Summary: Everyone always talks about Dan being scared of the dark. But sometimes, Phil gets scared too. And in those moments, Phil’s mind starts racing, and he needs a little help from his (too) perfect boyfriend to feel better again.
Word count: 2941
Genre: Oneshot / Fluff / Angst
Warnings: Swearing, a bit of self hate (nothing graphic or body related really)
Disclaimer: This is all fiction and unfortunately i do not own dan or phil.
A/N: This was only meant to be a superfluffy little drabble, but somewhere along the way it turned into a angsty yet fluffy oneshot. We all need a bit more of scared phil and comfort!dan in our lives. Okay bye hope you enjoy :)
Everyone always said that Dan was the one in the relationship who was afraid of the dark. That was a true fact. Dan was very afraid of the dark. Phil had always found it quite endearing and just plain out adorable how the younger would almost sprint across their dark apartment every time he had to turn the lights off. Which was something Dan often had to do as he was an incurable night owl. Not even his fear of the dark mysterious corners could stop him from scrolling through tumblr on their couch at 3am.
Phil on the other hand, he was alright with the dark. Of course he didn’t enjoy it. What kind of sadist would enjoy it? Phil was just content with it. It was there every night and there were most likely no killers or monsters hiding in the shadows. But there was one thing that scared Phil about the darkness. Noises.
This fear had been worse when Phil lived up north in his big family house. Dan was right, it was like something from a horror movie. The entire house had creaked by the smallest gust of wind, and the attic always seemed to make unexplainable noises. That house could make anyone paranoid.
Living in London had made Phil somewhat used to noises. Whether it was sirens, loud cars in general, or someone shouting in the street outside, there was some noise going on most of the time. There was always a reason for it. If it sounded like a psychopath, it was probably just a normal drunk guy walking past their house. There was absolutely no reason to worry or to be scared.
But tonight, Phil felt a bit uneasy as he laid in bed. Dan was in the lounge, scrolling through tumblr as usual. Or maybe he was watching youtube videos. Phil had heard him laugh a few times. Usually, Phil would’ve smiled while he fell asleep to the sound of his boyfriend’s laughs and keyboard clicking in the other room. But not tonight.
He tried. He really did. He closed his eyes and tried to think happy thoughts. Kittens. Rainbows. Unicorns. Kittens having a tea party with unicorns in a rainbow castle. No, that didn’t work. It was too colurful.
How about thinking of Dan. Dan’s curly hair after he’d had a shower. Dan’s long legs in skinny jeans. Dan’s deep dimple. Dan’s kind eyes. Dan’s broad shoulders. Dan’s cute tummy that Phil had placed loving kisses on more times than he could count when the younger felt self concious.
Ugh no, that certainly did not work. All this thinking of Dan just made Phil miss him even more. Why couldn’t he come to bed already? Phil stretched his arm out to reach his phone. He blinked rapidly to adjust his eyes to the bright light from his screen. It wasn’t even 1am yet. He rolled over and groaned quietly into his pillow. Dan wouldn’t come to bed for atleast another two hours, if not more. There were no perks of having a nocturnal boyfriend.
Phil was a little surprised that the man in question had dared to stay up by himself however. The viscous storm sweeping over London, the reason for Phil’s sleeping problems in the first place, should be enough to scare Dan. It was one of Dan’s biggest nightmares to have to navigate through their apartment in complete darkness. But tonight, he didn’t seem bothered about it at all. He’d had an emotionless expression on his face when Phil had announced that he was going to bed almost an hour ago.
Phil was honestly a bit annoyed at him. How could he be completely fine just sitting out there by himself, while it sounded like the house was falling apart brick by brick? Phil sure as hell wasn’t fine. The rain was angrily attacking his window. The tree outside, which was actually stood quite far from their building, was bendy tonight and the twigs were occasionally slapping on the wall next to Phil’s bed. Everything was creaking. The walls. The floor. The roof. Everything. The longer he laid there, the more it felt like he was in a horror movie. The moonlight made creepy silhouettes on the white walls. Yeah, Phil was definitely not getting any sleep tonight.
Phil knew he was being silly. He was a 28 yearold grown man. It was silly to be afraid of a stupid storm. He’d lived through many storms in his life. But tonight, everything and everyone seemed to be against Phil.
The storm was making him anxious. Dan was ignoring him. Phil had dropped an entire bowl of cereal on his jeans earlier that night. He had stripped down to his boxers in the middle of the lounge and Dan had barely even looked at him. It was honestly bothering Phil a bit. Sure, they had been together for six years. That’s long enough to not drool all over yourself when your partner is standing in only his boxers infront of you. But Phil thought that they were different to other couples. That they had done a good job at keeping their love life young and fresh over the years. Phil was still just as in love with Dan as he had been the first time they met. Lots of other things in their lives had changed around them, but not their relationship. But maybe Phil was wrong. Maybe Phil had been too dragged in to the whole “heart eyes howell” thing like the fans were. “Heart eyes howell” was a real thing. Phil was blessed enough to look into those brown orbs every single day. He could see it up close, face to face. The adoration the younger had towards Phil. It wasn’t just lucky screenshots by the fans. It was a real thing. Right?
Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe that was just Dan’s eyes. Maybe Phil was just as fooled as their viewers. How would he even know? Brown eyes always look kind. Maybe Phil was delusional. Dan might be sick of him by now.
What if Phil’s age bothered him? Dan was only 24. He had barely left his teen years behind, while Phil was so close to 30 that he could almost touch it with his fingertips. Did it bother Dan? Phil had always thought Dan enjoyed the age gap, but maybe he had been wrong all along.
Phil’s racing mind was abrubtly disturbed by the sound of thunder. He instinctively pulled his duvet up even more. So much that it almost covered his entire face. Phil then squeezed his eyes shut and focused on not crying. He could feel that the tears were threatening to spill out the moment he opened his eyes again.
It took less than a minute before Phil could hear the bedroom door open. Dan had probably forgotten his charger in the room or something. Phil waited for Dan to leave and tried his best to look like he was sleeping. As much as he wanted to hold the younger man right now, Phil didn’t have the heart to bother him with his silly sadness.
That’s why Phil was surprised when he felt the right side of their bed move. The large familiar figure slipped down under the duvet. But Phil was stubborn and kept his eyes shut the entire time. A few seconds went by before the figure chuckled only inches from Phil’s face.
“Phil, I know that you’re awake.” Phil had to subtly bite his bottom lip to stop himself from letting out a groan of annoyance.
“No I’m not.” he mumbled. Dan chuckled again. “You’re a terrible liar Philly.”
“Or maybe you just know me too well. Six years and all.” Phil replied. Dan hummed softly in reply as he reached his hand over and ran his fingers over the others cheek.
“No point acting anymore. Open your eyes for me please?” Phil hesitated but did as he was told. His gaze immediately landed on familiar brown eyes. As he had expected, a teardrop or two spilled onto his colourful pillow as he did so. Dan looked at the tears with a surprised expression that soon turned into a frown. His fingers carefully ran over the wet cheek before he broke the short silence. “What’s wrong?”
Phil was in no mood to even begin to try explaining his silly midnight worries. So he didn’t say anything. He just rolled over so that he was facing the wall instead of Dan. He spoke again after he’d pulled the covers tightly around himself. “Goodnight Dan.”
But Dan wasn’t having any of that tonight. He wanted answers. He swiftly moved closer to his older boyfriend again so that he was almost spooning him. Dan started tracing his fingers softly on Phil’s back. He knew that the action often calmed the other down when he was upset.
“Please talk to me. Did I do something wrong? Please tell me if I’ve hurt you in any way. I promise I won’t do it again no matter what it is.”
Phil sighed deeply. There was no point in fighting it when Dan was in his stubborn mood. He turned his body to face Dan again, albeit keeping a bit of a distance between their bodies.
“Of course you didn’t do anything wrong Dan. You can never do anything wrong.” Phil sighed again before continuing in a more sad tone. “You’re too perfect.”
Dan frowned again, still clueless.
“What do you mean I’m too perfect? I’m not perfect. Did you hit your head on something? Are you actually physically okay right now? Because you’re talking absolute nonsense.” Dan said with a sad smile. Phil appreciated his boyfriend’s attempt to lighten the mood. But tonight, it didn’t make him feel any better at all. Phil shook his head.
“No Dan, you are. You are the most perfect person I’ve ever met. You are flawless inside and out. I don’t understand how you are even a thing. It’s like someone actually handcrafted you” Phil rolled over so that he was staring at their ceiling instead of Dan’s face. His perfect face was just annoying him right now. “You’re so perfect that it almost makes me religious.”
Dan let out a loud snort at the others speech. Phil looked over and frowned. “It’s not funny. I’m serious.”
“I’m sorry Phil, but I can’t take your very serious declaration of love seriously when you look like you’re about to burst into tears, while it sounds like the wall is gonna fall down.” He smiled sadly.
“I just don’t understand. Is my so called ‘perfection’ bothering you or what are you trying to tell me?” He closed the space between them and let his head rest against Phil’s shoulder. Phil wanted to push him away at first to show that he was irritated. But he could never say no to Dan’s cuddles. Even though they were sort of having a fight.
“It’s just…is heart eyes howell real?” He looked down on his younger boyfriend’s face as he waited for his response.
“What do you mean?” he asked curiously. Phil took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling again before he began explaining.
“It’s just that…you know, is it real? Or am I delusional? Maybe I let our viewers influence me too much. Maybe that’s just what your eyes look like. Eyes can’t look in love. That’s not scientifically possible. Eyes always look the same. So maybe you don’t love me as much as I thought you did. Perhaps you’re getting tired of me. And…and I think my age bothers you. You’re so young Dan and I’m almost 30. I know we joke about the whole ‘daddy’ thing sometimes, even in bed, but that’s all it is. Jokes. I’m a joke.” Phil almost didn’t dare to glance over at Dan again. When he did, Dan was staring at him, mouth slightly open without saying a word.
