Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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Mike Driver
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@vatbpositivity
Find something in each day to be grateful for
Therapy is going well
My dearest father,
Tonight. I think of you as I do every Father’s Day.
Sure, you’re proud up there, I know you are.. but it’s just not the same. My heart.. it yearns.. it aches.. it pains.. for you. Only you. The only father I’ve ever known. The first man who made me feel safe and loved.
I wish you knew how much it hurts to think of you today, how guilty I feel for loving you more on this day, simply for being my father and loving me more than anybody ever could. You taught me so much in the short time we had together, but I remember them all so vividly..
This year I got engaged father.. a man made me so happy he wanted me to be his wife soon.. the mother to his children. How I wish you could see the man T is. When he lays in bed with his arms behind his head, relaxing.. or how his forehead kisses still make me feel as safe as only yours ever did... or, how his “I’m just resting my eyes” lies make me giggle like yours once did.
He is perfect beyond words. I know you were there the night we got engaged because that one ‘The Script’ song that reminds me only of you was played that night in London and I cried my eyes out knowing it was a sign you were there and you too approved of T. Oh how it made my heart so full.
Father; you were the first man I loved. The first man that showed me what true love felt like. The man who showed me that I deserved everything and more.
The man who taught me ThatJames Bond is cool. That spiders are weird but let’s cover our ears regardless. That I can be confident and find my own route.
My god, I love and miss you more than even my own words could ever begin to comprehend. I love you forever and always my father. Today and forever, and ALWAYS.
Your daughter x
Father’s Day.
Never fails to amaze me how quickly this day comes around again.
This is the one day that everybody is able to recognise, love and respect their fathers - the father figure in their life.
Everybody should appreciate their Father because nobody knows what lies around the corner. So if you are fortunate enough to have him around still, then please please please never take a waking moment with him for granted. You literally never realise what you have until it’s gone. The love and bond with a father is one of the best.
It makes me sad that this day isn’t celebrated as much as Mother’s Day simply because the minority give men a bad name. If you’re lucky enough to have your father around, tell him how much he means to you and how much you love him.
I’ll be thinking of all those who can’t kiss their Father on the cheek today, can’t lift their arms for a hug or can’t see their Father’s face again, I’ll be thinking of you all. I’ll also be letting my Dad know just how much he means to me today and give him a big hug. My heart is strong today ♥️
I will never not repost this. I love you father.
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Anxiety lies when it says it’s all downhill from here. Of course there are hardships and stresses ahead, but there will be a lot of good times, too. You won’t be swallowed by this. °˖✧*• Shop, Patreon, Books, Mailing List *•. ✧˖°`
The best leap year of my life, ever. Last leap year we started dating.
29.02.2020
“It’s too early to put up your xmas tree”
For those of you who think that it’s too early to be putting up Christmas trees and Christmas decorations, I would just like you to acknowledge something.
My dad has vascular dementia and cancer, he has a history of heart attacks and strokes. From those diagnoses (amongst others) you might be thinking my story is about taking every Christmas as your last - which though very true is not what I’m here to say.
Instead I want to share our story with you. Last Christmas it took us 3 days, three full days, to put the Christmas tree up. Yes, just the Christmas tree. During which time my dad got so stressed out he had a TIA (or ministroke).
This year, it took us a day to attempt to put the tree together, a night to put the lights and baubles on, a long afternoon just to place the angel on the tree, 2 hours to tidy up. The times in between my dad was shouting, storming off, getting lost in the bags of stuff, throwing baubles around, trying to figure out what the tinsle was for and asking 100 questions as we went along. He didn’t know how to decorate.
My point is. Sometimes it takes people a little longer than others to do the simplest of tasks. Christmas is a very emotional and at times overwhelming experience, but for those with dementia it is scary, confusing, exhausting, tiring, boring, stressful, busy and chaotic.
My dad couldn’t concentrate from the Christmas music we were playing in the background. The colours and vast array of decorations frustrated him. He was overstimulated.
What is meant to be a happy memory, one of laughter and joy, and takes a few fun hours to complete.. takes us a week in total to complete. Is full of aggression and confusion. With weeks and weeks of talk and encouragement to prepare for.
Please stop saying it’s too early for the tree and decorations to be put up. For us it needs to be the last week of November because all those other little, simple tasks take us equally as long to complete.
