"Your highness, you really will be the death of me"

[weiwuxianspickledradish]

crack concept: wwx and lwj as jin ling's birth parents

WWX got pregnant with LWJ's child when they were drunk and decided not to tell him. However, it's hard enough to keep one baby fed in the Burial Mounds (A-Yuan), and another mouth is not a good idea. So he asks his Shijie for help.

Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan decided to take the baby in. (JZN agreed also 'cause while he knows his wife wants children and he does too, Yanli's illness would not make it possible for her to survive a pregnancy and if they don't have children he'll definetly be forced to take a concubine to sire one and he'd rather die. They'll have an heir too.)

(WWX gets to choose the baby's courtesy name, at least, he picks Rulan for Lan Wangji Related Reasons.)

(Xuanli still die. WWX still dies. LWJ has NO CLUE, but he still raises A-Yuan.)

(Everyone -- INCLUDING LWJ -- only finds out all of this during Guanyin Temple maddess and Jin Ling is traumatised in 15 different ways.)

(Jiang Cheng knew. He knew this whole time and never said a word and still loved Jin Ling.)

[sparvverius]

if i could make gifsets i would do one with wei wuxian wen qing and jin guangyao to the quote from marat/sade that goes woe to the man who is different who tries to break down all the barriers woe to the man who tries to stretch the imagination of man he shall be mocked he shall be scourged by the blinkered guardians of morality. but i dont know howwwww

[sparvverius]

have whatever this is instead

[sparvverius]

thinking about this again. it really is insane how mdzs cultivation world had like. at least 3 once-in-a-generation geniuses on their hands in one generation and murdered all of them

[keingleichgewicht]

sometimes a family can be a surgeon and a corpse and a blood-magician. sometimes a family is two boys who have died before and their still-living sister the doctor who wasn't there to save them. sometimes a family can be you and your baby brother and a man whose ribcage you have opened up in order to put your hands inside him and cut out his heart, on his request, because he begged you to, in repayment for which two years later he put his hands on your brother's naked soul and dragged him through that dark gate backwards and sealed him again in his own dead gutted body so he wouldn't ever leave you. and somehow im supposed to be normal about it

[whorerific]

i Always read the name of xichen's xiao as liebling instead of liebing which honestly feels fitting to me, like he would have a spiritual weapon named darling

[neenya]

au where everything is the same but lan wangji turns into a bunny when he's sad 🥺🥺🥺

(based on iliacquer’s sad bunji thread on twitter, link to thread in the comments)

[weiwuxianspickledradish]

If someone could some scholarly Very Serious research on zhangmen-shixiong's performance in the mpreg polls that would be very Englightening thank you very much

[need-him-pregnant-poll]

NEED👏THAT👏MAN👏PREGNANT *SEASON TWO* ROUND 6 POLL 7

TUMBLR! Who's getting pregnant?

Yue Qingyuan/Yue Qi (The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System)

Phoenix Wright (Ace Attorney)

Voting ended onJun 20

PROPAGANDA:

[Yue Qingyuan]

"The Sect Leader should get pregnant because the Sect Leader should be the picture of fertility and virility both, boost the usage of male child-bearing pills, and because the whole Sect would go crazy trying to find out who's the baby daddy. I think Yue Qingyuan could benefit from having to raise a child of his own instead of managing disciples, because Yue Qingyuan no longer has a family of his own and deserves one, and this way, perhaps he'd be forced to care about another person again. His strong and qi-rich body would also have an easy pregnancy and have a strong and happy child."

[Phoenix]

"It wouldn't be the weirdest thing that's happened to him."

"Phoenix Wright is in a competition with Batman for who can accidentally adopt the most children. So far, Phoenix has his mentor's little sister, his mentor's cousin, forensics science girl, weird magical girl (aka the only one that the adoption is legally binding), dorky boy who doesn't want to admit he's been adopted, and emotions science girl. Plus, I'm pretty sure he co-adopted his boyfriend's kids (crow, anxious boy, rock star, and samurai) before actually asking his boyfriend out (or at least there's plenty of fics to support that theory). Plus, he sees anyone under 18 in trouble, his default is protective mother hen. 16 yr old girl has grown men lusting after her? Attack mode. Young boy arrested for crime with no defense? Guess who is now your attorney and your parent. He wants to be a parent so badly, and he deserves to carry one of his own."

