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@waitingunderthefloorboards
PWBPD In what POV do you experience your inner self-hate?
"You're a horrible person." as if someone or something is saying it to you.
"You're a horrible person." as if a you're saying it to yourself.
"I'm a horrible person." as if you're saying it about yourself.
It switches between POVs depending on the situation.
I'm tired of trying to label myself "correctly". I'm intelligent. I know how to read, study, and learn. I know how to compare and contrast. I know what's inside of my head.
The WORST part of BPD is the voices.
They're so loud...
Maybe I just haven't seen anyone talk about this before, but, personally, I think the MAIN reason the term "narcissistic abuse" is a problem is because narcissists ARE victims of that same abuse. That's how you get more narcissists. They learn it from their abusers as children because that's how their parents treat them. Using the term "narcissistic abuse" actually detracts from victims of said abuse in that sense.
@nineinchclawz
I understand your point, but it feels as if perhaps you are not grasping what I'm saying.
1: No where in that post did I even remotely suggest anything like pushing people into the outskirts of anywhere or anything. I explicitly talked about giving them housing of their own. I talked about how even if you see homeless people as lower or unappealing, you should still contribute to a solution because it benefits you as well.
2. People without empathy such as myself are quite literally incapable of caring about anyone. You can't change that by telling someone they should. It's not an option. Having certain personality disorders makes it impossible to feel things like love, compassion, or sympathy. So, trying to get me to care about a person as a person just because they're a person isn't something that can be accomplished. Not because I don't want to. I very much wish I did understand what that was like but I can't. My brain is not wired that way. It's like trying to tell an autistic person to learn social cues. We can't. This is a legitimate condition that is recognized in psychology. Therapy can't fix it either. It can help me consider different ideas and perspectives, but it cannot make me feel things.
That is WHY you NEED to reach people who lack empathy and don't understand anything else through what WE CAN think of or care about. Notice that while I feel disgusted by other homeless people, I'm still saying they should be housed. Not cast aside, not gotten rid of, but housed and provided with resources. I'm capable of acknowledging that when I look at the problem from what feels like a practical view point for me. I don't like the streets being trashy or feeling like someone might pose a threat to me because they're desperate. However, I am capable of recognizing that the best way to solve this is to give people homes.
In conclusion, no, my lack of caring is not the problem. It is not preventing me from helping people or advocating for them. You absolutely can not give a shit about someone else's life or be actively replused by them while at the same time still wanting to help them. Just because it's for my personal benefit does not change the fact that they would receive help.
Have you ever heard the parable of the rich man who wanted to build an orphanage for the favor it would earn him? He asked a priest if doing such a thing was acceptable in the eyes of god. The priest told him it was not. He then questioned if he should still build the orphanage. The priest said to him of course he should because "Do you think the orphans care about what god thinks?" The most important thing is that they have a safe place to sleep with food to eat, not why they have it. So the man builds the orphanage and both he and they benefit from his selfishness. Personally, this parable has been something that helps me feel motivated to be kind and generous even if I do not desire to be.
That is the entire point of expressing my thoughts in that post. To give other people like myself something to think about, something to motivate them to be kind and willing to give as well when they may not otherwise be inclined to do so.
And judging by the likes on that post, that point is resonating with and reaching a few people.
You know what? I don't really have much empathy for people. I can pass by a homeless person on the side of the road struggling to scrape cans together and not give a shit what happens to them personally. However, I do feel anger, anger that there is such a blatant and glaring problem in society that is completely fixable, and no one is fixing it. It doesn't make sense to me. There's more than enough resources to give everyone a house and food. All it takes is money. Money that certain people most definitely have.
See, from my perspective, I don't like that there are homeless people on the street generating trash, standing around covered in filth, and generally making cities unpleasant to be in either. I'm also not stupid. While I might not care if they live or die, I can easily recognize that if we just gave them places to live and resources to use, then the streets would be easy to clean up and maintain. Then, everywhere you go could look clean, neat, modern, and stylish.