And for anybody thinking we should limit what my dad does, or give him simpler jobs, or don’t involve him in these moments because it’s too much for him. 1. He needs to be active and his brain stimulated with activities. 2. He doesn’t deserve to be segregated from family events. 3. It’s his Christmas memories too.
Rant over.
Officially been a qualified nurse for a year, and already got a promotion. 2020 will be my year.
Instead of thinking the worst of a person, making assumptions, snide comments, talking about them behind their back, turning everybody against them because of something you heard from someone else... why not ask that person? You might be surprised what you find.
The Day That Changed Me.
To me, it felt like any other day. I didn’t pick up the signs that he was dying. I thought he was just ill and was going to get better, but what child ever thinks that the person they’re so dependant on would ever leave them?
I remember it like it was yesterday: I was just a young, innocent child. I'd stepped steadily down the stairs as he lay quietly on a hospital bed. The entire family gathered around him like a herd of lions protecting their young whilst I was crouched at the bottom of the stairs packing my belongings. Giggling, I was getting ready to go to my auntie’s house, where I never stay, I was so excited.. I kissed everybody goodnight and was told to say goodbye. I didn’t realise at the time that it would be the last goodbye. He held my head with his dying hands and kissed my forehead for the last time. Then as I stepped my tiny, petite legs out the doorway I could smell the morphine in the air; I could smell the Cancer.
The next morning when my Mum collected me I was telling her about how much fun I’d had. I feel so guilty now remembering. At first you could only hear the engine from the car until we'd stopped. I knew something was wrong. My stomach hurt for a moment, as I had no idea of what I was about to be told. After the awkward silence she choked up the strength to tell me what’d happened. I’d never seen her so vulnerable. Shaking with fear, her lips trembled as she spoke. I felt guilty for laughing and enjoying myself. I felt guilty for being a child. It made me realise so young, how quickly someone can leave your life. In a blink of an eye my entire life turned upside down. He had passed.
Sitting scared, staring out the window in the back of the car, holding back the tears; that was the day that changed me.
I never cried though, not even at the funeral. I remember it well, being woken up that morning, a fortnight later, being told to 'dress up and look smart'. Then being told there was a ‘party’ afterwards. How can you celebrate that someone had just passed away? I was only a child at the time and apparently it was to celebrate their life and that they’ve gone to a happier place where they’ll no longer be in pain or suffering. That made me feel happier.
I wish now, that I could change the first time I thought it was wise to keep things bottled up. I didn’t want anyone to think I was weak and couldn’t cope. I never had any intentions of telling anybody how I felt and kept myself to myself, like a wall was blocking me from sharing my emotions. I was nine years old and no longer a child.
Ever since his passing, I make sure I tell my family everyday just how much I love them. When I put the phone down, when they leave the house or just when I want them to know how much they mean to me, I tell them. My view on smoking changed from then on too. I always thought it was harmless but when I realised, as such a young child that it can kill people, I soon became defensive. I try all the time to stop friends from smoking by telling them my story and how smoking affected our family. I attempt to help people and prevent them from suffering the way, the child I once was, did.
I will remind my family of him sitting in his chair with an oxygen mask on, painfully coughing and struggling to breathe.
It’s never easy losing someone you love but its made me stronger and realise how quickly life can change whether its for the good or the bad. It still hurts to this day. I still hear the song 'Dance with my father again' and cry on my own. I often stare up at the stars and talk to him. Although he's gone, I'll never ever forget. I may have a new one now, but he'll always be my daddy!
My cheeks are soaked and my hands trembling as I sit here typing my story and reliving what happened. Now barely fifteen years old, I can still see his face staring back at his little girl.
Written aged 15 - 2010.
Father.
I’m not sure how many more years my heart can take.
16 years since you passed, yet it still (yes I say it every year) feels like it happened just yesterday. It still doesn't feel like enough time to grieve losing you. I am still taken back to that young, innocent child who lost the most important man in her life.
I still don't let myself fully love a man, or fully give myself to him, without that fear of losing him and being hurt all over again.
Today more than ever I wish on every star in that sky that you could be here once more, even just for a moment, a snippet in time.. but I know thats impossible.
As I progress in my career, grow as a woman and reach milestones in life I thought you'd be a part of, I am forever reminded that these are moments you won't be a part of. Becoming a grandad, walking me down the aisle.. oh my broken heart could go on.
I hope you're proud up there father.
My love forever and always,
your daughter x