[weiwuxianspickledradish]

alright danmei fandom, some of you may not be a big fan of the concept of Pregnant Qi-ge, some of you may still be bitter wei wuxian lost (me), some of you may not even understand why this is important but this is a matter of greatest honour for our elk. this man, yue qingyuan, is our only chance at bringing glory to the danmei fandom in this poll. think of those who we have lost along the way *cough* wei wuxian *cough* and STAND UP FOR OUR GUY

[deikshen]

Disciple Shen Jiu, cradling the baby he just gave birth to secretly in the brothel behind CQMS's back: They will tell you that I hate you. They'll say many things. That I'm inhuman, cruel, a beast. When Yue Qi takes over as the sect leader, when I present you to them as his son, they will say... They'll say you're an object I'm using to secure a position. They'll say you're less than human, less than a crybaby beast. They'll talk ill about me, and that's good. They always do that. What's the difference now? But they will speak ill of you, and my heart and yours will break. They'll say it behind your back, in front of you. They'll want to take away your achievements just because of who your parents are. They will make you push yourself, strive to prove that you are better and more, and for them, it will never be enough. But listen to me carefully, you newborn little beast. I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved or will ever love anything, position, stability, person, or myself. You are the best thing I have ever created, the purest thing I have ever touched, the most magnificent thing this wretched body has ever forged. And I'll let them speak ill of you only so that they repent. They'll say all those horrible things, but I'll make sure that every cruel thing they say is something you know how to defend yourself against. They'll attack you, but you'll be strong, smart, and cunning. You'll never lack anything. You'll never have to steal to survive. You'll never go hungry. You will always have a roof, a room, a warm bed. But I won't be able to be warm. I won't be able to hug you, pamper you, spoil you. You'll learn like everyone else; I'll demand more of you than anyone else. I will be your Shizun before your father, your authority before your protector. You already make me proud, but I'll make you believe that you must demand more of yourself, so that no one else can harm you. When they are cruel, hostile, you will think, why does this affect me, if my own father hates me? And I will love you. With every beat of my heart, I will love you, and I will never be able to tell you, because even you won't believe me. And that's good. As long as you're good, that's good. It will all be worth it.

The newly reborn baby Shen Yuan barely comprehends everything that is happening, but understanding every word and discovering at the same time what novel he is in and in the arms of what scum villain he is being lulled: ... *cries very loudly*

[weiwuxianspickledradish]

mdzs crackship of the week: su minshan and jin zixun

[disgracefulthings]

Seer Shang Qinghua AU

Shen Qingqiu: A seer, ay? Let's test that theory. Tell me, how will I die?

Shang Qinghua: You will die after years of torture, ripped limb by limb, and succumbing to death after learning about the fate of one you hold closest

Shen Qingqiu, nervous: I doubt a cheap fraud like you knows what he's talking about

~

Yue Qingyuan: You really upset my shidi. Are you sure the future you tell will become true?

Shang Qinghua: You will fail trying to save him for the second time, and it will cost both of you your lives

Yue Qingyuan, getting up: I- I need to go

~

Luo Bingge: Hmph! Is anyone capable of striking me down?

Shang Qinghua: You will gain everything you thought you wanted, and you will die miserable knowing it was never what you truly needed

Luo Bingge, stunned: ...

~

Mobei-Jun: So you're the seer. Tell me, how do I die?

Shang Qinghua: You won't

Mobei-Jun: What?

Shang Qinghua: I will not allow it

[weiwuxianspickledradish]

I take your "Hualian adopts WWX au" and give you: what if wangxian adopts honghong-er

[weirdplutoprince]

I think the best part of the teen wangxian dynamic is that Wei Wuxian would get the most unsubtle bitchy rejection of his life 24 times a day and would still leave their interactions thinking Lan Zhan Is Obsessed with Me 😌😏

[weiwuxianspickledradish]

and the worst part is that he was right

[weiwuxianspickledradish]

I get so conflicted about Sizhui's status as a Lan (and him often being potrayed as Zewu-Jun's heir, on account of being LWJ's kid), because on one hand: heart-warming found family stuff, but on the other hand, his "grand-uncle" lead the lans in a siege that resulted in the deaths of his entire family and i bet you there were lans in that mob that called for wen qing to be burned alive. This is not even getting into "Bobo"-Xichen's involvement in anything prior to this (would lwj truly have not informed LXC of the state of wwx's so called army in the burial mounds?).

[someonepleasegivemechocolate]

crackfic concept: su she imprinting on wwx instead of jgy

[need-him-pregnant-poll]

NEED👏THAT👏MAN👏PREGNANT *SEASON TWO* ROUND 4 POLL 5

TUMBLR! Who's getting pregnant?

Wei Wuxian/Wei Ying (The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation)

Starscream (Transformers)

Voting ended onJun 3

PROPAGANDA:

[Wei Wuxian]

"He’s such a sweetheart. He wants a baby. He found a child and said he birthed him himself. His husband helped take care of that child after our contestant’s death. So, he should get pregnant so they can have more children."

"He wants it soooo badly. Let him and his husband have a baby!! Give their A-Yuan a little sibling!! Or better yet, a whoooole litter of little Lans!!!"

"He literally has a kink of being bred by his hot husband, joked multiple times about birthing his and husband's adopted son, the world has magic BS in it. Case closed."

"He wants it."

"He loves kids, why not give him some more? Lan Zhan wants to baby trap him to High Heaven and drag him back to Gusu at any point in the story. Give him the happy family with lots of kids he has always craved for as an orphan."

