velvet e-book

Occluding birth, sensual fixation

[maybeallieart]

An embroidery of the Wikipedia page for embroidery.

[justryingtovibe69]

“To be human is finally to be a loser, for we are all fated to lose our carefully constructed sense of self, our physical strength, our health, our precious dignity, and finally our lives. A refusal to tolerate this reality is a refusal to tolerate life.”

-Mary Gaitskill

[from-a-spiders-web]

(detail) Nicolaes Eliaszoon Pickenoy

[daweyt]

“Could I blame myself for a sin which attracted me, which flooded me with pleasure precisely to the extent it brought me to despair?”

Georges Bataille, from “My Mother,” tr. Austryn Wainhouse.

[hotcelebeauties]

Margaret Qualley

[velvet-ebook]

i know this a dumbass porn celeb blog but this scene in KINDS OF KINDNESS meant a lot to me in a clinical angelic kind of way

[faintpress]

I have dedicated my other to the wheel of what the stigma surrounds

[365filmsbyauroranocte]

Valerie and Her Week of Wonders (Jaromil Jireš, 1970)

[huariqueje]

Studio Interior at Night - Paul Simonon , 2021.

British , b. 1955 -

Oil on linen , 75 x 60

[velvet-ebook]

the most aggravating thing though is my doctor and therapist being like "you're seeing things more clearly because you're eating more"

the intake/weight aspect never affected my clarity or decision making and i fully believe that. it totally does for many, but for me the impulse, the ritual, doing things "well" kept me out of recovery, and probably will again someday because it's just so goddamn satisfying and also it's a mental illness lmao. i always always knew it was contradictory, blatantly anti-feminist, and causing me harm, i just couldn't find an alternative that made me feel the same way.

but what clicked for me was after an exhausting therapy session being so sick of my own protective intellectual bullshit that i was like what have i got to lose in just doing something different for a little bit

[velvet-ebook]

a more useful thought re recovery is that, for me, i fundamentally see myself as a lazy and undisciplined person ~which is fine btw~

but an ED gave me a way to feel very much disciplined and working hard for many many years. it was a validating practice, a private one (until it wasn't), and i was largely praised (until i wasn't)

however--- I failed to recognize that recovery is also VERY hard, actually harder for most of us. if I need challenge, discipline, effort, recovery (for me) is actually the more daunting new experiment

ive heard it countless times before and it didn't click til i told it to myself, that's the way it goes tho

[velvet-ebook]

I’m soooo tired of being sick, i’ll drink a fucking boost (sponsor me boost)

[velvet-ebook]

i saw the film Wanda (Loden, 1970) last year and didn't really enjoy it but I still think about it all the time

[seamossdoll]

[onetwofeb]

"We must be bilingual even in a single language, we must have a minor language inside our own language, we must create a minor use of our own language…speaking in one's own language like a foreigner…That is the definition of style."

Gilles Deleuze

[velvet-ebook]

Proof to myself that I was indeed still beautiful if not MORE beautiful at my ideal body weight, not underweight, not barely skating by as healthy, and somehow 20 pounds above where I am now. (Now not pictured lmao). If being or staying beautiful is important to me in pursuing recovery that’s okay bc it’s at least a reason and that’s all you need to begin. I have other reasons but this is possibly going to reach someone in the same boat so, cheers xx

[velvet-ebook]

Had a recovery breakthrough, stay tuned

[akumeoy]

getting murdered but it's so traumatic i repress the memory and only actually die years later during hypnotherapy