i can’t go anywhere from here. this was it for me
d e v o n

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Not today Justin
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@webborr
i can’t go anywhere from here. this was it for me
Okay but when Dick was a little boy he was tiny tiny so Bruce could just pull him up by his suspenders and his little school loafers would dangle in mid-air
Tug of the coat.
“Bruce.”
“Yeah?”
“How does my hair look?”
[Bruce leans down, catches him by the suspenders, and pulls him up to inspect him]
“Very good.”
Dick’s face broke into a grin. “Thanks,” he said, kicking his little loafers absent-mindedly. “I used some gel.”
“Well, hair makes the man.”
“That’s what I think too.”
@whore4batfam
Listen.
Damian is just as small, and old habits die hard so it stands to reason that Bruce would at some point (if unconsciously) do the same thing to Damian.
“Father, what are you doing?”
“Hmm?” Bruce’s initial reaction is confusion, the question was not one he was expecting. Then he realized that he’d lifted his youngest son by his suspenders, the boy was rarely in suspenders, tonight however was different. They’d been getting ready for a party. “I was wondering how my hair looked.”
“I believe my opinion would be the same with my feet on the ground.” Damian’s arms were crossed now.
“I—” Bruce paused. “It’s an old habit.”
Damian’s irritated frown turned into an eager almost grin, his eyes widening ever so slightly in interest. “Is there a tactical difference in the height? An old training technique you taught Grayson or Todd?”
Bruce frowned. “It’s not that.”
He didn’t have time to continue as the door swung open and an outraged cry filled the room. “Bruce! How could you?”
Both Bruce and Damian’s heads swiveled to find Dick standing in the doorway. He moved towards them taking Damian from Bruce, but still holding him by his suspenders. “This was our thing. Ours B.” The hurt in his voice is real, but also just outrageous enough that Bruce knows he’s not that upset about it.
“It was an accident.” Bruce said. “The first time I did it.”
The clearing of a smaller throat turned their attention back on Damian. “Can this conversation continue while I’m on the ground?”
Dick looked him over then responded as if he hadn’t heard Damian at all. “B, you didn’t fix his tie.”
“I’d been asking him about my hair.”
“Yes well you usually—” Dick paused and nodded towards the bowtie on Damian’s chest.
Bruce reached out and straightened it. “I was getting to that.”
“Like you got to the paint in my hair that one Christmas?”
“Selina thought it was endearing.”
“Selina thought it was hilarious.”
“You can reminisce later after someone has put me down!”
“Alfred, bring down a copy of my will… and some wite-out.”
— bruce wayne
john constantine: Well I wasn’t the one blowing our cover by having a tiff with my boyfriend.
dick grayson: He’s not my boyfriend!
wally west: [Hands Dick a drink] Might be a bit warm, the coolers are off.
dick grayson: Thanks, babe.
arthur curry: You're in a rotten mood.
bruce wayne: It's the sunshine. Gets me down.
“My dad likes to say you can be part of the problem or part of the solution, but I happen to believe you can be both.”
—
jason todd
dick grayson reading the new curfew laws for Gotham: "No drinking, no smoking, no premarital sex…" Jason, they basically just outlawed 90% of your personality.
jason todd: ...
dick grayson: what happened to you? thought you had a plan.
jason todd: I had a plan. real good one. carefully thought out! ...but I got bored.
bruce wayne: you’re a tyrant, and a dictator, and you start wars!
ra's al-ghul, aside: is he reciting my credits?
“I’m on a murder break.”
— jason todd when he visits the batfam
“if you can’t beat em, shoot ‘em with guns!”
—
jason todd
You are the only person who can remember your past life. You remember dying at the hands of the government. Now you are a detective, investigating your past body and determined to expose the government.
"Would you die for me?"
"Again?"
A priest hooks a huge fish
Helping him reel it in, a sailor says “Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!”.
“Hey, mind your language!” says the priest.
Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, “Sorry father, but that’s what this fish is called, it’s a Fucker fish”.
Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church.
“Look at this huge fucker” says the priest, spotting the bishop.
“Language, please! this is God’s house,” replies the bishop.
“No, no that’s what this fish is called, “says the priest.
“Oh,” says the bishop, scratching his chin “I could clean that fucker and we could have it for dinner”.
So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother superior.
“Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?” he asks her.
“My, what language!” she exclaims, clearly shocked.
“No, sister that’s what the fish is called - a fucker”, says the bishop.
Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says, “Wonderful, I’ll cook that fucker tonight, The Pope is coming for dinner!”
The fish tastes just great and The Pope asks where they got it.
“Well, I caught the fucker!” says the priest.
“And I cleaned the fucker!” says the bishop.
“And I cooked the fucker!” says the mother superior.
The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says:“ You know what?, You cunts are alright.”
jeff, change your url
The elders of your kingdom task you to go on a journey to find the chosen one. Not to bring them to them, but to kill them before they get to powerful.
“I want to speak to a manager,” the middle-aged woman said in her stern I-used-to-be-a-soccer-mom-ten-years-ago voice, looking down at me over the top of her Gucci reading glasses.
A wicked grin split across my face and the gates of Hell opened up behind me, releasing a gust of hot wind that whipped my apron around my body and forced the woman to shield her face. Demons came forth, dancing around in flames with songs of, “She wants to speak to a manager. Did you hear that? She wants to speak to a manager!” before erupting into earsplitting shrieks of laughter, none louder than my own cackling.
I took in the woman’s look of utter horror before my eyes rolled back into my head and I growled,
“I am the manager.”
a thing for one of my favorite posts on this site
always reblog. no matter where i see it, i reblog it!
It’s Back
I feel like I’m having a stroke