At the very end, we were nothing but ghosts: pale silhouettes painted in violence.
The blog is mostly dedicated to the appreciation of Rolan BG3 ¯\_(ᵕ—ᴗ—)_/¯. Gifs and writing. And Nimriel, of course, my drow OC you see plastered all over here :3 I also love wallowing in my misery from time to time, so, be warned! (,Ծ_Ծ,)
♥ All my gifs and pictures -> #wasteful sam stuff
♥ All my writing -> #wasteful sam fic
♥ Modded Rolans (aka Rolanverse): -> #Cambion Rolan, #Rolan the Miresworn, #Flower Knight Rolan, #Master Rolan (featuring @alrendriablaze amazing smutfic based on him :3)
♥ All Nimriel-related -> #OC: Nimriel
♥ Nimriel x Rolan -> #Thunder Valkyrie (I will expand it one day, I swear)
♥ How I recreate Rolan, Zevlor, and Dammon in BG3
♥ Nimriel masterpost - main information about my OC
♥ Tags - comment here if you want to be tagged in my gifs- and writing-related posts.
♥ Want to request a gif/fic? Via comments or asks, and I will try mah best
♥ Worthy - my main ongoing long fic (3rd person, multiple POVs). Rolan/female drow Tav named Nimriel + developing Dammon/Karlach relationships and some other winks at potential ships.
It's a slow-burn story with mutual pining, angst, and eventual smut. It covers the events of all three acts, mostly from Rolan's point of view, and expands on his character, giving him more agency. The same goes for some companions/minor characters.
The story can be found on AO3 or, if you prefer reading on Tumblr under the #the Worthy fic.
Wordcount: 76k+, ongoing
♥ Blades and hearts laid bare [18+] - smut (3rd person, Rolan x Nimriel, rough sex, cunnilingus, Rolan is confident and dominant AF, ass slapping (a lot), dirty talk).
After a close call in battle, Rolan and Nimriel have to confront the insatiable lust they have for each other. The lovers go through a full circle of emotions: anger, regret, passion, and devotion. Hiding feelings in plain sight, they succumb to each other, knowing that tomorrow may never come.
This fic is a part of the “Worthy” cannon, but can be read separately :3 Read on AO3 or Tumblr
Wordcount: 5,8k, finished
♥ That day, I died with him - horror (1st and 3rd person, Rolan's POW, body horror, psychological horror, blood and violence, angst, major character death).
The fic starts with the entry of Rolan's diary, where he recounts how he killed Lorroakan. The notes quickly reveal that Rolan struggles with piled-up mental issues caused by the events of the past and rapidly approaches the breaking point.
The fic is an entry to the Miresworn AU - a longfic I am slowly starting to work on. I have been consumed by the idea of writing a dark Rolan fic for a while now. A universe where Cal and Lia die in Shadow-Cursed Lands, and Rolan looks for ways to resurrect them. In his pursuit, he begins using Thay's Necromancy. As it slowly corrupts him, Rolan loses his grasp on reality and allies with Ascended Astarion to control Baldur’s Gate from the shadows and have full access to all its resources. The snippet of the story you’ve read takes place two years after the final battle.
Read on AO3 or Tumblr
Wordcount: 1,3k, finished, a part of the ongoing series.
♥ Only the moon bore witness to his yearning [18+] - smut (3rd person, Rolan's POV in chapter 1, double POVs in subsequent chapters).
Overtaken by his desperate longing for Tav, Rolan has no choice but to pleasure himself, letting his desires take complete control. In the following chapter, the dumbass gets caught by Tav, and the porn scenario ensues. ┐(︶▽︶)┌ Chapter 3 - soon, hopefully. 🥴
Read on AO3 or Tumblr: ch. 1, ch. 2
Wordcount: 4k+, ongoing
♥ Be as greedy as you want [18+] - smut. It is the reimagining of the "Don't be greedy" cutscene if BG3 was a full-on porn game T_T.
Basically, Rolan/f!Tav, shameless smut, 99% porn/1% plot, spontaneous drunk sex, groping, taunting, not-so-dirty dirty talk, confident Rolan gets what he fucking deserves, and all the good stuff. 👌
Read on AO3 or Tumblr
Wordcount: 2,4k, finished
♥ The Master and his glove [18+] - short smut about Master Rolan. What can I say, I love writing Rolan masturbation scenes. (¬_¬”) But here's a twist: he does it with his leather glove. (꒪▿꒪)
Solo masturbation, a short and sweet fic. :3
Read on Tumblr
Wordcount: 720, finished
♥ Masks left behind - short, pure romance (??? inconceivable!). Rolan/f!Tav, post-canon, romantic fluff, double POV.
