Am I in a cult or a high-control group? Checklist
(It can be non-religious, but isn't gonna work for every single high control group, they're getting sneaky)
Providing community in times of need (love bombing)
Did I become a part of a welcoming community during a time of my life when I needed support and comfort, or was searching for purpose?
Did this community make me feel valued and special when I had everyone else in my life look down on me, or abandon me?
Did this community recognize something in me that nobody else did, and validated/explained to me what it means?
Have they offered reasoning, purpose and guidance that I desperately needed at the time?
Was the community's treatment of me same at the beginning and later, or did some of the warmth taper off, and rules got stricter as time went on?
You are special, here's the rulebook
Am I a part of special group of people who were chosen to save the humanity in some way, or the only ones with a chance to be saved?
Am I a part of a group who has important and sacred knowledge, and if only the rest of humanity would listen, the world would be better for it?
Is there a certain source of writings or rules that are considered the ultimate truth, and I need to adhere my whole life to it?
Am I allowed regular human freedoms like, taking walks, eating when and what I feel like, making my appearance individual or interesting as I please, without having to ask anyone or doubt if it's okay?
Am I encouraged to analyze situations and come to my own judgment, or are there certain rules I'm supposed to follow when thinking, and conclusions I'm supposed to reach? Would I be reprimanded for reaching a different conclusion?
Do we believe there is deep evil in this world, and it's being shown to us in certain human behaviours, that used to seem normal? (like drinking certain drinks, eating certain foods, making your own judgment calls, certain kinds of sexual behaviour)
Is the community convinced a certain catastrophe/great blessing will befall us, and this is why we don't need to worry about the current state of the environment or the quality of life? Is the focus only on preparing for the destined event/making it happen?
Are my finances wrapped up in this community, to the point where leaving would mean I wasted a lot of my money and labour?
You don't Need Them (You Only Need Us)
Have I been encouraged to avoid people who think or act a certain way, and to end friendships or contact with them, when they were not doing any harm to me?
Have I stopped socializing with my usual friends since joining this group, and gained distance from family members I used to like spending time with?
Have I critically examined people from the past to judge them over how wrong they've been about things, as opposed to community I'm in now?
Have I been encouraged to cut off family members and friends who don't agree with the community's beliefs or practices?
Is this community my only source of human contact, comfort, stability and safety? Would I lose everything if I left?
Would I be in danger of losing my job, my place of living or my financial situation if I left this community?
Am I in danger of losing the people closest to me if I leave, or change my beliefs so they no longer align with this community?
Will my friends in the community be encouraged to cut contact, and to not listen anything I say if I leave or change my mind about the community's beliefs?
Make us look good! (advertise)
Am I expected to wear a certain type of clothing, or have a lot of restrictions about what kind of clothing I can wear?
Are there things in the group that I have to keep a secret, and not tell to any outsider?
Is there a certain way I'm told to talk about the community, and how to display our beliefs and practices publically?
Am I encouraged, or required, to prompt other people to join the community? Are there set rules on how to approach them, and how to talk to them?
Is there surface knowledge we're supposed to share with outsiders, but deeper knowledge that needs to stay secret, until they get on our side?
Is appearance considered more valuable to my status in here than actions? Is it more important to make the group look good than to be a kind person in here?
Be Grateful (Don't think too much, don't question us)
If I follow instructions and don't feel okay, healthy or happy, is it always going to be my fault for not trying hard enough?
Have I been reminded more than once to be grateful for this community and what it's done for me?
Are there certain thoughts I'm scared to touch or think too much about, because if I did, a lot of things would stop making sense to me, and I wouldn't be able to continue believing what I do?
Are there any lacks of ethics or moral code in the group that sometimes make me uncomfortable, or make me wonder if things couldn't be done differently?
In the community's opinion, can a person become dangerous just for the kind of thoughts they have deep inside their mind? Are there thoughts we are not allowed to think?
Do I need to privately confess if I've had any unfavourable thoughts about the group?
Is it dangerous to confess if I've had any doubts or unfavourable thoughts about the beliefs of the community? Have I seen people get ostracized for doing so?
Are there always some convenient reasons to why I should not get my needs met, or be able to express how I feel? Is it considered evil or punishable to speak my own mind out loud?
Have I experiencing feeling uneasy or doubtful about some of the things that are taught to me, but I've seen what happens to people who question it so I'm keeping it silent?
