VC Fail

No money, mo' problems

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The Cartel

The Angels Groups (esp. in New York) are notorious for driving down valuations with a mob mentality that completely fucks over entrepreneurs...and other Angels.    

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Millennial VC Associates

Nuf said

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The Important Guy

Sorry dude.  YOU asked for this meeting and I have to run my damn business.  Do not get offended when I ask you to introduce yourself and your firm.  I ain't got time to look you up.  And after I did, I realized that you suck.  

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The Bait and Switch

New firm X Ventures led by a reputable VC says it is an incubator and investor.  Come to find out they invest ZERO dollars and have the balls to ask for a gigantic chunk of equity AND monthly cash payments for "services as needed."  Do NOT buy into this shit.  This is dancing-on-a-rainbow-pop-tart-kitty crazy.   

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The Accidental Sexist

“You should bring your (part-time, nonessential) male colleague to investor meetings, just so you don’t come off as Two Ditzy Broads" – says investor trying to give helpful advice to decidedly non-ditzy female cofounders with several advanced degrees. 

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The SHITS

SHITS - Show High Interest Then Stall.

"The equally annoying cousin to unresponsiveness is hanging around the hoop. Being barely responsive but only to maintain optionality until there is external pressure or momentum."

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The Blatant Sexist

Potential Angel Investor to female Founder/CEO: 

"You don't need my money, you just need the right boyfriend"

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Radio Silent Rudeness

“We’re raising money.  I have a good intro session.  Prospective investor wants to meet in person, see a demo.  We have a good 2nd meeting. We agree on action items.  I go away and follow up.

Radio silence.

Follow up again.

Radio silence still.  

The first time it happened I was inclined to think it was the investor and that they just couldn’t find the time to send an email response saying, “sorry – no longer interested”.   Then, it happened again this month.”

Via Brad Feld 

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The Ghost in the Machine

Totally unresponsive to emails, even with a fantastic 'warm' introduction.  If a VC does not interact with entrepreneurs, do they really exist?    

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The Asshole Associate

Calls himself an entrepreneur because he tried to do a startup for a whole 3 months after Harvard Business School, then gave up to be a VC Associate.  Thinks this means he knows how to run your business.  

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The Hypocrite

Says our business model is not "venture backable." Meanwhile, has companies with exact same business model in portfolio. 

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The Waster

  At first meeting says "I don't waste entrepreneurs' time." Then proceeds to colossally waste our time.