i’m crossing the street and i get hit by a tesla on self-drive. off goes the yuppie, hit-and-run. lady saw it happen and she’s trying to keep it together, getting someone to call paramedics and keeping me talking, but the writing’s on the wall folks, i’m fucked. so i say to the lady, i say “listen. the optimal vessel for enjoying hot soup is a mug, not a bowl.” she’s looking at me like i’m insane but i explain, i say “a bowl, especially a flat one, has more surface area for the soup to cool off. your soup gets cold too fast in a bowl, especially a flat one. you want a mug. soup stays hot the whole time and you can actually enjoy it how it was meant to be enjoyed.” she’s nodding, tears in her eyes, she knows it’s coming now. but there’s something else comin she don’t know. we both get hit by the second tesla
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