The gentle smiles that each of the young women wore was enough to buoy Dirk’s heart, if only temporarily. He had spent the majority of the last week either recovering from or getting himself into drunken stupors, and had underestimated the comfort he felt immediately upon seeing a shred of happiness on either of his friends faces. Despite their assertions to the contrary, Dirk knew full well that neither of his two companions were fine - none of them were, after all. The question was something that had to be asked, just as the positive response was what had to be given. The charade of strength, played out so many times since the Battle, wasn’t something that would soon go away. He knew he had a part to play in this as well, trying to keep the thin smile from fading from his lips. He nodded in Daisy’s direction and shrugged as casually as he could muster. “Yeah, I’m good, thanks.” His head continued to bob up and down slowly, as though he were trying to convince both his friends and himself.
You’re not, his mind insisted on reminding him, the vestiges of days of overconsumption still making his stomach turn, without mentioning his mental state. It had been a week of rumination, trying to determine whether or not continuing to fight with the Order was a worthwhile cause. Many times, with the firewhiskey flowing through his veins, Dirk had sworn up and down that he was done. With Dumbledore and You-Know-Who both gone, what would be the point? Both sides would do well to slide back into their daily routines and forget they’d ever been opposed. It had been three years of war, after all, and everyone deserved some measure of peace. Still, every time he awoke, head pounding and stomach sending him running to the washroom, he felt a familiar sense of doubt creep back into his mind. It wasn’t over - it likely never would be. These two groups had spent the better part of their adult lives bent on destroying the other side, a crusade of sorts for their own moral inclinations. Who would be willing to lay down their wands and let the past flow like water under a bridge? It wasn’t just unlikely - it was impossible to imagine.
Seeing his friends again, drawn in by the sense of obligation and duty that had been drilled into him by his father, Dirk felt a renewed resolve. It wasn’t just a cause that he was fighting for, after all. While the big picture was what kept getting bandied about in the press, the battles were for by and for people. Brothers for sisters, daughters for mothers. Friends protecting friends. Lovers shielding lovers. He could no more leave the fight behind that leave his humanity behind, ignoring all the sacrifices that Lily, or Daisy, or anyone of the Order Members had given for him and for everyone. The sacrifices that he’d made for them.
“It probably doesn’t need to be said, but…It’s bloody good to see both of you,” Dirk said in earnest agreement with Daisy. Without a thought, the lad reached out and touched both of them softly, his hand wrapping their arms in a momentary gentle squeeze before letting them fall to the ground once more. “I mean, after the Highlands…I’m not sure I knew exactly which faces I’d be seeing today, you know?” Taking the time to let his brown eyes find those of both of his friends in turn, Dirk smiled a little wider before sighing, his thoughts drawn back to those they’d lost in the past week. “Have you seen the other members much this week”
Daisy’s words sent Dirk’s attention once more to their surroundings, the castle they’d all called home for seven years. He couldn’t think of a time, even in the middle of the night, that the entire place had been this quiet. The odd sound of a professor shuffling about through the halls excepted, the usual hum of constant conversation and occasional whoops of delight were completely absent, a thick and uncomfortable quiet replacing them. “It’s mental, really. Being back. Just wish it were for something a little less dark.”
The trio stood silent for a moment, with Dirk’s eyes flitting between the two obviously weary faces. It was difficult to see the girls, both of whom had always been the very image of vitality and happiness, drawn into such sorrow. He knew his own face was likely no different, but Daisy’s countenance was of particular contrast. He’d known the girl well, having spent many hours with Mary lazing about the Hufflepuff Common Room. She’d always been a ray of sunlight, bright enough to lighten even the dreariest of days. She rather reminded him of Mary, and he spent a large part of his seventh year in her company, helping run her Muggle Studies group when it was required. Dirk wasn’t surprised that she’d joined the Order, but he felt a certain obligation, an intense protectiveness of the positive spirit that she embodied. “You know, there’s no sense wasting a beautiful morning,” Dirk suggested suddenly, glancing once more up towards the streams of light that pushed through the windows high above. “Want to go sit by the lake for awhile? We’ve got some time, before the - the ceremony,” he finished lamely before he pushed himself off the wall, standing up straight once more.
The squeeze on the shoulder from Dirk was a touch that she did not recoil from, but accepted and even leaned into -- Lily sucked in a breath, closing her eyes briefly before letting them flicker open, drinking in the sight before her. Laying her eyes on two people with their hearts set on the Order was enough to make her heart soar; all the talk floating around in the air about the two sides of the war crumbling truly broke her heart -- to any who knew Lily even in the least bit, one of the most ferocious things to her was her loyalty to the Order -- almost to a fault, if one may add. There was nothing that could sway her away from her loyalty to the Order and the friends that she once held so near and dear felt millions of miles away -- but these people, the two in front of her, however not the Marauders or Marlene, were her friends. And it was damn good to see them.
Daisy, Daisy Hookum, two years her junior and bright as a light, so eager to be a change and young, Lily saw herself in the girl; and however silly it may have been, to want to protect someone merely two years younger than her, but Lily made quiet vow to herself, all those years ago at Hogwarts, to never let that gorgeous twinkle in her eyes disappear. As of late, Lily herself had seen the sparkle in her own eyes slowly get sucked away, leaving dregs of reckless idealism in its wake -- she doesn’t want that for Daisy, not then, not now, not ever.
And Dirk, Dirk Cresswell, a batch mate, someone she’d sat with in numerous classes and one of the other talented students who sat with her in the Slug Club, being two of the few muggleborns that showed up at the meetings and parties and stuck together, for sometimes the glares and turned-up noses of their pureblood counterparts made them flinch.
It was no wonder that, Lily too, reached over and expressed her love and thanks that they were alive and there, in front of her -- each of them received as tight of a hug that she could muster. Lily Evans was notorious for the way she loved to mother -- caring for others was second nature to her, even if the expense meant that she spent a little less time caring for herself.
Most of the words exchanged were a blur to Lily after the embraces were dealt out, with the odd nod and here and there or a few remarks elicited from time to time -- it was a habit of hers, nowadays, getting lost in her own thoughts to drown out what was being said; however the topic of conversation exchanged between Dirk and Daisy nothing inherently pessimistic, certain words struck certain cords inside of Lily that merely broke her heart. Have you seen any other order members this week? made her think about Marlene appearing at the Order headquarters mere days after the Battle, feeling so far away despite being so close; and after alienating herself from the rest of the world for the rest of the other days leading up to being called up to Hogwarts took away any other chance of seeing any other members. The remarks about being back, at the school they all knew and loved for such a... Heartbreaking reason, that broke off a good chunk from her heart. But she was Lily, happy, optimistic Lily, so she smiled that endearing smile, trying to convince herself and those around her that everything would be alright.
“ -- The lake is gorgeous at this time of year, ” She knew that for a fact -- so many nights spent crowded over bonfires with her housemates and school mates alike, singing and laughing and living during the beginning-of-term celebrations; the memory of sneaking out and having a late night swim with the girls mere five years ago crosses her mind briefly, almost pushing a laugh to her lips. The lake had always held a sense of camaraderie -- she hoped that the three of them, going over there and taking in the view of the water and surroundings, would at least, for a moment, give them a sense of happiness, in the light of everything that has happened. “ I think it would be great if we go down there; old time’s sake, maybe? ” She’d already begun walking towards the nearest swinging double doors, more than ready to take a breath into the open air. The four stone walls cradling them didn’t feel like home anymore, and it felt wrong -- it almost felt trapping; empty and desolate instead of being welcoming and lively like she had always remembered it. Lily was more than ready for a change in surrounding.
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