Just A Little Blog @vilara4 - Tumblr Blog

If you ever, and I mean EVER think that you fucked something up royally, remember that the organizers of the 1904 Olympic marathon:

- Had zero stations for water on the 26 mile (42 km) course

- Accidentally gave North American competitor Tom Hicks a cocktail made of egg whites, brandy, and actual fucking rat poison

- Had a guy come into the race late wearing a beret and cutoff slacks, sneak into an apple orchard during the race because no food had been given to him for 40 hours, eat rotten apples, projectile vomit onto the track, fall asleep for hours, and finish in fourth place OVERALL because most of the other runners collapsed of exhaustion or injuries

- Conducted the race on a dusty road, which caused so much dust to be kicked into the air that an American runner somehow inhaled enough to tear his STOMACH LINING open

- Accidentally released feral dogs onto the track

- Fucked the other competitors up SO BADLY that Tom Hicks—the guy who ate RAT POISON and was HALLUCINATING the entire run—came in first place

postmarxed

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

we gotta get back into revolving bookcases i'm begging

truly we allow the pinnacles of human achievement to wither and collapse into ashes in the wind

isuggestkillingyourself

tactfulsaboteur

psybomb

Every time I see that last pic, I have to note that the funniest line is the one immediately after the highlight

batrachised

love the phrase "but I digress." yes I temporarily got lost in the moors I wander in my mind but don't worry I'm self-aware about it

detectivehole

emperor kuzco was clearly gay

detectivehole

hes 19, with unlimited power, and he ain’t got a gf. the only time we see him interact with any women his own age is when he’s rejecting like 7 of them rapid fire. he pretends to date pacha in a gag that lasts like 10 solid minutes. listen to me god damnit

qqueenofhades

Okay, but just in case anyone is coming to tumblr dot com for my hot takes on 20+ year old kids' movies: Kuzco super WAS gay (or at least coded as such) and of course, I didn't get it until I watched it as a gay grownup.

He is played obviously camp and dramatic, for a start, and there is the aforementioned "hate your hair/not likely/yikes yikes yikes/let me guess you have a great personality" summary dismissal of all his potential brides. Then he spends dinner asking Yzma about Kronk ("so he seems nice? He's what, in his late twenties?") and otherwise being slightly obsessed with him.

Then there is the whole Adventure of Doom with Pacha, him being ever huffy about the Kiss of Life, and then the restaurant gag where Kuzco takes to playing Pacha's fake wife and dressing up in ladies' clothing with great gusto (reinforced by the waitress' "bless you for coming out in public" remark when Pacha says they're on their honeymoon). Then when he is finally de-llamafied, we don't see him paired off with the obligatory girl from the lineup earlier, as might otherwise be expected in a Disney movie. Instead he is still single, but goes to found family it up with Pacha, Chica, Kronk, etc, which dare we remark is a very queer trope.

In short, I have no idea how a Disney movie with no white people (all the characters are Indigenous/people of color), a gay king, cross-dressing jokes, and the most offbeat plot of all time actually ever got made (can you imagine the Family Friendly Mouse doing that today? Let us also talk about Kronk because he is a brilliant deconstruction of both toxic masculinity and the musclebound henchman stereotype.) Other than that this was the Chaos Hour of animated movies in the late 90s/early 2000s, and yes.

So yes. There you have it. I will not be taking criticism at this time.

flavinbagel

In response to the question “How did a movie like this get made at all much less by fucking Disney?” there was a recent Vulture article that outlines the whole shit show of a history behind this film according to everyone (writers, directors, VAs, Stings) involved. The gist of the story is that they fucked up making a whole, true-to-form Disney musical that never came to see the light of day SO BADLY that Disney switched directors, locked the writer’s room, and didn’t review a single script until weeks after the film was in theaters.

