I Hyperfixate Like Lan Wanji

/Fully adulting while being obsessed with pretty men who fly on swords/

[bidet-of-evil]

loner teen Lan Zhan stealing the perfume bag from his passed out crush to use as his money pouch for years + acclaimed young warrior Hanguang-jun snagging his crush’s peony and turning it into a bookmark and taking such good care of it that it still has a pleasant scent 13 years later = me wanting to grab him by his exquisitely toned and pale and slender shoulders and shake him so vigorously that his hopeless romantic brain turns into scrambled eggs

but i guess i can’t do that because he already walked himself down to Gusu to be lashed 33 times for each clan elder he injured to defend his evil overlord necromancer unrequited lover and it was all in vain anyway

[wannabe-f-f-friends]

Okay but Lan Wangji is harboring this extremely sketchy weirdo and protecting him even when he commits crimes, but whenever anyone questions it, someone else steps in to say, "Don't you know? That's his babygirl" and everyone else is like "Oh okay that's his babygirl"

[bidet-of-evil]

imagine you got drunk for the second time in your life, first time in a decade, and wake up with no memory of anything you did, half naked in bed next to the man you’re secretly in love with. he laughs and tells you that he just took off both your clothes to mess with you, but don’t worry nothing happened. the pieces of the dismembered corpse you’ve been collecting start screaming, and in reaction, the love of your life reaches inside your robe to fish out his flute. after you subdue the corpse with a musical duet, the psychopath you love more than anything starts slapping the dismembered bare torso and talking about how much the dude must have worked out to look this hot. you are Lan Wangji, the most upright, principled member of the strictest clan in the area, how do you deal with the fact that your reaction to this is jealousy?

[bidet-of-evil]

another thing about my boy Lan Wangji is that he has no chill. zero chill. negative chill. he is the black hole where chill goes to die.

when Wei Ying asks what he thinks of him, drunk Lan Zhan says “Mine.” but “Mine” means “i will protect you from harm by any means necessary. i will catch you when you faint or fall, even if i know you’re faking it. i will defend you from vicious beasts and cute puppies alike. i will buy you anything your heart desires. i will cradle your head in my lap so your neck doesn’t hurt when you wake up. i will trust you. i will do whatever it takes to keep you happy, including drinking with you. i will die of jealousy every time someone else touches you but i will not show it.”

Wei Wuxian keeps describing him as icy or cold or indifferent but that’s such bull. my boy has built a snow colored fortress to hide the inferno inside because if a single lick of his fire comes out, it will swallow the world whole.

a complete absence of chill.

[5-pounds-of-carrots]

we Stan a supportive husband

[soupysunblock]

:/

Wangxian warmup doodle.

[5-pounds-of-carrots]

i mean what else is there to do after one defeats the Xuanwu of Slaughter ?

[5-pounds-of-carrots]

not wei wuxian saying “it’s, uh, normal for men to do stuff like this once in a while” immediately after like ????

[ladyxagh]

☁️🩵

[t0t0m0]

Jealous baby

[sol-illo]

[marshymeds]

This is what i drew instead of paying attention to the lecture i was supposed to be listening to

[clearancecreedwatersurvival]

Okay I take it back the actual funniest thing about how many people performatively hate on scum villain because they think it’s bad and trashy and irredeemable and Problematic is that they are unwittingly re-enacting an almost perfect impression of the main character, a young terminally online guy who hate read a trashy porn novel and got in so many internet fights about how bad and irredeemable and garbage it was that he died choking on his rage and was transported to suffer the role of expendable backstory villain in the world of this trashy porn novel he hated so much.

And that’s fucking hilarious.

[clearancecreedwatersurvival]

Some very good tags on this post so far.

Literally this woman launched her webnovel career by writing a genre parody deconstruction of webnovels and tropes and the people who write them and read them. And people hear only the detail that the romance is student teacher or the death via bad sex to save the world or any of the other weird kink bits and they’re like: Burn the whole thing down. My friends it’s about being isekai’d into a world ruled by harem porn novel logic and trying to survive, the weird kink bits are the Point.

Art imitates life imitates art.

[spottedgardeneelstan]

i know that binghe being extremely jealous isn’t “normal” or “sane” but i’m honestly on his side here. like his concerns that sqq will be stolen from him are pretty rational. i really think that almost every scum villain character, in the event that sqq would want to papapa with them, would agree almost immediately. sqq is the xianxia equivalent of helen of troy.

[reloaderror]

Nothing bad has ever happened to this man

[paperflan]

[rejectedfables]

hmmm. Saw a bad Jin Zixuan take. Am I his defense lawyer too now? [rolls up sleeves and leans in by the mic] The reason Jin Zixuan never "spoke up against his father's war crimes, human experimentation, wiping out opposing clans over petty ambitions, and funding demonic cultivation" is because he Did Not Know About Them.

The reason JGS utilized JGY the way he did (putting him in charge of managing that shit, basically) was because JGY was 1) expendable to him, 2) loyal to the point of desperation, and 3) easy to discredit if he ever spoke out. Jin Zixuan was too busy managing his parents' marriage, too politically visible and respected, and too Self Righteous and Just for JGS to EVER involve him in getting his hands dirty for JGS's ambitions-- especially when JGY was right there and available to be exploited.

Lots of people had opportunity to stand up to JGS, and certainly Jin Zixuan was one of them, but "He knew about all the dirty laundry and said nothing" is a rancid take. At most he can be accused of not standing up to his father's more socially visible shit, and perhaps not looking too deeply at the rest. But as with so many characters in this story, keep in mind that Jin Zixuan TOO is bound by filial piety. Investigating his father for Secret Crimes would have been in itself tantamount to a crime.

Anybody who thinks he was involved in the same shit JGY was is, again, missing the entire point of the dichotomy between how Jin Zixuan and Jin Guangyao were respectively viewed and treated by their father.