Two years have passed after the final battle for Baldur's Gate, and the new Master of Ramazith's Tower is invited to the Moonlight Masquerade celebration. At first glance, it seems that Rolan now has it all, earning the respect he deserves among the citizens and a peaceful life with his siblings. But tonight, a chance meeting makes him dare to dream beyond that. He yearns to give his heart to the woman he secretly adored all these years.
Read on AO3 or Tumblr
Wordcount: 3,191, finished
♥ A debt paid in lust [18+] - smut (3rd person, double POV). It is a shameless hatefucking. Rolan/female tiefling DU Vexis.
A short, one-chapter story. A quickie, one might say, to clench the urges. (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و My first smut ever, so, yeah...
You cannot convince me Apikusis and Halsin hadn’t taught Tingmiaq to fly together. Yes, this is also a really important duty of the archdruid. Please, just let me put the man in disney princess situations.
kill me now i guess? i get karnak but i get my choice of twinknak vs oldnak.. guess we're doing oldnak? he'd probably spend our marriage hinting ominously at my death (a kindness compared to outright saying it) and lamenting about old man pains. also he's canonically dead so i'd be marrying a broken animatronic. okay then
@mysticalgiraffe @itskandykane @ogshtinker (tragic if it's not mike) @polswiss @helio-ii @gggggravel (and @yzeebzics again) !!!!! sorry if i forgot you i have a lot of moots on this hellsite.,,.,..,,
@pantaloons152 @juice-ity @emmmochi @smal5504 @makithewizard @that-theaterkid @exams-will-make-me-cry @easterartist @mist-the-husky-mix and open tags cuz I kinda forgot blog names.....
Tags: @necromantier @5000voltsthroughme @axlthetwink87 @sleepyykal @buddy-hollie @eggieeggsta @georgeharrisonswife-real you dont have to do it if you dont want to!! PLUS OPEN TAGS
It is legit btw, I was taking a photo to show @cursed-nyxan how ASS the lighting was, but I made it work xD I will add the horrendous camera shot under the cut xD
Tagging: @cursed-nyxan @arlynx @starlit-serpent @the-shadowfell-darkroom @fangedgrace @bhaal-battle-beer-bard @theya-art @gortashsrighthand @ann-bg3-lol and anyone who wants to join :3
Bisch, He is 6'6". Have you ever played Shadow of the Colossus? I want to climb him. Pull his stupid ears. Dominate him. He also has a lot of cute freckles, sable colored hair, and eye creases.
Ever since I was a little girl (Oh, yeah that's right sorry. I am a woman. Everyone thought my pronouns were M. I understand why.) I have consumed and been consumed by Vampire media. Dracula. Camilla. Interview With the Vampire. And much more. These wrought my psyche.
Tingle your mind with this quick read about vampirism and cannibalism being metaphors for love to understand why it resonates with people like me. I also just enjoy dark stuff and horror too.
There exists a wealth of vampire literature where the biting of flesh and the drinking of blood is symbolic of romantic hunger and, occasionally, queer transgression.
On eating your darlings
I have lived so many existences in the span of my life. I spent most of my formative years in a constant state of survival and masking who I was, what I liked, what made me tick to endure. The chemistry in my hypothalamus and amygdala shifted at the ripe age of 32 sending me spiraling back into all the things I loved before my twenties.
I used to create all the time. Paint, draw, build, and craft. A house fire carbonized all my art and for years I did not want to create anything. What was the point?
BG3 sucked me in. They said: hot vampire. They and I had a talk because blonde/silver is not my type. That character grew on me after I learned their story; like so many I felt seen and vicariously helping someone overcome their demons. Regretfully their demons, are exactly my type: Tall, dark-hair, menacing, cursed.
Offput by what I will call "That scene from the OG Mean Girls where Regina distributes the Burn Book all over school and the women tear each other apart" I have turned away from that side of the fandom, and that character and accepted Cazador as my blorbo.
I relate to Cazador after learning about his lore and backstory. I too, know what it is like to be in a situation where nobody is coming to save you and you have to do whatever it takes to survive on your own. Sometimes, that includes becoming the villain in someone else's story. (Vellioth's story I suppose.)
I refuse to pit Cazador's demons against the other character's demons. Comparing trauma is unfair. People are dealing with different demons on different levels. When people do compare these traumas, they are saying: Your problems are not as bad as mine. Unilaterally silencing victims from speaking up.
