watch your step

fi | twenty eight | canadian | agender | they/she | registered nurse and all around tired person | i enjoy poking at gross wounds

[papayafromtv]

realistically the funniest way to get tim and kon together is if kon starts hanging out and spending a lot of nights at the manor just bcs he doesn’t yet have the greatest relationship with clark and finds it more peaceful away from home, until eventually he’s joking around like ‘cmon bruce cant you just adopt me so i never have to go back? i do not like him!’ but bruce is so overtired from working a case for two weeks straight that he just dead-eyed walks past and goes ‘no i can’t do that, you clearly have the hots for tim and i refuse to have any more brushes with adoptive incest in this family. you have to go the long way round and become my kid through marriage.’ and then leaves while kon just freezes and a previously-oblivious tim chokes on his cereal.

[papayafromtv]

The long way round. (12505 words) by papayafromtv Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent, Batfamily Members & Kon-El | Conner Kent, Jon Lane Kent & Kon-El | Conner Kent, Clark Kent & Kon-El | Conner Kent Characters: Tim Drake (DCU), Kon-El | Conner Kent, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne, Jonathan Kent, Clark Kent Additional Tags: Clark Kent is Kon-El | Conner Kent's Parent, Well he tries to be, Kon-El | Conner Kent-centric, Kon-El | Conner Kent Loves Tim Drake, Tim Drake Loves Kon-El | Conner Kent, Kon-El | Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Oblivious Tim Drake (DCU), Jason Todd is a Menace, Good Sibling Damian Wayne, i just feel that's important, Good Parent Bruce Wayne, he'll just dad anything that walks through the front doors, clark is not in possession of this particular skill#, Dysfunctional Family, Jonathan Samuel Kent is a Ray of Sunshine, Past Stephanie Brown/Tim Drake, honestly the romance is not really that much a part of the fic, this is more just kon being adopted by all of tim's family members, while kon hides behind bruce wayne to avoid having to face his and clark's excuse for a relationship, Romantic Comedy, Comedy, Clark Kent Tries to Be a Good Parent, He could be worse Summary: "Yes," Tim laughed, eyes widening. "I'm just saying, you do have a family here if you ever want it. Bruce has an adoption problem anyway, he probably has the papers ready to go already. You're my best friend, …I-" He hesitated slightly, and Kon furrowed his brow. "It would be great to have a brother that's my age, right? We could be like twins!" And that was the point where the whole situation started to tilt sideways. ~ Kon wants two things in life: a family that doesn't feel like a chore, and Timothy Drake to never leave his side. Being a Wayne seems the most logical way to tick off both those wishes. The rest of the Waynes see Tim and Kon's obvious crushes on each other and decide to sit back and watch the car crash.

======== this is honestly just 12k of Kon-El being the secret fifth Wayne son, a fact which is consistently proven by the fact that he and Jason keep fucking fighting. my bad y'all

[papayafromtv]

the alternate ending for under the red hood where talia appears and just hands jason a baby damian sounds like something you would come up with. especially since jasons next line of thought was all sinister like "we'll tear down the wayne and the al ghuls together." do yk what im talking about?

god that whole thing was genuinely so funny and im SO disappointed they never went further than that open-ended scene. teen!dad jason and babian wayne is SUCH a god tier duo. even funnier was i’m fairly sure talia was still right fucking behind him when he was going on about that. like. can you fucking imagine.

talia straight hands jason her newborn son and is like ‘this is bruce’s son, damian. i think you should raise him.’ and jason takes this baby, looks at him for a beat, and then just loudly proclaims ‘DAMIAN? I THINK YOU AND I ARE GOING TO ABSOLUTELY FUCKING MURDER YOUR PARENTS.’

and talia’s just. a few steps away from him. face flat. just ‘genuinely what is your problem.’ like he’d had the kid three seconds.

she probably wanted damian back like. immediately. fully regretted it the second jason got that weird sinister grin but every time she tried to take the baby back he tightened his hold and turned around and wouldn’t let her grab him.

honestly that’s probably the funniest way we could get dad!jason to babian. he just refuses to put him down. can we just have zombified-post-lazarus jason not quite all-there in the head yet locking eyes with infant damian like a dog that gets attached to a big stick it finds in a forest.

zombie-jason follows talia around for two weeks while she holds damian just. staring at him. as if damian is his autistic hyperfixation or something. and talia gets so sick of it that eventually she’s just like ‘ok keeping the baby safe is not worth this hassle’ and lets jason hold him for a while.

he stops following talia around but she literally never gets damian back and thats it, she just doesn’t have a son anymore. she has to speak to ra’s later that month and it’s like

“daughter, how is my prized heir?”

