slight scratch from his claws. You grunted and tears stung your eyes from the intrusion, but it only seemed to turn Fyodor on more.
He groaned, but it bordered a possessive growl, "F-Fuck, myshka, you're so tight⎯" The way your virgin pussy tried to push out his slender finger was driving him mad; he hadn't had a pure maiden like you in so long. "I'm going to ruin you tonight..." He whispered to himself, inaudible to your overstimulated ears.
He pushed his finger back in you, trying to go slower to accommodate the stretch you felt. You kept shaking, so Fyodor bent down to capture your lips softly in a kiss, "Is this your first kiss, too?" You blushed, looking away. Truth to be told, although you'd never been intimate with a man, you had kissed a boy from the orphanage when you were younger. It wasn't exactly the same, but it still counted as a kiss, right? You stayed silent and pulled away for a bit, causing a small surge of jealousy to course through the demon's veins.
"...I see." He used his free hand to tear off your thin tank top, taking a moment to allow his eyes to skim every curve and contour of your body. You reflexively wanted to cover yourself up again, but Fyodor's glare cut into you and stopped you from even thinking about it.
You gulped and looked down to see him pull back his ring finger, which was now lightly coated in blood. Your blood, from what you guessed was your hymen. The crimson reflected off his irises as he licked it off tantalizingly slow, eyes trained on you the whole time.
Then, before you could process anything, he pushed two fingers back inside of you, making you screech again from shock. It surprisingly didn't hurt as much, perhaps because of the power encased in the marking. When he curled his fingers up inside you, you moaned, loudly. A hand flew to cover your mouth to hide the embarrassing, shameful sounds leaving your lips.
Fyodor scoffed, pushing your arm down again, "Darling, don't cover your mouth. There's no one here but me to hear your pretty noises," He leaned down again, biting the shell of your ear, making you clamp down on his fingers, "I wouldn't claim you like this if I didn't want all of you."
Your mouth fell wide open as he fucked his fingers faster into you, the stretch feeling more bearable now. His thumb went back up to play with your clit and his fingers found the gummy spot inside you that made you see stars. He loved the way profanities and his name repeatedly slipped off your tongue as he went on, knowing you were slowly but surely giving into the hedonistic pleasure he was giving you.
He resumed his kisses and made his movements more shallow, which made you claw at his hands desperately, but it did nothing to stop him. "A-Ah, my stomach feels weird⎯S-Stop⎯"
Your whimpers made him smirk pridefully, "Hah, cumming from just my fingers? It's okay, myshka, I know it feels strange." He caressed your cheek gently, "Just release whenever, okay?"
You felt weak by the time your "release" finally washed over you. The pressure made your vision go blank for a moment and you felt your whole body relax blissfully before slowly tightening back up again.
Your muscles were limp and your cunt was so sensitive that you flinched when Fyodor pulled his fingers away. You breathed heavily, noticing the mark was glowing an angry purple. "Was that..."
"A orgasm, yes." Fyodor brushed the tears from the corners of your eyes and brought his fingers to his mouth, slowly sucking your juices clean. He sighed lustfully, voice dropping to a seductive purr, "This taste...is the closest I can get to Heaven..."
You moaned from his praise, watching him savor your taste on his tongue. Once your heartbeat slowed down a bit, you pulled Fyodor back down, missing the weight of his body against yours.
"You're so stunning, darling. I could just…devour you right here," He ran his tongue along the crook of your neck, baring his fangs on your pressure points. He bit down softly on the spot where he felt your pulse, and you exhaled as you felt him drawing blood from your sweet spots, which felt like euphoria, "But this will have to suffice for now..." Your overheated body finally felt like it was the right temperature, and the marking finally faded away.
You tangled your hands in Fyodor's raven hair, whispering sadly to yourself, "Is this...the last time I'll see you?" Are you going to leave like everyone else? Your eyelids felt heavy.
He chucked softly again, "Myshka, don't you know that once you're in a demon's grasp, there's no escape?" He kissed along your bites, your blood staining his pale lips a pretty cherry red. Somehow, his statement seemed more comforting than threatening, which was strange. Perhaps you really had been corrupted, seeking comfort in the sweet nothings of a being who just wanted to taint your soul and innocence.
Fyodor pulled you close, his arms wrapping around you as he gazed into your eyes, gaze soft with longing and desire, "Goodnight, my little maid," He leaned in to give you a gentle, sweet kiss that tasted slightly of iron, "May your dreams be as sweet as your taste upon my lips…"
