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"going out to get milk" is a common turn of phrase used to describe a man abandoning his family.

the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.

this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.

therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:

- being a cow

- being an almond

- being a woman

- being a coconut

- being in the omegaverse

- being an oat

(list is exemplary and not finite)

in this essay, i will redefine the nuclear family and explain the seductive and inflammatory nature of the 1993 "Got Milk?" commercials.

hppjmxrgosg

you shut your mouth.

standwithdaanes

we don't talk about the bonus army (the time that a bunch of WW1 veterans, both white and Black, organized during the Great Depression to demand the pay that had been promised to them early so they wouldn't starve to death, and camped out at the capital in peaceful protest alongside their wives and children, and the active-duty army was brought in to beat them into submission resulting in the deaths of two infants)

or the business plot (the time a bunch of billionaires in America tried to a genuine fascist coup on the government because they feared FDR would bring socialism to the US, and were only outed because they tried to get a guy who had been a famous Marine but become outspokenly against US imperialism and called himself a former "racketeer for capitalism", and who was beloved by the Bonus Army, to help them out, and then the US government redacted the names of the billionaires in question and major newspapers mocked this as a hoax even though the government itself KNEW this was a real thing that happened)

nearly enough. hmmm its almost like this country is rotted from the core outwards and its really fucking suicidally ridiculous to act like our current problems are caused by some sort of corruption of the Pure True Primordial Soul Of America

scalpho

Ugh why do they make me do a job. dont they know theres gay stuff i have to think about

rock-n-rock-n-more-rock

taps my mic. yeah i dont think i like glitch studios anymore. walks off the stage

isawken

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

worldheritagepostorganization

World Heritage Post

isawken

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

annabelle--cane

tragedy protagonist categories:

yknow what yeah I think that's just about how anyone would react in this situation. fair enough.

alright this isn't how just Anyone would behave in this situation but I'm humble enough to admit that there have been times in my life when I was doing badly enough that I'd probably also fumble it like this

babygirl what the hell are you even doing

radioactivemongoose

the hotel has an on demand section called “mood” & these are the moods

cawfeeann

pls unmute whatever you’re expecting it’s not it

joy-and-whimsy-official

Joy and whimsy detected! This post is joyful and whimsical!

eldr1tch-cr0w

number one rule! never believe ur thoughts after 10 pm . unless its about The Character then believe all of your thoughts wholeheartedly

natnormalatall

roald dahl was antisemitic and misogynistic. george orwell was openly homophobic. edgar allan poe married his 13 year old cousin. dr seuss cheated on his wife (and was racist as well as antisemitic!). hp lovecraft was racist as fuck. anyways they’re fucking dead it’s not like you’re enabling their behaviors in the afterlife or something. then again I think they bleed into the books so uh keep an eye out for that

the difference between these old white guys and jk rowling is that the former group is all dead. jk rowling is alive and using your money to oppress trans people