“i lost him, you don’t have one anymore.”

“.what”

“i let jason hold him while i chopped an onion and now he wont put him down.”

“…and you can’t just take-“

“he bit me.”

“…”

“damian is no longer your heir.”

“i don’t have an heir?”

“you don’t have an heir.”

“…”

“…”

“i fucking told you not to let him in here and now look talia look at what you’ve-“

[shadytail]

We also figured out—the hard way—that the ancients probably cut each layer of linen to the proper shape before gluing them together. For our first linothorax, we glued together 15 layers of linen to form a one centimeter-thick slab, and then tried to cut out the required shape. Large shears were defeated; bolt cutters failed. The only way we were ultimately able to cut the laminated linen slab was with an electric saw equipped with a blade for cutting metal. At least this confirmed our suspicion that linen armor would have been extremely tough. We also found out that linen stiffened with rabbit glue strikes dogs as in irresistibly tasty rabbit-flavored chew toy, and that our Labrador retriever should not be left alone with our research project.

[krakenartificer]

I love this in every way possible. What is it from? Where can I read more?

[blackcatphysics]

The pitfalls of experimental archaeology and puppies.

[shrewreadings]

link to source:

“Unraveling the Linothorax Mystery, or how Linen Armor Came to Dominate our Lives.”

https://jhupress.wordpress.com/2013/04/24/unraveling-the-linothorax-mystery-or-how-linen-armor-came-to-dominate-our-lives/

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

holy shit read the article. it’s short but wild

[mounmantaka]

We found that even more of a threat than rain was one’s own sweat on a hot day. So, yes, it does need waterproofing, both inside and out. We did a number of experiments along those lines, and found that rubbing a block of beeswax over all sides of the armor provided nice waterproofing. It also makes the armor smell nice! When you wear it for a couple hours, your own body heat softens the glue a bit and makes it conform to your body shape, so it is much more comfortable to wear than rigid types of armor. Our reconstructions weighed about 10 pounds–about one third the weight of bronze armor that would provide the same degree of protection.

Honey i gotta go to war… not to smell my bee armor or hang with the boys or anything no.. uhh we need to uh do war things?

[thefibrarchaeologist]

#i've definitely read this before and i've probably reblogged it before but like.#no one in this thread is mentioning that they actually shot someone with an actual arrow in this armor.#they were like 'we've got to test this in practice' and instead of getting a mannequin or something they had an actual person wear it.

They what?

[classicslesbianopinions]

from the article:

While all of this mayhem (both scientifically controlled and free-form) convinced us that our linothorax was ancient-battlefield-ready, we still felt compelled to try a real-life scenario, so Scott donned the armor and Greg shot him. And while we had confidence in our armor, our relief was still considerable when the arrowhead stuck and lodged in the armor’s outer layers, a safe distance away from flesh.

a good life-size mannequin is expensive but i guarantee it would've cost way less than they were spending on all that linen.

[dr-dendritic-trees]

Academics are just like that.

[smis-happens]

New meme:

type in “I’m” in the tags and use the first tag that appears

[papayafromtv]

no actually you know what? i'm thinking that the whole joke of 'Damian calls Jason his younger brother because Jason's age reset in the pit' is very very good. but i want more.

Damian will die on the hill that Jason Peter Todd is his son, and he takes no arguments on the matter.

listen i just really like those AU's where Jason is practically comatose/zombie-like when he first comes out of the pit, especially when Talia then assigns him as Damian’s protector because the only muscle-memory instinct Jason keeps is 'protect those smaller than him', because i really like the dynamic of Damian then having to be the one that takes up the mantle of helping Jason with everything he doesn't remember how to do.

