[vintage-bentley]

Something that I wish the trans community and allies understood about radfems, is that we all agree with each other at a very basic level. We share the same basic analysis of society: that traditional gender roles are not based in reality, that they’re harmful, and that they shouldn’t exist. We all agree that one’s sex should not dictate how they look, dress, think, act, or what their interests/hobbies are.

Our disagreement comes from where we go from there. The trans community and allies (who for simplicity’s sake I will refer to as trans activists) take that analysis and work within the existing system, while radfems wish to abolish the existing system.

What I mean by this, is that trans activists look at the existing system of gender, determine that it’s wrong, and believe that the way to fix it is to work within it by accepting the existence of roles and stereotypes that must be applied to different people, but rejecting the idea that the application must be based on sex. The core belief of trans activism is “we should be able to pick which gender role we belong to, based on the stereotypes we fulfil.” Some may take it further with “we should not only be able to pick from the existing gender roles, but we should expand the system by adding more roles to fit into. There are infinite genders to identify with, but you still must identify with a gender”.

Radfems also look at the existing system of gender and determine that it’s wrong. But we believe that the way to fix it is to get rid of that system entirely. We reject the idea of gender, the idea that people can and should be sorted into roles based on “femininity” and “masculinity”. The core belief of the gender critical/gender abolitionist aspect of radical feminism is “the concept of gender is built on sexism. We should not be assigned roles and expected to fulfil stereotypes based on our sex, but we also should not be expected to choose a role to fit into. Sex should be a neutral descriptor like any other physical feature, and everything else is simply personality”.

The most important thing to note here, is that both of these viewpoints reject the conservative viewpoint that “one’s sex determines which gender role they must adhere to, and which stereotypes they must fulfil”.

We agree on the important bit, the very core of the issue. Our only disagreement is on how to answer the question of “should we expand the existing system, or should we abolish it?”.

[vintage-bentley]

not a conservative, but i say gay/homosexual woman instead of lesbian a lot because lesbian = bisexual to a lot of people

the word lesbian is also used as a slur in a lot of places so i can understand women having problems with it

So does gay though. Gay is almost worse at this point because people use it the same way as “queer”—as an umbrella term for anyone who wants to feel special.

And is lesbian used as a slur, or is it just the same as gay where lesbian/gay=homosexual, and homophobes hate homosexuality, so they use lesbian/gay as insults because they consider homosexuality to be an insult?

If it genuinely is used as a slur in some parts of the world, these are conservative American women who haven’t experienced that. So it’s interesting

[vintage-bentley]

when MGA launched their new Mirror Mi dolls, whoever sent the invitations for influencers at the launch party invited only men... 💀

I saw that!! So interesting because the glass escalator is already something I’ve observed in the “doll fandom” if you will…so many of the big influencers are men. Disproportionally, when you consider how many men are into dolls compared to women. So it’s not surprising that a doll launch invited only men, because they would’ve looked at the most popular influencers and found mainly men. It’s very disappointing that they didn’t notice this and didn’t make an effort to include women, though.

[vintage-bentley]

Stats in my province say that ~64% of people in the province believe being “LGBTQIA+” is normal and natural, paired with a stat that says ~54% of people in the province believe “gender ideology” (it was put in quotations) has gone too far. I have a feeling that in the next few years we’re going to see that first number decrease as that second number rises. As long as the trans community insists on clinging to LGBs and dragging us down with them and their religious nonsense.

[gatekeeper-of-witchcraft]

we rightly recognize the pressure placed on lesbians to be open to dating and sex with transwomen (and shame and social ostracization for not doing so, or for being vocal about not doing so, is a form of pressure) to be conversion therapy rhetoric. I think we need to use those three words more.

but I think we also need to go a step further and be explicit about the fact that conversion therapy rhetoric is rape apologia. that the pressure, shame and social ostracization above is a form of coercion.

[vintage-bentley]

I'm also from the Canadian Prairies! (The province that is trying to leave unfortunately)

NOOO STAY WITH US 😂

Hello from the prairies!!! 👋💕

[vintage-bentley]

What is it with conservative lesbians not calling themselves lesbians? It’s always “as a gay woman” like they’re scared that saying lesbian will make their fellow conservatives hiss and run away like vampires shown a crucifix.

[vintage-bentley]

When TIMs were getting banned from this website for being porn obsessed creeps, the trans community was up in arms claiming it was a hate crime of the highest order, a genocide of “transfemmes”. But now radfems are being bombarded with bots wishing rape upon us, telling us to die/kill ourselves, sending graphic disturbing messages about wanting us to be “raped corpses”, etc. And it’s silence. I find it hard to believe that the trans community has no idea this is happening…they seem to orbit radblr enough to be annoying on our posts, to get us shadowbanned, and to put us on blocklists. But they can’t state that they don’t support the bot spam? Even the spam targeting children? I wouldn’t be surprised if the majority of the trans community here finds this whole thing wonderful and funny. Misogyny is great when it’s weaponised against women and girls you don’t like, don’t you know.

[vintage-bentley]

It’s so dumb how as a kid I felt out of place around kids my age because I felt so much more mature than them, but now as an adult I feel out of place around adults my age because I feel like a child next to them. Wtf

[nansheonearth]

I know I say this all the time but seriously if you’re a radfem you need to gather with other radical women. It’s vital for you and them. Maybe you can only make it to one gathering, a festival, maybe start a meetup. Maybe it’ll only be 3 of you there, but it’s something and it really changes everything. You’re not alone and you don’t have to be. Connect. Gather.

