rise and grind, shitlips

Xol | it/they | 22

[crabussy]

-> listening to a jaunty country style song -> hear the lyrics wrong -> pause. frown. go back a few seconds to relisten -> hears the same fucked up lyrics -> check the actual lyrics to see what it ACTUALLY says

-> oh!

[burneracct69]

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

family

[godlessondheimite]

i would kill for the confidence of novelists who write genius-poet characters and then actually write samples of the “genius” poetry in the book. if i were a novelist writing a genius-poet i’d just be like “trust me, the poetry’s real good.”

[echointhewindwind]

Being an Eridian scientist has to be so funny. You train your entire life as a biologist, becoming specialized in your field, probably giving lectures or educational speeches to other Eridians, and then the star savior Rocky comes home with his weird pet dog. Your job is now to cultivate food so the weird dog who is the age of average baby doesn’t die. The dog also saved the stars. Your job is making dog food out of the dog. You also learn that you and the dog have the same job. You are the happiest scientist on Erid.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

The dog knows more about how the universe works than anybody else on your planet. The dog understands how relativity works and how the universe began. The dog has access to complex machines that can store and process massive amounts of information, launching your society into a new age of scientific and technological advancement.

You later find out that these machines were originally invented because the dog's species has a memory like a sieve and struggles with primary school level maths.

[jethroq]

[animentality]

[foxgirltail]

Ghosts aren't real, it was probably just the house settling that gave you that blowjob

[stroebe2]

[blackgirlsreverything]

[weepyemperor]

I want people to be so jealous of my expensive car that they spend 24+ hours taking Adderall in order to b able to continue masturbating to the thought of defacing it with spray paint

[cosmonautroger]

Daria

[victusinveritas]

There is no heterosexual explanation for this Daria promo art.

[ontopofgravity]

I asked one of my (male) friends to stop using the phrase “man up” and he has been using “fortify” for the past two weeks instead and it’s just a little thing but honestly it makes a difference

and tbh it’s also pretty funny when I start to deflate in the library and he leans over and goes “FORTIFY”

[teakayblog]

Dude, fortify is bangin’. That makes things like you’re some kind of RPG character. Fortify is way better than “man up.”

[auspiciousleader]

Happy 10th anniversary to Fortify

[t-800]

do not have discord sex i was stroking my shit and discord face id'ed my cock as the 5300 year old mummy otzi i can't log in anymore

[log6]

I'm not gonna lie the secret to success for a great many people is absolutely stimulant abuse

[luulapants]

Wait hold on what was that

[placeholdername-1]

[depsidase]

[sawed-on-shotgun]

the human body when you use it and exist in it