Have I been instructed on what to do and how to change my mind if I feel uneasy and uncomfortable? Was my discomfort expected and sidelined by more rules?
Am I allowed to follow my own moral code that makes sense to me, or do I need to adhere to the moral code of the community and turn against anyone following their own rules, if they're a harmless and kind person otherwise?
Are there certain types of suffering that the community considers normal, or good and a sign of virtue? Are there members who are encouraged to go through suffering for some kind of benefit?
Rules for thee but not for me (I make the rules)
Is there a person, or a group of people in the community, that are so important and special, rules do not adhere them? Is it a privilege to be interacting with them or to be in their presence?
Is there a person in the community that can do no wrong, and whatever they say is considered sacred and to be listened to obediently?
Do I have to obey someone without question, on a daily basis?
Are there people who I have to obey absolutely, discarding my own thoughts and opinions? Is it forbidden to question or doubt their orders?
Is there one person central to this group's beliefs, who came up with the beliefs, and if this person was proved to be wrong, it would all fall apart?
Can I easily stand up to anyone in the community, or would standing up to certain people end up in punishment and ostracizing?
Is there a big discrepancy in how different sexes and genders are treated in this community? Are there allowances for one, where there are rules and enforcement for the others?
Is there one sex or gender that is supposed to be making all the rules, while another is supposed to follow and obey?
Is your sex and/or gender what decides your status in the community, rather than your actions and contributions?
The World is Evil (and you could be too, if you go astray)
Am I exposed only to the worst of the outside world, so I would know that there's no humanity out there? (wars, violence, abuse)
Do I feel uneasy surrounded by people who are not in my group, because they're going to be judging me, hating me, or trying to hurt me just for what I believe in and how I live?
Am I instructed to avoid looking at certain media, news, opinions, articles or books? Does it make sense to me that I shouldn't do that, or is it just because I might be manipulated by the misinformation'?
Is there a group of people whose perspectives and opinions I should not, in any case, be reading or looking at?
Have I seen or heard of people subjected to humiliation, disdain, contempt and hatred for speaking out against the community's beliefs?
Am I consistently warned that if I do a certain thing, or think a certain way, I might become 'just like one of the other ones', referring to people outside the community?
Have I ever been reprimanded for 'becoming one of them', meaning one of the outsiders?
Do I feel like there's nothing worse on than being 'one of them', referring to the outsiders of the group? Am I afraid I might become one, due to some of my doubts and things that don't make sense to me?
Does the community I'm in sometimes socially isolate and ignore people who have done something wrong in their eyes? Do people get silently ignored until they are sorry for what they've done?
Does the community sometimes overreact, and over-punish completely normal actions from certain members?
Can I end up punished for saying a wrong word to someone, or for perceiving something wrong and not the way it was meant to?
Could this punishment be out of proportion with what I did, but it doesn't matter to the community?
Have I, or other members of this community, been compared to demonic creatures, beasts, animals, slurs, or otherwise derogatory terms, in order to shame their behaviour or thoughts?
Is there a possibility to being denied food and shelter if I step out of line?
Have any members of the community been starved or sleep-deprived in order to 'achieve something' about their behaviour?
Think of the Children (but don't protect them)
Are children in the community taught to think a certain way, follow a set of beliefs, from early childhood?
Are there rules and regulations in how children are supposed to act and behave, that is not compatible with usual child behaviour?
Are children in this community given no autonomy at all? (not allowed to choose what they want to eat or what toy to play with)
Are children in this community given an inappropriate amount of responsibility? (expected to work as adults, treated as adults)
Are children restricted from reading certain books and consuming media that isn't connected to the media's rating? (book that are already safe for children)
Is parent's behaviour towards children regulated? Are there set ways of discipline that everyone follows, that would be considered abuse in the outside world, but we know better?
Does child abuse get reported in the community, or covered up and hidden from the authorities?
Do I know of one or multiple cases of sexually abused children in the community, who are unprotected and the aggressors never reported?
Are child victims of sexual abuse believed when they speak out, or is it mostly considered lying for attention?
People who Leave are Traitors (you can't listen to them)
Are there people who were heavily invested in this community, dedicated a lot of their life and effort to contribute to it, who changed their opinion almost overnight, and distanced themselves from it?
Have people been taking their leave from the community, and then had their character attacked and smeared? Am I told to never contact these people or listen to what they have to say?