Damian spends all day every day with Jason at his side. he washes Jason, dresses him, teaches him how to walk and move again, to speak and communicate, write and draw; and because Jason is Damian's bodyguard, he follows Damian around like a lost puppy. to Jason he's just slowly coming back to himself as a person while doing his job by protecting this kid--but Talia never told Damian that Jason was his protector, she just told Damian to keep Jason alive. And so everything Jason does, in Damian's mind (especially with the added context of Damian teaching him how to be alive again) is the actions of a vulnerable being looking to their guardian out of comfort. and of course, nobody else would fit the bill of guardian but Damian, the person who is practically raising Jason from re-birth.

Jason follows Damian around the compound because he knows he needs to protect Damian--Damian sees this as Jason wandering around after the only person he feels safe with, the person who looks after him, his guardian.

Jason watches over Damian while he trains with his tutors--Damian knows it must be scary for a child to be left alone in a place such as the compound; it's only natural for Jason to prefer watching his father train than be alone.

Jason takes care of Damian, ensuring he eats and sleeps--well Damian raised Jason by doing those same things, it's only natural that his child pick up on the only love language he is exposed to, trying to turn it onto his parent.

it goes on and on and on; everything Jason does with the mindset of looking after his new baby brother, Damian takes as a son showing appreciation for his father. it takes like. a solid six months for Jason to be self aware enough to clock that Damian is literally calling him 'son' and 'my child' and by then it's too late. Damian absolutely will not let it go.

i imagine it's one of those things where like, Jason tried to argue it at first but Damian was really insistent, and eventually Jason gave up because it was like 'what the hell, it's not like the kid has much that sparks joy in his life anyway, might as well give him this' and starts ignoring it, letting it happen. and then after a while he realises how much it seems to agitate Talia and Ra's and the whole thing becomes kinda funny so he starts calling Damian 'dad' and 'old man' and this delights Damian which encourages him even further and the whole thing just kinda ends up being one of those jokes that you go along with for so long that it's not even that funny anymore and you just do it out of instinct.

like--to be clear Jason is still the mental guardian figure out of the two of them, and he takes care of Damian. it's just that Damian's in complete denial about this and instead chooses to believe it's the other way around, which Jason lets him believe because it's kinda funny to watch peoples reaction to it. like at dinner, when one of the servants will bring out some kind of dessert and Jason will just turn to Damian and go 'can i have dessert now?' and Damian will look at his plate and say 'finish your potatoes' and Jason will sigh before listening. to Damian this is normal, and he does this because of course Jason would look to him for permission, that's his child; meanwhile Jason is watching Talia stare at them both across the table like she's about to call a fucking exorcist and internally he is just Busting The Fuck Up just waiting for the moment Damian decides it's his bedtime.

i also just wanna point out how funny this would be in Gotham, when Bruce takes in his biological son who for some reason seems to HATE him but refuses to say why and after a couple months of Damian treating him like dirt to the point where even Tim and Dick are confused he finally gets Damian to tell him what the fuck he did and Damian is just like 'you are the reason my son is in such mental pain.' and Bruce is just like.

what.

"did mother not tell you you are a grandfather?"

"w- NO??? YOU'RE ELEVEN WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE A FATHER- ARE YOU OK?"

"of course. i consented to being my child's father from the beginning."

"ELEVEN YEAR OLDS AREN'T ALLOWED TO CONSENT TO THAT."

and Bruce is. having a fucking panic attack about the whole thing until eventually they run into Red Hood on patrol and Damian straight-faced tells him that this 200+ lbs clearly adult man is the grandson in question and he just fucking. mentally checks out for about 20 minutes.

for the record Jason has never been so excited in his life. he fully intends on coming around the manor in-mask twice a week from now on just so he can call Bruce 'grandfather' and Dick 'uncle' while they stare at him like he's the fucking predator from Predator.

meanwhile Tim found Jason's 'baby book' under Damian's bed like a week ago which is comprised of just photos of Jason at sixteen years old, identity visible clear as day, doing shit like training, trying to figure out how to use the stove, practicing spelling, throwing spit balls at Ra’s; all taken by seven year old Damian that are marked as 'my son's first year <3', and he was genuinely so fucking baffled about how the fuck things could have spiralled to this specific point that he's just decided to go along with it and pretend he doesn't know. that is not his fucking circus, keep those monkeys away from him.