There is another pattern at play here. I never had my K-pop phase, but I had my late-night Adult Swim anime phase as a youngling. The music was a pipeline too. Atsushi Sakurai and Gackt (Malice Mizer) were popular J-rock artists in my youth.
Meet Atsushi Sakurai and Gackt
These men inspired several anime, manga, and even video game characters that you might know or remember.
Yeah, it is starting to make sense to you now, isn't it?
Because at the end of the day it is all fiction. It is meant to be fun. Meant to be explored. And nobody is getting hurt in real life.
My dear, sweet Saulus ! <3
I'm so touched by your gift, my dear Sister! When I saw your letter and this bracelet, I was so moved ! Even Astarion thought that I was having a bad day again and that I was having flashes of unpleasant memories again. Fortunately, they were tears of happiness <3. This bracelet is absolutely gorgeous! The red lightning bolt and musical note motifs are gorgeous and suit it so well! These bracelets look like they were made for us!
Even Astarion didn't complain when I showed it to him! Ever since I took over his half of the nightstand for my jewelry, he's started to get a little annoyed when I bring home another trinket. But then I always tell him that since I'm not bothering him about leaving dead bodies in the living room, he should leave my jewelry alone! And I won't even mention what's going on in our basement…
But my dear vampire thought that this bracelet is beautiful and suits me and you very well <3.
So thank you my dear Sister, Friend, Soulmate - and I know that I don't know how to write and describe my feelings beautifully like you do, but please know, you are always in my mind <3
Love you <3 !
Your Aristen <3
Sometimes I think a lot about what this blog used to be, and I feel bad for people who followed me back then, only to be severely disappointed. Let’s be real, it turned OC-based in 9 out of 10 cases and… yeah… 🫠
Ha! Rumor has it there are a few Mizzryms from Menzoberranzan wandering around lately — and since one of them seems to have found her way to the lovely @valannamizarym, I was asked to share a little background on my own Mizzrym, Ard.
Thank you for asking! And of course this means I now absolutely need some lore crumbs about Valanna too :D
Okay, to make it short:
Ard’s story is about being made into a weapon, briefly finding something like freedom, and then realizing that destiny has been growing under her skin the whole time. :D
Under the cut some more infos <3
Bhaal created Ardreyth from his own divine flesh and the blood of a priestess of Lolth, shaping her for murder before she ever had a name. She was found as a baby in the tunnels beneath Menzoberranzan by Minaste Mizzrym, who looked at this strange, blood-touched child and decided that whatever she was, she could be made useful.
Ard grows up in House Mizzrym as Minaste’s favored weapon rather than a daughter in any clean or loving sense. She is trained as a young shadow-agent and assassin, someone placed close enough to power to be dangerous, but never allowed to forget that her worth depends on obedience. Minaste uses her as a blade, a spy, and a disruption among the women of the house—especially her adopted daughters.
She is closely tied to the Mizzrym brothers: Da’viir and Calimar, who were shaped by the cruelty of the house in very different ways, and Náendeth, the lost brother who grew up among myconids far from Menzoberranzan. Their bond with Ard is complicated, damaged, and not always kind, but they become part of the reason she eventually escapes the city.
For most of her early life, Ard understands herself through other people’s commands: Minaste tells her what she is for, Lolthite society teaches her what survival costs, and Bhaal waits underneath all of it, turning violence into something that feels like inheritance.
When she got pregnant the brothers flee with her to the surface and they find shelter with an Eilistraeean group, Ard is given something dangerously unfamiliar: moonlight, music, chosen family, and the fragile possibility that she might become someone other than what Minaste and Bhaal made her for.
But Bhaal does not simply let go.
As the Urge grows stronger, an old tattoo on Ard’s back begins to change. With every murder, new lines appear, slowly revealing what first looks like an unfinished ritual pattern — until it becomes a map. A path to Baldur’s Gate. To the Temple of Bhaal. To the destiny written into her blood before she ever had a choice.
The tadpole changes everything. Not because it makes her good, but because it interrupts the certainty. Suddenly the voice that always told her what she was becomes quieter, and Ard is forced to face the question she has avoided all her life:
If she is not only what she was made for, then what is left?
She is not a good soul being punished, and she is not simply a monster trying to be good. She is someone who knows what she is capable of and still has to choose, again and again, whether that is all she will ever be.
Ard’s story is on the darker side and touches on some heavy themes-violence, torture, child death, cannibalism, necrophilia, murder, religious abuse, and body horror. It’s not there for shock value, but it is part of the horror around her.
