I'm in hell forever

Lee · 21 · She/Her I'm not leaving that fish behind. Posts about the current episode tagged "taz spoilers" for a full week. Icon by skakerman.

[elliewilliams]

why was taz balance so good. it didnt have to be it was literally a comedy dnd podcast between 3 brothers and their dad. the trios nickname was the boner squad. why did i cry three times during the finale that griffin specifically chose to be episode 69. one of them took their date out to a pottery and wine combo establishment called “the chug and squeeze” which, after later episodes, was scenes that contained shit thatd were so plot-twisty i stared at my wall for a good minute thinking about it. a character that was named garfield and was never given a physical description - which resulted in everyone just picturing the cat - had a clone of one of them stored away in the back room for reasons that were never given. griffin ended this series purposely on episode 69

[sockablock]

Uh, yeah, I am currently at 34. My max is 49.

Holy shit.

What?

That’s just real low.

Is it? Is it, Griffin, is it REAL low? Is it almost like some fucking LICHES of our imagination SUCKED my hit points away from me, a WIZARD? Is that what may account for the LOWNESS? It’s like, so CRAZY low, HUH?

[thecindercrow]

On Thursday, the Very Hungry John ate through 101 dimensional planes, but he was still depressed

[bextheboo]

The McElroys: *obscure old ass celebrity reference*

Me, opening google: They look like WHOMST?

[swearwolfcola]

“Hi Merle. You got a minute?”

[kravkalackin]

Fact:

Barry Bluejean’s famous ‘Are You Afraid?’ question came from trying to say ‘are you okay?’ and ‘don’t be afraid’ to the boys at the same time, but he’s a nervous disaster of a man and just had to roll with it 

[100percentkansasbeef]

Visit Original Link

[theradioghost]

barold bluejeans has skills from half of the d&d classes because he’s an anxious man desperately trying to singlehandedly make up for the IPRE’s party comp of Six Spellcasters And A Fighter

[leon-the-artificer]

barry: one issue with having a…let’s say extremely popular story, is that now, sometimes parts of my life just become trademarks, and i don’t necessarily need or want or desire that. like, you talk about necromancy. and then on fantasy twitter, ev– you– to everybody on fantasy twitter you become Lich Boy. and really, that’s my life i’m living? 

lup: mmm.

barry: i’m living the lich life. like. day to day. and it’s not necessarily something that i want to define me as a person

lup: sure.

barry: i don’t need an additional trademark on those lines.

lup: barry! please join me in my umbrella vore corner, and we can hang out here and have a little party, together!

barry: [laughs] i just didn’t mean for that to be my brand, i guess, is what i’m worried about–

lup: well we don’t get to make this call, my boy. you talk about liches, or sexual swallowing, or make a funny umbrella once and it gets broadcast across reality, and then that’s who you are to folks. but i’ve got fucking layers man. i’ve always got fucking mints on me. but nobody calls me the mint girl, nobody ever asks me for mints, they always wanna talk to me…about umbrellas or vore.

barry: lucretia edited out the part of the umbrella story where right after, lup’s like “uh, anybody got a mint? just kidding, i always have mints.

lup: i always have them.

[domirine]

garyl the phantom steed

im on petals to the metal chapter and he stole my heart 

[grantwilson]

im so emotional rn

[grantwilson]

update: 2 days later im still extremely emotional

[grantwilson]

update: 9 days later i’m still not over this

[voidfishplural]

and all of the time you thought i was sad // i was trying to remember your name

[Song] | [Art Reference]

[taahko]

theres an interaction in the first ep of rockport where merle says “can we bring billy bluejeans back” and taako replies “its barry. oh how quickly you forget huh. boy barry must have made a real impact on you” and all of this is in front of lucretia

[thefeelszone]

Never forget: When we first meet Barry, he dies at the hands of the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet

[taakovapes]

We all miss Barry Bluejeans. He was a beloved character that was in like, two episodes and then he died. But it was the name, wasn’t it? It was the best name and I wasted it on a, uh, Red Shirt

Griffin McElroy, an evil man, TAZ episode 18 (via maegnus)

[questbedhead]

Stolen Century plots I kinda wanna write but probs never will

- Barry introduces the locals to necromancy, accidentally becomes a cult leader

- Lup and Davenport get addicted to street racing, everyone gently tries to remind them that using the Light of Creation to soup up their wheels is really, really irresponsible CAPTAIN!??!

- Fischer eats some important manuals and now they have to deal with malfunctioning machinery with no goddamned clue how it works

- The crew gets split up and hopelessly lost in a labyrinth. As they find they’re way out they have some Nice Bonding Moments - Lup and Merle talk about faith and hope; Dav, Magnus and Barry talk about duty and devotion; Lucretia and Taako find some weird mushrooms and get fucked up

- A rich and powerful monarch has the light, but is willing to trade it for (insert IPRE member)’s hand in marriage.