So if people have money to fix it, THEN JUST FIX IT! You don't want to see these people, these people don't even want to be there, so why not? You don't even need to care about anyone to figure this out. It doesn't make any fucking sense and THAT'S why I get so pissed off.
K now go tell right wingers that or give money to activists who are trying to do so. It’s not my job to validate the level of empathy you feel about this.
I don't believe I asked you to. And, while I most certainly have no issues telling conservatives to go to hell, it's not my job to become an activist in order to justify my lack of empathy for you. You're arguing with me pointlessly just because you didn't like what I said. What exactly do you expect to accomplish here? Do you think you'll make some sort of difference in the world by doing so? Because, my friend, I'm unsure if you realize this, but I don't give a damn what you think or feel either. And quite frankly, I find you a useless nuisance and have no interest or intention of listening to your pitiful display. This is not how you have a productive conversation with someone who lacks empathy. I'm sorry you seem to think that people with disorders are automatically assholes for not being able to think or feel the same way as you. Seems a bit hypocritical to me but :) I'm used to that. So, kindly, fuck off. I will most likely simply block you for whatever vitriol that I'm sure you'll come up with as a response.
I once encountered the opinion that if one headmate has a disorder, then the whole system must have it because that means your brain has it.
I don't know how to express this, but, that isn't true for every system.
I haven't been diagnosed with NPD despite meeting the criteria, so I won't claim to have it. However, I definitely have some sort of pathology going on. Yet, my system members do not. I see myself as special and superior while being actively disgusted by and easily insulted by others. I will crash out over stupid little perceived slights. I must always be the best and get constant attention or else I become extremely disregulated. I also see people in terms of how I can use them. I find it amusing and gratifying to manipulate people (I avoid doing it with harmful intentions as a matter of principle) and satisfying to utterly destroy them (when I decide they deserve it). I have very, very little empathy for people that I don't personally have some sort of affection for, or at the very least, that I find useful.
Meanwhile, we have Max, who's a genuine sweetheart. He loves helping people. He's full of empathy, even for people who have mistreated him before. He's very understanding and is perfectly happy to listen to and comfort people in distress. He sees others as potential friends and likes to give people opportunities to be better. He's sensitive, sure, but he doesn't have outbursts over it. He's much quicker to go right back to playing and being positive. A literal puppy dog. I don't think he could manipulate or use someone if he tried.
Even Alex, who thinks of himself as the sexiest man in the world, isn't bothered by people disagreeing or even insulting him. He laughs it off and just considers it their loss. He's also extremely laid back and isn't really upset over people having different opinions (save for bigotry ect) from him. He rarely snaps at anyone unless it's in defense of his loved ones. He's not the best at having emotional conversations, but he's not disgusted by people expressing emotions. He will offer comfort to the best of his ability and find fun distractions to focus on. He's more level headed and can tell more or less when something is a big deal or not worth reacting over. He stands up for others when he sees someone being mistreated. He has a good sense of self and he's proud of who he is most of the time. He doesn't feel the need to see others as inferior or to use anyone because he's already secure. He's competitive but not to the point of being completely dejected if he isn't the best.
We also suspect I have autism as it's been suggested by our therapist. Max fits the criteria for that as well. Both of us are extremely easily overwhelmed, we have various needs for stimming, we're sensitive to various outside stimuli, we have meltdowns, and we struggle to understand certain social cues or implications. I'm much better at masking all of that than Max, but I digress. I'm also excessively meticulous and detail oriented.
Alex on the other hand, isn't concerned with little details. He's capable of handling most tasks (save for ones that require a bit more of a thought process) that would overwhelm us two. He's not nearly as sensitive to stimuli that would otherwise overwhelm Max and I. He's less socially awkward with no anxiety. Zero problems understanding that words aren't often specific or literal. He doesn't feel the need to stim as much. He doesn't really melt down unless it's excessive bleed over from me, or unless I personally push him to do literally everything for us for months on end. If he is autistic, he's very low support needs compared to us other two.
The only thing we really all seem to display symptoms of is ADHD because we all struggle with focus, memory, rushing around with tunnel vision, and getting overly excited or distracted by something.
