Where all the rants and rambles go!

[vvexedv]

On the odd occasion I feel self-conscious about being a bi woman while having a straight (self-described, but still very gender-bendy) boyfriend and plenty of masc fuck buddies, I sometimes give in to the hatred of bi women like me and doubt my own sexuality...

Then I remember the women I got extremely emotionally invested in really quickly as a teenager, and how comfortable I am playing with other women and that conclusion doesn't feel quite right. I completely get the hate. Getting your hopes up only to be shot down when it's already so hard to find other women you like who want to date you back.

It sounds stupid, but I (along with a lot of autistic women) didn't have many girl-friends growing up so weren't immersed in the expected social norms that seemingly came with that. Often, actively socially rejected rather than a conscious choice on our end. So a majority of the women I have gravitated towards have been other isolated autistic women, not those who have surrounded themselves with women either before or since coming out. And the social rejection of bi-women feels like a re-packaging of the social rejection of autistic women, unfairly catagorised as not "girls girls" based on vibes or some social faux pas we unintentionally fulfill.

But...

Occasionally I slip into these circles or am indeed pulled into them. I enjoy it! I'm not used to it, but I enjoy it. Usually after drifting from whoever I came out with, so it looks like I'm ~just a girl in my world~ but I feel like I can't stay or I have to stay because leaving would break my hostess' heart.

I just feel like whether in queer or straight spaces I unintentionally lead people on because I don't realise what is or isn't too fast or too slow to move. And unintentionally make myself out into this player that people complain about when it comes to bi women.

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

Never understood the people who complain about there never being enough ship fics for a certain ship and yet they never open a word document and write.

The first thing I did when I wanted content of a ship that had absolutely no fanfics was write the first fic for that ship. It may be the only ship fic of those character on ao3, but idc I write for myself.

And also, many people in this side of the fandom are grateful somebody took the first step. It builds community. And hell even if someone doesn't post fics, its still fun to write what u want because u can literally make it exactly what you want to read

yeah this. if you want something to exist, sometimes you'll just have to create them in order for them to exist. be the change you want to see

[vvexedv]

I think what can frustrate people (teachers, strangers, friends, etc.) about trying to talk down or comfort or advise people like me (I'm autistic, but I'm honestly not sure if that has any baring on this) is that most things most people can and do say to try and be helpful if I am angry or sad and such is that it's painfully clear they are just parroting what works on other people and that alone is enough to create a mental wall to it. And if your response reading that is "just give it a go", that's not how the subconscious works my guy - I just figured out my brain was doing this. If it feels like you are talking to someone else when you are trying to talk to me, to help me, it already tells me you aren't listening and don't actually care enough to do so (even if you do very much care and are trying your hardest, again - subconscious barrier).

It's why people taking genuine interest, genuine notes, is comforting. Even if it is to a manipulative end. Even if it is specifically to better inform a kink dynamic. Actually paying attention and being able to read me when words fail (I still resent having to have learnt speech, I was a stubbornly non-verbal child until forced to speak despite how good my speech, writing and social skills turned out to be) is immensely comforting and breaks down that wall so I can trust someone to step in and know I am hurting if I am at a point where I'm struggling to communicate that.

Does make aftercare a pain in the ass sometimes, because the usual procedure and stock phrases don't do much for me and leave me feeling like you weren't even in the same room. I am tired of using my words, of communicating and STILL not feeling heard.

It's a long road, but we'll get there x

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

hii I came here after seeing your explanation about proshippers! I’ve seen people say that proshippers support *every* ship, but you said that proshippers don’t have to like taboo ships. (Obv I believe you more but) how do I know which one is correct😓? Are there sources that I can look through? I want to say that I’m a proshipper really badly but I don’t want to get confused on the definition

proship does not mean “I support every ship”. but proship means “I support everybody’s right and freedom to create and enjoy whatever they want, however they want”.

I don’t have any “sources” with me because it’s a fandom term and not a scientific paper. but I can tell you for a fact that the definition of proship is “do whatever you want as long as you’re not harming anyone in real life, I’ll just mind my own business even if I hate the things you enjoy and find them disgusting. censorship is bad. harassment is bad. I can block what I don’t want to see instead of saying such and such should not exist.” and this was a common sense about a decade ago, before tiktok and puritans try to spread their fascist agenda that allows them to harass others over fiction.

[vvexedv]

Sincere shade to bastards who think kink is antithetical to womens' liberation and ace pride.

I was raped at a kink event this weekend (last in June 2026) and it was IMMEDIATELY taken seriously. Bastard was not only blacklisted both from the club and event it was hosting, but also all clubs in the area and a general warning given across the country.

You DO NOT get that level of resounding support and coordination from shallow, moralising bastards who think CNC supports rape. The kink community (especially those who play with CNC) are the MOST safe and supportive people to turn to when shit hits the fan FROM EXPERIENCE. They will not shame you. They understand the difference. And they take it fucking seriously.

