I adore my little angel, we all do, I know. But you want to know what absolutely murdered me about That Conversation? It’s his face right after “No Nightingales”.
Because he doesn’t just look hurt, or sad. He’s clenching his jaw and raising his chin, just a little, regaining his composure. He doesn’t just look hurt, he looks angry.
And this isn’t his reaction to opening his door and finding the person who tried to kill him. This isn’t his reaction to finding out God plans to kill a bunch of kids and cause a man to suffer just to win a bet. This isn’t his reaction to the combined forces of Hell outside his shop.
This is his reaction to the fact that the love of his life just used the Nightingale, *their* Nightingale, in this context. Because he isn’t just saying no, he’s telling him that he loves him, but not that much.
And I think this is the moment their roles are properly reversed. Now it isn’t Crowley trying to escape the end of the world by running to the stars. It’s Aziraphale, trying to escape this conflict he and Crowley have for 6,000 years by finally putting them back on the same side and getting rid of all that messiness and philosophical differences.
Aziraphale knows why he couldn’t go with Crowley last time, but he doesn’t want to accept that because Crowley doesn’t have a higher authority he can go to, doesn’t have some plan that’s going to fix everything instead of just running.
For the first time in 6,000 years Crowley isn’t the one to suggest a solution, a temptation. He’s not recommending the Arrangement, he’s not suggesting they tutor the Anti-christ, or even that someone kill him, he’s not suggesting they runoff to Alpha Centauri, he’s not offering for Aziraphale to come stay in his flat because the bookshop burned down. Because this is their dance, Aziraphale is the good one. Crowley will always come back and tempt him again, and Aziraphale will always forgive him.
But this isn’t Crowley tempting and Aziraphale resisting. This is Aziraphale tempting, and Crowley saying ‘No’. And now the dance is all wrong.
But then Crowley kisses him and Aziraphale tries to fall back into pace, because in his head, the kiss is Crowley’s newest temptation, so he offers forgiveness in the last desperate hope they can find their footing here.
But he’s wrong. Because the kiss wasn’t Crowley tempting him. The kiss was Crowley’s forgiveness. So of course he tells Aziraphale not to bother this time. The forgiveness already happened.
Which means Aziraphale has the lead in their dance, and he has no idea what to do next.
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tangentwithtanner
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