- One or both of the twins get turned into a vampire and spends the cycle lowkey trying to eat everyone.

- Davenport gets kidnapped and held for ransom and the whole crew rushes to save him, only to discover he was perfectly capable of rescuing himself. The kidnappers had squirreled him away in a library and he decided it might be nice just to take a break and do some reading.

- Someone challenges the crew to a battle of intellect for the Light and Taako almost blows it when they ask him a math question

- Barry gets hit with a mild but annoying curse that can only be broken by ‘true loves kiss’. It ends with Merle kissing him platonically on the cheek, because of course the whole crew loves each other!! Meanwhile Taako is fuming because he cast that spell so Lup would kiss him and they’d finally admit they liked each other godAMN IT MERLE YOU WHERE IN ON THIS WHAT ARE YOU DOING MAN???

- They come across an entire world of intelligent plant people. Merle’s delight is directly proportionate to everyone else’s suffering. 

[voidfishplural]

from eden

hurley/sloane, 700 words, rated T for vague sexual references. pre-Petals to the Metal. for @rustingroses. 

Afterwards, Hurley remembers her in flashes, in snippets. Like Sloane moved too fast for her memories to grasp. Like pieces of a dream.

--

“This is a shitty assignment, you know.”

“Detective Hurley--”

“I’m better than petty theft.”

“She’s hard to catch. We need--”

“Just because everyone else on this force is incompetent--”

“Detective Hurley.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’ll take the job. Sheesh.”

--

She follows the Raven for two weeks without finding anything. Interviews shopkeepers, who saw nothing. Interviews shoppers, who saw less than nothing. She suspects magic, at first, but she finds no traces of it; the woman is just that good at what she does.

Then comes the day she manages to trail her to the races.

Oh, the races.

--

It’s something else, watching that girl drive.

It haunts Hurley when she sleeps.

--

“A fan, huh?” the Raven laughs, spinning around. Hurley starts; nobody she’s tailed has seen her before, and now this--after the races, on her way home, when this should be easy, when the mark should be distracted. “I’ve noticed you following me for weeks. Not bad, though.”

Hurley balls her hands into fists. “You’re under arrest for--”

The Raven steps closer, towering over Hurley, blotting out the sun.

“Would you like to drive with me?”

--

The first time Hurley gets in a battlewagon her body feels electric; before they even start moving, before Sloane even climbs in the driver’s seat beside her, before the other racers are even on the road.

“You feel it too, huh?” Sloane asks, and Hurley stares at her with eyes wide.

Of course she does.

How could she not?

--

They race.

Oh, Gods, how they race.

When they run, they run clean--when everyone else careens into splinters of wood and metal, Sloane drives them forward, forward, forward out of the fray--and Hurley screams, she always screams, with the lightning under her veins, with her hands tight around the carapace of the wagon.

“Yes, yes, yes,” she hears Sloane muttering under her breath as they peel ahead. “Yes!”

--

“Come home with me,” Sloane says before the wagon even stops moving, a command, a demand, like everything else she says and does--she takes what she wants, when she wants, and it falls into her lap like it was meant to be there.

Hurley is no different.

She undoes her tether and tumbles out of the battlewagon, a tuck-and-roll motion as she hits the floor, and Sloane’s laugh rings in her dizzied ears.

---

Hurley’s never been to the slums before; never been to a house that could be described more as a hovel; never been in a house so small. It is crammed to the brim with things--trophies, gems, mismatched knick-knacks that somewhere in the back of her mind, Hurley remembers seeing itemized on a police report.

“Clothes,” Sloane says as she shrugs her leather jacket off her shoulders. “You. Too many.”

Hurley adds her uniform to the pile of things Sloane’s stolen.

--

“I love you,” Sloane says one day, when they’re fixing the wagon after a crash. Hurley looks at her with a face flushed red. “Don’t tell anyone I said that. I have a reputation to keep.”

Hurley climbs over the wreckage of the car and kisses her.

--

And then, the Sash.

The first day Sloane finds it, she bathes Hurley’s bed in rose petals. She wraps her tight in vines and tosses her into the pile while Hurley laughs. While her head swims. Hurley’s never felt more fucking alive.

When she thinks of it later, it makes her skin itch.

--

“Sloane--”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it, Hurley.”

“Don’t want to talk about it? Two people are dead!”

“It’s how the game goes--”

“It’s never been how our game goes. Fuck you, you know that!”

“It’s a new game now, Hurley, what don’t you understand?”

“...You.”

--

She wishes sometimes that the Voidfish could chew the edges of her mind the way it does everyone else.

She wishes sometimes she could forget: about the Gaia sash, about battle wagon racing, about an old police report for petty larceny. About summers on the cliffside. About that house in the slums. About the Raven. The Ram.