[pankendev]

there are places in the world today that are experiencing 40°C for the first time in recorded history. of course there's no way to know whether chucking billionaires into volcanos will appease the sun god but i feel we're doing the scientific method a disservice if we don't at least try

[vvexedv]

I feel like my mother is sending cries for help. The last bird out of the nest. Finally alone with him.

I want to leave.

[vvexedv]

There is a wolf pack inside me (non-sexual) and at least two of them are:

"Gender exploration doesn't stop at choosing a label, you can't keep acting like a cis girl and get mad when people notice"

And

"There are no rules for any of this, there is no right way to be or perform any given identity so shut it!"

And they keep yelling at me at social gatherings.

[vvexedv]

I think people underestimate the power in hiding. I now it's often seen as cowardly, but control over whether you are even seen is so powerful. Why do you think the UK has become such a surveillance state?

[vvexedv]

I need to move man...

[vvexedv]

Accurate perception is control.

That's part of why people become so irate about people they cannot box or "clock". Be they cis, trans, agender, non-binary, etc.

Whether intentional or not, defying gender is to defy control. This extends to other roles in society, including those expected along racial lines and how that intersects with gender too.

However, that does mean that people who pass or seem set in a box can be perceived as either ignorant of that control, or willfully conforming to it - inherently "performative".

Both extremes of the binary AND defying them are inherently performative, because all things are performative to some degree. And what is not is perceived as such anyway.

[vvexedv]

I wish sex was more divorced from gender.

I think that's partly why I've noticed more overlap between aspec and agender/genderqueer/non-binary communities. Divorce from one necessitates divorce from the other in some way, either through societal rejection or a personal one.

A person's expected relationship with sex is massively defined by the gender people perceive them as. It's partly why I built a really stupid masc identity in my head - because my level of hypersexuality felt more in-line with what was expected of men (along with other stupid ideas of masculinity I have since abandoned in favour of more fluid expression). I do not need to suppress any part of me, just like when I was little - I can kick ass AND chew bubblegum (you can pick which of those was masc or femme). It's ended up meaning I attract a lot of queer folks despite passing in straight spaces, though not really fitting in either.

The overlap between sex and gender persists in the queer community, arguably moreso than ever. Equating sex and sexualisation in most of its forms with cis het men only. Which is why it doesn't surprise me when queer people jump on the bandwagon against erotic fiction, even when it is explicitly understood to be written by women and for women a lot of the time. Assuming all erotic het fiction is written by terms or mean girls or whatever other straw man is needed to justify the villification of horny women. Using it as a round about way to supposedly tackle the worst aspects of sexuality encouraged in men.

There is inherent misogyny in demonising the sexuality of women, het or otherwise. Like we simply aren't supposed to be horny, or only horny for other women (which is then often fetishised).

Often justified by claiming it's all due to societal brainwashing or some other bullshit. If that were true, then het women would all be pregnant in unhappy marriages already, but most readers and writers of het-leaning erotic fiction are anything but. It becomes a moral currency, how active a role sex plays in someone's life. The act of being horny then being treated as a threat to the legitimacy and safety of the queer community, as if horny lesbians are to blame for their own fetishisation.

[phleb0tomist]

he would not fucking say that, but with disability.. he would not fucking be able bodied. sick n tired of characters walking away from multiple life changing injuries without a scratch. let’s get some natural consequences in here.

give that knife/sword fight survivor nerve damage. give the character who was shot in the gut a stoma. give that fire survivor lung damage and an oxygen cannula. give that leg injury survivor a cane. give that starvation survivor gastroparesis. give that spinal injury survivor a manual chair or powerchair.

while we’re at it, give your characters congenital disabilities too, just because. give them intellectual and development disabilities. give them acquired and postviral illnesses. dare to make somebody bedbound. for me.

[vvexedv]

Ngl if some bastard tries to say I'm not genderbendy enough to be in queer spaces I am showing them how I looked when people assumed I was a cis gay guy and got evicted from toilets because of it. Fuck you, I bend gender better than you. Nobody even fucking notices where you piss. I'm just also able to rock feminity too without being weird about it. Like if I'm too femme as an afab person it suddenly undoes my queerness unless it's specifically to appear stereotypically sapphic? I'm not going to perform queerness for you, asshole.

[stillnaomi]

using violence to liberate people from sweatshops, unsafe mines, and grinding poverty isn't the same as using violence to impose those things on people. the idea that violence is morally repugnant regardless of context is a belief that every oppressor throughout history would love for the oppressed to hold

[vvexedv]

The demonisation of sex seen in gen z is going to scar whatever generation is raised by them.

I don't say that to say you need to like or want sex or that doing so is moral (hell no). I'm saying that doing so is not inherently immoral.

And responding with disgust to anything remotely sexual is something any child you raise or teach will pick up on and internalise. (Btw being super horny all the time isn't the antithesis of disgust, but rather a healthy acceptance that it exists regardless of whether you wish to partake in it.)

So I wouldn't be surprised if gen z's kids grow up to be extremely repressed, and we've all seen how much repression backfires on the safety of both the asexual and the sexual.

[vvexedv]

I have genuinely no right to feel attached or needy when I am so neglectful of the people around me