Please, read this article if you have some time. This story is wild, and involves directors being pitted against each other Bake-Off style and a shockingly intimate documentary created by the wife of Sting who, himself was heartbroken by the decimation of the songs he wrote for the film including cutting a fantastic Yzma villain song sung by Eartha Kitt that is SO DAMN GOOD but would not ever have fit the more nailed-down Yzma we would eventually come to know and love. It’s so catchy though, I’m doubling up on calls to action but please listen now:

theterriblethingabouttulio

holy shit read the article. it’s worth it and completely batshit

kat-witha-k

This is fucking insane

brightlotusmoon

mod2amaryllis

I've never adequately appreciated the batshit brilliance of this joke, I've taken it for granted

worldheritageposts-official

World Heritage Post

valend

Yahhh I have to build Rome. Yup it’s due tomorrow.. noo I haven’t started yet haha is that bad?

theunfairfolk

in elementary school i figured out how to customize the classroom desktop's autocorrect to make Word change whole sentences. this made it appear almost like the computer was responding to you. you could, for example, type in "where did i put my keys", hit enter, and watch it switch to "you put them under the couch". this was before chatbots, and we were all 9 so i considered it closer to a magic trick than a tech one.

i immediately scripted out a dialogue exchange between me and a girl who had died by the swings (classic). i invited another student over and told them i had found a ghost, then proceeded to type out the pre-scripted exchange. i was immediately pulled into the counselors office. the kicker was that none of the adults could figure out how i did it. i had to show them the menu and everything.

theunfairfolk

important detail i forgot to add: the swing ghost wanted blood sacrifices from the students. in my defense it was "only a few drops".

ooppo

A PORN BOT UNFOLLOWED ME?

ooppo

not that i care

ooppo

icouldneverbeme

Kaladin and Shallan's times in the chasms were hilarious. Both knew they survived the fall thanks to Stormlight. Both knew the other shouldn't have survived without it. They should have saved the other, however did they do it. It's the only explanation. Probably. Maybe. They spent enough time disliking each other and bickering and not listening to what the other was saying that Kaladin completely missed Shallan talking to herself and magically amplifying her body and Shallan blissfully ignored Kaladin's screaming for Syl. They're both mysteriously fit and capable. Surely a lighteyed woman with a supposed desk job can routinely keep up with an experienced soldier powered by the forces of anime and god on his side. Whatever. Kaladin spilt that he knew the plains are symmetrical because... he had a dream about flying over them, like one does, apparently, and Shallan only cocked an eyebrow. They were so caught up in their own terrible cover-ups that the fact that the other was doing it even worse flew over their heads. Until they walked out and went, 'Hey—'

visenyaism

Insane tumblr ad pull

visenyaism

Twitter ads try to turn you into a Nazi, Bluesky tries to turn you into an Elizabeth Warren staffer, TikTok ads try to turn you into one of those radical centrist incoherent political assassins. But Tumblr. Tumblr ads are trying to turn me into a fucking Jacobite

sceptixfakemon

this heatwave fucking sucks how am I going to serve my liege like this

sceptixfakemon

im never leaving this hellsite

tyrian-red

my erotic fanfiction is more historically accurate than yours. here it claims that shes moaning 'yes,' however classical latin didn't have a word that corresponds to Modern English 'yes,' i.e. an affirmative answer to an interrogative. You could have easily avoided this glaring implausibility by allowing her to moan plus, 'more'—as exemplified in my critically acclaimed fic with an unprecedented number of kudos (eleven). I recommend that you log out of AO3 and return only after acquiring satisfactory knowledge of the subject matter.

pinsforfingerz

quietwingsinthesky

very important for elf characters to freak the fuck out about the aging difference thing and pre-grieve like crazy and scream themself hoarse with denial when they can’t stop death itself and they still look the same as when they met the frail aged body that’s going cold beneath their touch and eventually settle into a numbness that they’ll call acceptance but they never really let anyone get as close as they did in the first century of their life unless they know they’re going to stick around as long as they will

quietwingsinthesky

“why are elves so snobby and exclusive and cut-off from everyone else” befriending you means they’ll end up burying you and your children and your grandchildren and they’ll still be young. exactly how many times do you think you could choose to do that. if you live through enough centuries, eventually you run out of days in the year to visit each grave.

lotuspositivity

You don't have to force yourself to bounce back so quickly. I read something recently that said "when you come in from a rainstorm, you don't expect yourself to be dry and warm right away", and it really resonated with me. It's okay to take time to dry off and warm up. Take the time you need to process what happened to you.