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@virtuosefleuret
virtuosefleuret - a roleplay blog for Maelle/Alicia Dessendre from Sandfall's Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 written by Crescent. primarily run on queue with sporadic activity. themes of family, finding one's place, longing to belong, grief, loss, overcoming one's grief, dealing with trauma, found family, and more.
Gustave - @lumierelegacy renoir - @unpeintre
carrd.
Alicia has depth perception issues. Losing an eye is not easy and that can and does fuck up her being able to judge depths and how close something is. (using my own experience here) It's something he had to learn to navigate and if you approach her on her right side, she will get startled. She has tripped going down the stair case before and bumped into things. It's an adjustment she hasn't quite gotten used to much like her scars.
She had only gauged how bad it all was based on Maelle's shaken reaction, the way she struggled to even word what she saw, and how it hurt to even remember. Now, too, she seemed unable to escape the nightmare... It was concerning, even as she only possessed only pieces of what the girl saw.
It seemed cruel to Sciel – that they'd appear out of nowhere and torture their youngest expeditioner with cruel words... But, what could it mean? Why did they feel entitled to say such things, to force her to listen? Was there something they were missing?
"I can't blame you... It sounded awful. I'm sorry you had to live that alone. I wish we could've been there with you." She strongly wishes she could go back to that moment, that all of them could have been there to support her, somehow. The only thing she can do now is count her blessings – the man from the beach didnt outright kill Maelle, or maybe he could not... Regardless, it was a win.
"This is our mission. They are clearly on the other side of all of this, maybe they thought they could sway you with scary warnings. But,... you're not alone." Sciel comments, her hand going to the girl's shoulder. "What do you think, though? How did they seem to you? Were they hostile towards you?"
❝ I'm not sure . . . They keep saying - he keeps saying that he's warning me. Which means that if I don't heed his warnings he could do something. ❞ But why her? Why were they specifically speaking to her? What did it all mean? Her head feels jumbled and foggy. It felt like she was missing something.
When she was in Lumiere she felt out of place. Now she was out of the safety of Lumiere and it seemed like she was being targeted by scarier things. The man at the beach, the Curator . . . what did it all mean? Why was she drawn to them and they to her and who was the girl with the mask and disfigured face?
❝ They're definitely dangerous and we can't face them. ❞ Not after what that man did to their team. Gustave was right. They needed to run. Maybe they should return to Lumiere. Maelle can't shake the fact that they were headed to their death. Maybe it's her nerves after that awful nightmare. She's had them before and she got them all the time in Lumiere but out here they were different and far worse.
Maelle feels shaken. Even though Sciel is here she still had reservations. ❝ I'm a little . . . I guess - scared. ❞
❝ Should I not doubt myself? We both know I failed at painting and I have no other talent that our family can be proud of. ❞ Alicia's shoulders shrug, hands at her sides. Her gaze fixed on her sister. ❝ I have nothing of value to give and I'm a liability. You said it yourself once. Did you come here for a pep talk? It's not working. ❞
She'd prefer if Clea never came to her. What was the purpose of this visit? eventually her gaze averts, looking towards anything else except Clea. ❝ You're perfect and you're everything Maman and Papa could have ever wanted. Verso was the second favorite. So what is left for me? ❞
Eventually, she folds her hands behind herself. ❝ If you've come to also convince me to leave - don't. ❞ She's not sure if that was even Clea's intention. However, she intends to put her foot down. ❝ There's nothing out there for me. Well, here, I can be me - Maelle. I don't have to be Alicia who can never do anything right. ❞
@cleamaesta sent: "Why do you doubt yourself so much?"
❝ Perhaps being me isn't enough. ❞ Maelle responded, her gaze pointed upward towards the sky. It's vast openness. Verso by her side. This was the life that should have been. Not the misery of being disfigured and depressed with a mother who hated her. Though, she couldn't blame her. It was her fault Verso died. If only she hadn't tried to befriend the writers . . .
❝ I don't have a life outside of this canvas. I have nothing. I'm not even a good painter . . . ❞
It felt like excuses. She used Verso as a shield and this canvas to escape the pain of an un-supportive family and an unfulfilling life. What was she to do? Live a life of pain knowing her own family hated her? Everyone keeps saying that's not the case but Alicia doesn't feel it. She's happy here as Maelle in a world where she knows love and joy for the first time in her life.