A few seconds went by before Dan suddenly launched himself onto his boyfriend. Phil yelped in surprise.
“What the hell are you doing Dan?!”
Dan was hovering over, or more like laying on top of, Phil’s entire body. He was attacking the other man’s body and face with little kisses. It tickled, but Phil tried to keep a straight face.
“You’re fucking perfect Phil Lester. Don’t you dare to ever think anything else.” He placed a gentle kiss on Phil’s collarbone.
“First of all…” quick kiss on his chest. “You know just as much as I do and our fandom does that 'heart eyes howell’ is a real thing. Science can’t explain everything. And that’s a big statement coming from me, mr 'I don’t believe in anything that science can’t prove’” Phil could feel a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. Dan continued in a more serious tone.
“I don’t look at anyone else in the entire world the same way that I look at you. You know that, don’t you?” Phil nodded.
“Second of all…” featherlight kiss to the side of Phil’s neck. “You’re right. I don’t love you as much as you think. I love you a billion times more than you think I do. Or wait, a trillion times. No wait, a zillion times and whatever’s bigger than that.” Dan placed a more nibbling kiss closer to his jawline. Phil could feel a blush coming on and he prayed that Dan wouldn’t be able to tell.
“Third of all…” a longer kiss on his cheek. “Your age does not bother me at all. You’re a big kid at heart. I honestly never ever think about our age gap. Well, except in bed of course. But that’s only because it turns me on so much. You know it does.“ Yupp, Phil was definitely blushing now. The fact that Dan’s voice had turned lower, deeper, and more seductive was not helping one bit.
“Don’t even try to deny it Philip. I know you love it too. Me acting like your needy twink. Calling you 'daddy’. You fucking love it. I will never get tired of that.”
Dan stopped tracing Phil’s face like he had done subconciously whilst talking, and instead he cupped the elders cheeks in his hands. Dan crashed their lips together in a needy kiss.
They weren’t really making out. It was more intimate and emotional than that. A few teardrops fell from Phil’s eyes, where they’d been threatening to spill out throughout Dan’s speech. Dan’s warm hands catched them before they got the chance to wet his pillow. Dan broke their kiss and leaned back again, still not breaking eye contact.
“And finally…” soft kiss to Phil’s nose, which finally made Phil grin. Actually, he was already grinning. He hadn’t even noticed that he was. Must’ve happened whilst kissing.
“Finally…” Dan repeated. “You are not a joke. Never call yourself that again. If I catch you doing it again, I…I will force you to sleep on the couch for the rest of your life.”
Phil snorted. “You do know that we own two beds right? You can’t guard two beds at the same time.” Dan looked thoughtful for a moment.
“Well, I guess I’ll just have to lock the door then. Simple.”
“Our doors don’t have locks.”
“I will buy locks.”
“Our landlord would kill you.”
Dan sighed in defeat. “Fine. I guess I’ll have to refuse to give you kisses and cuddles then.”
Phil pouted. “But I need your cuddles. They’re like food. You’d die without food. I’d die without my daily dose of Dan cuddles.”
Dan smiled big in triumph and in adoration of his adorable boyfriend. Phil was smiling too, and the space between them closed again.
After a minute or two of lazy kisses and giggles, they broke apart and Dan resumed his previous position with his head resting on Phil’s shoulder. Though this time, Dan’s body was clinging onto Phil’s like a sloth and their legs were an entangled mess.
“Are you feeling better now?” Dan asked. Phil nodded. “Yeah. Much better. Thank you Dan, you always know how to make me feel better. I don’t know what i’d do without you. And sorry for crying. I don’t usually cry that easily”
Dan hummed in content and sleepiness. “The feeling is mutual. And it’s fine love, everybody needs a cry someimes”
Phil let his head drop down so it was resting against Dan’s messy curls. He smelled like vanilla. He must’ve stolen Phil’s impulse bought shampoo that he’d forgotten he owned. It wasn’t a rare thing for them to steal eachothers hygene products. But it still made Phil smile.
Another thing that was forgotten was the storm. It had died down by now, but rain was still pouring down outside. Phil suddenly remembered something.
“Dan, why are you in bed at 1am? Shouldn’t you be out there browsing right now?” Phil asked curiously. Dan shook his head.
“Of course not. There’s a storm. You hate storms. I’m not gonna leave you alone when you’re scared. “His grip tightened around Phil.
“Remember what I told you a long time ago? When you were home alone up north and you were scared? I told you that I wanted to be there so you wouldn’t have to be brave. Well, I’m here now. Every day for the rest of our lives if you want me to. You never have to be brave on your own again.”
Phil smiled and planted a kiss to his sleepy boyfriend’s forehead as a way to say thank you. Dan got the message and smiled, already half asleep. Phil could feel himself drifting off aswell.
It was amazing, how even their fears fitted together perfectly. And Dan had nothing to worry about. Phil would happily spend the rest of his life with Dan by his side every single day.
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