[papayafromtv]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd, Batfamily Members & Jason Todd, Batfamily Members & Roy Harper Characters: Jason Todd, Roy Harper, Tim Drake (DCU), Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Koriand'r (DCU) Additional Tags: Jason Todd-centric, Jason Todd and Damian Wayne Meet in the League of Assassins, but its just mentioned in passing, Protective Damian Wayne, Of Jason, A lot - Freeform, Jason Todd is a Batfamily Member, Jason Todd is a Menace, Roy Harper is Arsenal, Roy Harper is a Little Shit, Roy Harper Loves Jason Todd, Minor Roy Harper/Jason Todd, i say minor because the relationship isn’t necessarily real, its a marriage of convenience and boredom mostly, it just kinda spiralled, Protective Dick Grayson, Implied/Referenced Sex, but none actually on screen just. implied and joked about, Minor Roy Harper/Koriand'r/Jason Todd, in the past, Comedy, Romantic Comedy, nothing is ever taken seriously, like usual for me Summary:

“We’ve literally never hid it?!” Jason had tried to argue at one point, pacing back and forth in front of the batcomputer while Roy spun around in lazy circles on the wheelie chair and Damian sat cross-legged on top of the desk, eyeing him with distaste. Tim scoffed from his place leaning on one of the platform railings and Jason whirled to continue to deny him. “But we haven’t! I mean- fuck’s sake, he calls me sweetheart like, ninety percent of the time! We flirt constantly, he always cuddles into me when we sit next to each other, and every time Roy has to crash at the manor we share rooms! How do you not pick up that that isn’t a joke?!“ 

"THATS WHAT YOU TWO ARE LIKE ANYWAY,” Tim yelled back at him, fed up. 

~

Drunk, thinking it was funny and (mostly) wanting to piss Dick off, Jason and Roy end up in a wedding chapel in Vegas. The problem starts when they get so drunk that they forget to follow through with the rest of their ‘pissing Dick off’ grand scheme and a year later they finally realise that… they forgot to tell anyone they got married.

It becomes a game.

[papayafromtv]

NEW FIC!!!! JAYROY SECRET MARRIAGE FINALLY FINISHED!!!! it was supposed to be like 6k, but clearly… clearly i fucked that one up huh. apologies.

[changelingcoded]

keep getting glimpses into an alternate timeline where plurality is more normalized and you can buy shitty tshirts and mugs about it

[blixandco]

Like this?

[inkskinned]

you know what? fuck it, man. the world is held in the fists of people who like to break things. at this point i’m saying who gives a shit. wear that victorian dress you don’t have an excuse for. dress up like a witch, pointed hat and all. who cares anymore. why worry about it when there’s bigger stuff to worry on. i’m saying. yeah, this lipstick is too dark, wanna share? i’m saying go talk to her, tell her that you like her hair. i’m saying she’s out of my league but i’m still swinging, i’m saying yeah i’m in a ballgown and it’s a pta meeting. what about it. eat the extra brownie, tell her your feelings. i’m saying if nothing matters than we might as well give nothing meaning.

[inkskinned]

#i’m saying if existence is a void at least i’m going down screaming.

it’s been 9 years since i wrote this. i was experiencing 24/7 anxiety so badly that i needed serious medication. these days in the back of my car is an “emergency party box.” when people admit they no longer really celebrate their birthday; i tell them to put the sash on and queue up kesha, we’re going bowling or something. these days i can’t spin around without finding something i am enamored with. these days i list 3 things i’m grateful for before i fall asleep. you’re probably one of them, just by virtue of you existing.

at the time i wrote this, i was suffering through a severe panic attack literally every night. i tortured my brother with constant 2 AM calls just to hear someone else breathing, because i couldn’t be alone in the silence.

i rarely wish i was still 23 even though ironically i had more hope back then. what i can tell you is this: i love the same way, but bigger now. i’ve worn the velvet cape to several business meetings. i spent thursday in a crop top without caring what my stomach looked like.

i told her i like her; i often dress as a witch. i still got glass in my foot this morning. i’ve kissed maybe a thousand people since then and met a million more than that; passing like the shadow of a hammerhead in trains and planes and buses.

i saw you, beloved, there, maybe, on platform in south station. you didn’t speak, but you said: i struggle to give the nothing meaning. the nothing fills up everything. it is just loud and yellowed panicked silence. i can’t stop shaking.

on the roof, birds curl together against the chilled spring wind. the sky outside of the craft store was an iridescent pink. the nothing already had meaning; you are giving it meaning by witnessing.

the act of living, beloved: it’s just decoding how to translate it.