"Danmei fans will remember how hard we fought for this extremely breedable man in Season 1. Please, friends, let me bend your ear about this man who canonically has a breeding kink (among many others)!

Wei Ying (courtesy name: Wei Wuxian) is hot shit. He knows he is, he's been canonically ranked as one of the most eligible men in the Jianghu. His love interest has been wanting to fuck him since the moment they met (sparring on the rooftops at 15 years old because WWX was trying to sneak liquor into their dry campus). I, too, have been trying to tap this goth hottie, but so far this man has remained fictional. 🫤

If "adopted-into-nobility twunks with big egos and class clown tendencies" aren't your thing, may I interest you in his alter-ego, "war hero necromancer who has experienced The Horrors and briefly delves into cannibalism"? What about "resurrected as a mentally ill twink and 'pretends' to be gay as a cover"? There's also a brief interlude of "cave-dwelling cottage-core baby-raising fugitive" in which he plants a toddler in the ground adorably, calls him a radish, and says he wants to give him many siblings. He also canonically notes that he wants a little one with his husband at the end of the novel. This is after they separately adopt the same child (that's a long story, you should read MDZS if you haven't already!!)

Please help Wei Ying get knocked up. I know this man could invent a male pregnancy talisman. He pulled his friend back from the dead and turned him into conscious corpse, I know he can find a way to build his own womb. Do it for Lan Zhan, who desperately wants to put a baby in this man. They fuck literally every day, statistically this man should get pregnant eventually. Do it so Jiang Cheng will need to hear his stupid brother complain about morning sickness and back pain and roll his eyes. Do it for all the MDZS fans who never got an extra with Wei Ying waddling around pregnant but need to see it. Fill the Jingshi with baby Lans, I know we can do it!!"

"JUST LOOK AT HIM! HE'S omega coded to his core, literally talks about birthing his son from his own body. Give him another baby!!"

"Look biologically he can’t get pregnant but I don’t think that would ever stop him from trying. If sheer force of will could knock him up he’d have a whole baseball team of kids."

"as we know, he already gave birth to Sizhui, but you can’t tell me he and Lan Wangji don’t want—deserve—an entire flock of little Lans."

"This boy stated he gave birth. He needs to provide Lan Zhan with more babies and Lan Zhan would be more than happy to breed this boy."

"This man has already proven that he can make it as a struggling mother, he deserves to be pampered for it this time. He absolutely would love to have another child and Lan Zhan would love to give him one. Wei Wuxian would be showered in luxuries and spoiled even more than he already is. They deserve this!"

"This man canonically tells his love interest he birthed the child hanging onto his leg. He wants to bear Lan Wangji’s children for him and has a massive breeding kink. Let’s let him finally win and get him pregnant."

Wei Wuxian propaganda from last season

[Starscream]

"He would be STRUTTING with it. He's gonna raise an ARMY of LOYAL UNDERLINGS and they're going to make him RULER OF THE UNIVERSE. also he would be fucking miserable and so so angry and i think that would be fun."

"I need need need my conniving flying bastard man to be pregnant, he'd be so insufferable about it. Can you imagine? TFP Starscream would use his pregnancy as a way to manipulate the autobots and pretend to "care so much about my precious baby" and then he'd stab everyone in the back. G1 Starscream would have a bunch of grand dreams of shaping his baby into the ultimate Megatron-killing weapon and then they rule the galaxy together."

"I need to see him manipulate someone into getting him pregnant only to abort it in an attempt to hurt them only to have no effect at all. I need this."

"He’s funny and endlessly miserable in most continuities and I think being pregnant would make him happy even if he complained about it at the time."

"LISTEN……. It would be funny as shit if all the time he tried to usurp Megatron he succeeded in the one thing he didn’t want and lost so disgracefully. And in some media interpretations having “kids” or pets mellows that fucked up prideful and very much traumatized abused but unwilling to admit it and look for help man."

Starscream propaganda from last season

[trulywicked]

A reminder my darlings

If Wei Wuxian wins this whole shebang, I will:

1) Write a very detailed fic beginning from Wei Wuxian scheming how to GET knocked up through the conception and entire pregnancy to the birth and at LEAST the first year after popping out the kid/s. And I will run polls to make decisions for things like which universe it should be, how many babies, what cravings, and the like. It'll be almost like a choose your own mpregventure.

2) I will agree to add Wei Wuxian getting knocked up into The Second Hand Unwinds.

[bat-incooking-school]

Get that necromancer pregnant!!!

[plagues-and-poisons]

also he is LITERALLY THE MASCOT FOR THE ENTIRE POLL. LOOK AT OPS PFP

[bat-incooking-school]

Am I saying that being pregnant would've solved all off Yiling Laozu's problems? No.

But it would solve a statistically significant amount of them

[a-mel0n]

reblog if you’ve had an online friendship that’s lasted more than 2 years

[weiwuxianspickledradish]

I wondered why the Wen boys weren't at cr during the guest lectures and figured they probably qualify or smth. then i remembered jin zixun DID qualify (in the anime at least)....so