Not sure if I did a good job detailing my points, but I wanted to get the idea out. My point being, if your brain does function the same for your entire system, that makes sense and is valid. It also makes just as much sense if it doesn't because you are all different individual people whether you share a brain or not.
Just because someone is aggressive or condescending in a conversation does not mean they are inheritantly incorrect. You not liking the way they speak to you has nothing to do with whether someone is right or wrong.
Ever heard the word 'Munchausen'?
It's actually called "fictitious disorder" now.
PWNPD/narcissistic traits/BPD, what is feeling embarrassment like for you?
What I experience is repulsion so intense that I feel a physical reaction, like my spine and my insides are all twisting up, and I want to peel my skin off. It's painful. This results in both panic and anger.
I often shut down my own interests and even start looking down on them and others who participate in them just to avoid the possibility of being embarrassed by association.
I so desperately want to spend copious amounts of money on people again. Coworkers, friends, or just randomly treat a stranger. Especially parents who have to tell their kids they can't afford a toy that day. Making people's day gives the best kind of satisfaction. I'm the hero, I get admiration, and I look so good doing it. Maybe when I have steady income again, I should start a community project. Or find a group that seems vaguely amusing to get involved in.
Anyone else really get a kick out of being "the good guy"?
Yeah!! That's an awesome thing to do. Seeing peoples reactions is really fun for me too
I find it so interesting that autism and npd have so much in common. Although... I feel like I've met a lot of autistic pwnpd as well, myself included lol. Thank you for the solidarity! Living for people's reactions is so good.
JKR sucks and all but no, Harry Potter isn't "crap". Her bigotry didn't go back in time to turn it into Mein Kampf. Sorry to tell you this but horrible people make great art all the time, bashing the HP series as "it's always been terrible" isn't going to save trans people or beggar the woman. Stop swinging at low hanging fruit, go out and actually punch TERFs, especially JKR.
I am so confused. I can only assume one of two things. Either you accidentally sent this to the wrong blog, or completely misread my post. I did, in fact, make this post explicitly about not disparaging Harry Potter fans for enjoying the story despite the author. Are you ok, friend?
💬 2 🔁 0 ❤️ 6 · I don't have a DNI because I know how to use the block function, and I'm intelligent enough to know that having a DNI isn't
As someone who struggles to simply ask for attention and praise when I need it, I've discovered something helpful. I have started saying things out loud like. "I'm so amazing and smart ." Or "You're welcome for xyz thing, you're so lucky to have me." And my partner will immediately reinforce me with things like. "You ARE amazing and smart! You're so special to me!" This eliminates the need to ask for attention while still letting my partner know I need it. I'm not sure if this will help anyone else, but I thought it worth mentioning.
And if you can't communicate that you want this to your desired person(s) either, then feel free to just shove this post in their face and I'll do it for you.
If someone shows you this post, it's meant as a little nudge and an expression of one's needs when it might not be possible to get this across otherwise. The person who shared it requires extra acknowledgment and praise from your relationship. It's supportive and reinforcing for them.
When I was younger, I was told only god could create a person... I guess that means I get to be god now.
trying to correct maladaptive npd behaviors without professional help bc no providers are educated on it is like. idk what it’s like but it’s not fucking easy
I so desperately want to spend copious amounts of money on people again. Coworkers, friends, or just randomly treat a stranger. Especially parents who have to tell their kids they can't afford a toy that day. Making people's day gives the best kind of satisfaction. I'm the hero, I get admiration, and I look so good doing it. Maybe when I have steady income again, I should start a community project. Or find a group that seems vaguely amusing to get involved in.
Anyone else really get a kick out of being "the good guy"?
Why. Why can't I. Why can't I feel empathy for those who feel so much for me? It's not fair. While I fully feel entitled to the extensive kindness I am sometimes shown, that doesn't mean I don't genuinely appreciate that they recognize that I deserve it. So why isn't it... easier. To feel compassion? To want to care? Even just to mean it when I when I try to be interested in them in return? I have to force myself to be sympathetic and it isn't fair. I don't WANT to be uncaring and empty. It's not a good feeling.