[ravioliet]

freak4freak is always so awesome but another character dynamic that i think is really great is freak vs freak. you're the only person who understands me and i'm the only person who understands you. unfortunately this also does not stop either of us from hating each other and in fact it might even make everything significantly worse for everyone involved

[niyarest]

can someone explain what he's talking about i got distracted by his giant jiggling honkers badonkers

[x]

[niyarest]

[kittychan-sings-enka]

presented without commentary or apology

[tariqah]

Why OP

[adulthoodisokay]

slam that fucking unmute button

[kosmogrl]

how it feels when one of your hyperfixations comes back and stronger than ever

[ilynpilled]

how it feels when one of your hyperfixations comes back and stronger than ever

[spyndylle]

[elucubrare]

You’ve heard of “i didn’t say it was good, i said i liked it,” get ready for “i said it had some technical problems & didn’t fully deliver on its themes, not that i didn’t like it”

[elucubrare]

#I voiced a criticism of some of its aspects#which in no way implies I did not like it#“and especially does not imply that I would like to hear a defense of it of the form 'shut up and let people have fun'”

REALLY endorsing these tags from galileosballs

[couldtheycatchkira]

Could Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz solve the Kira murders?

Could catch Kira, would survive

Could not catch Kira, would survive

Could catch Kira, would not survive

Could not catch Kira, would not survive

Voting ended onNov 28, 2024

[realifezompire]

Oh, the comments are GOLD

Great job everyone

[phineas-and-ferb-heritage-posts]

phineas and ferb heritage post

[hinamie]

bring it on!

cursed kids v3 [1] [2]

[the-greatest-taste-around]

nice outfit LOSER. 1443 called but in a dialect of Early Modern English that hadn't experienced the Great Vowel Shift yet so i don't know what it said

[aphony-cree]

What if Buffy's mom hadn't found out about slaying at the end of season 2 and Buffy had to convince Spike to stay in town and pretend to be in a band with her because that was the cover story they'd told Joyce

[fluffyspuffy]

And then eventually end up accidentally actually starting a band because it’s easier than maintaining the lie

[aphony-cree]

Joyce says they can use the garage to rehearse and she always makes them snacks. Buffy starts to worry she'll never get Spike to leave

[fluffyspuffy]

Buffy insists on calling the band Slayer and Spike keeps failing to convince her that there’s already a band with that name

[disco-tea]

Low key I feel like Buffy would just see it as a cover and it’s a ‘fake band’ but Spike gets like way into it and it’s a Real Band™️ to him and he’s a little annoyed Buffy doesn’t take it as seriously. He’s always like “you missed practice this Tuesday what the hell’s up with that. We have a gig next week btw”

[saunteringvaguelydownwards]

#he starts trailing after her on patrol to bitch about missing practice or how she's sloppy on her chords #starts pitching in on the slayage because vampires keep interrupting his tirades #''EXCUSE ME we are having a ROW'' *stakes fledgling* #no chip necessary spike is literally the guy in the band with zero chill about the band #he undeads the band. he unbreathes the band. he spends all his time not sleeping... on the band. #(willow is their manager xander is the merch guy) #(giles was secretly plotting to lure spike into a trap until he notices spike is... actually better at corralling buffy on patrol than he is #because spike doesn't want her injuring her hands or doing anything that fucks with her breath control) #(giles is also weak to the nostalgia of it all and tunes their instruments when he thinks they're not looking) #(when faith arrives mid-S3 she's quickly recruited to sing backup) (via @entirelytookeen)

[muffinlance]

@worldsokayestdragon :

#spike after learning Oz plays guitar: why İsn't he in the band? #buffy: he's already in his own band. which is actually a real band unlike our fake band that you keep forgetting is just a cover story #spike: we're never going to make it in the music industry if you don't stop calling our band fake

Spike (with reluctant but knowledgeable backup from Giles) finally convinces her that "Slayer" risks bringing copyright lawyers down upon their heads, a fate worse than vampires

Buffy turns around and re-names their band "Fake"

[wynterwulf7]

Ok I Don’t go here but this whole thing is very. very. very funny.