So it's getting to be finals time round these parts, and I am quickly losing control of everything. But, you know, it's cool. I'm fine. It'll all work out.
I haven't talked too much about school here, not as much as I intended to. I really did plan for this space to be about my experiences as a grad school student, but frankly my experiences have oscillated largely between two emotions: disappointed and demoralized.
I don't want to get into that, though. I'm trying to stay positive and what not. I start thesis work relatively soon, and since I'm talking about Welcome to Night Vale, I think that will be a generally exciting time. Mostly I stopped by to whine talk about my final paper for my Latina Feminisms course.
For whatever reason, this paper is killing me. I'm super excited about it, but it's also really frustrating because a) I can seem to pin down exactly how I want to approach my topic (which I'll get to in a moment), and b) my topic is, in and of itself, fucking irritating.
So I'm analyzing the depiction of the McCall family in Teen Wolf (which I might just pare down to Melissa and Scott because I don't have a lot to work with when it comes to Rafael) as POC, exploring whether they're meant to represent POC in the first place, and if so how do the actors' real ethnicities play into that. After discussing all that good stuff, I then plan to analyze how fandom has understood/interpreted their representation, using tumblr (YOU GUYS!) as most of my source material for that.
What this means is that I have to surround myself with either HORRIBLE, RACIST POSEYGATE FUCKERY, or really sad, disappointed, and angry fan discussion about poc erasure in the series. It's a bummer, and it makes me want to wash my hand of fandom because sometimes it's just a really miserable place.
But the research on the academic end has been really fascinating. I've never really looked into the scholarly discussion on mixed individuals (which, considering I am mixed, is sort of strange...you'd think it would have occurred to me to take an interest in mixed representation before now...although I have to say doing all this reading on multiraciality is also sort of irritating/sad, because no one talks about Arabs; this sort of speaks to a recent frustration of mine that when I do engage in discussions about race in my classes, the go-to is generally African Americans, Latin@s, and Asian Americans, which, like, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND--they're the largest minority groups and the literature on their struggles is much larger, and also, you know, solidarity means discussions about racism are sort of blanketly that's so not a word applicable to all poc--but lately I've just been really desperate to talk about Arab/Middle Eastern/Muslim issues in the US; but I mean I'm taking a class on Gender and Clothing in Muslim society next semester, so I'll be happy as a clam then), and it's really interesting. Also finally learning about internet reception studies, which has been wonderful. I need to learn more about knowledge communities, but, like...reading about fan democracy and convergence culture has been super great.
But the pressure's on. I have a full draft for this paper due on Wednesday, and I'm still compiling research materials. I think I'm about done, and only have a few more things to read, but I'm really freaking myself out about the lit review, which is making me feel like I need to READ MOAR, and I really absolutely do not. Wow, that was a long sentence.
Okay, so I think that's all I've got in me right now. It's after one, and I still haven't eaten anything (or had any coffee, god I need coffee...), and okayophelia finally posted some of her Winter Soldier meta, which I LIVE FOR (and omg, can we talk about Winter Soldier? PLEASE???). So yeah. Break time. Stay groovy, followers.