Warrior Sol

Finding my way through this wonderful chaos that is my mind. "She's mad but she's magic. There's no lie in her fire." -Bukowski

[warriorsol]

BANKS - ALIBI LYRICS "..I promise that I'm not usually like this"

[warriorsol]

Kevin Hart - Let Me Explain "BITCH ON THE TRUNK"+ XTC&More HD PT#4

[warriorsol]

Naked

  You left me and took a piece of me with you. You left me and I need you.

[warriorsol]

I needed someone to restore my faith in the opposite sex, someone to not let me down, someone who would not break my trust.

Spot on.

[chasing--bliss]

[warriorsol]

Even after some unfortunate events, I am still grateful.  I am blessed and grateful for so many things, most of all this life, as crazy and painful as it may be at times, it is also filled with joy and great experiences.  I enjoy it all.  The pain, the struggle, the joys and the laughs.  I look forward to the future but try to focus on the present.

   I try to make each day better than before.

[warriorsol]

Emotional Craze

I feel rejection whenever someone doesn't text me back "soon enough" or tells me no.  If they cancel plans, or somehow don't live up to my expectations, I take it as rejection.  And by rejection, I don't mean normal rejection.  I mean, REJECTION.  It's a strong, overwhelming feeling that I dwell on and it gets worse before it gets better. 

  I feel extreme feelings of doubt, insecurity, hurt, anger, confusion.  I cry...for a long time, until I have to let it out.  I have to do something to  I get mad and irritated to the point that I can be cruel and say the cruelest things to someone.  I can hurt them and feel justified in doing so (although I don't intentionally hurt them, it's more like I'm trying to explain to them why they hurt me and in doing so, I say some mean shit).  I then later regret what I said because everything I said and did comes out without a filter, in the heat of the moment and I end up feeling crazy afterwards.  I end up feeling bad.  I end up feeling disappointed in myself because, reflecting on how I acted, I realize that I was not rational.  I was overly emotional.  I end up being aware of how I acted wrongly.  (This wasn't always true.  In the past, I wasn't aware of or admitted that I was wrong...it took therapy and years of working on myself to get to this point).  I feel depressed.  I feel anxiety.  I feel deep regret to the point of wanting to kill myself.  I think of reasons why I should take pills and end it all. I lose hope.  I have taken pills before.  I have attempted suicide before.  I now practice self-awareness to prevent, as much as possible, from getting to this point.  I then end up feeling a calm feeling.  Somewhat soothing.  Then hopeful again and I may even laugh at the situation.  I may laugh at my "craziness."  I may take Xanax so that I can sleep if the anxiety and crazy state lasts a long time.   This is fucked up. This is my life. 

But, I'm a fighter, a warrior...I won't give up.  I will get better.  Right now, I'm very vulnerable and feel rejected by someone I thought I was in love with.  So right now, I'm taking it easy.  Focusing on being calm and soothing myself. 

  I will find ways to cope with this.  I don't want to live like this forever.

[cheerfulfox-deactivated20171226]

[warriorsol]

I so need a drink right now

[warriorsol]

Sia - Chandelier (Official Video) "...Here comes the shame..."

[meditationzone]

Our beautiful world

[warriorsol]

Wow, exactly. I can relate to this right now.

[meditationsinwonderland]

ॐ meditation ॐ

[warriorsol]

It's changed my life.

[jacindacarlisle]

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace” -Jimi Hendrix. Prayers for peace in our nation and our world, especially during these times. #InternationalDayofPeace #SpreadLove #jimihendrix #world #peace #worldpeace #love

[wetheurban]

[princess-ell-penbr-blog]

Youre Not Coming Back - https://weheartit.com/entry/85049496

[warriorsol]

I guess this is the end

[warriorsol]

It hurts to be with you

It hurts more to be without you