Procrastinating Writer @vyevien - Tumblr Blog

anybody out there hiring gay losers. ideally a 100k/year salary and i work for one hour every day when i feel like it. thanks

cute-catts

Drifting masters 🐈🐈

phantomrose96

A master to his action-hero trainee says, "Your movements are sloppy. You lack awareness of your body when you fight. Your hands move and yet you do not hold them in your mind's eye. Come. We will remedy this."

And then the master paints his trainee's fingernails and orders the trainee to complete a series of complicated tasks without smudging the nail polish.

phantomrose96

Trainee grumbles that this is stupid when the first set of tasks is just cleaning the dojo. Within two minutes he reaches for the dustpan and knocks the edge of his pinky nail against it in a way he's never noticed before. He's staring at the baby blue smudge and suddenly he understands things differently.

phantomrose96

There's a montage of days passing as he fetches water, chops wood, hoes crops, washes clothes. His nails are a different color during each cut. He's sprinting up the mountain with a fresh wet pedicure and the master is nodding in approval. The master's nails are flawless tech art.

phantomrose96

He's reached his final assessment and it's a sparing match against his master. The air smells of acetone. His and the master's nails are all freshly painted. He must land a blow on the master with his mani and pedi fully intact.

Suns and moons pass. Streak in the ring finger. Smudge on the pinky. A full-handed block at the cost of three nails of paint. A hit on his master, and he hoots in delight until the master points out the unguarded toe whose polish is now streaked across the master's robe.

Days pass in frustration and exhaustion. By day 40, he has every digit of his acutely in his mind's eye. He senses the master's attack, ducks, dodges, all fingers all toes all himself, aware, and he strikes with his wooden sword.

It connects with the master. The master pauses. The trainee raises his left hand into view--5 digits of flawless sunflower yellow. His left foot. His right foot. And finally his right hand, raised in triumph.

The master smiles. "You have passed. I have just one more technique to teach you."

The technique is how to draw little flowers into the nail art. So really this one is optional.

lolliudo

my friend anomalocaris

hemipenal-system

human diplomat who has to be briefed on “stop fucking trying to pet everything. yes a lot of the people you’re interacting with have very soft fur and quite a lot of them do like being scritched but you can’t just do it and frankly it’s bad conduct during a peace meeting”

hemipenal-system

human delegate: hey this is gonna be weird but could i touch your fur?

khazu, grand emissary to the Chicslan Council, who resembles a giant horned wolf and wants to be pet so fucking bad but everyone is scared of her: lets finish the meeting and then we’ll consider it 🥺

sourcreammachine

blackmail game would be insane

kira-serialfaggot

I've always liked the idea of a sci-fi setting not making humans the average species, and instead, they are animal tamers. A rarity for species to adopt and keep pets. Which makes human ships especially hard for other species since they have to deal with hyper lethal predators walking around, while the humans do a dumb baby voice constantly.

hemipenal-system

oh yeah i also fucking love this one. its so good to me when domestication is a uniquely human trait (especially when combined with Humans Are Space Orcs / Earth Is A Deathworld)

qilan, vaguely cervid species: hey so why do you have an apex predator curled up in your lap?

human 1, whose clingy ass german shepherd is fully laying on top of them for scritches: oh yeah, don’t worry about Serial Killer! he’s an absolute sweetie. that’s right, aren’t you, boy?

vala, vaguely lupine species: 👀

human 2: yeah vala this is probably weird for you huh

vala, so horny she can’t think and wishing human 2 would leash her like that: yup yeah mhm its strange

sha-ka-re

dee ess nein texte poste…… 2!!!!!

once again if any of these have been done before I offer u my life in penance

ampervadasz

Unmute !

batmanego

fuck this time loop im leaving (walks into a different, worse time loop)

operatorfortheboogeymen

Getting a new job

albertweskerofficial

Deeply fucked up that this game (real life) forces you to play a crafting mini-game (cooking) every time you want to replenish your stamina bar.

You can skip the crafting game by using a pre-made consumable if you have them on hand, but high level players will constantly nag you about it and tell you that it damages your character's stats in the long run.

copperbadge

Way worse is that you have an unskippable cut scene after the crafting mini game, every time, called "doing the dishes." You can avoid it for a while by exiting the kitchen but the longer you wait the longer the cutscene is.

prideknights

Which castle towers do you prefer?

A

B

Voting ended onJun 1, 2024

All enamel pins will be available for pre-order tomorrow, June 1st 2024! ⚔️🌈

andmaybegayer

Ooooo can you share the vegetable soup recipe for the weak travellers out there

To roast:

one small squash, in this case butternut

three small potatoes

two red peppers

four carrots

Other ingredients:

two onions

three cloves of garlic

chili flakes and/or whole chili peppers, to taste

spice powders: cumin, turmeric, fennel, a teaspoon each

Italian, Spanish, or French style mixed dried herbs, to taste

~1 cup cooking cream

1-3 teaspoons of sugar

salt and pepper

Cut these into chunks suitable for roasting, toss in a tray with oil, roast in an oven for 45 minutes at 180°C. Take these out, allow to cool to handling temperature.

While that's cooling, slice two onions and start frying that in some oil in a deep-sided pot for a few minutes

Once the roasted vegetables are cool, remove any inedible parts like squash skin, chop any particularly large pieces down to size, and toss in with the onions, stir and fry for a moment. Roughly crush the garlic and toss that in as well, you can just whack it with a knife, this all gets blended later.

Cover everything with water, bring to a simmer for 45 minutes

Add spice powders and chili (I used one small habanero) and turn off the heat. Blend smooth with an immersion blender.

Add herbs (here Herbs de Provence), sugar, and cream, blend to mix, bring up to a low simmer for a minute or two to thicken the cream.

Turn off heat, add salt and a truly stupendous quantity of ground black pepper. Get some bread for your soup. Lord this fact over passing knights.

nchntd

In the club

vacuously-true

I think I’m literally never gonna be sick of this masterpiece. I think watching it on a loop for eight hours could fix me. Dancing’s what clears my soul. Dancing’s what makes me whole.

dimmadoome

I just love that this very video is an accumulation of thousands of years worth of art made by people who have never met each other. The concept of this video was so completely unfathomable to every single artist who made the sculptures and yet they’ve all put something toward the creation of it.

shinraalpha

them: "are you feeling rested and rejuvinated after the Christmas break?"

me: "no i had glimpse of the way life is supposed to work and have been plunged back into this capitalist hellscape and i am filled with righteous fury tbh"

maningning-deactivated20250527

what if i *remembers that making suicide jokes is not conducive with my goal of improving the wellbeing of myself and everyone around me* transform into an oyster

huffylemon

damn ok lake superior

songsofwaterandnight

Ok yeah that lake is superior

ms-demeanor

hey, don't cry. one cup heavy whipping cream, two tablespoons granulated sugar, three tablespoons cocoa powder and whisk until stiff peaks form for three ingredient chocolate mousse, okay?

ms-demeanor