Are the stories that would make the community look bad declared offensive and obstructive material, regardless of whether there's any truth to them? Are they discarded without looking into it?
Are the people who leave portrayed as opposition who is trying to harm the group, or fakers who never truly belonged?
Do I expect something bad to happen to me if I leave?
Am I expected to become a bad, failed and broken person if I ever left the community or changed my beliefs? Would I be automatically considered a bigot or an oppressor if I left?
Believe (do not ask for proof)
Are the rules for how I should live strict, but at the same time, often changing if they're criticized or unpopular enough?
Is there a specific purpose that the community has and is claiming to achieve, but I can't tangibly see how it's being achieved? Are there promises being made that I can't see any progress on in reality?
Does the community work towards something that feels almost supernatural to achieve, and there's no visible progress, but we are assured it's going to happen?
Does the community make financial decisions that don't make sense? Is there money that disappears and nobody can tell exactly where to and what for?
Are donated/gifted resources and money disappearing never to be seen again, while the community keeps asking for more?
Does the community sometimes seem like they're above the law, and nobody could possibly inflict consequences on their actions?
Deserve to be here (you are not good enough)
Are there mandatory meetings and sessions that I have to either attend, or go through a lot of defending myself if I'm caught not present?
Are there consequences, social or practical, for failing to actively contribute in the community? Will I be shamed for being inactive?
Is there an expectation of continuous labour that I have to do consistently, but it is unpaid and uncompensated for?
Am I expected to donate/surrender my money, or some of it to the community, and failing to do so brings embarrassment and reprimands?
Is there a hierarchy I can only climb up to if I give enough labour, value, advertisement, or money to the community? Do I have to promise my loyalty in order to progress?
Is this community deciding what my income is, or what part of it can I keep? Do I get no income, but community provides survival resources and decides how much I am entitled to?
Am I continuously expected to prove my worth and value to the community, without ever feeling like it's enough?
Do I get anxious about providing enough value to the group, and feel pressured to do more for them as time goes on?
Do I often feel selfish, unreasonable and guilty for wanting and needing things for myself? Do I feel like I'm actively harming the community if I voice my needs and wants?
Am I, despite putting months and years of effort and support to this community, still sometimes made to feel like I'm no better than the outsiders?
Have I felt like I am not doing enough, and I'm not worthy of belonging here?
Your sexuality exists to serve a purpose (we decide it)
Am I expected to get married by a certain age, and see most of my peers getting married by that age?
Am I subjected to an uncommon type of marriage/relationship with a lot of restrictions/rules that are not common in the rest of society? (open marriage, polygamy, promise to be sexually available to someone without having a say)
Is sex either a restricted topic that isn't talked about in here, or something so central to the community it's being looked at and made rules about constantly?
Are the rules of the group about sex more important than consent and mutuality?
Is it frowned upon to call out sexual abuse in my community? Are the sexual predators being defended before victims are given a chance to speak out?
Are there rules restricting who am I allowed to feel attraction or love towards, and who is forbidden? If I develop a wrong type of attraction, will I be considered one of the 'bad people'?
Am I expected, at any point, to be sexually available to another person? If I refuse, will I be ostracized and deemed 'not good enough' or 'fake' in some way?
Your health is secondary to the cause
Have I been discouraged from seeking medical assistance when dealing with a medical issue? Have my issues been dismissed and downplayed when it felt serious?
Are there any rules to what kind of medical assistance I'm not allowed to receive, in a dire condition?
Am I encouraged to seek medical intervention when I'm healthy? Is there a procedure members of the community are supposed to get, in order to fully be a part of it?
Are there concerns about people's health that are being swooped aside for the sake of the community looking good and healthy?
Are there practices potentially damaging people's health, but we are pretending it's okay and discouraging those people to talk about it?
Is talking about a damaged health as the result of belonging to this community an act that is considered forbidden, aggressive and a form of fear-mongering? Is it being silenced and dismissed as nothing?
If while reading this, you felt the urge to defend a certain group of people and to prove to yourself you cannot be in a cult, do more cult research! Cults or high control groups have changed and evolved to the point where they're not religious or spiritual, and you can't see what is going on while it is happening to you. It can be a MLM or an internet support group or an off-grid society.
If five or more ring true to you, look up the name of your community and the stories of the people who left. You are not stupid or naive if you found yourself in a cult. You are only a human being, and they're designed to work on us.