A sigh is forced past her lips, hands tucked behind her. ❝ I've already accepted that I cannot be the best. But I cannot be me. I can only be Maelle. That's where I am happiest. You've seen my family . . . My family is here with you and Gustave. I can be Maelle. I'm best at being her. I don't have to paint. I can just . . . be. ❞
@vcrso sent: "It's not about being the best. It's about being you."
❝ I've had enough condolences. ❞
A roleplay blog for Maelle/Alicia Dessendre from Clair Obscur Expedition 33 written by Crescent (he/they/she, 30+) Not spoiler free, always accepting new friends!
Alicia saying "I know my father has a soft spot for me" when she goes to try and have him repaint lumiere vs the reacher where she says "verso was papa's favorite" is interesting. because on one hand she knows enough to know that her father does favor her to an extent and yet still has self doubt enough to think that she's actually NOT his real favorite is valid but also interesting when you think about it.
Verso cracks a small little smile sideways as he looks over to her. " I don't think that's true. " They all have their talents, and he won't deny it; besides that, she's so much younger than he, and the experience that years lend to skill can't be understated. But they're all skilled in many things — in a family with any other expectations, every single one of them would be exceptional in the arts. But with an exceptional family comes that ever-present issue of trying to find where one's own talents lie; Verso's lucky. He found his early.
The suggestion of their mother just earns a shrug. " She liked the boring one, " he says with some rue, which —— he's a perfectionist, it's true. Not of the sort that would beat himself down trying to get something right, or even of the sort who fears failure, but rather of the sort that has some kind of standard he holds his work to that is nigh-indecipherable to the outside eye. He's not one to be done with something until he's certain that it's how he wants it, and sometimes that standard is like trying to grasp sunlight with one's bare hands.
" And I know, I know, and I do, it's just —— been stuck, I guess. " His brows wrinkle in some kind of mild fluster, but it's in good humor. " I'd put it aside for later, but I really need to get it done. They're scoring our compositions at the Conservatory on Tuesday —— putain. "
He sucks a breath in between his teeth, the last word huffed, and he sends a vaguely alarmed glance sidelong. " Don't —— repeat that, " he says, almost as though she's younger than she is, like he so reflexively did when they were even younger — he forgets, sometimes, that she's grown past childhood and become a teenager, ever-protective of both their hides. But then he does realize, laughs, shakes his head. " Here, just —— just listen, okay? I have two ideas, maybe you can tell me which you like better. "
Verso's always been a little of a softie from her point of view. Sort of like how Papa always seemed to have a soft spot for her too. Maybe it was because she was the youngest. Regardless, she still shied away from friends, from activities. Her passion was reading. She already knew she wasn't as good as Clea in painting. She also knew she had little apt for music. Sure he grasped basics, but that was all. She wasn't gifted like Verso. Verso could make dazzling tunes. Not just that, he could make anyone laugh.
From where Alicia sits, her older siblings were perfect and everything she wished she could be. How was she to be exceptional in an exceptional and wealthy family when her siblings set the bar and she fell short of it? Surely that was why Maman was so strict. Ever the shadow. She strove to make herself as invisible as possible. She was just lucky that Verso saw her and that he seemed to actively value her input no matter how meager it was.
But at his comment she couldn't help but laugh. ❝ I bet she did. Maman likes things to be neat and proper. ❞ Of course she'd pick that one that played by the rules so to speak. ❝ Surely her pick is the right one? She is an accomplished pianist. If not Maman, why not ask Clea? Although, I bet her answer'd be the same. ❞
Alicia shifts and leans forward just a little, her hands gripping the edge of the bench as she prepared to listen with an eager ear. ❝ Hey, I'm no kid. I can swear if I want to. ❞ She pouts. Everyone still treated her like a kid. However, that pout is short lived. ❝ But I'm listening. I promise to give you a thorough opinion! ❞
Dealing with Self Loathing
"You need to be kinder to yourself."
"I don't like hearing you talk about yourself like that."
"You're not stupid."
"Who made you believe you were stupid?"
"No - stop it. No more cruelty."
"I don't know why you're so angry at yourself all the time."
"You don't achieve anything by hating yourself."
"Why do you doubt yourself so much?"
"Don't you know how incredible you are?"