Edit to add:

Add your location in a reblog/reply (not the tags, not everyone can see tags) and then scroll through the notes to find women to message in your area. (And then message them)

[bushpropaganda]

central appalachia :))

[vintage-bentley]

Canadian prairies!

[maidslime]

Ok like. Imagine life without ads. You wake up, check your messages across a variety of apps, no ads. You get up and put on the tv while you prep your breakfast, no ads. Maybe you drive somewhere and switch on the radio, no ads. Maybe you drive a long distance, yet somehow, not a single billboard on your path. You pick up a newspaper or magazine to pass the time, no advertisements only articles. You turn on your game console, the home screen is just about your games, no ads to buy more. You open a streaming app, you don't pay extra for no ads, there's just no ads ever.

Think about how much of your time is spent looking at ads. "Download ublock" yeah I know, I have. But that doesn't change that the world is covered with endless advertising. Imagine never seeing that again. How much better our lives would be.

[gatekeeper-of-witchcraft]

really pissed off this morning about married lesbians who engage in lesbophobic gender discourse because they know they won’t be targets of it. it is so fucking disgusting and slimy and cowardly.

[gendiebrainrotreceipts]

HM I sure wonder why support from the general public is dropping more and more...........

They just like confusing ppl I swear, like flexing their knowledge on a subject everyone assumes is complex and important, but in actuality is just a bunch of contradictory illogical ideological nonsense

[mooseyondaloosey]

feels controlling tbh. Oh no you can't possibly understand it, just go along with it though. like if you don't go along with it, you're an evil bigot, but I can't explain why without it taking 3 hours. but everyone will believe me that you are an evil bigot even if they also don't understand it. this is normal social behaviour. UGH

[vintage-bentley]

Yeah these types love feeling intellectually superior. They love being smug and pretentious and taking on an “educator” role…except this stuff isn’t based in reality so they really have nothing to “educate” on. And instead of admitting that, they do this whole “ohhh it’s so complex and complicated, of course I understand it because I’m so smart and knowledgeable and queer and better than you, but your little mind just can’t handle it” song and dance.

[vintage-bentley]

you're so much of a hypocrite you don't even understand how retarded you are. You'll cling to your righteousness meanwhile trusting parasites. I hate you

Doesn’t make much sense, no explanation or sources given. Slur used. Bonus point for attempted poetic touch. 5/10.

[lastoneout]

Fun how the bystander effect was coined to cover up how cops are bigoted cowards who let a queer person die and stockholm syndrome was coined to cover that the cops handled a hostage situation so badly the hostages trusted their captors more than the cops.

[painfullyeclecticwanderer]

A lesbian is a queer person, hope this helps!

[vintage-bentley]

Not every lesbian wants to be called queer, and queer is often used as a way to obscure and hide lesbianism. For example, a lesbian says “I’m a lesbian in a lesbian relationship with my lesbian partner”, and people say “this queer person is in a queer relationship with her queer partner” as if “lesbian” is too daunting for them to say.

Just say lesbian.

[painfullyeclecticwanderer]

I understand that, and if Kitty Genovese said that she didn't want to be called queer, I wouldn't call her queer. Unfortunately, she is dead and I can't find any record of what she called herself(though I am open to being corrected if someone finds something).

When I talk about dead people, I do my best to call them what they called themselves. If I don't know what they called themselves, I call them queer in order to avoid using an incorrect term. It is true that she might not like this label being used for her, but you run this risk with any label you choose to describe someone that is dead.

Many articles call her a lesbian, but don't say whether that is what she called herself, and it is likely a label that other people decided fit her after her death. The closest thing I can find to what she called herself is an interview with Mary Ann Zielonko, her girlfriend at the time of her murder. In the interview, Mary Ann refers to Kitty as a gay woman. Which is how I'll refer to her now that I've done this research.

Anyway, my point is that you're calling me out for using a label she might not have wanted used for her while using a label she might not have wanted used for her.

[vintage-bentley]

You do realise that queer is a slur though, right? Maybe you and many others have reclaimed it, but that doesn’t change that it’s a word that has been used as a slur, often in violent and even deadly contexts.

So yes, while I’m using a label for her that she might not have used, it’s much better than using a slur that she might have had used against her. It’s much better than using a slur to describe a dead woman that she might not have reclaimed.

Everyone is getting way too comfortable using queer as an umbrella term for absolutely everyone, including the deceased, and forgetting that at its core it is indeed a slur. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be able to be reclaimed in the first place. If you really don’t want to use words like gay or lesbian because you feel it’s prescribing a label, please use sapphic, same-sex attracted, or even just say “gay or bi”. Please don’t use slurs to describe people whose relationship with that slur you have no way of knowing.

[vintage-bentley]

I’ll preface this by saying that I’m white so I could be off…but has anyone else noticed that white queers love referring to the queer community as “my/our people”? I get it, I do feel a certain kinship with LGBs and especially lesbians…but the way they say it always feels so melodramatic and like another example of white queers using queerness as a way to run from being white.

[vintage-bentley]

What even is an aroace lesbian because I have never encountered one that wasn't obsessed with men. They don't even seem bi. Are these just straight women who are scared of men or traumatized by them or something?

Honestly, I have no clue. It’s possible that they’re just lesbians who aren’t into hookup culture or feel they experience minimal attraction. From some I do get the vibe that they’re straight women who don’t want relationships with men for a variety of reasons, and want deep friendships with women.

The “split attraction model” and “aro/ace spectrum” and really just the concept of “aromantic” as a sexual orientation have all led people to overthinking their sexuality wayyyy too much. Sorry you’re not on some special spectrum with some special combination of labels, you’re just over complicating something very simple.