HELL BRAIN BLOG

20's NB • They/Them // Spicy depression w/ OC traits n ADHD, prior BPD/AVPD/bipolar diagnoses // ACAB

[boccher]

how do you stick to a creative endeavour for more than 3 days at a time

[boccher]

lifelong depression has absolutely fried my brain everyone tells me "just do the thing you want to do and enjoy doing in order to improve at it" and i look at them like they're a fucking alien with unnatural powers

[boccher]

i tell them "you could not possibly understand how many times I've tried and failed to do that" then they look at me like I'm the alien. i guess i am the alien. living should not feel like such a burden to me

[theconcealedweapon]

[cxrrently]

[dwtective]

they call me the avoider for reasons i don't really want to talk about

[iwait4youalexg]

Oh!

[doh007]

Thank you all, i needed further explanation - And i do find it might help me!

[punkitt-is-here]

mucho texto i know but i wanted to write a lil thing about how u can treat yourself nice!!

[hexjulia]

sometimes your distress does indicate you should stop and respect your limitations. at other times it's more of a baby aquatic mammal being introduced to water for the first time thing. Too bad the difference is so hard to tell.

[closet-keys]

is anyone else feeling fucking crazy?

sorry—is anyone else feeling “significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other areas of functioning”

[junkworldusa]

[some-kind-of-robot]

Favorite trope from real life experiences

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

how others feel about your boundaries is not your responsibility

[thyfleshc0nsumed]

Something I heard from a friend a few years ago really changed my understanding of boundaries. A boundary is necessarily has to be something you can enforce.

"Do not call me after 9" is not a boundary. I can't control someone else's actions

"I do not pick up the phone after 9" is a boundary, I can choose if I pick up or not

[crazysodomite]

guy who only experienced torture: this reminds me of the torture i went through

guy who only experienced torture: i don't like this because it's too unlike the torture

guy who only experienced torture: i'm afraid of not being tortured

[feluka]

guy with depression: idk stories about time loops just kinda really resonate with me haha idk why

[feluka]

guy with depression: it's so sad when they're doing the same thing over and over again insisting this time it'll be different. it sure would suck if time loops were real!

[oobbbear]

I drew this stupid burger I saw that brings me comfort and joy

[pastperfectcontinuous]

bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”

[ritavonbees]

I have come to think of the suicidal impulse as the brain waving a flag to say three things:

something needs to change here

this is urgent

I don’t know how to do it

death is the ultimate metaphor for drastic change. it’s a general specific. whatever your problems are, it is very likely that dead people don’t have to deal with them. a real solution to your problems may demand a very narrow range of action that’s likely to be out of reach at this moment, but death is sold on every street corner, so it feels like a more realistic fantasy than happiness.

you don’t really want to die per se but it’s also not completely random chemicals swamping your brain for no reason. you want the pain to stop, you want to be somewhere else, you want to be someone else. it’s urgent. you don’t know how to do it. the end is not the end but a means that feels within your reach right now.

this is the wisdom of bell hooks: daily rituals of meaning and resistance and solidarity are part of slowly building a future where you can make the change you really need. and only alive people can do that. every step you take towards change and power is another step away from death.

[feaftlikeabeaft]

I wish depression were an emergency. I wish someone could take one look at how sick I am and go “oh my god, we need to get you to a hospital!” and then when we get there I get rushed into surgery and the surgeons say “it’s a good thing you brought her here when you did, this is a seriously advanced case” and then they put me under and spend the next ten hours pulling metres of long, sticky black strands of gunk out of my body, throwing it immediately into an incinerator so that it can’t infect anyone else. And then they could stitch me back up and I could rest a few days, and when I leave the hospital everyone can see how much better I am and they congratulate me saying “well done, you’ve been so brave, I’m so glad you’re ok. I love you.”

[the-uncanny-dag]

Sister post to The Vitamin

[sesamie]

learning that addiction is a progressive narrowing of the range of things that make one happy was kinda life changing for me. i apply it to everything not even just addiction i am always checking to ask if i am narrowing my range of happiness or widening it

[argumate]

always good to check whether your coping strategy has become something that needs its own coping strategies