"I'm not going to listen to you insulting yourself."
"I don't think you're any of the things you say you are."
"You're not meant to hate yourself."
"They lied to you, you know."
"Your nature isn't cruelty."
"I want you to see yourself how I see you."
"There's so much goodness in you."
"Stop saying these awful things."
"You're smart, you're funny."
"I want you to be proud of what you've achieved."
"It's like you're constantly tensing, expecting to be told off for being alive."
"You make me happy, you know that, right?"
"It's not about being the best. It's about being you."
"Just - trust what I'm saying. Please."
"Someone convinced you about all these awful things."
"You're not meant to feel this way about yourself."
"Why do you hate yourself so much?"
"I love you, no matter how little you think of yourself."
"Someone in your past let you down."
"I want you to take my hand, and take a breath, and understand."
"You have to know that you're none of these things they said you were. You're not a monster, or stupid, or cruel. You're a person. And that's okay."
you can't tell me that alicia didn't try to go in clea's room and steal her clothes/make up etc to try and emulate her bc she thought clea was perfect.
she did.
lil alicia trying to dress like clea and talk like her bc she's perfect in her eyes and she wants to be perfect too.
❝ I've had enough condolences. ❞
A roleplay blog for Maelle/Alicia Dessendre from Clair Obscur Expedition 33 written by Crescent (he/they/she, 30+) Not spoiler free, always accepting new friends!
i'm all caught up on drafts (that I know of) so starter call?
i'm all caught up on drafts (that I know of) so starter call?
❝ I've had enough condolences. ❞
A roleplay blog for Maelle/Alicia Dessendre from Clair Obscur Expedition 33 written by Crescent (he/they/she, 30+) Not spoiler free, always accepting new friends!
❝ You should rest. ❞ Maelle says, hands clasped behind her back. ❝ There's no sense in pushing yourself. It's important to know your limits. ❞ That was one of the things the expedition academy taught them. You contributed the most to the expedition when you were in top form and not when you were a half dead corpse being dragged by your team.
❝ It's nice out. Why not sit here and enjoy people watching? Lumiere is wonderful with the flowers in full bloom. ❞
@lightcreators sent: " i'm tired, that's all. " (from lelouch)
The music that drifts from ebony and ivory is soft, drifting, hiding complexity in gentle refrains. A light melody with a buried melancholy in a lower minor key: it's what he's drawn to, it seems. He's perfectly capable of playing the more jaunty room-filling waltzes and such, but oh, does he feel a kinship with the softer things that tell stories, at least to his mind.
He doesn't look up as she comes in, but it's only because he's distracted with careful finger placement; there's no sheet music on the music rack, but there are some composition pages and a pencil on them, scribbled with notes and hastily notated refrains that only he could probably parse simply because they're so scattered.
" A little frustrated, " he admits, pale eyes skimming to his sister as she sits; he gives a little grin, welcoming her to join him as he scoots over just a little. Fingers trail from the keys, and he scrubs a hand over his face, the thin beard there more scruff that aught else. " I can't figure out the end. It feels so —— " And he waves that hand vaguely, airily, " —— boring. "
He sighs, and then looks over to her with a bit of a smile, nudging her companionably with his shoulder. " Want to give it a listen and see what you think? Maybe you can give me some advice. "
❝ Me? I know nothing about music. ❞ A partial lie. She knew a little bit. It was mostly basic concepts. She didn't have the musical knowledge of Clea, Verso. or Maman. Yet, Alicia still leaned forward to try and decipher the scattered notations and the melody he'd played upon ivory keys.
Alicia wasn't sure what she could say to help craft a fighting end to the song. However, she did find a certain comfort in the melodic minor melody that Verso crafted as his fingers danced.
One hand reached to clutch at the fabric of her sleeve. ❝ Maman plays piano. Surely she could help? She's very good. ❞ Though she doubted Maman was interested. Her only wish was for all of them to become gifted painters. Music took a backseat despite the fact that she'd studied it too.
❝ You should go with what feels right to you. ❞ That likely wasn't helpful but Alicia didn't know what else to say. ❝ Not what everyone says is right, but what you want. Music is like painting isn't it? You're creating something so . . . ❞ She gestured to the keys. ❝ ----- create what you want. ❞
chat I still wanna write pre expedition maelle's first days under the care of gustave. pls.
